Toni, its the same item, I havent loned it out several times, I asked if I should ask for it back several times, at this point it just feels awkward.
And no, its not money, if it were a money situation I could understand it better.
I very seldom borrow (or loan) anything. But on the rare occasion that I do, I definitely get it back to them as soon as possible. Same with loaning something - I expect the item back as soon as they're finished with it; if not, then you can bet I'll be asking for it.
I've always told my kids not to borrow things unless it's absolutely necessary. As for loaning something; I've told them never to loan anything that they would be heartbroken if it was lost or damaged. As long as they understand the chance of never getting it back, then it's up to them.
And if it's money, I never loan any more than I can afford to lose!!! And if I borrow any, you can bet I pay it back immediately.
I always give it back ASAP and I rarely forget because I hate having someone else's stuff. I only borrow things I have to, or things that are no big deal like a book the person has already read and they won't be looking for it.
I just hate that feeling of being indebted to someone and that's how borrowing something of any signifigance makes me feel.
Okay, honestly, I do try and get it back to them, but I'm kinda forgetful about it. So, if I don't get it back within 1 week of borrowing it, it could literally take months and they usually have to ask me about it. BUT, if they ask me I really do try and get to it.
Yes, you should ask for the item back. If you've already asked several times ( I can't tell if that's what you're saying) then I would stop asking and stop expecting it's return. Why do you feel awkward asking for what's yours? If it's because you've asked and she's not returned it, then feeling awkward makes sense. Without saying so she's telling you she's not able to return it. You need to accept that and move on from there.
I would not loan anything to her again. And depending on how well we get along otherwise I might feel distant and spend less time with her.
It could be a deal breaker, but if the item means something to you, the next time you go to her house, point blank say, I'm having company and want to use my ________, that I loaned you.
Personally why do you continue a relationship with someone who does things to make you feel "awkward"?
Several times? Just curious too...is this the same person and if so, why you keep lending?
In my world there are people I know and love that are not very responsible...SO if I lend them an item or money, I do this without expectation of getting anything back. Therefore, I don't lend any item that is dear to me or any money that I can't afford. Then you just avoid disappointment and in the case that they actually DO return the item or pay you back, there's an opportunity to let them know that you appreciate them.
If I borrow something from anyone, I make sure I get it back to them in a reasonable amount of time. And usually tell them how long I need it for if and when I borrow it.
When I loan something out to someone? I make sure it's not something I "NEED" back - kinda like money, I don't loan out anything I can't afford to lose.
I'm sorry that you have had problems getting something back. I would go to their door and ask for it. I'm bold that way (go figure). If you don't want to do that - and NEED the item, just go out and buy a new one. I know that sucks. I would also NEVER loan anything to that person again.
If you want something back you can press into the person a little more. "Hey, remember I lent you xyz? I have a need for it again and wondering if I can have it back". Then, they say "sure thing". And you say, "Great, when is a good time thie week to come over and pick it up?"
Otherwise, I usually count an item gone when I loan it out.
This just happened this weekend with my mom. I went over to borrow one of her Hawaiian dresses for a luau we were going to AND a 9x13 dish that I needed this week to make an extra batch of cookies in that I'm taking to bible study on Thursday night. I can't tell you how many times in the 10 minutes I was at her house that she said, "make sure you get that back to me." Uh, I have RARELY borrowed anything from her and when I do, I always take it back on my own, BEFORE she would start asking for it. So I don't know why she is all paranoid about the pan and not the dress, but she is for some reason. Lol. So to answer your question, I don't usually borrow anything, but if I do, I get it back as soon as possible.
Now, if I let someone borrow something from me, it will only be something I can live with not getting back, on the slim chance that would happen. I would be pissed if I had to "remind" them more than twice to give it back to me. If they continued to be disrespectful and not make it a priority AFTER I asked for it back, then I would have to visit the idea of no longer having that relationship in the future.
Meaning we're constantly trading stuff around and back and forth. So I purposefully avoid borrowing things from other people (including libraries... I'd spend less buying the book outright rather than pay 3x it's value in late fees).
