When Do Two Children Become More Manageable?

Maria-

For me, two seemed much more manageable shortly after # 3 arrived!! lol

Seriously, the transition from one kiddo to two kiddos was the most difficult. Once you can juggle 2, you can juggle anything!

A routine will emerge...promise.

Hang in there!

I found that the babies became much easier when they hit six months of age and then when they hit three years of age there was an almost magical transformation.

ETA: Getting out of the house everyday with the kids was a lifesaver for me. It helped the baby establish a routine, and kept me and my three year old from going crazy. You just need to find places that are appropriate to bring screaming babies and three year olds, like play groups, libraries, YMCA etc. Pop a boob in baby's mouth and let the three year old play. Eventually the baby will be more interested in what the three year old is doing, and getting out in the world and fresh air will help baby sleep better.

It does get better when the little one is able to entertain themselves a little more. I had a friend say once that having two makes three times the work of just having one. It's SO true! :) Hang in there.

When they move out....................

Oh my goodness I just had a flashback reading your post!!! Hang in there!! It does get better!! I am trying to remember when it really evened out...hold on my mommy brain is thinking back...

I am thinking by the time my youngest was around six months and could sit up on her own we had finally gotten a routine down where I could mostly manage both of them without feeling totally overwhelmed and wondering who thought having another was a good idea.

I still felt overwhelmed and outnumbered most of the time, but I could manage two. Oh and then my oldest started potty training, and he was tough and stubborn about it.

Okay, it comes and goes in phases...times of manageableness...then times of crazy...but now at 9 and 6, I am totally loving it and have loved it sense oh about when my youngest was three.

You are due for a period of calm...hang in there it is coming soon!!

I have a one year old and a three year old. I never felt like I was in survival mode but it's tough every day. Somebody always needs something. Only now instead of there being one somebody there are two somebodies. It has gotten easier as my little one has gained more mobility and correspondingly as my older one has gained more independence. It will get better or you will get adjusted. In a way that's the same thing. Good luck and just know all of us with multiple kids struggle.

You need to get your baby on a schedule ASAP. We used the Babywise method, but you could use any method of your choosing. Once your baby is on a schedule that you are directing (vs. the outright chaos of doing whatever your baby's latest whim might be), life will be a LOT easier! Like I said, we did Babywise and it worked fantastically well for us (and for all of my girlfriends who also used this method).

That being said, I read your title and thought to myself, "Yeah, when DOES having 2 kids become manageable?!" Mine are 8 and 11, so we are dealing with puberty, homework, and after-school activities. Granted, they can bathe themselves, tie their own shoes, and generally amuse themselves, but every age comes with its own challenges. ;)

Your 4 month old sounds like my oldest. It really did feel like all I did was feed him and try to get him to nap. For me, each stage got just a little bit easier. It got a little bit easier when I could prop him up in the high chair or org her seat and entertain him a bit while I did something. It got a little easier when he could sit up on his own or in an exersaucer and entertain himself, even if only for 10 or 15 minutes. When he was able to begin exploring his world mores, that was really nice.

Does your mall have a soft play area? Do you have a children's museum? Imy youngest is 4 1/2, so it's been awhile since I had to pay attention, but it seems like there are more places where you can take preschoolers and be able to spend some time entertaining baby.

I think you have to get out of the house. That was what saves my sanity. Keep thinking of ways to get out of the house. He will get better about it, and he really will get easier. Promise!

Get the baby on a schedule! Then it will get more manageable. You are in the hard period of the baby learning how to self-sooth...

So, starting today, pick a wake up time, and get that baby on a routine. Up at 7, nurse, activity, nap at 830. if you aren't already doing it, you should be nursing close of every 4 hours at 4 months. This should help you schedule your routine. Also, give baby a transitional object of some sort at naptime, and really make sure you have a sleep routine (sleep sack, new diaper, book, song, crib). Also, now is the time to be careful with sleep cues. Put baby to sleep how you want to put baby to sleep for the next 1.5 years. if you want baby to put herself to sleep, then keep on putting baby down drowsy but awake, picking up, putting down, until baby falls asleep.Now is when sleep habits develop, so act how you wish to always go on.

