When to Start Daughter in Kindergarten

I would send her on schedule. The worst thing that happens is that she struggles and you pull her out and wait til the next year.

I agree with Jo, starting her later is not going to change who she is, if she's a shy kid now, chances are she will be a shy kid in a year.

I would not hold her back. If the ONLY reason is because she is shy, she is not going to outgrow that. She will STILL be shy the next year. That is her personality. You can't change her personality. I was (and still am) extremly shy growing up. My parents didn't hold me back just because of that. I was just as smart as everyone else. I kept up with my class too. I had 2 friends at school that I would play with and I was happy with that. You don't have to be loud or outgoing just to do well in school. Not everyone is a leader. If she is shy, she might not ever be a leader, but that's ok. I just would not hold her back becuase of her personality

I think you should start her when it is the right time. If you move to almost any other state she would be starting pre-k this Fall, most kids are supposed to be a full 5 years old to start kindergarten.

In my opinion there will be a full class of kids just like her starting the same class. I say put her in with her peers so that she will be with kids her own age. There will be others just like her.

I can't see holding her back if her current teacher feels she is ready. All kids are different (shy, outspoken etc) and they all manage to get through school.

Not that it matters since it's YOUR kid, not your MIL's, but you can tell her this.

I started both my boys in K when they were 4, they have fall bdays. They have done extremely well academically and socially and in THAT way I don't regret my decision.

However, now that the oldest is a sophomore in college and the next is a senior in high school, I look back and I wonder, what was the big rush? NOW I wish I had one more year with them at home, it goes SOOOO fast.

Do what YOU think is best, Mom, not US, or your MIL.

:)

I'd say the social/emotional aspects have a LOT more to do with school success at this age than academics. If you think another year will help her have a happier, less stressful experience, my advice is to wait. It will not hurt her to be a bit academically advanced at the start of Kindergarten next year, but if starting her when she is too little could set her up to dislike school in general.

You're her mom and you know best. Do what feels right to you. Other people will have to respect your decision.

HTH
T.

A year will not make a shy child extroverted. If it just took time every adult would be an extrovert, ya know?

A year will not make someone into a leader. Same as shy.

I was going to say there is no harm in holding her back but if those two things are your only reasons to hold her back there isn't a benefit either.

Wait a year, follow your instincts. When I went to school, you would have had to wait with a birthday in September. In the big scheme of things, it won't matter...more time to mature. If she's ahead academically, they have lots of programs know for advanced kids, I don't think she'll be bored, just a top performer.

We have the same birthday - mine is 9/13 also. My mom is an elementary school teacher and she started me the year that I made the cut off (also 9/30 in that state at that time). I am so glad she did! I did well academically and did fine socially. There are two philosophies: one is to wait until a child is older and one is to only hold a child back who actually needs to be held back either for social or academic reasons. We subscribe to the only hold back if there is a real need. If your daughter is fine academically to be able to start kindergarten - then I would start kinder. Her teacher will tell you if she is not able to progress to first grade.

My opinion is that you shouldn't hold a child back just because she is shy.

My baby was born on 8/26 and our cutoff date is 9/1 here. He will start kindergarten on 8/22 and turn 5 the first week! And yes, he is a boy.

C.

My 3yo son makes the cut off by about 2 hours- He was born on August 31 and the cut off here is September 1. I know he will be fine academically (he already knows most of what is on the Kindergarten screener for the school district). However, my concern is not the academics now, more like in middle school and high school when a year of maturity and brain development will make a huge difference in understanding more of the abstract concepts. DH is really pushing to hold him back and I'm not going to argue with him. I think in the long run it will be better for him and I don't want to send a 17 year old off to college! Yikes!
So instead, he will start presschool 2 days a week (half days) next year, 3 days per week the following year, and then Kindergarten when he is 5, but will turn six within the first month.

In my opinion, unless your daughter has a delay of some kind, there is not any reason to not have her start school on time. Her birthday is before the cutoff, she should start school. My kids both missed the cut off for here in DE. Because we moved and MD's cut off was later, my son was able to start. We are back in DE and my daughter, whose birthday is in Dec, has to wait until next year. She is BORED.

In my son's class, there was a boy that started late because his mother wanted him to wait and be one of the oldest. He actually struggled socially with being the oldest because he seemed to think he was above the other kids. He even made it hard for parents/adults instructing him (I was his scout leader for a while and he would think the rules didn't apply to him etc).

