When Your Looks Go- How to Deal

Updated on August 10, 2014
M.B. asks from Milwaukee, WI
25 answers

I can look at pictures from when I was 40 and I was still ok looking, not gorgeous but not too bad. Even my drivers license looks nice. Sometime around 41 something happened. I didn't realize it at the time, I just realized it at 42 but then I looked back in pictures to see when it happened. It was an extended period (2 years) of constant stress and I think that helped things along. But anyway, I am suddenly old. Im just trying to wrap my head around this, its really hard. Its like I wasn't old and now I am, I wasn't paying attention and it happened. I never had to use moisturizer before and now my skin all over my body and face is dry as a bone, that lovely glow you get in the middle of the day is gone for good. The dermatologist said to just use moisturizer. My hair is even dry. Ive gained weight but my cheeks are now hallowed out like my mothers, no more plump smiles. I guess I thought I had more time.

I went to a store with my pre-school aged son and the check out girl said "oh grandma is getting you a nice toy today". I said, "I left my mother at home, his mommy is buying the toy". How depressing. But at my age I certainly could be someones grandma.

Anyone out there remember when someone first assumed you were a grandma? Where you already one? How does one deal with this? Im not under the impression that I would never grow old or anything but I didn't think Id wake up one day and be so unattractive. I see these absolutely gorgeous women in their 50's, 60's and 70's walking around and marvel and how nice their skin and hair looks. Ive never been one to wear full makeup to go to Walgreens but now suddenly I feel like maybe I should. I wanted to age gracefully but I don't feel very graceful. I don't believe in plastic surgery. Those celebs that look like aliens scare me, albeit they are very youthful looking aliens.

I KNOW someone will find a way to bash me because someone always does to pretty much every question out there lately on this site it seems. Please try to be kind. Im not self centered, I don't have a big ego. I do count my blessings and pray thanks for my health and safety everyday (and my families). My body and face have gone through such severe changes its been hard to adjust. Its ok to notice it and try to get comfortable with it. I already had a check up and Im not pre menopausal.

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answers from Seattle on

It sucks!!!
I don't wear makeup. Maybe 3 or 4 times a year!
I was looking in the mirror the other day and saw age spots. WTH!? And wrinkles! AND FRACKIN' gray hair!!
I am only 37. What is going on?!?!
So, what do I do? I chose not to look in the mirror.

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answers from Portland on

I have rarely thought my looks were important. However they do remind us we're aging. I was anxious about my mortality. At 40 I started being intensely aware of my future demise. I would count the years to 50 and 60 periodically feeling anxious. I'd read obituaries and see how long people lived. I found that because I was aging my body was changing. I learned different ways of caring for it. My focus was on being the best I could be in the body I now have instead of on what I'd lost.

I mourned the loss of smooth taught skin and thicker brown hair. My skin had been oily. Now I used lotion. I knew I could no longer wear contacts. I chose flattering glass frames. I dressed to flatter my different shape. I let my hair go natural and kept it shorter. This was more flattering. By focusing on what I could do I felt less like a victim of age.

Gradually I accepted that I am aging. This adjustment took years during which I consciously focused on the many wonderful and good things in my life. I was aware of anxiety but did not dwell on it. Sometime in my late 60s I became aware that I no longer feared death. I'm now 71 and say life is good. I'm still healthy and active. I've learned with experience that I still have choices. I can still travel which is one of the things I wanted yo do more of after retirement. But at present I choose spending this time with my grandchildren.

As I've aged what I find important has changed. As a youth I was much more concerned about my "beauty" and doing the things others were doing. Now I'm free to do whatever I want to do. I'm responsible to help my daughter because I choose to be responsible. When she was a child I had to be responsible.

