When You Will Allow Make up and Other Teen Stuff?

Updated on April 05, 2011
Y.C. asks from Orlando, FL
12 answers

My 13 year old daughter got her school pictures taken today, when she come back she told me about what other girls wear today.
She told me that the teacher was yelling at girls that went with tanks (kind of silly to me but) some wear make up, many wear shorts or small skirts,and that few even had heels, I am talking about 13 year old girls.
It is getting hard for me to decide when is good what, I don't let what other girls wear determinate what mine does, but sometimes I wonder if I am too old fashion?
I still not let her shave, not because I think is bad but because I don't want her to slave to the shaving, but after today I have change my mind and if she wants I think I can let this one go.
She had a black pair of heels, very short heels for Holidays, this is her fist pair but I can't imagine let her go with heels to school.
What about make up? I allow her to put some mascara for her picture, most because she wears glasses (with lots of prescription) and her eyes look small in pictures, but is only for picture day. But when I pick her up I saw many girls wearing eye shadow, lipstick, bronzer, etc.
Then some of the clothes some girl were wearing was to short. I don't have problem with my daughter about this, she is to shy anyway, but wonder if the moms still decide on the clothes this girls wear.
My questions are:
Have you think about when you will allow your daughter to:
-Put make up
-wear heels
-stop having the last word on what your daughter wears
One day I ask my mom when does it parenting gets easy, she laugh and told me: "I still worry for you when you don't call me in a week", I guess she is right.

What can I do next?

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answers from Rockford on

I remember when I wanted to shave, at about 12 or 13 and my mom let me, I was so glad. I have very dark hair and it made me feel so much better to shave! I think when she feels the need you should allow it. I think a teeny bit of makeup at her age is ok - a tinted lip gloss , maybe a little mascara, a light light blusher. I think it's fine to wear it in high school, but definitely not without lessons and guidelines. I would not allow the cakey stuff, too much color, or too much applied. I see no need for bright lip, eye or cheek colors on school age girls at all. Heels are definitely something I would hold off on. A slight heel at her age on a nice summer sandal with a skirt or dress would be fine, but I would not allow actual heels until maybe junior or senior year at dances. I would not allow them at school on a regular day. I do think some of the boots with heels are cute though for the older high school girls. When you stop having the last word on what she wears may never happen - lol! If she is 18 but still lives with you, you can still get away with some house rules, but it is harder. If she moves out on her own or goes to college, all you can do is "suggest." It sounds like you are very careful with her and are teaching her good lessons, so she should be fine!

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answers from Miami on

I told my daughters they can shave when they develop hair under their arm pits. I started shaving around 12 so 12-13 to shave is okay. I was NOT allowed to wear makeup until high school and when I say make up, I mean I was allowed to wear the lightest shade of cheek blush, and lip stick that matched the color of my natural lips, a little eye liner and that's about it. I was 14. I have told my daughters they can begin wearing make up (like I was allowed) when they enter high school. When do you stop having the last word on what they wear? I guess that depends on the child and the dynamics of your family, beliefs, morals.. I would not condone my daughters wearing high heels at a young age (I wore little heels at about 14-15) and short skirts, short tops? NO WAY. Girls are looking way too mature for their age and attracting the wrong kind of attention. We are a strong Christian family so my husband and I are raising our children to dress in a modest way...there is NO reason why a young girl has to show off her body the way I see so many girls doing today. There is a girl in my daughter's class, she is 10-11 years old, with a padded bra. I sincerely believe this is ridiculous. We spend most of our lives living as an adult. Let children be children for as long as they can.

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answers from Pocatello on

Well my daughters are super young...4 and 2 so I don't have to worry about it for a while but I will tell you what I remember my Mom's rules were. I thought she was pretty fair but still sensitive to a teen girls feelings about all this stuff. So for me once I hit 6th grade so I was about 11 or 12 I was aloud to shave my legs (my mom said even though I was kinda young I will be doing it all the time once I'm older anyways so if I wanted to start now it was ok with her) I was also aloud to wear blush and cover up if I had a pimple but that was all. Then in 7th grade (so like age 13) she aloud me to wear lipstick or gloss and eyeshadow. But she took me to the store and bought me pretty calm colors. Like gloss with a little color in it and just a brown eyeshadow so nothing crazy. Then when I was in 8th grade so age 14 I was aloud to wear everything...like mascara and eyeliner if I wanted to. So basically every school year I was able to wear a little more. I can't remember when I got my first heels but I do remember at age 13 I had a steady babysitting job so I was aloud to buy whatever clothes I wanted to with my own money as long as it wasn't too short :)

