When Is It Ok to Starte Time Outs

My daughter (22 months) used to do the same thing. Whenever she would do it I would grab her hands and sternly tell her know. If she'd continue we'd tell her to go to her room, I think the walk to her room was usually punishment enough, we didn't have a definate amount of time she'd have to stay in there. When she'd come back out we'd make her tell whomever sorry. It was someting that she eventually grew out of, but we still use the discipline process/technique and we get compliements on her behavior all the time.

After more than 25 years with children from infancy to elementary school I can share with you, H., that time out is for children who need the mildest of discipline. I like your approach, and the only thing I would do differently is I would DRAMATIZE just how badly grabbing faces feels. I would make sure your little one sees and hears (OWWWWW!!!!) the pain on your face and I would hold HER HAND in "time out" for a few seconds longer than she finds this appealing. (usually they try to pull away quickly)

At the same time, there's nothing wrong with removing the pleasure of human company IMMEDIATELY (like putting her in a play pen) for 5 to 15 minutes so that she "gets" the point that other people don't want to be around hurtful behavior.

Sometimes less is more.

H. this is helpful :}

What you are doing will work, or you can try time-outs. Either way it will take several (up to 20 or more) attempts before she may get-it.

Hi H.,

I own a home-based childcare and just this week, had to put a little one in time-out for the very first time. She is 15 months old and likes to pull hair. On the first one, she went in, came out, I guided her back to the corner, she came out, etc...it took 8 tries. She finally stayed there for one minute or so and for the rest of the day, she would go to pull hair, look at me with hand poised above the "victims" head and pull her hand back. I would tell her "Good girl! We don't pull hair, pulling hair hurts!" and give her a big hug. She had one more time-out this week, which only lasted a minute because she stayed in time-out right off the bat. They learn very quickly what they can and can't do. It just takes practice.

Remember to gently guide her back to the corner, using the same words over and over..."we don't pull hair, go the the corner." After the third time of guiding, don't use any words, just guide. After the time-out, always talk to her about what she did and that it's a no-no. Follow up with an apology to the victim and then a hug and kiss and a "now go play." They understand so much more than we give them credit for! I also used "pre-teaching" throughout the day. What that means is, I would stop her from playing, call her over, get eye to eye with her and tell her "we don't pull hair, pulling hair hurts! We don't pull hair", then I would give her a hug and a kiss and send her back to play.

I have used this technique for years and it is very effective when used consistently. We rarely have time-outs in my childcare and I usually have 8 children that I care for daily.

Good luck!
C.

My younger daughter is two, and her doctor said it's ok to start using time out after she turned 18 month old. For your daughter, you just do it for 1 1/2 minutes. It's like everything else with kids, consistency will pay off.

What I also found useful with my older daughter is that I talked to her about the problem after time out was over. It helped to remind her of what she did wrong.

Good luck.

It has been my experience that young toddlers lack the impulse control to modify their behavior that you might be seeking from a timeout. I would suggest instead of doing a time out, that you continue to focus on the words you are saying. Also, by telling a child what NOT to do can be unclear about what they should do/what you want her to do. And perhaps being more specific and showing her what a gentle touch is each time.

These are really teaching moments. By using timeouts so young, I believe you would miss out on the communication and understanding that she and you are both looking for. And also consider that it takes tots a while to get the hang of something.

I would do or say these things (all or some each time):
-Gentle hands, please (I know I've said this repeatedly with results)
-Gentle touches, like this (and show a gentle touch on the face)
-Owie, that hurts mommy! (not yelling but in a sad or hurt voice)
-Stop her hand before she gets to the face
-Set her down and step away, and tell her that Mommy needs to keep herself safe.

I have a three year old, and I've done time-ins with him... where he sits down and I'm with him. I think it's true sometimes if we're just getting wound up, we both just need to sit down and regroup... however, I guess it's not so much as a punishment as a time to collect our thoughts to figure out how to move forward.

I have a six year old and a two year old. I do time out with both. The rule for time out is a minute for each year old they are. We have a special chair that is a time out chair. My two year has to sit in it for two minutes and she does not like it. Sometimes she doesn't stay there so I just put her back in and tell her to stay there and continue to do that until the time is up. The first couple of times it is hard but after a while they will stay there until the time is up. After the time is up, I talk to them about what they did and that we don't do it and then I tell them that I love them and we hug. Good luck, it is definitely just a stage and they do grow out of it.

HI H.,
Your daughter Hailey will be fine. I have 4 children ages 12 yrs to 5 months. This is how I would handle your situation. I would find a "time out" spot - a chair in a corner, or the bottom of the stairs and explain to your daughter nicely and calmly that next time she grabs your face she will sit in that spot for 1 minute. She won't necessarily understand what you mean, but when you implement your words she will soon get it. Then the next time she does grab your face I would sternly say "absolutley NOT - you will not grab mommy's face" then set her in time out for about a minute and tell her she has to stay there. At first you will probably have to hold her in that chair. Don't expect her to get it right away. My biggest suggestion for you is to be consistant. She won't get it the first time and it may take several time outs or several days of time outs, but she will get it. The message is that there is a consequence for that behavior.

I've also learned that diciplining works best when you're not angry. BE CALM & CONSISTANT!!! You will do great!

God Bless,
J.

H. - Generally speaking the rule of thumb is to start time outs at 2. However, it sounds like you have a bright young lady on your hands. If she is understanding what you mean when you tell her not to grab faces, she will most likely be ready to understand time out. It's 1 minute for each year of her age so she is nearly at the 2 minute mark. And when you set her down, make sure you come down to her level and tell her why you are putting her in time out so that she understands the reason. Good luck with it! K.