What to Say to Newly Divorced Family Member

Updated on August 09, 2010
K.J. asks from Westmont, IL
6 answers

Hi Mamas,

My cousin, who I was fairly close with when we were children, but haven't seen or talked to in over 3 years, just recently finalized her divorce. She is very close with my sister and gave her many details a few days ago, but told her she was doing so because she did not want to talk about it at our family reunion (in a few weeks.) I don't really know what to say to her, other than something like "I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through such a difficult time...I wish you all the best..." I'm not the best with small talk, especially when there's a giant elephant in the room. I feel like it's callous to not acknowledge it at all, but definitely do not want her to feel pressured to talk about it--especially with someone who has never been her confidant in the past.

Any suggestions?

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More Answers

P.W.

answers from Dallas on

How about dropping her a note, or an email. Be upfront and honest. Tell her your sister told you she doesn't want to talk about it at the reunion. Tell her you understand but you did want to drop a note to let her know that you were thinking of her and sorry she had to go through the divorce. That's what I would do.

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A.B.

answers from New York on

I second what Patty W. said.

1 mom found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

I agree with Patty.

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J.P.

answers from Chicago on

I think that you should offer to listen if she wants to talk. That's what I wanted/needed during my divorce. Just someone to listen to what I was going through....there's a time during the process where you feel extremely alone and or alienated from friends and family...especially since it seems like every one around me is married or in a serious relationship.

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T.A.

answers from Toledo on

I wouldn't say anything to her about it unless she says something first. I have a friend (I will call her Laverne) that may be going through a divorce and she doesn't want to talk about it. Another friend (Shirley) thought she should bring it up to her to offer support. Laverne later admitted she felt "bullied" into talking about something she didn't want share. Shirley thought she was doing the right thing but in all reality, Laverne didn't want the support (she was getting help and venting elsewhere). Sometimes it's best to leave "well-enough" alone, even though you just want to let her know you are there for her if she needs to talk. Good luck!

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Patty is wise!
I wouldn't bring it up in person, just follow her lead.

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