When Did You Let Your Daughter Wear Makeup?

Updated on June 30, 2013
C.M. asks from Bartlett, IL
21 answers

My daughter is 12 and wants to wear makeup. We've told her that she can wear "natural" looking makeup, like powder, blush and either lip gloss or a slightly colored lipstick. She can wear eyeshadow so long as she doesn't overdo it with bright colors. A pale shimmer is okay, bright blue is not.

What she wants is to put on the heavy eye makup (eyeliner, bright eyeshadow) and the colored lipstick. I think it makes the girls look like hookers. A few of her friends are wearing the heavy eye makeup, but I happen to know that they're not supposed to.

She does wear that for cheer, which is why we have it. I keep trying to explain that there is a difference between performance makeup and a regular everyday look.

I'm pretty sure she'll do whatever when we're not around. How can we help her understand that she doesn't need heavy makeup, and that it actually looks bad?

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

That's a good idea to have someone "professional" like a Mary Kay lady come and show her how to apply it. Maybe I can invite her friends for a "party" and then they can ALL learn together? She's going into Junior High and I know the Junior High girls wear some makeup. I just think she is so beautiful without it at all. I wish she could see that. Natural beauty is the best.

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

I never had a restriction on it maybe that's why she is underwhelmed by it. 19 and it's mascara and Chapstick.

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

No restrictions here. My 5th grader sometimes wore lip stick to school last year (4th grade). My oldest has always applied it tastefully IMO but I know her friend's mom thought she wore too much...(Her friends mother doesn't wear any makeup that I can tell). Makeup has not been a problem here but my oldest has bought some outfits I don't like. In those cases I get my camera out and show her what she looks like. She typically agrees😀

YouTube has great videos on how to apply makeup. I taught her the basics but youtube took her skills to another level.
My daughter is actually really good at it and will be responsible for hair, makeup and costumes for her schools plays and musicals next year. Quite an honor and huge responsibility since she is just going into her sophomore year. Proud mom here!😊

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

When Margaret came down the stairs with the racoon look one morning, I looked at her. She was 12 too.

I said, Gawd I hope this is one of those SHORT phases.

I laughed. She laughed. Her older brother laughed and kept trying to take her picture. C'mon, give us the duck face, he mused.

She hasn't done it since.

:)

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M.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

I was not allowed to wear makeup till I was 16 so I snuck it behind my moms back. I used her bright blues and ugly shades that were in the back of the makeup drawer. I am sure I looked terrible. I really wish my mom had taught me how to apply makeup early on and allowed me to wear it.

Now I have a daughter and she has her own makeup bag of appropriate shades for a 5 year old. Sheer and light pinks. As she gets older I plan to teach her how to apply the darker shades.

There are makeup application books and you could also bring her to a Bobby Brown counter for a consultation and application.

This book looks great http://www.amazon.com/Bobbi-Brown-Teenage-Beauty-Everythi...

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I never restricted make up use. If 'they' choose to wear it they can go right ahead. They have fully access to my make up so long as they don't mess it up.

As it is, the first time my older daughter wore makeup was her junior ring dance. My younger daughter is 12 and has no interest at all. Seems like if it is their decision they choose to wear makeup or not, it isn't the holy grail. I am sure if I had said at 12 you can wear this or that, 14 this other, then they would be doing just that.

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C.V.

answers from Columbia on

Show her some books and sites online. There's a difference between a "day look" and a "night look." She's trying for the night look during the daytime. Those bright colors just look tacky when they're not worn at the right time.

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F.B.

answers from New York on

You probably can't sway her opinion on this one. You can only voice yours and hope that she concurs.
Alternatively, you can stand by your guidelines. Just be aware of the access she has to makeup, that shimmery eyeshaddow, if heavily applied can look just as ridiculous.

Also, if she's really keen on it, she might borrow from other girls at school and elsewhere, and wash it off before coming home. That can be a path to infection.

Better, in my opinion, that you buy her her own supply, and tell he that while you don't condone it, you want her to be safe about it.