I think I'm suggesting that you can choose to focus on your loss of youth as evidenced by your body or you can choose to focus on making your life fulfilling

23 moms found this helpful


answers from Detroit on

I'm getting a bit older and. . .I notice men their 60s checking me out. Got to look for the amusing moments.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

aw, sweetie. i hear ya. 40 was such a milestone! looking back at those pics now i think how young and vital i looked. and really, the 40s were such an awesome decade.
the 50s bring their own gifts, but for me at least, keeping my looks hasn't been one of them. last year was especially hard on me, after we lost my little mumsie. i swear i got old in one year, one fell swoop!
so if i understand you correctly, you're currently in your mid-40s, and not in peri-menopause? because the big M is usually the culprit when it comes to the severe changes that aging brings women.
i went through a period of sadness and grieving for the va-va-voom. it may be vanity and ego and silliness, but it HAD been part of my self-vision and it was tough adjusting to its absence. i don't think being told to count one's blessings is especially helpful- most of us are nuanced enough to recognize and be grateful for the good stuff while still sad about the passing of youthful radiance and energy. the only thing i can suggest to you is to allow yourself to mourn it. if you're not sliding into depression, it's actually healthy. i also found susan weed's 'menopausal years- the wise woman way' to be helpful.
i know you're not there yet, but it's coming. and this book is practical in its advice about the downsides, and presents upsides that i hadn't considered.
S. (who is fine with the facial lines but HATES the neck wattles!)

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

I hear you. Sorry you have to worry about being bashed on this site - I do wish we could all be kinder to each other.

I think we have to redefine our definition of beauty, and that's not an easy thing in this looks-dominated world we live in. It's easy to say that the clerk talking about "Grandma" needs to expand her horizons and recognize that women are having (or adopting) their first kids in their 40s and not in their 20s. That's HER prejudice, but we all buy into it and get upset, as you did. We look on TV and forget that these women, even the "older" ones, are well-lit and made up. The celebrity who just had a baby and is back into her old jeans also has a trainer who can work with her 3 hours a day while someone else does the housework, cooking and financial management. But I also look at people like Sally Field and Meryl Streep who embrace their changes and don't let anyone else tell them they haven't earned their wrinkles or extra pounds. I saw Julia Roberts on The Tonight Show last week, and there was a close-up - guess what? She has crow's feet too! Meredith Vieira is going back on TV with her wrinkles, Martha Radditz is a super smart newswoman despite her lines and "problem neck", and Barbra Streisand has a few more pounds on her than when she was 25. Gloria Steinem is probably 70 (maybe more) and she's spent her life trying to help us value things that we have control over. We just need to look at them a little more.

So yes, you can use moisturizer and you can hydrate more. But you can also say you have earned your wrinkles and pounds. Those gorgeous women you see in their 50s, 60s and 70s just have more confidence and they carry themselves well. Maybe they have a good moisturizer, maybe they have good genes, maybe they have a fashion sense that meshes their clothes with their body type. So the whole package is more appealing. But I also have a friend who is very overweight, has a full-time job, is recently divorced from a mostly-useless husband, and has 2 kids (one with special needs) whom she adopted well into her 40s and whom she's raising with compassion and consistency and steadiness and loving firmness. She keeps putting one foot in front of the other and, while she's not someone a lot of people would look at with admiration if they passed her in the mall, I think she's spectacular.

I'll bet there are plenty of people who admire you as a 40-something with a preschooler. Instead of getting upset by the thoughtless clerk, try looking at her with a little pity, that she has such a limited world view and not so hot manners. But you can still go out and pamper yourself a little to improve the "surface" without going for plastic surgery, and that does not make you vain or self-centered. So if a facial/skin session would help your face and arms, if some new makeup would improve the color of your skin, if a massage would move some fluids around, go ahead and indulge. You're worth it.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Phoenix on

Your post made my eyes tear up. I'm 38 and still look 38 but often forget I'm 38 because I feel like it was just yesterday that I was 19!! If I let myself I can get really down about time flying by. So the aging process for me isn't so much about physical appearance, it's more about losing my youth and energy. I find myself talking to older women frequently, asking them how they stay young, mentally and physically. The most common answers have been- drink A LOT of water EVERY day, use moisturizing sunscreen EVERY day (don't forget neck, chest and tops of hands. Those are the areas that show signs of aging first), get as much sleep as you can and exercise. I can tell you that 6 months ago I started drinking about 2 liters of water a day and within a month the dark circles and puffiness around my eyes were gone and my skin tone improved drastically. Hang in there!!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

I'm actually older than you (49), and I have also had those moments of looking in the mirror and thinking 'Hmmm, my face has changed a bit...' I don't look too carefully in the mirror, however--I've never been one to do makeup or hair styles--so I probably am not fully aware of the changes. And I'm happy to be ignorant that way :)

Your 'grandma' story reminded me of an event last summer where something similar happened to me. I was living in Tanzania (work) for several months, and a small child who didn't know me called me 'Grandmother'. First time for that, and it was a bit disturbing!

