When Do They Give up Their Lovies??

Updated on July 24, 2011
V.M. asks from Conneaut, OH
22 answers

I was going to ask this question today even before i read the My Little Pony back pack post. My Ds went to a sleep over last month with his lovey bear, like a small blanket with a teddy bear head, the carters one. I assume no one said anything. He has had hisbirthday and is now 8, and askedfor and recieved from grandma one of those Stuffed aninals that act lilke they are alive --a little tiger with a bottle. I don't know if i just am noticing how much the other kids his age aren't into baby things,or if i just expected that by now this would have faded out or what. So while i'm sure it is different for each kid, and i'm not going to take anything away from him until he is ready, I"m wondering when others have generally been ready, at least in public in front of their peers?? Is this just a case of waiting until someone does make fun of him??? Ugg those are life lessons that are soo hard to watch. So without wanting my baby to grow up too soon or to feel bad about his likes and dislilkes, make me feel better about this worry that he will get picked on.

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answers from Boston on

I still have my bear! I brought him everywhere in college...even my boyfriend's frat house!

When I was single in my mid-twenties there was a small fire in the apt building I lived in....I grabbed my dog and stuffed my bear inside my coat (good thing it was cold!!!) and went outside.

You have to let him work it out on his own....that's what my mom did for me. I played with Barbies and other toys well beyound my peers. I had one girlfriend that played with me. I can remember trying to sneak Barbie stuff in two store paper bags to school in fifth grade so I could bring them to her house after school.....

Eventually when I was ready I let my toys go. But not my bear... ;)

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Kansas City on

I'm 30, and I still try to sneak mine into bed when my husband isn't looking. He's 34 and his lives on the shelf next to the bed (with mine when he's not in with me).

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answers from Pittsburgh on

It's VERY healthy for kids to have lovies--especially boys. We've go a stuffed bug that's been around 8 years and counting......now the bug mostly stays on/in his bed....so far, sleepovers have been here so teasing hasn't been an issue, so not sure about that....

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answers from Honolulu on

It does NOT matter, how long a child keeps their loveys.
Let him.
NOTHING is wrong with that.

As a child, I had my 'loveys' until I was all grown up. An adult.
So what.
It is childhood and even as you grow up... it is a FOND childhood memory.
I will pass on my loveys, to my kids. As a keepsake.

My kids are 4 and 8... and they BOTH have their Loveys. Plural. And they sleep with it and love it and it is their best friend. I let them. Nothing is wrong with it.
My kids have a kids heart. That is GOOD. They are fully confident, mature, self-assured kids with a strong, self-identity. They are not followers. They are independent. They already, KNOW who they are.
And they have loveys.
So what.
No biggie.
At not time, do we as parents, make them feel bad about it.
SO WHAT, what other kids do or have or have not.
The thing is... you probably don't notice the other kids' loveys... because it is at home, in their house or room or bed.
You do not know... what these kids sleep with, behind closed doors, in privacy.
So do not, please, compare your child, with others.
Let your child, be who they are.
Do not take it away.
It is special to them.

BOTH my kids, still like stuffed animals, too.
I see nothing wrong with that.

And certainly, do NOT in public or to others, tell them that your child has a Lovey. That is private. That is special to them. Not for others to comment on.
It is personal.
Even for a kid.

You don't have to tell others your child has a Lovey. Therefore, why worry about if he gets picked on???? In school, NONE of my kids' classmates, know they have a Lovey. It is private.
You don't just go around telling everyone about it, therefore, putting your child in an uncomfortable situation, right?

Both of my kids, have had their Loveys since they were babies.
My son since 6 months old. The same stuffed cow.
My daughter, from about a year old. The same stuffed animal.
And since then, they have other Loveys that have been added into the mix.
Its fine.

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answers from Washington DC on

My daughter still sleeps with hers, she is 16. She took two small ones to her camp these last two weeks. THe main one stays home.
My little son gave his lovey up at about 7. But at the same time his big brother gave him his own lovey, he was 19. The little guy is 10 and big bro's lovey is still in the bed.

And my lovey, he sits on our bed when I make it. HUbby's sits in a chair near his side.

And when my oldest was 8 all he wanted for Christmas was the Molly doll.
So that is what he got. He loved Molly.

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answers from Jacksonville on

Hmm. Well, probably never, lol. My just turned 13 yr old still has his from when he was an infant. The key is, as you pointedly asked, when do they stop taking them everywhere they sleep. My son stopped around the age your son is. Probably around 8 or 9. He began hiding it in the closet when kid company was around around that same age also-- not from embarrassment so much, as he was concerned about anyone playing with it and something happening to it.
He still has it in his closet and no longer takes it out...but he KNOWS where it is. :)
He stopped sleeping with it routinely around 9 years old...but still sometimes took it out if he felt ill or something. But then he realized that the lovey could become worn out and damaged and decided to keep it safe, so it stays put up all the time now. He'll probably have it when he is old. He is very sentimental. :)


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answers from Washington DC on


I'm 45 and I still have the stuffed rabbit that was given to me by my Godmother...I do sleep with him sometimes too and also let my boys sleep with him when they've had a bad dream....

