What Would You Do? - Spokane,WA

Great Aunt and Hubby need to deal with this...you need to stay out of it. If they're willing to fight that fight, more power to them. If not, well....

If it were up to me, I'd find another beautiful piano, one without all the baggage and bad memories.

Good luck!

I would very matter-of-factly tell her that since her kids are grown that you will be having a service come and pick the piano up and when would be a good time. Act very surprised if she gives you trouble about it as if "of course it was just a loaner...why would somebody GIVE you a piano?" DUH.

Unless you want to buy a new piano for your children to start lessons you are going to have to get that piano from her. If the Aunt is still alive she should probably be the one to get it.

Or.....you could find out when she isn't home and get piano movers to come and get it back. Kind of the way SHE got it in the first place right.

Buy your own piano. I wouldn't want to speak with her much less be in her presence. It is worth it for your own sanity and family to be drama-free. Don't deal with her. Its not worth it~

M

If it was gotten for the sons to learn, and SS wants to teach his brothers, then he can ask his mom if he can have it at his dad's house to teach his brothers. It's very sweet of him and speaks volumes that he wants to do that and wants to do the right thing. You guys can stay out of it, other than giving "permission" for it to come to your home. Maybe this is a good middle solution? Good luck!

What's the old saying... "Possession is 9/10-ths of the law".

She could say it was a gift. And probably will. Of course, if she does, you can ask to see the relevant year's tax return to see if she declared the value of the gift on her taxes... (but that would only be relevant if it was a baby grand or grand piano and had value over $10K).

I would predict that she will say the piano is still being used... since the 16 year old still plays piano and (I assume) lives at home still.

Your husband can say that it has sentimental, family value.... but I doubt it will change her mind, especially if their relationship is toxic. She doesn't sound like the type of person to give something up out of the goodness of her heart. On a certain level, your husband needs to ask himself how far he wants to take it. Would he involve attorneys in this issue. If so, how much attorney fees would it cost him before he could have bought a new piano?

But, what's the harm in him asking... Ok, everyone gets angry at her again. But that's better than your husband's family feeling like he flaked out and never even asked.

Get some cash...buy a piano..end of story...

You go after that piano..talk about opening a can of worms.

I dont get it. No matter what adults and kids are involved....I wouldnt do it...my kid needs a piano? I will get for them. I dont need others to do it for me. Swiming pool? I will dig the hole...you see what I mean?
Do it for yourself and your kids....the peace of mind is worth it.

After all of this time it might be a good idea for him to ask for it and if she doesnt want to hand it over offer to purchase it from her if it's worth it. If that is still a no, then just buy your own new piano. The original one will still be in his "kids" family~~ she is their mother afterall ~~even tho the piano remained in the home after the divorce (that is not the kids fault nor is it their problem to have try to retreive it), but more than likely it is old and needs replacing anyways.
All she can say is "no" and she will be the one living with that final and selfish answer.
I wouldnt let it bother you if she said no.... just smile since you were able to predict it, or smile that she actually says yes and you get it back, thus showing she might have some decent character afterall.
I can't imagine keeping family heirlooms that belonged to my husbands family if anything were to happen to him, that is just rude. Keeping thing out of spite is just, uh, well, spiteful.. sheesh!

Yes, I kind of like Mallory's suggestion, but i would just be more blunt. Hubby needs to (nicely) say that their kids are grown and his other children are now ready to begin their lessons. I would have him do it rather matter of factly and wihtout much room to budge. It is his family's piano and he has a right to have it, I think. I'd even go so far as to say that he should try and arrange a time for pick-up. Although, in the end, you're probably right and it will cause a huge stink. But it sounds like your step sons are on your side and they would probably encourage mom to let it go, besides, they'd have it at your house to practice so it's a win-win. It's really too bad it has to come to this, but maybe after all these years she might surprise you both!

Go and buy your own piano already - it would be ridiculous to ask for it back.

Well it really isnt her piano!! She doesnt play it does she? Then i would have your hubby call her and say, SON told me they do not use the piano anymore and would like teach their younger brothers how to play now and would like to bring the piano over here, so i will pay for the movers to come get it just let me know when is a good time for you. And see what she says. Yes, if she says no everyone will be mad again....but, she really has no reason to say no!!

Are the kids in question grown up and out of the home? Even if they are, might they have any attachment to that piano? They ARE after all part of the family. Perhaps they should be the ones who inherit it. If they play, then that piano is part of their lives.

I say this not to upset you, but to point out that there are MANY pianos out there, and it is not all that expensive to get a good used one. I frequently see them advertised in the $500 or less range. Sometimes you can even barter. We had one given to us, because my youngest daughter just loved playing it every time she visited her friend's house and they were moving.

I'm just putting this out there because yes, absolutely, this will open a can of worms, get everyone upset again, and that will be what is remembered, not that your son deserved a piano. I understand your position, and perhaps he does deserve that one...but is this battle really worth the war it may start?

Personally, I wouldnt even consider it. I understand it is sort of a family heirloom, but it all the drama it will bring is not worthy. I would suggest you buy or rent to own your own. I am sorry about it, but I guess the best thing is to think of it as gone.
Hope you find this helpful.
Good Luck!!