For me, the BENEFIT of aging (going through the '40s) has been becoming more confident in myself. I'm convinced that a big part of beauty is how we feel and carry ourselves, and an air of kind, warm confidence is at least as attractive as tight, glowing skin. I'm with you about not wanting to do plastic surgery--it works for some people and there may come a day when I decide to get something done, however I'm not interested now. I'd rather learn to be comfortable in my own skin (no pun intended), and surgery is the opposite of that.

If it helps, think of those wrinkles as little reminders of all the times you have smiled or laughed and grey hairs as a visible testimony to every piece of wisdom and experience you have gathered along the road of life. Wishing you good luck with this ongoing process!

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Chicago on

I have a hunch that every line you have on your face tells the story of a wonderful kind person and shows the world a great beauty inside and out. In my opinion even without seeing you that you are far more beautiful than the airbrushed 'aliens' you talk about and I wish I could wrap my arms around you in a great big hug to thank you for letting us know that we all have certain moments of insecurity about our looks as we age.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

I love the advice here, and can't add to it. And I think I need to save this link to re-read over the next few years, because I sometimes feel like you do.

I'm mostly writing this to say - No, Marda, surely you are not really 71!

Having been on this site for so long, I have a mental picture of different people's characteristics, and mine did not include you being 71. I know you are a grandma, but I was picturing a youngish grandma in her 50s.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Albuquerque on

Many hugs to you. No bashing here... you wrote from your heart and your concerns are real. I wanted to write, though, and ask if you are certain you don't have any medical conditions that are causing the dry skin and hair and the hollow cheeks? That just doesn't sound right for a 42 year old and I wonder if your thyroid levels are low or your something else levels are high.

Please talk to your doctor about getting a blood test, and then if there's nothing "wrong", I'd say take a look at natural remedies like essential oils or flower essences and healthy eating.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Raleigh on

Aging sucks! While you look at obituaries, I look at mug shots. lol I'll see women my age and think "Do I look that old?". My husband is so sweet and always says that I look more youthful than most of the other moms we see at our kid's school. But I personally think he'll say anything to make me happy so I don't always trust his opinion. I'm even more paranoid now because I was diagnosed with premature menopause 3 years ago. I have to really step it up to fight the downhill slide.
Luckily, I was never one to lay out in the sun much, and I have been using daily moisturizer with sunscreen since I was 16. My brother was a model and he would always harp on me about moisturizer (even though my skin was oily). He always said that one day I will thank him for staying on me about sunscreen/moisturizer, so whatever youth I have left at this point, I owe to him. Otherwise, who knows what kind of shape I'd be in!
I'm just going with it now, and taking what measures I can to keep me looking my best. I cut bangs to cover my "swamp thing" forehead. I try to wear warm colors to give me a glow. I pencil in my very blonde eyebrows now to make me look more youthful- give my face some interest. I exfoliate twice a week. Little things can go a long way. But it can be so tiring staying on top of it all!
So just know that you are not alone in how you feel. I think most of us ladies feel this way at some point in time or another. Chin up...As long as the people in your life think you are beautiful, that's all the matters. :)

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answers from Portland on

Marda: excellent blueprint for being gracious to yourself and stepping into those newer parts of life.

I've been hit on by a (much) older man who thought I was with my grandson, so I understand how it's a bit strange to suddenly be considered 'older' than I truly am.

