Where Are My Boundaries

LOL...I had to laugh because I am one of those parents who has an undisciplined almost 4 year old daughter. My daycare person tells me all the time straight out that I'm the parent and I need to take control of the situation... She is super nice but very strict, which is AWESOME for my daughter as she needs that. But my daughter doesn't listen to me. She does what she wants -- she is so strong-willed and independent that I don't have the energy to fight with her. She's well-behaved when she's not around me. My daycare person has discussed her concerns with me and she won't give my daughter a nap so that she is able to fall asleep earlier. My personal opinion (as I am the other mom) is that you need to discuss your concerns with the parents. She might be offended...but thats on her. I was offended the very first time the provider talked to me and I balled because she basically called me a bad mother --but then I came to my senses and realized was I am a horrible mom and she gives me advice on how to change things and she helps out by telling my daughter that she needs to listen to me and what not. It has helped...but my daughter still has her moments. You really just need to sit down with the other mom and act genuinely concerned about what is going on in their life and tell her what changes you have noticed.

I personally would just fulfill your commitment until July---unless you are in a position where you feel the mom can be open with you and you can genuinely help then probe. But since you mentioned it's more of a business relationship, I would be professional because there may be more going on at home than you realize---maybe the older kids are doing most of the child care and that's why the movies and the food you describe. And if it's truly something that you feel compromises your morals and ethics as a day care provider then approach her with the intent of saying you won't watch him anymore based on a list of criteria.

I will qualify this by saying I am not a day care provider but as a parent, if I was the mother of this 4 year old, I would expect nothing less.

Best wishes.

Boy, what a tough situation!

I don't know what advice I can offer, as I've not been in your situation. However, since you mention you're "friendly" with the mom, maybe you could express your concerns to her in a non-confrontational way so she won't feel defensive. If you take it on as YOUR issue/concern, she won't be made to feel as if you're judging her.

You also mentioned that you're only watching him for another few months. Why not establish a time for ALL The kids to have "quiet time?" This doesn't have to be a nap, per se, but even just letting them watch a DVD or color or play quietly? That way, if this little one falls asleep, it's not a big deal and he gets a little shut eye that he obvioulsy isn't getting at home.

Just a couple of thoughts. I wish you the best and I'm sure you'll handle the situation perfectly!

Hi D.,
If you feel like you need to say anything you must remember that the only part of his life that is your business is how he behaves at your house. You have every right to say to the parents that this little guy is really tired every day, that you are concerned he may be sick or something. If he is screaming at your house to get his way you could mention that as well. If he is talking about inappropriate movies around your little ones than that is a valid concern also. However, what time he goes to bed and how they parent at home (no matter how wrong the rest of us might think it is) is not your business. If you do talk to them about this, just keep it specifically related to what happens at your house.
Take care,
B.