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answers from Minneapolis on

My daughter just turned 9. I'll let her shave when she has visible hair that makes her uncomfortable, whatever age she is. She already likes to play with makeup (she and her Dad are into acting and theater, also), and likes to put makeup on me, but she doesn't wear it to school. She hates the very idea of heels, but by 13 or sooner I'm sure she'll want to try them. Clothes are an ongoing discussion as they grow up, but so far, she only judges clothes by comfort and color :-)

I've raised two other children who are now in their 20s. I learned that some things are not important - clothes (within reason), hair, makeup, etc. What is important is school and grades and open communication.

My stepdaughter had hair that went from magenta to black, to bleached white, to shaved off! I told her "it's just hair, it grows back". It was never an argument (now at 26 she has beautiful hair). My stepson also experimented with very long and short hair, and various annoying clothing styles. Now he wears business suits!!

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answers from Austin on

When she starts to ask you about it. That is a good time to start allowing some things.

Or if you want to make a suggestion like the mascara (good call mom) then you can just say. "That skirt is so cute, how about a sandal with a little heel?"

Make sure she and you always know the dress code, so money is not wasted on the things they do not allow.

The next time she needs a new piece of clothing, give her a budget and let her go and pick it out. You can be there, but really let her decide what style color she wants. Show her how to shop sales how to use coupons. She will become a savvy consumer.

I remember when I our daughter wanted a blue streak in her hair for her 13th birthday gift.. This is a child that never had asked for anything remotely like this before. We looked into the process, the cost, and the fact that once school started, they did not allow "unnatural hair colors" in 8th grade.

It meant stripping her hair, then coloring it.. it cost over $150. + tips. She had saved up money and asked for gift cards to that hair salon.

The stylist reminded her.. "The more you wash the hair, the more you will lose color.The mores time out in direct sunlight, the more it would fade AND swimming in chlorine was really not a great idea unless each time, she really washed her hair. Also the stylist reminded our daughter that her hair grows really fast, so it was going to show roots fairly soon."

Daughter still wanted to do this. She was excited and the other moms were shocked. They could not believe "I had let her do this". I told them, "do not worry, she is soon going to realize this was way too much money and too much care for that streak"..

Sure enough, it became a bit of a burden. She had to wear a sun hat (hello 103 degree bright sunlight!). She planned out how many times in the chlorine..The newness wore out just in time, her her to have to get it back to its natural color. The funny part was when we were up at her school and the Principal saw her hair and said, "what on earth? That is going to be a natural color by the time school starts?" our daughter assured her yes, it would be fine.

Another $200. to get it back to "normal" and she said she would NEVER waste her time or money on anything like that again.. hee, hee. Her friends? None of them ever did it either.

I did send her to a class that was offered at one of the dept stores (some of her friends also went). These beautiful women ran the class and spoke with the girls about proper hygiene, make up, poise, manners, how to walk, how to sit, how to get in and out of a car, what types of clothing looked good on different bodies how to apply for a job and fill out applications!. The girls kind of rolled their eyes talking about it, but I think they each really learned a lot from this class.

Even though we moms had spoken about these things, seeing these glamorous young women speak with them, made an impression.

Just keep the communications open and give her a little freedom. Compliment her for her good choices. Be sympathetic, when it does not end up that great. Be truthful about your own make up, clothing and shoe disasters. She will learn to trust your advice.

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answers from Washington DC on

I have 2 girls, one is 15, one is 13.

Shaving I allowed as soon as my oldest came ot me saying she wanted to. She was being teased so we had a lesson in the bathtub.

Neither one has asked for makeup so they don't have anything real special. I have let my 15 yo wear some of mine to homecoming. Since she hasn't asked I have not really put alot of thought into it. She does more complaining about the girls who wear it looking like whores.