I don't have a magic formula, other than simple self-acceptance, which is what Marda described beautifully. I am who I am. For me, that means making sure my face is clean at the beginning and end of the day. I don't like wearing makeup, so maybe a little powder, but that's about it. I wear pigtails because I do a lot of work during the day and want my hair out of my face. Sun hats for kid adventures, gardening and cooking/dishes don't allow for cute styles and I like my life simple. Sunblock is essential. Lots of water, lots of sleep, lots of laughs.... one thing I've more or less stopped doing is watching any *heavy* stuff on tv. When I watch tv, it's to relax and enjoy myself.

I get out for walks, try to live in a way which feels fulfilling. For me, that's volunteering at the school and helping my mom friends out, trading care, looking in on the older seniors in the neighborhood, just being present, aware and available of the community and living going on around me.

I'll also say this, and it sounds trite but I do believe it's true: a friendly smile, eyes that light up when you see a friend, genuine interest in others: all of these are qualities others are attracted to. If we can make *others* feel good, if we have that to give-- that's what people respond to. Looks are only part of the package.

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answers from Williamsport on

AWWW HONEY HOLY COW!!! I'm sure you are not nearly as bad looking as you feel AND you can also make drastic improvements BELIEVE ME!! I'm 44 and I recently was in one of many slumps over the years where I'm like, "Uh oh, uh oh, here goes, time to look frumpy, I'm getting haggard, oh no! It's too late, I'll never be fabulous again...." And then I buckle down on my health regime ad bounce back like a rubber ball. Most moms with kids my kids' ages are 10 years younger than me, but I don't feel any older than them.

Unless you are ALREADY the tireless practicing guru of all health regimes, you CAN improve your physical state drastically. Don't ask DOCTORS. Ignore your dermatologist. All the moisturizer in the world will not improve your skin. ONLY diet and exercise can do that.

You CAN lose weight. You CAN have vibrant skin and hair. Once you vow to improve these things with work and self-nurturing, then you can finish off the package with good clothes and hair (STYLE, COLOR, They're not just rivers in Egypt, even glamorous white haired ladies have GOOD HAIR STYLISTS).

Do not race to the make up counter first though. The dramatic changes come from within. YES, you may have had legitimate huge age-related shifts in your looks, but WHATEVER THOSE ARE, you can look fantastic for your age once you are your HEALTHIEST. I know some straight-up odd looking older people who are still vibrant, stylish and attractive. You can have crows feet and wrinkles, and still look, young, healthy and vibrant if you are in shape and sparkling with life. That's called looking your age, but still awesome.

I'm currently dating a younger hunk. People are always shocked when they find out my age. I have always been very health conscious ESPECIALLY DURING times of great stress and trauma, because I knew taking care of myself would be the only thing to bring me through hard times without turning into a physical train wreck. I still fade a little every year, but again, comparatively speaking, I'm in great shape for my age and always plan to be.

SKIN: It's 80% diet and 20% exercise. Or maybe more like 50/50. But actually it's 100% both. You need a diet that is predominantly fresh organic produce. Like 75% of your daily intake. I eat fruit all morning long and large salads for lunch and dinner with small portions of healthy carbs and proteins. I drink tons of water. I eat organic plain yogurt for snacks. I eat lots of HEALTHY FAT (nuts, avocados, olive oil), your skin (and heart and brain) NEEDS fat to be youthful with enough collagen. I drink splashes of organic apple cider in my water a couple times per day. My skin glows. I do use moisturizer, but I always did. My nails are unbreakable compared to when I was younger and did not eat as well. My hair is shiny (but it gets dull when I slack on fresh food and water). I do NOT eat toxic processed food except for VERY RARELY on a road trip if I'm starving or something, and I IMMEDIATELY feel and look worse when I succumb to the junk food. I eat very little salt. I eat almost no sugar aside from super dark chocolate.

It's the fresh, living food that makes your skin glow. Stay away from unclean red meat and processed food and too many dead foods like carbs.

African Black Soap is all natural with shea butter and you don't need body moisturizer with it, you'll be satiny soft. Or get some fabulous natural moisturizer. There's nothing negative about moisturizer. But hydrating with the right food and water intake is most of the battle.

