When to Have Another Baby? - Savannah,MO

I've always heard that having kids close together is better than having them too far apart. My brother, sister and I are all 3 years apart and for the most part we got along really well. I have a friend whose sister is 9 years younger than she is and whose brother is 11 years younger and she always seemed to feel like they got most of the attention. I've also read in Child Psyc. books that having them within a couple to three years of eachother allowed them to feel more like they could be friends.

my kids are 5 years apart, it wsa great becuase my daughter was fully potty trained and could dress and for the most part bathe herself, she was also in Kindergarten, she was a great helper too..they still for the most part get along with each other. In my opinion it's best to wait until the first is at leart potty trained so you don't have to try and potty train one while trying to care for a new born, but that is just what I think is easier from what I have seen from friends who have kids back to back..( I have a friend who is pregnant with #5 and her oldest is barely 5)

For what it's worth I have all mine close together (or soon will....) My daughter was my first and I had my son 12 months and 19 days later. I am about to have my 3rd so I will have a 3 yr. a 2 yr and an infant. I love it because I get to get all of the same things done quickly (breastfeeding, potty training, bottles etc.) As far as them growing up too fast - they do that anyway no matter how many you have and how close! I like the closeness because they can relate, teach, and react normally to each other.
My brother and I are 14 mos. apart and have always been close, my sister and I are 3 1/2 ys. apart and it took us about 16 yrs. to get along. My grandparents spaced all of theirs out 2 yrs. (one had 9 and the other 10) and my dad's side is thick as thieves and my mom's side still doesn't get along that well.
There is no perfect gap, just in my opinion the longer you wait between them the more you tend to forget how, when and why to do certain things. Oh and you'll be exhausted no matter what the age difference. More children = less sleep! Good luck in whatever you choose!

I started trying for baby #2 when my first was about 10 months. It took a year and a half and they ended up 3yrs and 3 weeks apart. I really like that spacing. Any closer and I would have been completely worn out. Further apart and they wouldn't really have much in common. Just my 2 cents...

I don't think there is a perfect age difference. I have four kids and they are all very close in age. My daughter is turning 5 next month, the oldest boy is 3 1/2, the next one just turned 2 and our baby is 9 months old. I think it's great that they're all so close and they play a lot together. But they also fight a lot. My daughter is amazing with the baby and loves being the older sister to all her brothers. In my opinion it's great not to wait too long unless you wanna have two only children. Up to 3 years in between usually means more work, but also more fun for the kids because they can relate to one another and play.
In the end you have to know how much you can handle, what your child can handle and when the time is right!

I think it is more important to think about how it is for them than how hard or easy it might be for you. I think 2 years or less is good for them to be close to each other. Sure it is harder for the parents, but only for a couple of years. And I see that you work full time. I would strongly encourage you to stay home if you have them close together, because it will be harder, and you will need to have enough time to give to them both.

That's a tough one! My sister and I are 13 yrs apart and I couldn't imagine a better relationship. We never had sibling rivalry. My stepson's are three years apart... they are best friends/tied to each others' hips, but they also fight all the time... and they can be pretty vicious! Honestly, for the best sibling relationship I think having more of a gap between children is better... when your first is old enough to know what having a brother/sister means, what helping with his/her care amounts to, and recognition of how fragile and how much attention a very small baby is they will have a better bond because your oldest will want to shelter, protect, and help care for his younger sibling instead of being jealous of his/her attention. Even as children grow that jealousy and resentment doesn't go away until they are nearing adulthood; however, if they are old enough to know that those kind of emotions aren't what they need to be experiencing their emotions of love, attatchemnt, and protection will grow instead. Good luck. I'm curious what others will say.

You have already gotten lots of advice but I feel I should add mine as well. Before I had kids, I always thought that 2-3 years apart was ideal. Mine are 19 months apart and the whole time I was pregnant with my second, I was a nervous reck about how I was going to handle two so close together. I never was worried about how the older one would handle it. I have neices and nephews who are 2 1/2-3 years apart and I think that my girls who are closer in age get along better then the ones who are farther apart. I think this also has to do with their personalities though. Bottom line, the kids will adjust to what ever you decide to do. If you are feeling that it is time for another one, then it probably is. If the thought of having another one terrifies you right now, then wait. No one else can tell you what is "best" for your family. There are advantages and disadvantages either way so do what you think it best and it will work out.

