What to Say to My 17 Year Old

I think it is great that your daughter confided in you! Great job! I believe not telling your husband is wrong however. I am sure this is why you are in knots over it. On one hand, if you tell your daughter that you will tell her father, she may not trust you anymore and will keep her thoughts to herself. But on the other hand, children grow up and move away and the person you are left with is your spouse. Any marriage counselor worth their salt will tell you that the marriage comes first. Sit your daughter down, hug her and let her know that you are so grateful to her for sharing with you but say you are uncomfortable with keeping this information from her father. Explain to her how you feel being married to your husband and hopefully she will come to understand that the bond you two have is something more than just sex or a piece of paper. You could reassure her that much like you, her father will not judge her and will remain calm. He will also be thankful for knowing what is going on under his own roof.

I wish you the best of luck!
Blessings!

Hello L.,

I am a firm believer that one shold wait till they are married before having sex. This is something that should be shared between a husband and wife and becoming one- nothing to do with letting "God and the universe know she is ready to accept responsibility of being a parent and make sacrifices of her own" and thta is not what it says in the Bible. I am tired of this world acting as though that is not realistic to wait - when it is. We set our own limitations and standards.
With that said- it seems like your burden is coming from guilt. If you are still married, you made a commitment to your husband first and foremost and keeping things from him is dishonest. You should set an example for your daughter and show the unity, love, and honesty between you and your husband. Your child will marry and move on- you have a life long commitment with your spouse. Don't try and be the cool, calm and collected friend. Be the Mother who no matter what does the right thing even if your daughter does not like it. If your daughter made the right choice do think that A. you would be keeping it from her Father B. Feel so much burden
Your conscience is letting you in on something- Situation not right.

Hello L.....I know you have this big heavy burden now on your chest. But you have to be glad she came to you.Now is the time you take her and put her on bith control. Now that she is sexually active, it is time to take that next step for further protection. She is 17 and they do start earlier now. I know you feel she is to young, But I guess my point is she feels responsible. Hopefully this will be her one true love. But most of the time we all know that wont happen. Good Luck to you.

you need 2 tell her that sex is not everything ,she is young and she dont need 2 b commit 2 1 person ,she don`t need 2 play game with that young man,he is just like all mens they just wan`t 1 thing.

L., although I don't have any advice for you, you and your daughter are in my prayers. I hope this goes well for you and I eagerly look forward to some advice others give you as I fear in a few years I may need the same advice (as most of us surely will).

I think you did a good job, it is hard to have this information. You can do everything perfectly as a parent and still have something go wrong. As parents we are here as guides. Guides can lead you and ask for you to stay on a certain trail, but we are also there to bring them back to the trail when they leave it and get lost.
Being in the backseat won't help you or her feel better. She trusts you, she has shown that by talking to you. This will give her a better shot than many kids at getting to adulthood relatively safe. I have many friends who have children some have opted for teaching abstinence( 2 of them also now have grandchildren) and others who have educated their children about disease, pregnancy, making sure it is love not lust(although at this age that is really hard for them) before venturing into the intimate world. I wish you continued trust and happiness with your daughter

I think its great that at least she came to you and told you. Most teens are terrified. I do believe that her father should be told but you should encourage her to tell him not you. Doe she have any idea of what her b/f might say when he returns, or has she already told him and he has accepted the fact, especially being in college and likely not done for a while.
For the time being you are going to have to be there for her, hopefully the chips don't fall. You have obviously had a very close relationship with your daughter and now is the time to sit and ask her as well as telling her what having a baby is all about. Is she giving up her schooling? Where is she going to take her child for daycare? Unless you are willing. Yes you do have a great burden but don't we all have hurdles in our lives. Life is to learn and to accept mistakes and learn by them. None of us our perfect even though some will profess that they are. You aren't the first mom who has a pregnant teen. I'm sure you as well as she are going to have your moments of what next? She is not the first to have a child as a teen number one. You will hear ppl. say tell her to have an abortion. Others who are downright against early pregnancies. They happen, it just happens that its your daughter it has happened to. Can you turn your back "no". You have taught her respect, to be truthful and above all of this to love. I am sure that between the 3 of you things will turn out.(meaning her,you and b/f) but again I would really try and get her to talk to her father or give you permission to do so. It isn't fair to him, sure hes' going to be upset, not forever. I'm sure with your help, the b/f and your husband all will turn out. I know you would likely like to see her married possibly but if thats' not part of the equation don't push it. It may not work. Remember they are teens.Don't condem them. There is a reason for things to happen as I said we were put on this earth to live and learn. I won't go on anymore as I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from. Be there for her as much as you can, she sure is going to need your support and love which I know you will give her. Good luck, need I say congratulations "Grandma or Nan" Don't stress yourself out, it will work out, just be there for her. If she needs you to sit and talk with her dad then be happy to be there for her.