My 11 year old - still sleeps with his "tiger" and "pancake"...my 9 year old still sleeps with the teddy bear that my parents gave him....

They don't take them to school. They do take them for sleep overs but to be honest - their friends don't say anything about it...

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answers from Charlotte on


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answers from Seattle on


When my son was 3.5 he wanted to take his lovey for show'n'tell at preschool.

Well....*I* love his lovey so much that I came up with several very (sneaky) good reasons why he shouldn't... when the real reason was that I was afraid the other kids would make fun of him and his lovey would lose some of it's "magic" / total adoration.

I look back now and realize how LITTLE he was, and laugh at myself. Oy! He's 9, and his friends bring their loveys (stuffed friends, favorite blankie, etc.) over for movie nights or sleepovers. He would have been just fine. But I LOVED HIS BLANKIE too much to allow for the "risk" in preschool.

I still have MY bear (although my blankie after many misadventures shredded to it's last pieces when I was 5, but my bear has survived many surgeries and laundry trips and is apparently made of sterner stuff than my blankie was. Disturbingly enough, someone stuffed that bear with red fluff. Who does that?), and I'm 32. (Sheesh. I really am 32, aren't I? Time just keeps running ahead and not holding hands to cross the street whenever I look the other direction).

Thinking back; we had 'special friend' sleepovers in middle school where a requirement was to bring your favorite 'sleep with' toy or blanket. About 20 years ago, most of us had bears. But one of my friends had a wombat. The rest of us were very impressed. I might have blown this all off as "being a girl".... but....Years later, in the USMC of all places, I found out that most of those big burly guys have a thing for stuffed animals. They usually keep their REAL loveys at their parents' houses until they marry (and then they get a place of honor in their new household), but I'm tellin' ya... the stuffed animals those boys "bought for their girlfriends"? They usually did a tour of duty for a month or six in the boys' barracks first. "It's for my girlfriend" or "It's for my kid" is an instant "pass" (and also makes a toy inviolate). There is NO reason why said stuffies needed to be bought in Sept for xmas. Other than for snuggle factor.

So I may not get my wish. My wish for several years now (since I first got freaked out his preschool friends would snub his lovey) is that when my son DOES give up his blankie that *I* get it. I think to myself (lie, lie like a rug) that I'd put it in a shadowbox frame. In reality, I'm probably going to sleep with it.

To add more fuel to the fire: As some of you may know, we've been in and out of our regional children's hospital all spring and half of summer. A week here, a month there. Nearly every kid there (from toddlers to teens) has a lovey. They're not CALLED that, but that's what they are. The nurses and doctors ask if they "Have something special?" the kiddos would like to bring into surgery, chemo, treatments, wheeling around the hospital, etc., with them. SO COOL. My son actually has 2. All around Children's he gets wheeled about with his blankie and his 6 foot long dragon (from Ikea, errrr, santa claus). As SH said... loveys are PRIVATE. Well, privacy goes out the window in the hospital. Everyone has their special friends with them. Tattered, beat up, magical Velvateen Rabbits that keep them safe at night and when they're scared.

My 9yo, anywhere EXCEPT the hospital or my mom's house elects to leave his blankie and dragon at home to "keep them safe". But he still has them. And loves on them. And sleeps with them. Although they play "hide and seek" sometimes, and we don't PLAY hide and seek at bedtime ;) so they don't ALWAYS sleep with him. But they usually do. When they're not sleeping with me.

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answers from Dallas on

I was wondering about this with my 7 year old. I have a 13 year old son also who was extremely attached to a blanket and a stuffed snake, but I can't remember when he quit taking them to sleepovers. He still has both of them, but more as keepsakes than anything else.

My 7 year old son has had/been to a couple of sleepovers this summer, and he has 2 blankets and a giraffe that he sleeps with every night. He LOVES them. I struggled, as you did, with the idea of him taking them or sleeping with them during the sleepovers. I didn't want him to be teased. Well, it turned out that all of the other boys still had special items too. :) Hopefully they will all outgrow them at about the same time.

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answers from Detroit on

My one stepson had a stuffed toy lion that was his lovey and I would say he no longer needed it to sleep by the time he was about 6 or 7. He was not as attached to it as my other stepson was attached to his Teddy - while older SS could go a night without Leo if necessary, and didn't have to bring him everywhere, younger SS had to have Teddy all the time. He was okay with leaving Teddy in the car if we were going somewhere so Teddy would not get lost in a store or left in a restaurant, but Teddy was essential for sleeping and overall cuddle time. Eventually Teddy was just for sleeping, but even then, he probably wasn't until he was 12 that he finally gave up Teddy for good. I remember when he was 10 or 11 and he was getting invited to sleepovers at other friend's homes, I asked him what he did with Teddy. He said Teddy just stayed in his overnight bag and none of other boys knew, but at least he knew he was nearby.