Soon you will get a breath, and then you will have the 6 month wonder period, then the 9 (where I am), and then the 12.

For me, I could finally relax a little when my second was 15 months old.

This third baby has been way easier. Transitioning to two about killed me!

The best thing you can do it get that baby on a schedule. It will make everything else far more manageable!

it will! and while it may seem as if it takes forever, i PROMISE you that at some point you'll look back and wonder 'where did it go???'
you really get freed up a LOT when you don't have any in diapers any more. you're a ways away from that yet, but it's coming!
in the meantime, i agree with ziggy. you become very insulated and isolated as a young mom trying to cope with a fussy new baby, and spending your days trying to get him to nap is crazy-making. no mom can ignore an angry tired fussy baby, but you can refocus, which will be good for both of you. go for a drive- it worked like a charm for my younger! it won't for all babies, but get some earbuds and listen to music or a book on tape, and go for a scenic drive. walk in the mall- baby can holler while he's in a stroller, and you're getting a change of scenery, and a little exercise (always good for the soul.) when it's nice, throw that baby in a backpack and go to a park. getting out will be good for the baby too!
you don't mention your husband's role. is he contributing when he's home? he needs 1 on 1 with his baby, which will free you up for a 'date' with your preschooler, as well as some solitary time. even if you just shut yourself in the bathroom with a book and a bubbly bath, it will help.
my older was 4 when i brought home a baby, and my baby wasn't as good a sleeper as his brother had been. one thing that kept me sane was to go riding at night, after dinner or even after the boys were in bed. i was lucky enough to have access to a barn with lights, so that was my not-a-mom thing that kept my identity intact through the grueling little kid years. get something like that!
khairete
S.

HANG IN THERE!!!!! I have absolutely been in your exact position, and yes, it DOES get easier. This may seem really far off, so I don't want to freak you out - but when my girls were 3 and 5 it suddenly hit me that things were going very smoothly. Then when they were 4 and 6 we had a Saturday morning where I quick packed an overnight bag, we hopped in the car and ran down to Great Wolf Lodge for the night. I remember sitting at dinner that night, with my girls sitting across from us in the booth, and I thought, "oh my goodness, we've made it!" Being spontaneous again? It felt awesome. Now they are 10 and 12, and we are seriously in what I like to call the "honeymoon phase" of parenting. Life is good. Life is fun!! I actually wish I could freeze time :)

So yeah, you've got awhile to go before it *really* gets good. But even getting through the baby's first year helps. I remember feeling better about things once both of my kids could walk. You are deep in the trenches now, but it'll go fast (don't ya get sick of hearing that?!) Hang in there mama ;)

When the little one is 1 1/2. Consider a preschool with more hours. I have 3 kids. The first 2 are 14 months apart. #3 is 4 and 5 yrs younger than them. 2 to 3 was a breeze. 1 to 2 was mindblowing.

When do 2 children become more managable? The instant you bring your 3rd baby home from the hospital ;-)

Have you tried any of the 5-S's techniques for getting your baby to sleep?

Swaddle
Swing
Sucking
Shushing
Side

My babies sleep wonderfully when swaddled and in cradle swings with side to side motion, and white noise (in our house that'd be a humidifier fan on High a few feet away from where the baby is napping).

Oh, that's hard, being stuck inside all the time, that would have driven me crazy.
We were out and about all the time, but I don't remember my babies crying so much. They usually slept in the car, and when we went anywhere else (park, zoo, downtown, etc.) I wore them in the snuggli or backpack so they were fairly content.
Sure, some days were a disaster and we just went home (sometimes ALL of us in tears) but overall it was doable.
Maybe if you get out MORE with the baby, not less he will get used to it?
Hang in there, it WILL get better!

My little ones are now 4&5 and it has gotten easier over the past year. A scheduled routine is what has gotten me through it all. We have outside activities (Outside the house that is) a few times a week that burns off the excess energy during the winter and I am finally feeling like I am not constantly feeling overwhelmed. Good Luck

any day now-here's a suggestion-try to keep the baby awake-see what happens-good luck-this is a difficult time-but very brief!