I lost 20 pounds quickly and easily after my last slump with the book Fit For LIfe by Diamond from the 80's. I stick to that eating style and I have an easier time keeping weight off now than when I was younger.

Get your SLEEEP. Whatever it takes. You need your sleep.

Get your EXERCISE. Nothing makes you glow like circulation. Nothing makes you look youthful like a toned and strong, thin body. That's what will give you good posture, strong bones, etc. And you can have that at ANY AGE. My Zumba teacher is 67 and toned and gorgeous and stylish. My yoga teacher is 58 and I envy her body and flexibility and strength. I teach Zumba and do yoga and various fitness classes at my gym. I walk a lot. I swim a few times per week with kids. When I was house-bound and broke going through bankruptcy and divorce with babies and 40 pounds to lose I did DVDs. Whatever it takes. Move your body. You CAN get it back. Not only will you LOOK better, but you will be improving your health, psychological well-being, and longevity.

Will you look as good as you did a few years ago? Maybe better!!!! Or at least really really great for your age. You can do it.

The book Facercise is good for drooping face muscles. You do not even need to think about plastic surgery EVER. I get carded sometimes. I don't look one minute older than my Botox using friends. And I'm Irish with fair skin-vey prone to aging-but FIGHTING IT Successfully. Between healthy diet, water, sleep and exercise, your skin will be awesome. Then you can go get some super spiffy BB foundation etc and put on the finishing touches with good make-up...and good hair do..and stylish clothes. Don't Despair!

Don't think, "Oh, drats now I have to go out and do all kinds of hard stuff because I hate myself". Think, "I am am beautiful and I deserve to pamper myself with delicious healthy food and exercise etc." Always tell yourself before every work out that this is "your treat" and your "me time". Get in the habit of going to bed early with an inspiring book instead of eating late or watching TV. Or whatever bad habits you may have. "Pamper yourself" by doing something good for yourself instead. You can do it!!! You'll be feeling ten years younger in a 6 months if you do these things.

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answers from Chicago on

I got told last week by a friend that I had a lot of gray hair. She is 10 years younger than me. I feel old all the time. it's hard being the 42 year old mother of a 1 year old, when all the other moms are 26.

My stomach is awful. I haven't had time to really start working out after this third baby, I'm 10 pounds heavier than normal, and, well, yes, I am noticing the changes. My finger hurt yesterday for no apparent reason, and hubby just remind me that we are getting old! I have wrinkles on my arms when I bend them weirdly.

I too thought I had more time. I still don't look my age, but if you look really closely, the signs are all there.

I'm mostly OK with it, but yeah, I thought I had some more time here, but man has this third baby given me gray hairs ;-) 42 is too old to chase a toddler!

I don't wear much make-up. Maybe I will start having to. Ain't that a bummer.

On the plus side, sex has never been so good! lol I'm liking this aging thing!

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answers from Boca Raton on

I can relate to your question very much (I'm 44). It feels like there is a big drop-off starting about 41. My middle sister is 42 and suddenly I'm starting to see changes in her too! But our youngest sister, 40, can still pull off looking younger with make-up and hair.

Did you have your thyroid checked? I'm about to go to an integrative physician and get all my hormones profiled. Mainstream docs will tell you you're fine when you're actually on the bubble of a range. I am very sensitive to even minor changes in my body.

I feel better when I do strength training. I've also read that HIIT training is good to jump start hormones (of course check with a health care provider before starting any fitness program).

Sigh. Hope this gets better for you!

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answers from Amarillo on

How do you describe looks? What one defines is different from another.

I have always had the "Peter Pan" syndrome. I don't want to grow up but I have and have accepted it. I can still wear size 12/14 but it fits differently from children and life. I had a thing about greying and dyed the hair but it was something that had to be kept up. The reason was that I worked in an profession that "I thought" you looked older with the grey and competing with younger people for the job. It was real estate. Now I don't care and work at a university full of young adults. Now it is changing and getting greyer and I am happy. Hubby likes it and that's all that is important to me. I live my life for me. My skin is still firm and I do have a glow maybe from the soap and maybe from genetics it could be a bit firmer under the chin. Recently medical changes have made me realize that all the outside stuff see is just superficial and the real person is from within. I love my 66 years and am looking forward to many more and a few more grands. My one and only is a senior in high school in Colorado and I don't see him as much I would like.