Nail polish, I have allowed for the last three years. My 15 yo has worn some since 12 and my 13 yo has worn it for the last two years or so.

Heels, for any dressy occasion they have had a small heel. My 13 yo now has 3' spikes which she wore to the father/daughter dance. She got them for her birthday.

Our high school has a pretty strict dresscode and the children are sent home or parents called if they are underdressed. Plus they keep the high school at 63-65 so the girls have to wear hoodies or sweaters to stay warm.

My 15 yo is a hoodie, tshirt, jeans kind of girl. She complains about dresses for church.
My 13 yo is more of a fashionista but will not wear any tanks out in public, or will wear a sweater over it. Her shorts are not bootie shorts.
My husband has much more to say about the clothes than I do. He will make any of the kids change. My boys' shirts are tucked in and they wear belts. They have suits for church with ties and they iron their own clothes.

I don't wear much more than jeans, tshirts and hiking boots, so their role model is not much of a fashion plate.

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answers from St. Louis on

I allowed my daughter to do whatever when she felt she was ready. I caught a lot of flack for that yet my daughter didn't wear makeup until her Junior Ring dance, didn't shave regularly until (not sure if she still does and she is 21), god I would die laughing watching her walk in heels....

My point is if you say this is against the rules!!!!! they are more likely to rebel. Tell them the choice is up to them and if they made the wrong choice they have to accept responsibility.

Don't get me wrong, I got a lot of laughs from being the mom with no "rules" who had the most well behaved kids. :)

Oh her little sister is 11 years younger than her, and I quote, "you are not going to let Genna dress like a whxxx". I think she felt she choose right.

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answers from Charlotte on

For me, everything was when I was 12 because I knew how to dress appropriately and followed the dress code. My make-up was the bare minimum and natural looking (I didn't really mess with it at all until I was 13 or 14 and it remains minimal). I did start shaving my legs at that time and I did it regularly because it was uncomfortable to have unwanted hair and I swam frequently. As for heels, I was clumsy, so I only wore very low heels to a wedding until I got a couple of pairs in my senior year of high school.

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answers from Boston on

I think at 13 allowing her to shave if she wants to is ok, especially if it makes her more comfortable. I also think wearing a little makeup like a nice lipgloss, eyeshadow and blush is fine. I think as long as her clothes follow the school dress code and are appropriate it should be okay.

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answers from Cumberland on

High school classes began at 7:25 am-there was never any talk of make up, heels and booty shorts-they wore jeans and sneakers and sweatshirts and polos and flip flops and flannel things-for the prom-they dressed up and wore make up-maybe around 16 or so-a couple times a year. They would sometimes wear mascara or lip gloss-but not at thirteen. Tell her she will wear what you tell her to wear while she is living in your house and when she moves out, she will continue to dress like a young lady. I believe in uniforms-and I wish public schools would catch on.

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answers from Dallas on

Every family is different and you have to do what is right for yours.

As for shaving,,,,,, it was allowed as soon as she felt she needed to shave. You are talking about setting her up for teasing, being self conscious, etc if you do not allow her to shave and she needs to.

Our school dress code does not allow tank tops so that may be why some teachers were talking to some girls. All straps have to be 3 finger's wide to meet "code", skirts have to meet the finger test, no holes in jeans, etc.

My daughter was using light makeup in middle school. As long as she does not makeup like Tammy Faye and is reasonable, she is ok.

My daughter will wear heels to school, HOWEVER, she is 16 not 13.

You just have to find a happy medium for you and your daughter. Keep your lines of communication wide open and talk a lot.

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answers from Columbus on

My daughter is 13 as well. She asked to start shaving last year and I told her no. She turns 14 this summer and I might let her start then. I too didn't want her to be a slave to the razor. I wish I had listened to my mother when she told me not to start shaving.

No makeup until at least 16. I don't want her to hide her natural beauty and think that she has to "make up" for something by adding artificial/superficial enhancers to her physical appearance.

She has 1 pair of heels for really special occasions and a pair of low heels for more frequent dressing up (a school presentation, etc.). I will continue to have the last word on what my daughter wears until she moves out of my house. I was about to say because I buy her clothes, but even if I didn't I would still have the final say.

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