I can't really offer suggestions about the daily routine, mine were 4 years apart and the oldest still went to camp and daycare during the 2 1/2 months I was home with the baby so it didn't really feel so chaotic since I didn't really manage both kids on an all day basis. But I will say, it is okay to use a babysitter! Spend time with the older child by hiring a sitter for the baby a couple of hours once or twice a week, or do weekend outings with the 3 year old while hubby is caring for the baby. It's also okay to leave kids with hubby or a sitter in the evening and meet a friend for coffee/tea or go to yoga class.

I hope you're feeling more settled soon, hugs.

For us? 6 months.

Both ours were good sleepers at night, but not nappers. Around 6 months was when I put our youngest on a bedtime schedule of like 7:00 pm. and the Ferber Method to get her to go down without me rocking her to sleep. (We still did a bedtime routine in the rocker, with a story, a song, prayers, etc... just didn't rock her TO SLEEP).

Just knowing that at "x" time I could put her to bed and be "done" with one, made a huge mental difference for me. Son's bedtime was right behind her, and being able to put her in her crib and walk away meant that I could KNOW that I could go lie down with son and do his bedtime routine (story, prayers, snuggle for 2 minutes and leave) on a schedule as well. So, I could know with relative confidence that at X time, the kiddos were in bed and I had my time to myself.

Good luck. You will get through it and look back one day and sort of miss small bits of it.

Oh...I feel your pain. We all do. If we aren't in the middle of that stage now then we were at some point.

Mine now are 14,11 and 7. It is sooo much more manageable..and EASIER. But, we deal with other issues that aren't basic survival issues of food,being clothed and bathed,shelter and sleep. Now all three take care of so much of that on their own. It is glorious! They all help clean the house,cook and do laundry...it really is glorious :)

I'd say what helped me was getting my kids on a schedule..very early in their life. We got into a very good routine and then when the next kid came...then they got on that schedule too..and the next one.

I remember taking ALOT of walks. I got a double jogging stroller. We walked all over town. It calmed them down, got us out of the house and it was exercise for me. I seemed to always find a walking friend as well. She would pack up her darlings and we'd walk together. Sometimes for hours! We'd pack snacks, sippy cups and walk all over the place. Oh my goodness...it was a godsend! And, my bestest friends have come out of those walking partner days :) Putting your little one in a confined stroller might help with breaking down the habit of screaming in the carseat.

Mommas need friends, social outlets, hobbies and moments to escape. We would swap babysitting. I would schedule times when I knew my husband was home and I would just go...anywhere. He has always been supportive of me to have lots of time to just go and have some quiet moments.

It becomes more manageable when you take care of yourself and get your kids on a schedule. It becomes more manageable as they get older and can do things for themselves. So, work towards teaching independence at a young age. It pays off through the years.

Marie M. These early years are exhausting. We feel for ya! Yes...it will get better and better but each stage brings its own challenges. It is just so flippin' hard to be so responsible for their basic needs of eating,pooping and sleeping.

I too am wondering...is your kids' daddy in the picture? If so, it also helps if he is very involved in helping when he is home. See what things you can offload to have him do in the evenings to get prepped for the next day.

Good luck and best wishes!!