Embrace who you are and if you must get a derm workout do it. I do enjoy them. Stress is an enemy of anyone's life. Learn ways to cope that don't stress the complete body's base line. Change the way you eat and do exercise and think positive and enjoy life to the fullest.

Change what you can and accept what you can't. I look at the fashion and know that I can't or won't wear the shoes of today and many of the skimpy midriffs. Accentuate the positive and go from there and hold your head up high and say you are worth it. Positive breeds positive.

the other S.

PS As for the cashier she has to learn the art of conversation. Don't take it personally. I was once thought to be the wife of my son when were out to dinner and he straightened the wait staff and told them that is my mom. So it can go either way.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Wausau on

I have friends that are 40+ with infants and young kids so I don't tend to make the grandparent assumption. I'll be 38 this autumn. My oldest 14 and a fraction of an inch taller than me now. My youngest is 12 and almost my height. When they were little, I was mistaken as a babysitter when I took them to the park. When I told the other mom that I was their mother, she made a rude comment about teen pregnancy! I suppose the upside of your experience is that the checkout girl didn't mean to be rude.

Every year my hair has more grey. The first one showed up promptly upon turning 30. My face and skin hasn't changed much. I've always been pale, so I've been doing the sunscreen & moisturizing thing for my entire adult life. (What the middle-of-day glow?. I don't think I've ever had that.)

My mother is 58. She looks older than that. Her skin prematurely aged partly due to smoking and she has other health issues, as well as a high amount of stress. She looks older in the face than my 90 year old grandmother.

We all age differently depending on genetics, lifestyle choices, and environmental factors. The derm is right about moisturizers, and you'll probably have to change your hair products. I don't use the same things I used to when I was 20. I hope you regain your level of comfort and self-acceptance soon. :-)

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answers from Colorado Springs on

Assuming you've been to your doctor and there isn't anything physically wrong, go to the nearest Clinique counter at a department store and ask the representative what to do. I used their skin care products for years, and still use their makeup (I'm using different skin care things at the moment, and you can send me a message if you're interested). Their products are VERY good.

My mother introduced me to Clinique long ago. When she had *one of those* birthdays, she looked in the mirror, drove down to the store, went to the Clinique counter, and said, "Today is my birthday. What do you have that would make an eighty-year-old woman look sixty?" She liked the result, so she got me hooked.

Someone assumed I was a grandma long before I was one, but that was because of my hair color! However, there was a time - and I well remember it - when my oily skin also turned as dry as a used-up oil well. I live at a high altitude and that doesn't help, either. I had to do a complete about-face on my skin care - every inch of my skin.

You want to get on a good moisturizing routine. In addition, you might think about starting to use a little moisturizing makeup regularly. I don't try to look as if I were a young chick, but when my face turned dry it lost a lot of natural color. When I have a bare face I tend to look dead and dug up, and that's something nobody needs to see.

I imagine you're much more attractive than you think you are, even right now! You've just had a shock. You sound like a very sensible person. You can manage this!

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answers from Chicago on

My looks starting changing in my 40's too! It was in my 40's I was looking at pictures of myself and noticed changes below my eyes and my skin wasn't as firm. Hey, I thought, I'm aging! I was always the one who people thought was 19 when I was 25 so this was wierd to me.

I'm now the proud M. of an 8 year old and in my mid 50's so yes, people have mistaken me for his grandma. I just say, no, I'm his mom. Usually the person is really embarrassed so there's not too much else to say! I've never colored my hair but may consider this soon since my hair lady said I'm about 15% gray. Which sounds good but in reality, a lot of my hair fell out after I turned 50!

Yeah, aging can be hard but if you have your health, that is most important. My husband thinks I'm still cute and my son hasn't noticed yet that his mom is pretty old so I guess I'm good.

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answers from Chicago on

So here's the thing...you are as old as you feel.