The newest research shows that there is indeed harm in waiting, or at the very least, no social or academic benefit. Actually, there is a benefit - to the younger kids in the class - they learn more from having older kids in the class. The older kids (yours in this case) are not helped. In high school kids who were red shirted are less motivated and perform less well. My son has a late December birthday so was not even close to our September cut off. He is one of the oldest kids in his class and I see no benefits to it. I agree with your MIL.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/opinion/sunday/dont-del...

I was always the oldest in my class and hated it-by the time first grade began-I was almost 7-I went into the classroom and couldn't figure out why everyone was crying-it was ridiculous! She will mature a lot between now and September! Maybe she could be in a little dance class or swimming group this summer?

if you have any qualms at all hold her back. they have all day preschools now. sign her up for one of those prek programs. is she in an all day program now? or is your kindergarten program an all day? I held 2 of my boys back for this and have wished I had held my daughter back her whole school life. if I had it to do over would have held her back also

my oldest son was born on august 13 the cutoff was sept 1. I put him in he lasted 3 days and it was decided that he needed to have another year. I am so glad we pulled him out and waited. he just graduated magna cum laude from carthage college. best decision we ever made.

youngest son was held back after completing kindergarten. he just wasn't ready to move on and we should not have started him in the first place.

a year ago.. I would havd said wait.. give her the year.. now that my daughter is in kindergarden.. I say send her. Kiundergarden is so super slow. They srart with the letter A and do one letter per day.. my duaghter happens to be on eo fhte oldest in the class.. she is bored in kinder.. she still likes it but she is not learning anything.

however.. they do hang up the kids artwork and writing on the walls and you can totally see the older kids and the younger kids in class. older ones draw better write better... can you find a 1/2 day kinder?? that is a great option.. full day kinder is a lot a big adjustment. my daughter is 1/2 day and she was worn out for the first 3 months...

You have had a lot of answers both directions. I will give you a piece of advice... my DD was in this position but our dates are Sept 15 for the cutoff and her birthday is Sept 1. Our choice was to start her. She was ready academically but maybe not socially. This is where we stood. If she didn't start kindergarten she would actually have not been in school at all as we couldn't afford the $$ for preschool and the Headstart program she was in only takes 4 yr old kids. So for us she would have been at home with no social interaction and no school structure (at least as much as she gets in school). If you decide to wait then try and find something for her to do. If she is currently in preschool and then you hold her out of kindergarten but don't put her in pre-school again she is going to be bored too. Don't let anyone sway you into making the opposite decision of what you think is right. She is YOUR daughter and you need to make the best choice for you and your family.Good luck.
J.--SAHM of 7

Two of my daughters were born in August... #1, I sent to Kindergarten when she turned 5. Several years later, we made the decision to have her repeat 4th grade.... not because she wasn't smart enough (she is now working on her doctorate at Johns Hopkins University), but she just needed some extra time to mature. The other daughter, we delayed her entry into Kindergarten. She, too, was "smart enough", but I again thought she needed another year to mature.

There is rarely an advantage to being the youngest in the class... but there is more often an advantage of being the oldest.....

One thing... don't let your MIL sway your decision... make the decision based on what YOU know is best. My sister was "disappointed" that we had our oldest repeat 4th grade... she thought it would have been neat for her to graduate as "class of 2000" .... as it is, she graduated as "Class of 2001", which technically WAS the first year of the new millennium.

Think of it this way... many school districts base their entry on September 1st......(our district in Texas is this way)..... if you lived elsewhere, she WOULDN'T be able to enter yet!

My take is to think about junior high and high school days. Kids are very mature nowadays. The things they know and talk about can be pretty vulgar. Also the peer pressure can be intense. Do you think a kid who is the youngest or the oldest will handle all this better?

Last school year, my daughter turned 5 on the day school started. I simply could not start her knowing she would be the youngest in her class. Elementary school is just not the same as junior high and high school. I was also amazed at how many kids turned 6 within 1 -2 months after school started, so there were plenty of kids my daughters age.

A big part of my decision was based on my nieces experiences. She is the youngest in her class. She is a sophmore in highs chool now. She simply cannot catch up with the social skills of the more mature girls. This has made her grades fall drastically (she has always been an A student, now C) & now she is depressed beyond belief.

Good luck, it is a tough decision.