I don't think there is any harm in asking. So what if she gets upset about it. It should be brought back to your husband's family. Have the sons they had together put pressure on her to give it back too - make her feel guilty about stealing it in the first place.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

First, I would view what happened differently than your husband. It wasn't right that she told the great aunt he was involved when he wasn't. Perhaps if she hadn't said what she said, the great aunt wouldn't have given her the piano for their children. Perhaps she knew your husband wouldn't agree with her having the piano. At least it appears that her heart was in the right place. She wanted it for your step-children and she did provide them with lessons.

Therefore, I'd talk with her about passing the piano down to the next set of children. I'd work on changing my attitude to one of being conciliatory, expecting to improve our relationship. We are more likely to see the good in people when we expect good.

However, know that moving a piano that distance usually causes it to go out of tune and tuning it again is expensive. If the piano is old it might not even be able to be tuned. I moved my great grandmother's piano from a city 3 hours away and the piano tuner said that the strings were too old to allow it to be tuned again and restringing it would cost thousands. He said it wasn't worth tuning. It had been out of tune for years and that might make a difference.

If you're moving the piano 6 hours then just paying for the move is cost prohibitive. We'd planned to move our family's piano ourselves but were advised against doing that. We hired professional movers. Too bad we didn't have a piano tuner look at it first. :(

Anyway, I also suggest that you rent a piano and see if your sons are interested in learning. I rented a piano for my step-son who was very interested in music and he didn't like the piano. I was glad I'd just rented.

I think you are right, this is opening up an entire can of worms that would be better left buried!!! I would go on Craigslist and find a piano for sale, (I just looked in the Seattle area...there is a lovely old upright for sale right now for $350!!!) and get one of your own that is going to be hassle free, and doesn't have all the old emotional baggage attached.
She has has this piano for over a decade now...she can honestly make the arguement that her children are STILL using it...so you don't wan't to deprive them of the piano.
Your husband has to be the one to make the final decision on this but you can certainly let him know that you think the best thing to do is avoid confrontation and get your own piano.
Do the legwork...find a great deal on a nice piano and show it to him!!!

Well she did basically steal it but now a lot of time has gone by. Someone told me once that habits become rules. It became a habit to just avoid confrontation and let her keep it. She was great with these terms and will assuredly pitch a fit if they are changed! However, it is a family piece and she is not actually in the family in the same way now. I agree that if anyone brings it up, it should be your husband and approaching from the standpoint of wanting to keep it in his family is very valid. I mean if she says no, about all you can do is take her to court and that can get very messy, but I think you might just win! I would rule in your favor:) Good luck!

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I'd let your 16yo ask for it. You're not using him, because HE initiated it and he is the one who wants it. If she says no to him, then I wouldn't bother asking.

You are probably right however everyone should get mad at her if she refuses. It's his families piano not hers. Great Aunt could still file a theft report & give his Ex a criminal record. Call police & ask, I am pretty sure they will confirm it.

I like Mallory P's suggestion take a page from her book with help from the son who wants to give lessons to younger brothers & go get it when her & hubby are not home, they can't claim theft it wasn't ever hers to begin with.

She asked for the piano for her children. They are done with it. It really isn't her property. If the 16 year old lives with you he could ask for it for his use. Or if you wait until the boys are on their own they might get it and give it to you. If one of the older boys does get the piano it is back in your husband's family.

As for your children if you want them to take piano get one for them and give them lessons. Otherwise have them take up another instrument. Music is music and the skill will transfer from one instrument to another.

I agree with Mallory P and Tamara F!

I believe this is called stealing and the great aunt should have turned her in to the police when this was found out. I don't know if it is too late but your husband's great aunt needs to file a report with the police.

Otherwise you can try and get it back by any and all means other than you being illegal.

N.

Honestly? I think it is his decision. I totally get why you think it's bad news. If I were you, I would tell him that you support any plan of action regading the piano, but that you feel it's not your place to be involved. It's his ex-wife, his aunt and for the purposes of his conversation with the ex - it's about continuing his family tradition for the rest of his children. Bringing the "new" wife in may complicate it just for the sake of being difficult.

Is the Aunt still alive? If she is - have her put something in writing saying that she thought she was giving the piano to someone representing themselves as part of her nephews family. It could be considered fraud. I'm not sure he really wants to go to that level, but it might be nice to have that in writing if it ever comes to it.

Did the great aunt GIVE it to her or LOAN it to her? I know it is VERY wrong on so many levels (Why does she want something to hang on to from him or his family?), but I wonder if you have a LEGAL leg to stand on. IF it was loaned, then the loaner period is up - give it back. IF she took it under false pretense (they were split up at the time, yet she deceived great aunt into believing hubby wanted it), she could be prosecuted for theft (?), but I am not sure now that so many years have passed. There might be an assumption of a 'gift' since great aunt or hubby has not asked for it yet. If not, I would have professional piano movers meet you and the police there to ensure you get your property back. (It is hubby's, right? The great aunt wants him to have it? If he inherited it then it is rightfully his. If not, be SURE it is in the will as such if she has not passed. This might be something you are unwilling to do or ask, I just wanted to throw it out there as a possibility.)

She is the EX!! Why do you care if she gets upset?!