I had to make it work when I had 2. There was no way around it. I didn't send my oldest off to daycare at all and my husband was at work in the office most of the day so it had to work.
When the baby wanted to do nothing but nurse I would sit on the couch and make a nest for the 3 of us. Pillows so I could relax my head without it falling or getting kinks in my neck. Baby across my lap nursing and my oldest lying on the couch with his head on a pillow butted up against my leg. I would read to him or we'd watch something on TV. I can not tell you how many times my husband would come home from work and find all 3 of us sound asleep like that on the couch! LOL
My second loved napping in his bouncer. I'd put him in it and walk around the corner (he would never give up when he could see me). He'd fidget some then fall asleep. I never let him actually cry it out, if he actually started crying I took him and held him. When he got a little older he'd fall asleep wrapped around the table leg in the living room. Once he was asleep enough I'd go put him in his crib so it would be safe for me to do something like shower or go out into the garage to take care of laundry.
When you go out do you still leave baby in the infant car seat? If you do, don't. Take baby out and leave the seat in the car. Get a sling so you can carry baby close to you. We also had a stroller where the seat went completely flat to put them in. This way they can stretch out, not get over heated, move around and so on instead of being locked in place in a car seat all the time.
All 3 of my kids learned how to sleep anywhere and everywhere. Being taken in and out of the car. In loud crowded places. All out of necessity. The more you do it the more they get used to it. You're only creating a bad sleeper by making sure baby only sleeps in their crib with the room blackened and white noise and a quite as a church house. You can't live like that, especially with more than one child. My daughter (my third) slept through It's a Small World at Disneyland wrapped up in a ring sling when she was 17 days old. She went to the San Diego Comic Book Convention at 6 weeks old.
It does work out. You may have to look for unconventional ways to make things work. But it does work out.

I like that you said manageable and not easier, because each age has it's own challenges and joys. We have three kids that are all just shy of two years apart, the younger years are a blur to me. It was hard for a long time, and honestly, now that the youngest is 6, I can say things are easier. When the baby started kindergarten and became a "big boy" he changed and matured more. Now things are really manageable with them.

So honestly, once the youngest is past 4 or 5, that's when I say things start to calm down and life gets more manageable. But try to enjoy even these tough days, because they go so fast!!

I had a baby and toddler. Now we have a baby, 2 toddlers and and 1 preschoolers and one a bit older.

It will get different, and for YOU better. Not for me, lol, for a long time. I am stuck in your mode. So I can totally relate! The thing is, when you're in that mode, you can't see a way out. It will come.

I just get up and go. The kids got used to being in the car seat or they just fell asleep from crying. They get used to what you do.

I'd stay inside over the winter months though. The germs are rampant and weather isn't so great. In the Spring just put her in her carseat and go.

My children are the same age apart and we went through the same thing. I ended up getting a good baby wrap (Moby or something similar) and I would wear the baby a good portion of the day. He would take long naps this way and it left my hands free to do things with my 3 year old. He also hated the car seat carrier so I would put him in the wrap whenever we went out too. Made life much easier.

Once they go to elementary school things get easier.

If I were you, I'd up your preschool time to 3 days a week.

As far as the baby is concerned, is there something wrong? Have you talked to the doctor about your problems with the baby? Why does he have trouble napping? Why do you have no type of routine? The baby NEEDS a routine. Same time to bed, every day, including naps. Same time eating. Set your schedule around having to leave the house. You feed baby before you go out so he's not hungry in the car. You don't go out to do errands until the baby has had a nap and eaten.

Work on this. It will help. If you can't, then talk to your doctor about the possibility of post-partum depression. That may be the underlying problem, mama.

When my infants were infants, the book On Becoming Baby Wise? or something like that? about the "sleep, eat, wake" schedule was a lifesaver. They wake, they eat, they play, they nap. Your baby shouldn't be QUITE so hard to manage if you do that pattern. You'll know what's coming next, food or nap, and you can roll with it. I would tackle that first and it will help with three year old. And yes, each year get easier. I have 3 kids, 7, 5 and 4, and for the past 2 years it has been MUCH EASIER than when they were so small. Hang in there momma! And for discipline if things get hairy, "Back to Basics Discipline" by Janet Campbell Matson is great. I'm a single mom who had to take all my kids everywhere, and this saved me as far as scary behavior, including public screaming for babies...starting at one year though, not 4 months :)

