When to Talk the "Birds and the Bees" with Son

The advice I heard was two parts: You only need to say enough to answer the questions, not go into the whole story. With my son, he'd get a question answered then think on it for a few days and come back with another one. That helped it go at his pace. The other piece of advice was that kids only need an explanation in as many words as double their age (a 7-year-old would be about 14 words). Again, the idea is not to overwhelm them but demonstrate that you are willing to be honest and someone they can talk to even about sensitive issues.

My son is 9 so I don't know how well this advice works long-term...lol. But I do think it's important that kids get their first information from home. Good luck!

Answer only the questions he asks, don't give more information thsn he wants. Keep it age appropriate. You shouldn't have to go into sex details with him at this age but he probably will want something more than "mommy and daddy love each so much that it created a baby". I get away with this type answer with my 4 yr old (we recently had baby #2). But do give honest answer, answer with the absolute truth just not in absolute detail.

My son is 8 years old and last year I was pregnant with our second son. He asked how I got pregnant and I sat down with him and just told him the truth. Don't give him too much detail just let him know, on his level, and answer his questions as modestly but honestly as you can. It is a difficult conversation because you don't know how much they understand or how much they need to know. I will say this, I'd much rather him know the truth from me than to hear some ridiculous stories from the kids at school. Good luck!

My suggestion is not to bring the subject up but when he asks you questions, answer them as accurately and forthright as possible staying in his age appropriate answers. If the child can ask the question, he deserves an answer. That is how I raised mine and they in turn are now raising theirs that same way. Several times, my daughter would come running in the door after junior high school and ask me a startling question. After I answered her, I asked her why she was asking. She said the kids were talking about it on the bus and she wanted to make sure what the truth was.
When your son is in junior high, if the discussion of he birds and bees hasn't been brought up, have appropriate material on hand and TALK to him and give him the material to read. See if he has any further questions at that time and tell him that if he has questions later, to be sure and come to you and you'll explain the best you can.
If you are always open and honest and forthright, he will not be afraid to ask you anything.
The most startling question I got was when my now 40 year old daughter was in 7th grade. She came bursting thru the front door with the question "Mom, how to queers do it" with my gay brother standing next to me. I said "well, let's sit down" and my brother was horrified I was going to answer her and said "you're not going to tell her are you?". To which I replied "She asked". Needless to say, he vanished. After I explained the best I could is when she responded to my inquiry of why she was asking with "We were talking about it on the bus and I wanted to know the truth."

Firstly, you are thinking at this as an adult with your knowledge on sexual reproduction. Don't pull out Grey's anatomy yet! When my son would ask questions about anything, I would first try to figure out what he was thinking before I even attempted to answer his question. My best responses were to always ask him a question back. You can also repeat what he says and then wait.....and wait and wait for his response. Do not speak! Let him answer the question. Probe his little 7 year old mind to see where he is going with this question. It may be as simple as something very silly and we are drawing adult conclusions to it. This method not only clarifies what he is thinking, but it also stalls your panic attack as to how to respond and what he is thinking.
If it gets more complicated, then you might have to go to the next level, but for now, try this. When you do go to the next level, make it very simple. Time is definately on your side before you have to get really detailed. Unfortunately, we live in a different world from many years ago, so kids are exposed to a lot more. Also, be careful what he is watching on TV. There is a lot out there. Even the more advanced comic characters can exude a "sexual" dress....look at Wonder Woman! Much of the Manga art is sexually based on it's looks. Just watch what he is involved in is my second response.

L.,
I, too, have a 7 yr old and am seeing her interest in babies. Just yesterday she was in her room, wearing a dress and holding something under it in front of her stomach. She reached in under her dress and pulled out her baby doll! It shocked me a little, so I asked her what she was doing. She simply said with a big grin, "I'm having a baby!"
He's a bit young to get into details, but it's natural to have questions. I've found that offering very simple ideas works. Cuddle time is best. I'll talk to her about how excited her daddy and I were when she was in my tummy. I'll tell her about her baby days and what she was like. Being Christian really helps us explain for a couple of reasons: 1) We tell her that God brought mommy and daddy together so that we could love each other forever. God gave us a gift to celebrate our love, and that was her and her brother!
2)Through our church we have resources to help us talk to our kids about sexuality. We went to a 'class' just last month to open communication with our 13 yr old about this very subject before he gets misinformation from other kids. Their target audience is 6th graders. That's the age when they really get an earful from friends and classmates about sex, but you can still find the info useful. Check them out at familyhonor.org.
Hope this helps! God bless.

If he's old enough to notice and ask, he is certainly old enough to be told. Are any educational shows coming on soon (like on the Discovery channel?) My husband got his education watching their ducks and chickens in the back yard as a young child.

Be honest. Keep it understandable for his age. But answer his questions. We went through the same thing with our now 12yr. We just answered the questions as they came along and sat him down and in a rated G way told him about the birds and the bees. Now that he's 12 we had another talk with more info and about protection,STDs, and everything. He had questions and I seemed to be more open than my husband. My husband was shocked by our son's questions. But I want him to know. I don't want him to have sex till he's married but if he does I want him to know how to protect himself and his partner. We always tell him we want him to wait till he's married but we are always honest. Good luck it gets harder the older they get. Wait till girls call the house for him.

Check your local library or Amazon.com, there are LOTS of age appropriate books that you & your son can sit down and read together.

I think it is very important for kids to know what it is all about. things are happening a lot faster than we want to know. Arm him with knowledge! You openness & honesty will bring him to you again in the future for other hard things he may be curious about.

I just skimmed through this article in my Cookie Magazine yesterday. Maybe it can help you.

http://www.cookiemag.com/brain/2008/10/sex_talk

I just looked at the link and it's not the full article that is printed in the magazine, but maybe it will give you tips. I didn't read the whole article word for word, as I was just glad that I'm not there quite yet!!

Good luck!

The trick with the birds and bees talk, is not really that it's a "talk", it's that it will need to be an open, on-going dialogue between you and your children.
They need to feel they can trust to talk to you about these things, without embarrassment. So, if you're embarrassed, then they'll be embarrassed.
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I lucked out with my five year old. I got pregnant, he asked where babies came from, I told him a nice little fairy-tale. He looked at me, looked at the poster on the doctor's wall, and pretty much asked me again. He knew that wasn't the truth, we'd already gone over anatomy using the correct terms with him. So I told him flat out- "Mom and Dad had sex."
His response? "Oh, ok." Then he nodded. I didn't give him any further explanation- no "this goes into that and this comes out..." For his age, that's all the info he needed.
So, the first thing to figure out, is exactly how much information he needs. If he's not ready for instructions on condom use- don't give it.
Secondly, since he knows the difference between boys and girls, go ahead and teach him basic anatomy. Not the function or use of it, just the correct names. I personally would rather have my son ask if the baby is coming out of my vagina than any of the "slang" words for it that he might have heard at school by that age.
And last, let him ask a few questions. He might not know WHAT he wants to ask, but don't answer more than he asks yet. He doesn't need a FULL biology lesson at his age, but a good idea of anatomy, where/how babies are made, and the knowledge that he can talk to you in the future if he has more questions will go a long way to prevent future mis-education from his peers.

if hes curious talk to him. because they will ask their friends and as we all know 7 year olds have no idea what really happens..... do some research only answer what he is asking dont go in to too much detail.