When to Have Child #2 - Saint Paul,MN

My children are 6 years apart but not by my choice. I had planned to have them 2 years apart but it didn't work out that way. My 9 year old believe it or not has jelousy against her sister who is 3. My 9 year old is all ready going through the tween stage and wants her room to herself. My 3 year old won't put up with dd9 and they fight constantly. I wish I would have had them closer together!

My children are 2yrs and 20 days apart. We didn't plan it that way and we were a bit nervous about having two little ones so close in age, however, I wouldn't change it for the world. My children get along so well, their interests are very much the same and I think it is because they are so close in age.

Hi C., As the mother of nine children,born within 12 years, I highly recommend having your children close together. It is so important for children to have companions their own age. Siblings close in age share so much growing up. My children are all very close(although there are occasions when they don't like each other) My sons pitch in and help each other on home projects,play ball together on the same team,my daughters share baby sitting of each other's kids and do stuff together. We have huge family gatherings here on our farm. Children are very self centered these days. When there are siblings close in age to them they learn to share; clothes, toys, bedrooms, friends etc. My children for the most part are having large families, so they must have liked being part of a huge close knit family. My daughter is expecting her tenth child the oldest is 11. My son has 10 the oldest is 18. Children have a continuous supply of activity when they have siblings close to their age. They will be playing with each other instead of being bored and spending hours on a computer or TV. As children grow up the further apart in age they are, the more distant from each other emotionally they are. They will have families different ages, so they will not have children to have cousins to grow up with. Your children will have nothing in common their whole lives. I am the youngest of seven, my sister closest to me in age is ten years older. I never had a brother or sister to share secrets with or go on rides with at amusement parks. I had to depend on friends to accompany me, and many times they could not go, because they had family activities to attend. Finally and most important, God made people to be able to love equally all their children. You will not be cheating your oldest child out of your love and attention, by having more children. There is more love, more than you can imagine. For each child you have your love grows. When you make your family your priority and not material goods, you as God planned it will have joys beyond belief. As long as you provide a warm home and food on the table and warm clothes, all the other material goods in the world will not take the place of a loving family. Take care M.

My daughter had just turned 2 when we decided to try for number 2. When our second baby girl was born, our oldest was four months from her 3rd birthday. I think that's about the right amount of time. Potty training was done, so we didn't have two in diapers, which was nice. I don't think I'd want them much farther apart.

My kids are really far apart 7 years. I like having them spaced out far, not necessarily this far but not back to back because I was able to enjoy each one as a baby, as a toddler and it has been such a long time since I had diapers and baby equiptment in the house it's a BLAST, I think back to back babies I would have just been flat out tired of diapers and babies. I only had to pay for 1 in diapers, daycare at a time things like that.

My daughter was born a month & a half before my son turned 3 and I love the age difference. He was old enough to kinda understand what was going on and didn't seem to get jealous or anything. They now get along just great (for the most part - she just turned 5 and he will be 8).

I think three years is best. My sister and I are three years apart and have always been close. My husband and his brother are slightly less than 2 years apart and they have never been close.

When you are too close in age you are interested in the same things and are more competitive, which hurts the relationship. When you are three years apart, you're close enough in age to get along well, but far apart enough not to be competing.

Our boys are three years apart and they get along really well.

according to most health "experts" waiting 18 months to get pregnant again is the ideal amount of time. your body needs to recouperate, and though its common to get pregnant before the 18 months, for the BEST recovery time, aim for that 18 months.
good luck!

regardless of the time you choose, they will both have different stages and eventually ... me personally I would rather get the tougher stages through with sooner...like the terrible twos (threes) and get on with it...

I think the most interesting part about having my boys 22 months apart, is they are close friends...but then I am reminded of the stages we already went through with the first...

honestly it is up to you...either way you'll be reminded...

My 3 are each 2 years apart and that seems to be a good age gap. Our 1st & 2nd or 2nd & 3rd tend to play together better than the 1st & 3rd, but they all play very well together. Our original plan was to have 2 children, 4 years apart, but thing didn't happen how we planned them. When our 1st was 18months old, we discovered we were pregnant. Life is busy, but it's great.

Congratulations on your first little one!