Ha, Ha.... I laugh because things were so much EASIER when my first 2 were that age. I have an 8 yr. old, 5.5 year old and a 2 year old. Life is so crazy these days with everyone's activities, noise level and sibling rivalry. At the same time they are great playmates and add so much fun to life and I wouldn't have it any other way. When they are babies they are so portable... you can bring them anywhere, they don't run away and they don't talk back. I look back and having a pre-schooler and infant was relatively easy. That being said, all 3 were great sleepers and I just put them down, let them sleep in the car, made noise around them when they napped, from the day I brought them home, so they would get used to having to soothe themselves. If you know your infant is not in pain or sick, and she has been fed, put her down in a safe place and give your other child some one on one time. It is ok to let your baby cry. And, if your baby has no type of routine, why stay inside? Go for walks, to the store, friends house, the mall... it's those whose babies are tied to a strict routine that it is harder to get out. Don't get me wrong, I had my moments when they were small, but no, it doesn't become easier or more manageable, it just changes, some things become easier, and some get harder... just hang in there and enjoy the time. Before you know it there will be a new stage and you will miss the little ones.

Get a notebook and start a journal for the baby. Write down when he eats, how much he eats, when he sleeps, wakes, needs to be diapered, etc. Do this for several days. During that time you should start to notice a natural pattern which you should be able to enforce as a routine/schedule. It will become predictable. You will then be able to work your own routine around when the baby sleeps and you'll be able to plan what to pack for outings (library, meet-ups with play dates or your friends, the mall, your mom's house, etc). You'll be able to predict when you can plan for time with your other child too.

For instance, in the morning after your baby wakes "for the morning" when everyone is up for the day the baby is probably awake for about two hours at this age. During that time he would want to eat right away, need a diaper change, and want to play with his brother. You could take advantage of that time the kids like each other enough to play to get some dishes done or make a game of folding laundry or just take a quick shower. Within two hours of waking the baby will start rubbing his eyes and fussing and be ready for a nap. He'll need a change, maybe, and then be down.

When he wakes from that nap he'll be awake for another two hours or so and the cycle starts again. That's a typical routine that could be slightly different for each baby.

After they're both older than 5, then you can breathe again

My kids are now 5.5 and almost 4 and I finally feel like life has settled down. Both are in school/preschool so I have some time every week to myself. Today I came home and took a nap! My youngest was the most colicky baby that ever existed. It was a nightmare so I can relate to how you are feeling. Could you maybe have some one come and watch the baby once a week so you and your oldest can go out to lunch and do something fun together? Even the grocery store is fun when it's just one kid! I also used to hand the baby to my husband when he got home and my oldest and I would run an errand or just hang out. Hang in there!

Oh man. You are RIGHT where I was! I remember waking at night just sobbing thinking that I was a failure as a mom, that my boys just cried all the time and so did I. It was really hard for me.
I would say things got more manageable when I got the two of them on the same nap schedule and the baby started sleeping through the night. SLEEP made all the difference to me.
I would say I started feeling more myself when they were about 1 and 4.
They are 8 and 11 now and great friends!
L.

For me, it was when the little one started sleeping through the night - which, due to medical issues (severe reflux) wasn't until 18 months. Please don't panic - hopefully your baby doesn't have medical issues, and will be sleeping through much sooner.

I get what you are saying - I was in survival mode only for those entire 18 months. Sometimes I feel badly because I literally don't really remember what my older child was like between ages 3 and 4 because I was so frazzled and exhausted. I prioritized my energy really strictly during that time, and eliminated everything from my life that wasn't essential. It was the only way for me to survive.

But all that said, we survived. It started getting better at 18 months old for the little one and now we are totally in a sweet spot with kids ages 3 and 7. And even though I didn't feel like I was a stellar parent to my older one during that time, he is a fantastic kid so I don't think it had lasting consequences.

Hang on, it WILL get better.

I can honestly say that it got easier for me once the little one was able to do somethings for herself. Mine are 5 and 3 now, and while I wouldn't use the word "easy", because there are many other issues at hand, they are both self sufficient enough that they can play together and don't need me to do everything for them.
I'd say that started about a year ago at 4 and 2.

Hang in there mama. It WILL get better. It's going to take a little while. But it will get better.
In the meantime, get the baby on a schedule. You have to. When 2+ kids becomes the situation, you don't get to go with the flow, as you may have with the first one. And needless to say, the more you put the baby on a schedule and get her used to be out and about, the more flexible she will become.

Hang in there!!!