I can't speak to your issue between you and your daughter, but I think you will feel better if you share this with your husband. It is unrealistic of your daughter to expect you to keep this from him, the two of you can put up a front resembling that you didn't tell him, he can just keep it to himself that he knows, but you will feel better having him to share this with and to talk it out, because that will make you feel better. And he will be able to help you through this.
And pray about it a lot :-)
Good luck!

What a blessing! You've obviously done a great job of raising her and have a very trusting relationship. I think the things you've said to her were great. Just keep the communication going. A teenager's trust is a tentative thing. If you tell her father, you risk losing her trust. I wouldn't risk it.
And as far as the abstinence thing, we can all preach all we want. It doesn't mean they're going to listen. If you start preaching abstinence now, she may feel like you're judging her and stop talking. That's definitely not a good thing! Keep her talking to you!
You go, mamma!

I believe that you did a great job! I however don't have a 17 yr old girl, but a 2 1/2 yr old son. I am going to speak from experience from my younger days. My family was always open and I hope that my children will confide in me the same information and I think that it is GREAT that your daughter confided in you. I don't think this should be a burden that you are caring, she confided in you and you should hold on to that trust. Fathers are often not ready to hear that there daughter has had sex not even as adults, they think of them as little girls still. I know that in your heart you understand that girls (some) grow up to be wives and mothers and sex is how we become mothers, how you react now will hopfully have great impact on her relationship with her daughter (if she has one) one day. Good Luck to you! You are doing a WONDERFUL job! Hugs!

I don't have a 17 year old, but I do teach Abstinence Education to middle school students. You should be so proud that she shared that with you and I would recommend to keep that conversation going with her. When he is in for visits or dances, reiterate all of the things you have already talked about, but get a feel from her where she thinks the relationship is at. With him going away to school, I hope it was not a going away "gift" and that her heart will not be broken. I think the phrase you used "sending an okay to God and the universe that she is ready to accept the responsiblity of being a parent and make sacrifices of her own" is important. Good luck.

I had a similar situation, only with my son.

We talked about the moral issues, and the resposibility, but the one that seemed to hit home to him was the "emotional" aspect. It was a hard lesson to learn when he was so tied to her and she broke up with him.
He cried and cried and he admitted to me that he had boken up with girls before and this hurt so deeply because he felt so close to her... to her heart, to her soul. It was then that he understood what I was saying. We can tell them, but until they experience it for themselves they are merely words coming from someone who they love, respect, but "they really don't understand"

I think teens have a disconnect to what we as parents are saying. You remember.... We all think our parents are behind the times and just don't understand.. This is how we all learn. We want to protect them as much as we can. Be there for her if the relationship ends, these are all a part of life.

My heart goes out to you,dear sister...I have a 13yr.old daughter and am praying we never have this conversation,so I'm not in a position to give any advise other than to seek the counsel of the youth leaders at your church,ask for prayer from as many others from your church as possible,in short I guess I'm saying to handle this on your knees...seeking God and His way to handle this, as He made you,your daughter,her boyfriend and her father and knows everything about all of you and deeply cares for all of you and has a plan and a purpose for each of you.As with so many other difficulties He ALLOWS (not causes to happen) into our lives,this MAY just be the door to seek HIM more,become closer to Him,deepen your relationship with Him in a way that you never would have if this situation had not occured.NOTHING comes into our daily lives that has not passed first through His hands.Lean on Him,draw closer to Him,seek Him and yu will find the answers you need,the strength to get through each day in His peace that surpasses ALL understanding,and the wisdom,love,grace,mercy,that can only come from HIM.PRAY PRAY PRAY and keep on PRAYING,
P.