My middle school look, in the late 80's was a very dark lipstick called blackberry, and black cat eyes. Must have driven my parents crazy. I now, barely ever wear any, and certainly can't be asked to do powder, foundation, concearler, etc.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

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J.S.

answers from Chicago on

I let my 12 yr old wear mascara, but she's not interested in any other makeup. My 15 year old isn't interested in wearing makeup at all, which is fine by me. My 10 year old does not get to wear makeup (unless it's for dance).

When I was a teen/tween, I wore a helluva lot more makeup than I do now, but I never did the heavy black liner.

I do agree with you, a more natural look is best. She doesn't have to cake it on like her friends.

Set the limits and stick to your guns, mom!

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

I would make a deal with her - she can wear make up if it's tastefully applied. If she sneaks around and wears garish colors without your permission, she loses all of the make up, even for cheer.

My SD started wearing cheap, tacky make up when she was 12 because she lived with her mom and her mom is the queen of cheap, tacky make up (like Elvira, really!). My husband would pick her up for the weekend and the first thing she'd do when getting to our house would be march straight to the bathroom to remove 90% of what was painted on her face. For her 13th birthday, I had a Mary Kay lady come and do a skin care and make up session with her and her friends. That was a big hit and the message about how to take care of her skin and how to apply make up correctly was heard loud and clear. We threw out her tacky make up and bought high-quality items from MK in colors that flattered her palatte. She later accompanied a friend to Clinique for makeovers for her friend's 13th birthday and that was also a hit.

One tip would be to find a celebrity (who your daugther likes) with coloring similar to your daugther's and show her pictures of that woman (or girl) wearing nice make up so that she can see how great the right colors really look. My SD looks like Taylor Swift, so she can easily see how someone like her wears only one bold feature at at time (either eyes or lips, not both) and only for performing or the red carpet.

One thing that helped end the tacky makeup phase pretty quickly was that when she moved in with us (shortly after turning 13) she made friend whose moms were on the same page as me with what was and wasn't appropriate, so she "fit in" better wearing tasteful makeup. Peer pressure can be a good thing when used strategically...look at her peer group and see if you can get other moms and their daugthers on the same page and maybe take them for makeovers somewhere or have a professional make up party (Mary Kay or Avon) so that they can see how pretty they'll look when make up is done correctly.

FWIW, I think most girls go through this phase and it seems to pass pretty quickly.

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S.H.

answers from Killeen on

My daughter is 14 and has been wearing make-up since the beginning of middle school(around 11-12). I have never told her you can't wear this.or that and it has never really been an issue. Most of the time she just does mascara and lip gloss. If its a special occasion she will do a little eyeliner and eye shadow in a natural yet sparkly hue. One time she did wear this really bright green and when she came out I said "oh that's interesting" she was just experimenting and it never became a battle.

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V.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

Well.. my daughter just turned 12 this month. About 2 months ago, when getting ready to leave for school, I noticed she had bright blue shadow on her lids! Where do they even get this stuff??!!

Anyway... I downplayed it, and told her that it might not be the best shade for her, that natural colors (taupes, tan, blush, cream, etc... not bright blue/green/orange, etc) would probably be more flattering for her... and that I would take her to Clinique and let them show her what colors and how to apply what looked nice and natural on her. If she wanted me to. When she was ready.
I also talked to her a few days later about wearing makeup for attention (to be noticed by it) vs being noticed for who she is, and the makeup being unnoticed, because it looks so natural. I think she understood what I was saying.

We have a family member who wears very heavy makeup and is into the whole beauty/hair/make-up thing. She's actually a stylist and does cutting edge makeup with very defined angles and such around her eyes. It isn't my style AT. ALL. Nor is it my daughter's. She is pretty tom-boyish, most of the time--very low maintenance type of young lady.