Similarly, I don't loan things outside of family. I gift them, instead.
Unless it's a book: I stress out if I borrow something, so I really don't borrow very much (a pen at Bible study? a car if mine is in the shop from hubby?). If I borrow something I'm scared it will break, scratch, get lost, etc so I return it asap even if it means swinging by their place to return it instead of just waiting to see them.
Books: I have a couple friends who enjoy reading like I do, and we swap books but that is not a stress. When the book is finished, we return it and discuss it, so the return of a book is like a coffee or lunch date coupon. :)
If I lend something (kind of rare for anything I wouldn't be willing to give), if time goes by and it hasn't been returned, then I'd ask for it. I loaned money to someone who stopped speaking to me for months BECAUSE I'd loaned her money (money is the worst: it can end a friendship because if they can't or don't want to pay it back, they just stop talking to you).....in that situation, I waited like 2 months (we talked DAILY before the loan, 2 months of NO speaking after the loan) and I just said "Hey, I miss my friend!" and she said something about the money and I said "I lent the money to my friend. Stay in touch, I don't care if you pay me back $10 a month". She still didn't, so I went to her work and collected. My mom let someone borrow a tiller (very expensive for my mom's budget) so her friend could til a little patch.....she was expecting it back that weekend. Months went by. She asked for it several times. I finally got the truck and drove out there to collect it back myself. I don't like that. What's more, the tiller was BROKE. Run into the ground. We had to buy a whole new one.
I always about trip over myself to get it back to the person. But my boss loaned me a CD of screen saver images. I am pretty sure he said he didn't need it back (he gives me a lot of small items he no longer wants) and now I am not certain he gave it to me. I keep looking at it and feel kind of awkward returning it after so long.
My cousin likes to loan me her kids clothes. She asked for a dress back because her daughter was going to be in a wedding. I never had such a dress, so I said I don't have it but gave her another dress that belonged to my daughter. She said it wasn't the right color in a very pouty tone. She must have loaned it to someone else and thought she loaned it to me. Awkward!
If loaning/borrowing an item hurts the relationship, then you shouldn't loan/borrow from one another.
I always try to give it back as soon as possible. There have been a few times when I just kept forgeting to give it back and even the person who lent it forgot to take it when it was given. Overall I try to never borrow and never keep it long.
It's embaressing to keep asking or to keep being asked.
i most often forget to return items so I rarely ever borrow something. even if someone tried to force M. to borrow something I preface it with a warning that they may never see the item or have to come and get it. i realize this is a flaw and that is why i dont borrow things.
i ussually have awesome intentions, borrow item, clean item, make arrangements to bring it back and most times that person isnt ready and then it somehow gets eaten by the house
so now that i know my house eats thngs i dont borrow items=)
I hate borrowing things from people because I'm so stinkin' forgetful. I usually forget I even have whatever it is I borrowed. Therefore, I don't borrow anything...ever. If I can't go buy it myself, I just do without.
On the other hand, my husband doesn't like to buy anything and always borrows whenever possible. Once borrowed, he usually breaks the borrowed item, and then dilly dallies getting it back to the person because he has to replace it first. (I'm usually in the background saying, you need to call so and so and get their...back to them." ) It's not wonder I'm so forgetful...I'm too busy following his butt around! :)
I'm happy to lend, anything, anytime...being that I'm so forgetful...I never ask for it back, that is, if I can even remember that I've lent it.
I don't borrow/lend things either. I don't trust others with my things and I value my things too much to trust that I'll get it back at all, or back the way I gave it. I have a few books I borrowed from my church and I am constantly "stressing" in my mind that I have them and I have to get them back. I just have little time to read....but I know I have them, and I know I will never forget to get them back where they came from.
When you borrow something, the grown up way is to use it and graciously thank the person who loaned it to you upon returning it. At the soonest possible. Wait longer or for some lame excuse like for the owner to ask for his/her own property back, and one tends to forget about the loan.
The smart thing is to return it at the earliest possible. That way the loaner is more inclined to loan it to you again and it keeps the friendship intact. It should come back in the same condition. Or be ready to compensate the loaner.