Every kid is different - I have a feeling that my younger stepson held on to Teddy for so long because of the trauma of his parents divorcing when he was only 4 (my older SS isn't as sensitive, so I think it was easier for him to give up his lovey sooner). You could always make your son aware of the fact that while he can hold onto his lovey was long as he wants, other kids might make fun of him if they happen to know. It is a hard lesson for them to have to learn, and to have to decide how much they want to fit in with the group. I would not want my daughter to be picked on either (she's 4 and has her own special lovey too), but if it does happen, it's not the worst thing in the world. Trust your son to be able to handle it, and he will be that much more confident in himself. The other boys the same age might still have their lovies too!

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answers from Santa Barbara on

I had to kind of giggle at this. My daughter is 18, starting college in the fall and we are no closer to getting rid of her bear than when she was a baby. He was actually my bear first and took a liking to him. She doesn't take him to school or anything. He is BEAT UP though!!

We lost him outside of Paris when she was six, we only brought him out on the next to the last day just for this reason (but you know, he wanted to see France). We were there for Christmas and being from Southern California we were not accustomed to jackets, hats and scarves so he was accidentally left in a bathroom. 15 minutes later on the train we realized it and jumped off like crazy people. We got back there and he had been turned in. We got outside and she yelled "I love the french people"!! Gosh, I love that kid!!

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answers from Louisville on

I still have my stuffed rabbit from my great aunt. I don't sleep with it anymore, but I did a lot when I was in college before getting married. My oldest son will be ten this fall, and he still sleeps with his favorite animal. But my second is only seven and stopped sleeping with one a couple of years ago. This leads me to believe it's a personality thing. It's not a good or bad, right or wrong situation, and certainly isn't equivalent to a pacifier or sippie cup, which you wouldn't want them to use indefinitely.

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answers from Dallas on

My little girl will be four soon and she loves her bunny. She asks for it every night. She doesn't have to take it with her but she loves to rub the bunnies ears at night. Not sure when she will give it up. Good luck.

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answers from Portland on

My daughter is 31 and still has her stuffed clown on her bed. Of course she doesn't carry it with her but she still has a loose attachment to it. She stopped taking it to sleep overs when she was around 13-14.

As to a stuffed animal that moves with a bottle would be appealing to my grandchildren 9 and 11. My grandson still takes his stuffed donkey to school. He keeps it in his back pack. No one teases him. I suggest it's a good thing to like stuffed animals. They appeal to their nurturing instinct.

He will not get picked on for playing with a stuffed animal. I suspect he has friends who envy him for having the tiger.

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answers from Dallas on

My 19-yr-old still has his. Of course he has never let his friends see it. He loves going to sleep rubbing the soft material.

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answers from Pittsburgh on

I know the exact bear that you are talking about! My son had that too! We had so many of them because they went everywhere with us and I was afraid to loose one. I did find that Carters makes a stuffed animal that looks like the bear head. It was an easy transition for my son because the stuffed animal looked just like his "bear bear". I transitioned him when he started kindergarten. I just gave him a time frame for when the bear would be going away and reminded him every night. I also gave him the new bear so that he had a new face to get familiar with. He loves the bear and it is his favorite, it is the one he can't sleep at night with out. I don't think boys are as cruel to each other as girls are. After all you are talking about a lovie that I assume he only cuddles at home or at bedtime. If you are worried, try to find another animal you think he will love and just set a time frame for it to be an only at home item or a gone for now item.

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answers from Muncie on

I still have a blanket and a bear. I have my blanket on my nightstand so I can reach over and fiddle with it until I fall asleep. My bear sits on the floor on my side, there isn't room for him and my husband, but when it's nap time and my husband's at work Huggie is right there in the bed with me. I always took Huggie with me on sleepovers, if i got teased I just help my ground. I don't really recall being teased much, it might have been because I'm a girl. If he gets teased, help him to have confidence in his Lovie and in himself.

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answers from New York on

My girls are 4 and 5 and have special blankies they love. They take them on sleepovers to both sets of their grandparents houses and to friend's houses. Nobody has ever said anything. They have asked me if they can have them even when they grow up and go to college and I have said they can have them their whole life if they want. If when they're a little older, it may be something they could get made fun of for, I'm sure they can leave them home when they go to a friend's house for a sleepover. (Mostly they have slept only at their grandparent's houses). My girls are smart and independant and wonderful. Having their lovies takes nothing away from them. :-)

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answers from Philadelphia on

I always let each child decide when to give up their lovie. One - age 13 - still has it. I think it is cute -- sorry!! My others gave it up at younger ages --- but I would never take it away from them. It is too important to them! (And too cute :)


answers from Portland on

Not sure how baby it is b/c they have a dozen different type of alive things now lol. Kids are really into those alive animals/zhu zhu pets, and things like that. Since he is 8 I bet he'll know how to not put himself in a position to get picked on, most kids seem to know those kinds of things. I had my lovey, well I still have it, it is in my daughter's room now. When I was an older kid and teen it was on my bed or on a shelf. It was special to me and I always get those fond memories looking at it. It was a good to calm down with when a boy pissed me off as a teenager lol.


answers from Kansas City on

when they are little, like maybe 2

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