When to Share Toys

There is no reason to have 2 sets of toys as long as they are age appropriate for the little one they should share.

You have an 8 yr old and a 21 month old?
A toddler can not play with an 8 yr olds toys.
There's a major age change - about 3 yrs old - in toys - because anything suitable for 3 and younger has to be safe when they put things in their mouth - and everything gets put in their mouth.

Matchbox/hot-wheels are NOT age appropriate for under 3 years old.
If they are chewed on - pieces/wheels can come off - and they are a choking hazard.
Some toddlers can swallow a matchbox car (or it slips down their throat) and it gets lodged there.
Keep these toys away from your toddler.

Each child needs their age appropriate toys - so sharing opportunities aren't really going to happen and you have an obligation to keep your kids safe no matter what age they are.
Also - the 21 month old won't be ready to play with anyone for a few more years yet - till around preschool age at around 4 years old.
So I wouldn't expect/demand that any 8 yr old has to play with the 21 month old.
Your 8 yr old has friends and can go on play dates.

Also - no one child needs 'a ton' of toys either.
It overwhelms the kid and is a bother to keep organized and picked up (and out of younger siblings mouth).
Start scaling back on the toy purchases/gifts or start to institute a policy that when something new comes in the door - then something old needs to go out the door.

I can't imagine them sharing any toys at this age. Isn't your toddler primarily playing with blocks and balls and sand/water toys and other things that your older son would have zero interest in? I can understand the little one being interested in his brother's toys but most of them aren't really appropriate. And if your son has given his brother five cars already isn't that enough for a 21 month old?
My kids were closer in age and they shared things like blocks and trains and legos and barbies but they also had their "own" things, and though I always encouraged sharing I never forced them to (especially with a younger sibling who might wreck it.)

i think you're being unreasonable. there may be no reason in YOUR mind for your older not to share with the baby, but you're not 8.

and what really baffles me about this is that your older boy DID share. he gave 5 cars to the little guy! i'd be pretty happy about that.

so if 5 doesn't satisfy you, what number should the poor kid have forked over?

at 8 my brothers were fiercely in love with their cars. it may have been that my parents didn't 'personally see a problem' with me being protective about my stuffed animals, but i surely was, and until i was a lot older than 8.

sharing is an important thing to learn, yes yes, and families need to make sure that sharing and kindness are modeled every day.

but forcing an 8 year old to share his things with a baby?

if you're okay with a toddler having matchbox cars, which are not suitable for a toddler, then buy the toddler his own.

and praise your 8 year old for the concession he's already made.
khairete
S.

I don't think it's an option to not share. There are certain toys that are not safe or age appropriate, and an 8 year old should have a place to store those in his room out of reach, or on a high bookshelf in a common area. Your little one can, likewise, have special toys that are just his - I realize the older child won't be interested, but he should still have to keep his hands off his little brother's special teddy bear or whatever matters a lot to the little guy!

Once you identify those toys which are safe for the little one and not in the "totally special" category for the older one, then we share. That's what families do. So you have to find a balance between respect for another's belongings and "stuff we all use."

It's not really age appropriate to expect him to willingly share, but it is a great idea to let him know that he is expected to share.

I would kindly and gently say something like, "You need to give him 2 more cars to play with." I would not leave it up to your older son to decide how many to share.

ETA - Did you mean one of your kids is 8 years old and not 8 months old? I was assuming 8 months and 21 months, which is why I said it wasn't age appropriate to expect.

If he is 8 years old, I would buy the 21 month old his own toys. Sharing doesn't make as much sense right now.

That is a very large age gape. Sorry your kids need their own age appropriate toys.

Updated

That is a very large age gape. Sorry your kids need their own age appropriate toys.

When you start sharing your car with your friends because they tell you you should whenever they want, then you should make the kids share.

my kids are close in age. (21 months difference) one boy one girl. they share alot of stuff. some things we just get one for each (like vtech camera with games) they share the leap pad. they share the my little ponies and matchbox cars. but they do not share and do not have to share other stuff. like barbies. she is not forced to share that. ds has a robot, and i do not force him to share that with her. since they share every thing else they share these things too.
i think you should be careful with the little cars and a toddler. if he has 5 cars that is plenty, and there is no reason to force sharing of more. i would get age appropriate toys for the toddler and let the older on have his stuff. the 8 yr old should also be given opportunity to "share" by passing down toys that he has outgrown.

We have various age gaps in our house and what happened here was that each kid has some of their own 'special' toys (each kid had say a special car(s) that was theirs - for example, our kids had a hot wheels car or (2 or 3) they loved, that might have had a hockey team logo or batman or something they liked on it) but then we had a collective big bin of them. Same with big trucks etc. Mostly we just had a bunch of dump trucks that everyone used, and a tub of generic cars, etc.

The birthday/Christmas gift toys would be special for a while, but eventually - end up in household bin. But things like collectibles ... might be the kids' special toys forever.

So I wouldn't necessarily make them share those.

With your age gap, those toys have been your firstborn's for a long, long time. Sharing for him will come slowly :)

For us, it was Lego. I remember after our gap, when the next child went for the Lego there was a HUSH that fell over the house. A younger person was going for the Lego bin. It had been the older kids' Lego for so long. They had a system of sorting and they knew who played with what.

It will come - trust me. I wouldn't get too picky with your older child. He will end up resenting your younger one. Let them sort out their own system as much as you can. Five cars sounds plenty for a 21 month old. Is he upset with this? I would also get him his own car or two.

I am the youngest. Trust me - we like having our own things.

I did with each child. They didn't all get hand-me-downs. They had their own special collectibles also. Not a lot (as I said, mostly we had a house-tub for our stuff) but let him go pick out a car or two that will be his - and he doesn't have to share unless he wants to. Lovely if he does (and you can encourage this) but it goes both ways :)

I have two boys but who are much closer in age and while some cars might have been special and set aside for the most part toys like hot wheels were all shared items. The number of these cars and tracks we have accumulated over the years it would never occur to me to buy double of them all just to let one of my kids continue to be selfish with items. Of course it is okay to have some special items no one touches, but a box of cars and tracks imo does not qualify as special and private.

I do agree it is important to share. But I also think it is important for a child to have something that does NOT have to be shared. Your son should be able to choose. My younger daughter was born just after my older kids turned 9. So I also have an age gap. They did share but were not required to share everything. I would caution with the hot wheels and other metal cars. Toddlers put things in their mouths. These cars can cut their gums. I would get him his own cars. I had little people and other cars for my now 6 yr old when he was little. He played fine and left my daughter's hot wheels alone. And they played together while keeping their separate toys.

The ideal stage to start sharing toys is when your baby is when your baby is of 2-3 years old. as that the time your child will start understanding. I think you should buy a few toys but a few toys can be shared. You can have more understanding on sharing of toys on this link that i am sharing with you, it will give you more idea as to when you can introduce the concept of sharing to your child. http://www.worldofmoms.com/articles/encouraging-your-todd...

Hot Wheels are not allowed in any child care classrooms until the children are in the 3 year old classroom. Parts of them can break off and choke a child.

There are hardly any toys that kids your kids ages should share.

If you want to give your child toys that are not appropriate for his age group then perhaps you should go buy him his own and not expect his older brother to give up his possessions.

Toys that are for both kids should be in a playroom sort of place. Toys that are age specific or given on birthdays or holidays are that child's and they shouldn't have to share them if they don't want to.