Hi,
Different things work for different families. My personal opinion is 3 years is a great space between kids. Having kids less than 2 years apart is like raising unequal age twins because their needs are so demanding. Once your little one gets done teething, potty learning, and all the other developmental tasks of early toddlerhood, he'll be ready to be a big brother and and you'll be ready to do it all over again. :-) fyi having another child before your first is old enough can result in regressions and delays in his learning. it isn't unusual for the older child to have trouble with sleep, potty learning, tantrums, separation, etc when a new sibling joins the family before age 3. after age 3 typically the older sibling does great with a new sibling and is ready to be a big brother, has minimal if any jealousy and minimal if any regressions in behavior.
my personal experience; my kids are 4 years apart and my daughter eagerly anticipated the birth of her younger brother, was excited when he was born, did fine with my staying a night in the hospital with daddy and the new baby and she stayed home with Grandma, helps out with getting things for him and bathing him, no jealousy, no regressions or behavior problems. She enjoys playing with him and being a big sister, singing to him, talking to him,etc. True they aren't "playmates" and probably won't be. But they are siblings. She is his big sis and he is her little brother. She has her own playmates and he will too. I've seen some research on the natural spacing of children and it is typically 3-4 years. In modern days, industrialized nations people tend to have kids closer together because children are weaned so early for cultural/social reasons. If children completely nurse on demand and wean completely aturally, as a species human, mothers typically won't conceive naturally any sooner than 2 years.

There's pluses and minuses to everything. My parents had 4 in five years and then waited 3 and then waited 5. My older siblings (except the oldest) are much closer than I am with them, but I, being the youngest by 5 to 13 years am much closer with my parents and I didn't get in trouble as much. My kids are 2.5 years apart and it's nice, but it's alot of work. I can't hardly imagion having them closer. Next time we're waiting longer (I say that, but both of mine weren't planned) and then want that one to have a close sibling too. It depends on how many you want, how you feel about your time and your body (I've been pregnant or nursing for over 4 years), etc. Siblings will be close or not depending on personalities too, and you can't change that!

K..

My daughter and son are 18 months apart. It has been very difficult with them so close together. We did not plan for our son to be so close in age but that is what we got. I feel like she has gotten the short end of things because I had to focus so much attention on him once he was born and she was pretty much on her own. Now that he is getting older, he will be two on the 29th, I feel like I am finally able to spend more time with her. But he is very possessive of me, he doesn't even like her to sit on my lap even when he isn't. I feel like I made a bad decision giving him so much attention because now when I give her any attention he throws a fit. They do play together well most of the time and she is very protective of him which is good. They will also be only 2 grades apart in school so they will be able to look after each other there too. My sister is 3 1/2 years older than I am and we completely hated each other growing up. I don't think there is a magic number.

I know you are already past this space, but just for anyone else reading, I nanny two sisters (9 and 10 now) that are eleven months apart and they fight like cats and dogs and bicker and are jealous of eachother constantly!

My girls are 2 1/2 yrs apart and I wish they were closer together. I think they would entertain each other better. However my sisters kids are 13 mo. apart, way to close! If I had to do it again I would make my girls closer to 2yrs or even 18mo apart. I also think it depends on what kind of parent you are. I tend to be very laid back and do well under stress, I also was young when my 1st was born (I had just turned 20) so I wasn't set in my ways yet and for better or worse was still growing up myself. I am now 29 and still which they were closer together but love every minute with them which obviously you will to no matter what the spacing.

I'm a mother of four girls the first two are 20 & 18 and the other two are 12 & 10. My sister has two girls and they have five years between them. I think that my sister did the right thing with the five year gap between them. With the two years between my first two girls I would get overwhelmed and exhausted. Getting up with a newborn at night and then trying to keep up with a two year old all day is hard. I was lucky enough to be a stay home mom and it was still hard. I don't know if I could of done it if I had to go to work out side the home. When I had my third daughter my girls were six and eight and they were happy and helpful when the baby came home. You may not want five years between them but I think you should put as much time as you can between them so you can enjoy each one and give them what they need is those first few years of their lives.

W. it is really totally up to the two of you. I will have three girls by February 3rd. ShaeLynn is 8; ReAnda is 20 1/2 months and Serenity is due February 3rd. So, it is trully up to the parents. Personally I wanted my girls to all be about 2 years apart. I started trying for ReAnda shortly after I had ShaeLynn. However, it took me almost 7 years. So, my thought process at the time was tthat it would take another seven to get pregnant witth Serenity. I was proven wrong, however I would not change it for the world. ReAnda has said on numerous occasions lately, "Baby Out!" Of course with Serenity inside her little nest mommy can not wrestle like she is use to nor can mommy do somethings that she likes doing. We will see what happenes though after Serenity is born and how I feel.