I'm not sure if anyone would regret the spacing of their kids but my oldest was 2 years and 1 month when the youngest was born. We tried for #2 when the oldest was 9 months and it took a few months to conceive. I think the spacing was just fine and sometimes wonder if closer would have been a tad bit better but I think it was fine. She could understand that a baby was coming and would play with the dolls and she transitioned from crib to bed within 5 months or so that was needed for the drama of that event and she was old enough to not exhibit jealous outburst but she's a mild kid. She helped out and enjoyed helping out. They play well together but they do fight often and the older one tells the youngest how to do things and how to play but I think you get that no matter what the age gap. Good luck in deciding.

Thank you for asking this question, I have been wanting to ask the same thing. It was nice to read your responses. I have also been told that the body needs at least 18 months to recover by my OB. I go back and forth between 2-3 years apart all the time, my daughter is almost 17 months. My goal is to not have more than 1 in diapers, but would also like to have them in similar stages in life. I will say, my brother is 5 years older than me, and growing up that was too much time since we were always in different stages in life. Good luck in your decision!

It's totally up to you, but speaking from my experience (my kids are only 19 months apart)....I wouldn't have it any other way! We did not plan on having them so close together...took us over a year to conceive the first one so we figured we better start trying and then go figure...first try - preggo with number 2! :). Anyway, I believe having them close together is great because then you just get all the "baby" stuff over with in one swoop. Like you said, it's easier to go places/do things when the kids get older. If you wait too long you're always going to have that little one that is a pain to get bundled up, fussy, etc and will hinder the family outings, etc. But if they're close in age they go through those stages closer together and you remember what to expect and can move on more quickly. Also, with my daughter only being 19 months when her little brother was born, she was too young to realize what was really going on. And I see that as a blessing. Too young to get all jealous or territorial and have any issues when he came home. She just accepted that there was this new baby and moved on. With all this being said, don't get me wrong, it is a very trying first year with 2 kids that small. But they are now 1 and 2 1/2 and things are getting much easier. Definitely worth it! Good luck and whatever you decide, will be fine. Just do what works for you!

My Mayo Clinic prenancy book recommends at least 18 months before trying to conceive in order to let your body recover from the first pregnancy. Not quite your question but interesting info just the same.

C. - the question of all time. Some people are very certain about how far about children should be. For our family, we didn't have lots of choices due to some infertility issues and a miscarriage. Our children ended up 3.5 years apart, 4 school years. For us, this has worked fabulously. Our daughter is a sophomore in college and our son is a sophomore in high school. They are really good friends (and always have been) because they view the world so differently. My daughter is big picture, my son likes the details. Worked great when they were growing up and playing together.

But the age difference has also allowed us to enjoy the different stages more. Our son is now playing varsity sports and we don't have to split our time between two sports. We also won't have 2 kids in college at the same time. LOL

Just one persons perspective,

I think it depends on who you ask about it. it seems to me that if you ask a mom who had children closer togather about two or 3 years apart they loved it and mom's who had them farther apart love it it seems like every one thinks either get all the hard stuff done all at once or space it out and do it slowly,or have one done with potty training frist, that was my plan but my children are far apart when my daughter was a little over two we tried for number to but because I was on the depo shot it took 11 months to concive so they ended being 4 years and 3 months apart I than had my wonerfull surprise my older two are 10 and a half and 6 and a half years older than him, I have had no issues with the older ones about the new baby except I almost have to fight with them to get to do anything with my baby when they are home from school....than again I can get stuff done more easily around the house lol. it's all one your outlook of things.

Hi C.,
I think, like others, that this really comes down to personal preferance. My 2 kids are almost 5 years apart and I like it that way. My daughter who is 11 still plays with her 6 year old brother. Although they do fight as siblings will. The oldest is old enough to watch the youngest on occasion which can be helpful. I didn't want my kids too close togeather for the diapers issue and such. When my son was born my daughter was such a good helper as well. I think that it is good having them farther apart too because it makes it easier to spend personal time with each of them without the other getting too jelous. Like the oldest doesn't want to do little kid stuff and the youngest could care less about older stuff.
Good luck with your choice!

Hi C.

I myself and my husband had our two wonderful children 16 months apart . We wanted our kids close together . I would not change it for any thing . Every one is different . Our son and daughter are very close they enjoy playing together .

Hi C.:

Every family is different and I think it depends on what you want your family dynamics to look like. Having said that, my children are 3 years apart nearly to the day, and I LOVE IT! My oldest was old enough to be involved in and understand the pregnancy and she ADORES her little brother. Besides that she can help which allows her to feel needed and appreciated in the day to day dealings with him. She also undestands that babies need lots of attention, so the struggle for mommy time is a little less. I think the addition was an easier transistion due to her age. I'd shoot for 3 years.