It's been probably 2 months ago since I suggested a makeup session with a professional to show her colors and how to apply it, and I have mentioned it a few times in passing since then, in a "let me know if you want to go do that so I can set it up" kind of way... So far, she hasn't seemed to care. And no blue eyelids, either. :)

She does sometimes wear a little lipgloss. But she is normally just as happy with a VitaminWater Chapstick, lol.
----

Oh... and I haven't noticed any of her close friends wearing anything more than maybe some lipgloss, either. IF that. Going into 7th grade next year... I expect it will come up again soon.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

8th grade. Lip gloss and some blush.

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

At home, she was allowed to wear it from the day she asked for it. I think she was around nine or ten. She was allowed to wear it in public once she had learned to apply it properly. That was her idea. She didn't want to go out looking clownish.

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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

I think I was around 13 or 14 when I started with powder, blush and mascara. I didn't actually start wearing eye shadow until I was around 16 or 17 (my choice). My daughter is 8 right now and I will let her play around for fun with lip gloss or glitter eye shadow. I don't let her wear it out in public, it's just like playing dress up for her.

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J.K.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't have a preteen/teen, but I do have a daughter. I don't think I would let her wear heavy eye make up at 12 unless it was for cheer.

Growing up, I started using concealer and lip gloss around 8th grade. I started wearing eyeliner and powder/foundationaround 10-11th grade. But I wore heavier make up, including eye make up, for school dances, formals, and prom in high school.

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G.W.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter stated wearing it last August when she turned 14 and was just starting her freshman year. I was very thankful she wasn't really in to it at a younger age. It does kind of drive me crazy to see tweens wearing it (and so wrongly on top of that!!) but it just seems like girls are trying so hard to grow up so fast and truthfully many parents encourage it by buying them clothes that really are too old for them long before the makeup even comes into play. But I digress...LOL It's a tough age and a tough subject, you're coming into the dark side, beware and be careful! LOL :-)

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J.O.

answers from Boise on

No make-up until 13/14. Then it is light and moderate.

Just my opinion but little girls wearing make-up makes me laugh. It looks ridiculous, like children playing in their mom's make-up.

By the time they reach 15/16 I let them determine their look. Of course I would have an opinion, but it was their faces and they were the ones who had to walk around with it on.

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D.T.

answers from Muncie on

I was able to play with colors and heavy make up when I turned 13. I was not allowed to leave the house with it on. At 15 I could leave the house upon approval and at 16 I could wear what I wanted.

I had a sister who was 9 years older. She taught me the tips and tricks of how to look good and natural.

Make sure she can play at home as she likes and maybe even set up a "Wild Day", like a Saturday activity with her girlfriends out in public. Let her get some real life reactions from someone other then mom? Maybe help her with the wild colors? Join in the fun. Let her see herself and you in the overdone look. Maybe come to a halfway look. Something a little more then natural and a little less then "night out", something that she can actually see. Maybe have some of your adult lady friends come over to a make up day, let her see how the grown-ups really do it. My everyday, concealer, eye liner, blush, shimmer white under my brows and lip gloss. Real women really don't wear much, she may need to see that.

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R.P.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I was able to wear make-up when I was 12. My mom taught me how to put it on without looking like a clown. There is a girl in my neighborhood that wears it-she is 18-she looks like a clown. I don't think anyone ever taught her to wear it properly. I pointed her out to my girls so they know what NOT to do. But neither of my daughters seems interested.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

I started wearing make-up when I was 12 and started jr. high. My mom and sister showed me how to wear it. I was allowed to wear a fairly natural look for school, but I was allowed to get more "made-up" for dances and other social occasions. Just explain that is what women do, we tailor our make-up to the occasion. Letting her wear a foundation with and spf is a great way to make sure she wears spf every day and develops a life long habit. I wish make up had spf back when I was younger!

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C.B.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter is 8 and was in Dance I didn't like all the bright heavy make up and bright red lipstick. So I kept everything as light as possible. She asks to wear make up now and I tell her no Shea too young. And I explain to her that she is beautiful with out make up on and I try to
Show her by example.

I know if you take her to the mall and go to where they sell Mac make up or Clinique you can get a free make up trial and tell them to show her how pretty she is with less make up and light colors. Good luck.

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