I'd say don't wait. She will learn so much. She will be fine. She needs to socialize and get into the school routine. Heck...when they tested my great nephew for pre-school...he couldn't identify any letters or numbers. They showed him pictures and he had to say what it was. He didn't know brush, comb, refridgerator, apple...hardly any of the pictures that we just assumed he knew. He didn't know any songs, nor could he sit for longer than 2 minutes at a time. His butt is going in September....lazy parenting is what I attribute it to...so somebody has to teach him.

I have a September birthday and my Mom didn't wait. I started at 4 and turned 5 right after school started. I have a daughter and a Son both with fall birthdays and decided to wait with both of them and here is why. It isn't so much Kinder - 5th you have to worry about. As they get older and are the last to get a license and wanting to ride with older friends, I'd rather my kid with my rules be the driver, peer pressure when kids older than them but in the same grade are experimenting having your child be an older more confident leader is a good thing, It can help with sports as they may have a benefit of size, College, I know it's forever away but I was 17 living in a dorm with a gazillion other kids and honestly that extra year could have made a HUGE difference. Bottom line is go with your gut, an extra year of mommy time can do nothing but help your child have a brighter future but it's you who knows your child best don't let anyone else push you into a choice you aren't confident about. Everyone I've talked to that waited have no regrets but several who put them in early worry about many of the things I mentioned above. Good luck

I wouldn't worry about her being shy as much as whether or not she will be bored. If you are older than the rest of your class, you can be more mature academically and so the stuff you learn in class will be easier and thus you get done faster. If you spend a lot of your day bored and not challenged, then it makes for behaviour and discipline problems. It also could set her up for being taken advantage of later, when she gets her license first, when she can buy cigarettes first, etc...I know we don't want to think about those things, but they are a reality of peer pressure. I was older than the rest of my class, and I was mature for my age too, so I had a hard time and I wasn't held back. Think of these things too. I would hate for her to be bored and think her classmates are dumb because they don't get the work the same way she does. You really just have to know your own child and make the decision that is best for her. But, it is better to hold her back at the beginning than later in elementary school, which can have a lot of psychological problems and implications.

My daughter's birthday was very near the cutoff in Sept. But, at that time she was very bright and also a bit shy. We did put her in Kindergarten on schedule, and she is now taking gifted math classes and the shyness is a thing of the past. I highly recommend started K early or on time. Kids will rise to meet their expectations, especially if they're on the smart side. My son is now in preschool, and he will turn 5 this Nov. Because he's like his sister, we're actually pursuing early admission to K. I think it's a good thing. I would actually worry that the child will not be challenged enough if they start out later than everyone else. I really hate how teachers and school administrators tell everyone... give them the gift of time.... I'm sure that benefits the teachers, but I'm not sure it benefits the students...

theres no harm in waiting but i dont think theres any harm in starting her either.. my birthday was september 18th and our cutoff date for school was the same september 30th and i started .. in our school system if your birthday was 2months before or 2 months after the cutoff they had a class type thing u went to for one day where kindergaten teacher evaluated u not only on academics but how you interact with the other children.. we also had pre-kindergarten the summer before you would start school and anyone close to the cut off was reccommended to go.. in my opinion the only crappy thing about me starting school right before my 5th birthday was that in high school i was the last one of my friends to get their drivers licenses

I struggled making this decision with our first because there were so many opinions out there on it... Finally my huband and I talked about it and decided on our own that she needed to wait another year before going to kindergarten. She has a May birthday.

In the end she started kindergarten at 6 years 4 months of age.

I think it has been one of the bests decisions we made for her. she is thriving and enjoying and not overwhelemed.

In the end you have to choose what you feel is right you know her better then anyone else does and if you feel she is ready or is maybe not ready then you are probably correct on your feelings.

Where is she academically? That's something else to consider.
What I did was go ahead and sign up for both Pre and K then wait until the beginning of summer to make my final decision. She may make a leap of maturity and you can always un-enroll from one program.

There are just as many pros and cons to both decisions. You do what you are lead to do.

Why not start her sooner and see how she does. You could hold her back and have her in K again is it is a real struggle. If you don't start her this year put her in pre K (public or private) so she is ready for K.

I started K at 4 and it wasn't easy but I adjusted (I also had a baby sister born the week I started K). I ended up moving after 1st grade and the new school made me redo 1st grade. It was easier being the oldest. In about 5-8th grade the other kids seemed immature and it bothered me but I always had friends and good grades. As a child and teenager it was nice being oldest. Later on I feet like I would have liked to be done with college and grad school a year sooner and get on with my life.