When Mom Has an Illness

Updated on November 26, 2011
S.G. asks from Lakeland, FL
10 answers

How do you cope? When you have an illness and you still have to be a mom. I have an illness that i have to live with.Unfortunealy it is not one that end my life. When i have bad days(which are starting to be everyday) it takes all my might not to get angry at my children for being children. Life doesn't stop just b/c you sick. On my bad days i just want to crawl in a coffin and die, but when you have a family to take care of, that is not an option. So if anyone has any advice . Please share on how to be a mom when your in misery due to an illness.

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answers from San Diego on

I think i know what ur going through. i have the same problem. ive tried medications, talking about it, and tring to ignore it and none of that worked. i had to find something for me. i found an activity that just for me and took that time to try to unwind and feel 'normal' i still have lapses but nothing is perfect. just try to do thde best u can =) and good luck!

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Miami on


It is sometimes very difficult. But if you have an illness that is going to be with you for the duration of your life you need to get a good support system around you. Maybe talk with some friends that you can count on or in-laws, someone that can help you out a couple days a week that can help to eleviate the pressures of motherhood It is difficult enough to be a mom, but when you add a constant illness on top of it, it is twice as difficult. There is no shame in asking for help. That is showing strenght, when you know that you are not wonder woman and you are putting your children first and the best way to do that is to ask for help so that you don't feel as though you are letting them or anyone else down.

Hope this helps.




answers from Tampa on

My mom was sick with diabetes for 10 years before she died. I'm not talking about normal sick, she was insulin resistant and it was before all the advances were made or while they were being made. Anyways she had days that getting out of bed was painful because of the nerve damage and her temper would flare but we never doubted her love for us. We knew that she hung in there and participated in every medical study she could so that our lives would be better. She let us talk to her about our problems, hopes, and dreams. We learned to clean up after ourselves, be quieter on her bad days, and pray for the better days. Not bad skills to have once we reached adulthood. In retrospect, I believe seeing her determination to keep trying and her ability to admit her mistakes, listen to ours without flying off the handle while doing her best to find something to laugh about are what made her a great mom.



answers from Fort Walton Beach on

Hi S.,

I started my home having a chronic illness so I know how you feel. Besides doing everything, I had a husband that didn't understand that I felt bad and was just pushing through so he expected more. I had my illness from the age of 11 until 6 years ago and it is gone now. I don't know what you're going through but there are a LOT of illnesses that are curable and manageable. The doctors don't tell you about it or either they simply don't know. Get back to me and let me know what's going on. I would love to help.




answers from New York on

depends on what you have. my illness will never go away, makes me tired all the time, has changed my facial features (not extreme, but enough for me to notice and people to ask what's wrong). i drink a lot of coffee in the morning. i wake up about 2-3 hrs before my kids so that i give time to myself to have the coffee start working its magic. i guess i just suck it up and be the best mom i can be.



answers from Louisville on

You sound like a vey optimistic and hard working woman!  You are very inspiring to me!  I have recently (2 years ago) been diagnosed with lupus anti-coagulant disorder.  I had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in my lungs), which I am very lucky to even be alive!  After the PE that's when they found the blood disorder, and I'm supposed to take a blood thinner the rest of my life, as my dr. told me without it the risk of developing another clot is over 80%!  