I think any younger than 3 years apart and you are asking for trouble. Give your baby a chance to be a baby and by 3, they are much more willing to be a 'big kid'. Also, I think gender of your first child makes a difference. Since your baby is a boy, the immaturity level will be a factor--- baby boys will tend to want to be a 'baby' longer than the girls. Girls are ready to be a 'big kid' sooner because they play with dolls and are always playing at being 'mommy'.

My kids are 2 1/2 years apart. I know 5 or 6 other couples with the same 2 year gap and it's worked out well for all of us! Ultimately, every family is different and you & your husband will have to figure out what's best for you!

God bless!

My brother and I are 18 months apart and I don't remember a day in my life without him. That is exactly what I wanted for my kids! My son will always remember having his little sister. They are 19 months apart and he is completly in love with her! He went through just a little spurt of the blues when she first came. He was used to having all the attention. But after that, he has become the best big brother there is! YES, sometimes things get a little overwhelming, but it is so worth it to see him interact with her on his level. And, on the PLUS side, you kinda feel like when it is over it's over. You know, when the second one is done with the terrible twos, the other one is on their heals. Same with everything else. I would hate to get one kid out of something and then wait 5 years to do it again. Do it now while it is still fresh in you mind how to handle it. I hope that my rattling on helped you.

I really don't think there's a "perfect" spacing for children. What may be great for one set of parents would be a disaster for another. In our case, we wanted two kids 3 years apart, so we thought. We ended up waiting until our son was 6 when our daughter was born and it has worked out great. He's in school while I can dovote my days to one on one time with the baby, he's able to help with her and has really grown to enjoy being a big brother.

I don't think there is such a thing as a perfect age gap. My husband is 3 years old than his closest sibling and they don't get along at all. My sister and I are 6 years apart and while we fought A LOT when we were younger, we're the best of friends now. In my opinion, I think you should wait until your son is out of diapers... or about to be. No matter how old your son is there are going to be issues, they will just be different depending on how old he is. Good luck!

My son is 3 years, 3 months older than my daughter and the spacing has been perfect. He was pottytrained by the time she came along. They relate well with each other without being competitive. My son never seemed jealous either.

W.,

I am not sure how easy it was to conceive your first child, but I would keep that in mind as you plan for a second. I had no trouble with my first and spent 1 1/2 years (with doctors) before having another full term pregnancy (in my 20s). My daughters are 4 years apart and play very well together.

I remembered reading a great article in Parenting magazine. Here is the link: http://www.parenting.com/parenting/article/0,19840,###-##...
If that does not work, go to www.pareting.com and search "kid gap", it showed up in the first few. It talks about the advantages and disadvantages of each gap and recommends to find what works for you.

Again, everyone is different, keep in mind that it may take months, even years, to conceive a second child (third, etc), so I would recommend not waiting too long.

Good luck.

S.

Hi W.,

I would say start trying now, and just wait and see what happens. It will happen when the time is right. It may take several months, a year, or happen right away. Planning when to have a child doesn't change whether or not your kids will get along or not, it just gives us that "in control" mindset. In reality, every child is different, and age difference won't make much of a difference. My 3 children are almost exactly 2 year apart from each other, and we didn't plan any of them. They were all surprises. They get along for the most part, but they have their moments. They would do ANYTHING for each other, and have so much love in their hearts toward one another. I think you just have to make sure that each child gets the same amount of attention, and you treat each child age appropriately. Sometimes that gets a bit hard, because the older one wonders why the younger one isn't in trouble for as long, but explaining things does wonders. Also, don't worry about the older one being too young to be around a baby. I worried about that with my 2nd and my 3rd being born. It never was a problem. As long as you prepare him for the new baby, he should be okay. I hope this helps you out! Good luck!

My kids are 8, 7, 5, & 3 years old. We decided to have all of them at once. The baby years was a bit hectic but now as they have all grown older, they are buddies. They are pretty close to each other and play alot together.....even at school during recess. I like that they are close together so that when they grow up, they will always have each other. My brothers were 5 years and 7 years older than me. I always felt that I was not very close to them growing up. I always felt like an only child with that much difference between our ages. But again with the ages of my kids being so close, we have had to share alot of our time between our kids. It's a give and take thing I think. It's nice to be able to absorb all of the child's life into your memory between children. But in the same way, it's good to have them all close together and have them be close friends at the same time. I do not regret having them so close as I did! It made getting out of the diaper stage seem like a HUGE accomplishment for each child!!!!!! Now they are at the fun ages where they can do things on their own and all of them take care of each other......AND they have their argumentative stages, but the love they share between them far outweigh the negative. My opinion is to decide when you want to be pregnant again and go for it. Personally, I like the idea of having all of the babies and then moving on with life. Believe me, it's a whole new feeling of parenthood when you have boughten that last diaper! Good Luck!