We have 3 kids: 2 boys, 1 baby girl. Our first two are 3 yrs 4 mo apart in age and our second and third are 4 yrs 4mos apart. I love the gap. It is perfect! My boys play so well together and always have. They are 8 and almost 5. When my second was born, my first had been potty trained for 6 months so there was no regression when brother came. He could dress himself pretty well, most of the time, and occupy himself if needed. Right now my youngest is 8 months old and they both LOVE her so much and they help occupy her if I am making dinner and she is getting fussy. She loves to watch them play and loves laughing at them. My second child was potty trained 10 months before she arrived and can dress himself and get his tooth brush ready and brush his teeth (I always check them though). The boys can occupy themselves while I breastfeed or put her for her nap. It is perfect. Plus, they are old enough to understand that she needs attention for certian reasons and that they may need to wait turns. They do not tantrum for mommy like a toddler would if mommy is busy with the baby, etc. They are the best big brothers to her! I say wait until 3 years or until potty trained, whichever is later. You will not regret it, cuz they will still play so well together and daily tasks will be so much easier when you do not have to do every single step for everything! I remember holding my second on a crabby day and thinking I could not imagine having twins or a 2 year old right now cuz he was so clingy/needy that day. It would've been hard. I think anyone who PLANS it that close is crazy! :)

I would shoot for at least 2-1/2 years so it is less stressful and better for the development of both. You can read "The First Three Years of Life" by Dr. Burton White for more info on child spacing, but he says 3 years.

Hi C.-

My kids are 18 months apart and I think that's great! It was a very busy time when they were little...two in diapers, lots of sippy cups, etc. But, now that they are 9 & 10, life just gets easier and easier. My son doesn't remember life without his sister. They truly are best friends (or worst enemies..lol). School work, extra activities, friends...it just gets easier and easier. Amusement parks are also fun now as they both are able to do the same things at the same time. We didn't get a choice, but I highly recommend close!

My husband and I asked ourselves the same exact question. We ended up deciding to have them closer together rather than farther apart. I'll list some of our reasons both ways and hopefully it will help you and your husband to decide what is best for your family and lifestyle. (Our boys are 20 months apart) Obviously it is hard to go out and do things with young a young kid...now since we have two young kids we won't have that time period where we have an older child who can go out and do more things and have a very small one who would be better off at home. Right now we find ourselves staying home a little more often and in another year we will be able to go out and about with no sippy cups and diapers. They also play together well now. They like the same toys because they are closer in age. Instead of having a bunch of small, small legos and playdough with baby toys we have a lot of toddler toys that both kids love to play with. They have a closer bedtime which is better for mom and dad. When it comes to school and sporting events they will need to be at the same places very close in time. Some of our cons: daycare is more costly, when we do go places with both boys it takes both parents right now, two children in diapers at the same time is yucky. Some days we wish we would have had them farther apart and other days we are so happy they are close in age. It really depends on what kinds of things you are doing with and without your kids and if it will make your life easier or harder. Good luck!

HI

I read a study once that said it takes a woman's body around 4 years to recuperate from being pregnant. Babies take a lot of energy from your body. Our 2 are 4 and 4 months. Our first is a big help and would do anything for her sister. 4 is just old-enough to help with out saying no to everything and old-enough to not need to be the constant center of attention. Remember you need to spend as much time with the older one as possible so that they do not feel left out. How old would your first need to be so that you do not feel like you are playing the same thing with both children. So that you can do different things with your first. To make your time with each feel like you are bonding with just this child.

I hope that this makes scents.

We waited until our daughter was 3 and out of diapers. We didn't want to have two in diapes at the same time. Our 3 year old is a big help with getting random items like a binkie, blankie or a bottle for example. She loves helping out where she can. Just follow your heart and do what works best for your family. Some don't mind having two in diapers. But for us that is what we wanted.

Good Luck to you

Ann,

Hi C.-
Our daughters are exactly 3 years apart because they were both born in November. It wasn't actually planned that way, just how it worked out, but I justified it from some baby books that suggested 3 years apart was a good range. Now that the oldest is in 1st grade and the 4 year old will be in preschool for another year, we would probably advise that 2 years apart is a good range! But, the Lord works in mysterious ways and even as much planning as we did, I believe that things just work out the way they were meant to be. So, don't stress yourself out and don't worry about the work involved, it's all worth it! Best wishes! J.