Of course I got pregnant a month before my husband got insurance (he'd just started a new job) so I wasn't eligible to be covered under his policy.  Thank goodness we qualified for Medicaid, so I was covered throughout my pregnancy and another 7 months after Maddie was born (the state messed up should've stopped at 6 weeks after delivery)!  So God has been watching over us for sure!  There were weeks I had to go to the hematologist 4x a week to have my coumadin adjusted and each visit was around $500!  
Additionally, I started having terrible pains in my abdomen the 2nd trimester.  I had very similar pain with out first daughter and had to have my  gal bladder removed after she was born because it was diseased!  So after our 2nd was born they did all sorts of tests to figure out what was causing the pain. Turns out I have degenerative disc disease and lots of bulging discs on my T-spine, which were causing pain to radiate around and through to my abdominal,  I also have a messed up billiary system:(
So I was referred to a chiropractor to see if that helped.  The chiropractor said my neck was messed up too and worked on it.  After one adjustment I went home in horrible pain, couldn't move my right arm without crying.  I believe he re-aggravated an injury from 2 years earlier.     
              My oldest (2 at the time) and I were crossing the 
              street, in the crosswalk with the go signal and       
              some idiot hit us and continued to drive with us on  
              the hood!  Again God was watching over us, as 5    
              seconds before we got to the cross walk my little 
              girl asked me to pick yet up and carry her:). Had I  
              not picked her up she would have been run over- 
              she only had a bruise on her bum in the shape of  
              my hand, from squeezing her too tight!  I had 2        
              shoulder surgeries and PT for 2 years.  I was 
              in a lot of pain, as it took them forever to figure  
              out what was wrong, but I just stayed positive and 
              pushed through.
Back to two years ago, the chiropractor said he wouldn't be so "rough" with my neck, but after 5 or so more visits he did it again!  This time I ended up in the ER.  I couldn't walk without holding my self up with the walls, everything was spinning.  I was terrified I had thrown a clot to my brain. Ended up being vertigo which can be caused by inner ear problems or whiplash!  My neurologist believes that I had a really bad neck and the chiropractor just sped up the inevitable-'more than likely? It started as just neck pain and muscle spasms and annoying headaches.  Eventually the pain got worse and worse and the head aches became worse and worse, there were too many days a week where I would feel like death was about to overcome me; but I had to push through as I had 2 little girls to care for and a house to run!  I have degenerative disc disease in my neck as well, all but 2 discs are bulging- from small bulges to ruptured discs and arthritis on another:(. I also suffer from chronic migraines and cluster headaches.  I have basically had a headache for the past 2 years, with my medicines they are tolerable and I can ignore them and the pain in my neck, arm, and shoulders.  Unfortunately there are still days when my medicine doesn't help and I will have full blown migraines. With all the medication trials (and nasty side effects) and the nausea and vertigo from the migraines I lost around 50 pounds in 4 months.  My husband really struggles with me being sick and all the medications I have to take to stay functioning, but I know he does his best to be empathetic and supportive when he can.  Other than him, I have no one to talk to who could possibly understand what I'm going through!  I need to find a support group, so I don't feel so alone in this.  To add to our already stressful life, my husband was laid off this summer with no notice and neither he nor I could find a job- until 3 weeks ago he found a retail job, when his field is IT and web design, but a jobs a job in this economy!  
So I guess my advice is to enjoy the days when pain is tolerable and don't beat yourself up for the days when the dishes don't get done and house cleaned- so long as your children are fed, clean, and loved you're doing a great job!  It's not easy living in constant pain, but also knowing that ever day I wake up is a gift helps me to make the most of it no matter how bad I'm feeling!  Hang in there and write me anytime!  



answers from Orlando on

Dear S.,

Your note breaks my heart and I am so very sorry you have been suffering
so greatly. As a Wellness Educator, I would love to know more specifically
what you are dealing with but of course only if you feel comfortable sharing.
There is good news.........nutrition trumps genetic predisposition to disease
and can often help reverse the ravages of pain and infirmity. I know the
scriptures say "that there is victory after the fact as we stay in faith even when things seem impossible."

Looking forward to our next correspondence.




answers from Miami on

Hi Sweetheart. You don't day whay you are coping with. Do you have family or friends nearby to help you with daily responsibilities? Anyone you can reach out to so you can have some "down" time...If you belong to a church, then ask for some assistance. Ask a neighbor, friend, any of us moms...



answers from Indianapolis on


My situation wasn't chronic like yours, but it was possibly terminal (cancer diagnosis after the birth of our second child).

Each person has the right to process the stress differently. Don't let anyone tell you how you "Should" feel or act. My diagnosis came the day before my son's second birthday, 2 days before my 33rd birthday, and a few days before my daughter turned 11 weeks old.

Instincts kicked-in, and I was really surprised at my reaction. Through 5 months of chemo, not having family close by to help, and constant fear that the treatment wasn't working, I barely cried. Each time I thought about the gravity of the situation, I thought about other people to whom I'd been introduced who had it so much worse than me. My husband had to be mother and father on the weekends when I was down from treatment and couldn't do much. He was such a champ.

Living life as normally as possible was my silver lining. I continued to work (my choice), had our kids in day care so I could have peace and quiet on the days I needed it.

It was really helpful for me to find other people who were in a similar situation and realize I wasn't alone. I was lucky to have 2 kids who seemed to know something was wrong and were angels.

Beating cancer helped me become more patient with my children, more honest, more determined to make each moment with them count.

Good luck to you as you face each day's ups and downs! Sometimes the hardest things in life can open our eyes the most and give us the greatest rewards.



answers from New York on

I really understand what your going through. 7 yrs. ago I was diagnosed with lupus, Most of the time, I would just stay in bed because I have very low energy level and body pains. My whole sense was affected,physically, emotionally... but I could endure the pains I was having. What causes my agony is thinking that I would not be able to attend to the needs of my husband and three kids. By surrendering everything to GOD, I bravely accepted my disease and swear never to be downed by it. My husband helped me explain to our 3 kids what i'm going through. I appreciated the love and support my husband and 3 kids have given me all these years. I took my medications religiously and learned to eat healthy. I was blessed a friend encouraged me to take a complete food supplement. It has really helped me a lot! NOW! I am free from medications and I can already do the things that a normal person does. Our life as a family is now back to normal. I now enjoy doing a home-based business which change peoples' lives. I'm now happier than I was 7 years before actually I have realized or I never thought that I would be blessed because of my sickness (lupus) and now I'm also a blessing to others.

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