I'm 37, so I'm not that far away from you. And I have people my age and younger than me that look quite a bit older. I also have friends older than me (your age) that don't look over 35.

At our age, the amount of effort that you put in makes a dramatic difference. It certainly helps if you've been doing it all along, as your skin really does benefit in the younger years. But even now, it's not too late to start.

When you feel old and have "given up", you look it. No matter how old you actually are. So if you want to change that, make some changes in your life. Moisturizer and make up help, color your hair, dress up to go places, exercise...and here's a big one actually...have sex! Studies show that women that are more sexually active look younger and put more effort into themselves than those that don't.

I don't think you're vain for posting this. I have been there, and I notice that I look better than a lot of people my age because I have always put in the effort. And now, it's starting to show, where it didn't in my 20s. Maybe that makes me a jerk for enjoying it, but I do.

So get up and do yourself over! If you change your mindset, you'll notice your appearance changes right along with it.

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answers from Detroit on

I look at it this way. Aim to look young for your age. I know a 90-year-old who looks 65. She looks great! She exercises daily, takes care of herself, etc. So no matter what your number is (who cares!) you'll look great for YOU. Eat right, exercise, etc.

My mom is 60 and gets mistaken for my baby's mom! I mean, I hope I can do that when I'm that old. That's crazy!

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answers from San Francisco on

Aging sucks, I agree, and I also have experienced that it happens in waves, not gradually. However, your skin and hair should probably not be that dry at your age, if you are eating reasonably well. You might want to have your thyroid checked.

Also, exercise is critical to good skin.

If you see someone in their 50s, 60s and 70s looking absolutely gorgeous, they've probably had something done, so don't feel terrible. Not every cosmetic procedure leaves a person looking like an alien.

Are you against all cosmetic procedures? There are laser treatments that can do amazing things to skin, for a price. There is a downside to being determined to age gracefully, for sure.

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answers from Philadelphia on

I'm 45 and I hear you!!!! Call me vain but I wouldn't go out of the house without my makeup on. It makes a huge difference. (Particularly lipstick and mascara) I also started coloring my hair about 2 years ago because gray hair started appearing and I personally hated it... I was also motivated to lose the extra 15 lb I was carrying. I did it by cutting out white sugar and flour, that probably made the biggest difference. I am convinced I look the best that I possibly can given I am 45...but I am 45 and aging is not kind:(

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answers from Boston on

Have you had your thyroid checked lately? Dry skin, dry hair and weight gain are all signs of an under active thyroid. Feeling tired, depressed and anxious are also signs. If it's normal, you can at least rule that out.

I would get a good moisturizer, if it's at Walgreens try Aveeno or Neutrogena. Tinted moisturizers can help to give you a glow. Start wearing a little make-up- Almay has eyeliner, eyeshadow, and mascara to match your eye color. I love wearing Burts Bees tinted lip gloss/chapstick. A little blush always helps give you some color.

Get a nice haircut and maybe play around with some color? Ask your stylist for suggestions. If your hair feels dry it coul just be your texture, try Suave with moroccan oil- it makes my curly "dry" hair smooth and soft.

Exercise everyday, it will make you look good and feel good from within. I recommend aerobic exercise like running or biking combined with yoga and strength training. Strength training is so important!

Eat well and drink a lot of water, avoid too much alcohol and get your sleep! Buy some nice clothes too, you feel better if you like what you're wearing. You also probably don't look nearly as bad as you think you do, we are always overly critical of ourselves. Start doing things that are good for you like eating right, exercising, taking care of your skin and hair and you'll start to notice you like who you see in the mirror.

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answers from Boca Raton on

i know i'm 39, but i forget about my age. my spirit is young, though i don't have the energy i once had.
looks. i got grey hair at 19, so i started coloring my hair red. my eyes are the one feature that show my age the most. i remember when i was 26, someone said i must have had a rough life, because my eyes showed that.
so, i don't fight it, but i haven't change much about myself in years. i wear what i want, and say what i want.
maybe as years pass, i may consider eye procedure to get rid of wrinkles or whatever there is out there to smooth the skin a bit, but i am not at that point yet.

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