When to Tell Kids We Are Having Another Baby

Updated on October 20, 2010
R.S. asks from Royal Oak, MI
14 answers

Hi everyone,

After trying for quite a while we are finally pregnant!!! My kids will be 8 and 6 1/2 when the baby is born. Not the age gap we thought we would have between kids, but one we are hoping will be o.k. I don't know if it is the fact that I am now in my late 30's and pregnant, but I am incredibly tired and very nauseated most of the time ( I'm 7 weeks along). We thought we would wait a while before telling our kids and 7 more months of pregnancy seems long to me, imagine how long it will seem to them!!! But my husband has had to take over a lot. I have to lay down frequently and I am much slower at doing everything because of the nausea. Wondering if anyone has any advice on when to tell older kids they will be getting a sibling. I'm starting to worry that they will think I am just not as good or fun as their Dad. What do you think?

Also when do you start telling other family members?

Thanks so much,


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answers from Philadelphia on

I told people right away. If I could get pregnant I would again tell right away. Some people are afraid of miscarriage but I had a still birth at 18 weeks, so there is no reason to say after the 1st trimester you are safe. Don't worry about what can happen just tell them.

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answers from Bakersfield on

I'd just tell them... it's obviously bugging you. They are kids, the time wont be as long to them as it will be for you ;) Just be prepared to answer lots of questions and get lots of tummy kisses.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Buffalo on

This is a tricky question. Have you had issues before? any miscarrages? The reason I ask is because I would hate to tell you to tell them ASAP and then there were issues and now no baby. Sorry to be the black cloud but it hurts when kids keep asking where is baby #3. After 3rd trimester the risks are less and I would tell them. The one thing is I would let them know Mommy is not sick, but is tired, so they do not worry about you.

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answers from Chicago on

If you are really laying down a lot and being a lot less active, I would wait maybe till 12 weeks but not beyond if the nausea and tiredness continues. At their ages, you don't want them to assume you are seriously ILL rather than pregnant. My kids are smaller (3 and 23 mos) and we are waiting till we know the sex (around Christmas/New Years) to tell them -- around 5 mos. But I would worry with an 8 and 6.5 year old that they might associate the symptoms with other people they have known or heard of being ill with something like cancer. Not to scare you -- just thinking out loud. I would rather them be impatient :) than get scared thinking you are ill or resentful thinking you aren't much fun!

We told our parents at 8 weeks and plan to tell siblings sometime this week (around 10 weeks). I have had 2 U/S and everything is AOK but I am not showing (gained 1 lb so far) so I am not telling work till like 13 or 14 weeks.

Best wishes!



answers from Milwaukee on

I told my 2-year-old right after I had my 8 week appointment. They did an ultrasound and saw a heartbeat, so chances are good at that point. And I, like you, was so tired and nauseous that I thought it better for her to know that something was up. I also figured this gave us a lot of time to answer her questions as things came up. (And, boy, has she been asking questions!)

For both our pregnancies, we told our parents right away. I'd want their support if I had a miscarriage, and I figure whatever happens happens. My parents waited to tell anyone else until I reached the second trimester since they are superstitious, but that was their decision.



answers from Detroit on

Hello R.,

Congratulations! I too am preggers righ now (12 weeks today). We waited to tell our girls who are 7 and 5 because last year we had a misscarriage when I was 10 weeks along. I didn't tell them early last time either because from the beginning things didn't look good and I didn't want to have to explain to them that the baby wouldn't be coming anymore. This time around we waited until about 4 days ago. I waited for the same reasons only this time around the baby has been perfectly healthy!

Don't worry about the kids thinking you are no fun. I just told them that I was feeling sick and that I needed extra help from them. They were great about it and then when they found out the real reason for my being "sick" they were SO excited!

We told our parents at the same time we told the kids. I wanted to tell our parents sooner but I knew that someone would let it slip in front of the kids! Now the whole family and all of our friends know.

Good Luck and Congratulations again!



answers from Goldsboro on

I would tell my parents and his parents right away, so that you have their support during this tought time.
As far as the kids go, I would brush it off as "Mommy's not feeling well" or "Mommy's a little bit sick" UNLESS they know you've been trying to give them a little sibling.
How long did you wait before you told your oldest about your 6 1/2 year old?



answers from Detroit on

I would tell them as soon as possible they probably already figure somethings up. I wouldn't keep it from them and they should be the first to know after your husband.


answers from Pocatello on

well it's totally up to you. There is no rule. For me I always tell my close family (like sisters, Mom & Dad) pretty fast...like around 7 weeks. But everyone else I wait until I am done with the first trimester so I know things are all ok. With this pregnancy my 3 1/2 year old and 1 1/2 year old came with me to my 12week ultrasound. I didn't really think anything of it. but that next day my 3 1/2 year old was broadcasting my news to everyone she saw! So my advise would be to just wait until you are comfortable with everyone knowing. So then if your kids say anything to other friends, teachers at school or church etc. it won't bother you.



answers from Chicago on

I would wait to tell them and the rest of the family until you enter your second trimester, when the risk of miscarriage dramatically drops.



answers from San Francisco on

I think once you pass the first trimester, it is important to tell your kids and 'safe' to tell other family members. My kids are 10, 7 and 1. I did not know I was pregnant with the baby until I was 16 1/2 weeks along. We told the other two immediately since I was in the middle of the pregnancy. It gave them time to get use to the idea of having a sibling and it made them part of the planning and excitement. They 'talked' to her and spoke to us about how things would be when their baby sister arrived. I think this was an important part for them to get use to how our family has grown and changed.




answers from Honolulu on

Have you been to your OB/GYN yet??? And if so, is your pregnancy fine and you are healthy???
Are you 'showing' yet? Your tummy growing???

I was pregnant once... and started showing quickly... but at 6 weeks I had a miscarriage. Meanwhile, I did tell some people, my friends and a cousin. Then I had to tell them I had a miscarriage... which was not fun nor ideal of course, for me... and I wished I had waited before telling people.
My daughter at the time, who was only about 3 years old... did not know yet.... however.
If she had known... I don't know how I would have explained that to her... per her age.

Usually, people traditionally wait, 3 months, before "announcing" it to others... ?

all the best,


answers from Dallas on

My kids were 11 and 9 when their baby brother entered their life, he was a surprise to all of us. I actually told my kids right after I found out, as well as the family. Since you wrote "after trying for quite a while..." if this means you've had some miscarriages, I'd wait a few more weeks, maybe after your first doctor's visit if you haven't gone yet, if you have then maybe around week 15ish... My kids like looking at the stages the baby was in. After you tell the kids you can explain that is why mommy has been feeling so tired and sick.
Congrats on #3, they are truly a blessing!!!



answers from Detroit on

I always thought it is best not to say anything untill you are out of your first trimester.

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