16 answers

What to Do with a Bored 11Yr Old Girl?

My 11 yr year old stepdaughter states that she is 'bored' all the time, both at her mother's house and our house. She was the first grandchild on both sides of the family and was excessive spoiled by her grandparents(according to her parents). She has always been given any toy/object she wants, yet she will sit in her room and either stare at the wall, watch tv or draw/color/write in notebook. She is also jealous of her siblings (twins 3 1/2), so we try to give her as much individual attention as we can. ANY SUGGESTIONS would be VERY MUCH appreciated.

What can I do next?

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I really suggest that you find things to do that involve all of you, even daddy. She must learn that the world doesn't revolve around her, but that there is other members that need just as much attention. (not saying you shouldn't find quality time with her alone) If income is limited, find activites that involve everyone, park trips, indoor hide and seek, or rewards to her when she helps out with the twins. A trip to her favorite movie, or lunch at her favorite place to eat but get her involved with helping out taking care of the twin. She needs some quality time in helping within the family. Maybe Dad could use some help in the garage, yard, or take along to his job one day. Get her out of her room and involved.

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My son was an only child and would complain of boredom, especially during the summer when school was out. What I did was any time he complained of being bored, I would give him a chore to do. It not only cured the boredom, but it stopped the complaining too. :D You could give her routine chores she's responsible for when she's in your home. You may not be her favorite person at first, but it'll teach her some responsibility.

At 11, she's old enough to have chores. I think it helps all kids to have them. What happens is they're given so much (toys, gadgets etc.) that it takes more to keep them satisfied. There's not much you can do about her being spoiled since other people (other parents/grandparents)are hard to control in that area. But she's also old enough to deal with her jealousy over 3 1/2 year old children. It sounds like her problem isn't not enough attention. It's too much attention. I hope you're not offended. I'm just going by the e-mail. I could be wrong about that.

2 moms found this helpful

She needs friends. Is she somewhat shy or otherwise have difficulty making friends? I suggest trying to find social activities where it's easier for her to make friends. Are you involved in a church? Hopefully you could find a good youth group for her. Or maybe you could get her involved in sports. Whatever the activity, I'm guessing she really is lonely, rather than "bored." (The activities you described that she does are all things she does by herself). She is so blessed to have a step-mother that cares so much about her. God bless you. I hope you do get your own biological children too.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi M.,

I remember when me sister was that age, my mother sat her down and told her that life didn't come with a social director. If she was bored, what exactly, would she like to do? Would she like to go to the library to get some books to read, did she want to take a class in dancing, drawing, gymnastics, etc. -- What did SHE think should be done. Then, they started compromising. It's easy to say you're bored when you don't know what it is you want to do. This way, she'll figure it out for herself and learn some problem skills at the same time. Good luck!!

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Good question. I remember being the bored child! What about scrapebooking or some type of craft that she would see her creativity and her talent in? It takes a lot of time so I think it would be something she may find interesting. I also think this would be a good thing for you to do with her if she is feeling jealous. She could have a few different ones for family, friends, school... I never suggest tv or video games but ofcourse children like them =-) Does she participate in any county/city sports? Wow! Great responses below for chores, girl scouts and friends!

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I think spending time with her is the best thing you can do. You, your husband, and/or the girl's mother could have some one-n-one outings with her while one of the others is with the twins. Kids that age act like they don't like grown-up attention, but they really crave it. Ask her what she would like to do or take her anywhere from on errands to a restaurant, movie, museum, etc. Also, does she have a lot of friends? Friends are so important at that age, and having friends over should help with the boredom issue. As you are saying, she has plenty of things; she needs activities.

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I have a 12 y.o. so I know how you feel. The best thing I can say is try to get her involved in some activities. Girl Scouts is great or maybe even a sport.

1 mom found this helpful

M.,
You have to find out what it is that she likes. I would simply ask her if she could do anything at all.. what would it be? (within reason of course) How about a girls day out? Take her to lunch and to the mall/to the arcade? What about helping you cook something? My daughter is 11 and she loves to help me in the kitchen - especially baking something like a cake. I let her do as much of it as she can and oversee it. Then she will be proud of it and want to do it again? try it and see if it interests her?

1 mom found this helpful

I really suggest that you find things to do that involve all of you, even daddy. She must learn that the world doesn't revolve around her, but that there is other members that need just as much attention. (not saying you shouldn't find quality time with her alone) If income is limited, find activites that involve everyone, park trips, indoor hide and seek, or rewards to her when she helps out with the twins. A trip to her favorite movie, or lunch at her favorite place to eat but get her involved with helping out taking care of the twin. She needs some quality time in helping within the family. Maybe Dad could use some help in the garage, yard, or take along to his job one day. Get her out of her room and involved.

1 mom found this helpful

You mentioned that she likes drawing - perhaps you can enroll her in a class of some sort to help her hone her skills and learn something instead of being bored. If she doesn't want to do that (maybe the thought of going alone would be scary), perhaps another hobby - maybe something the two of you can share together (just the two of you) that would alleviate some of the jealousy between she and the twins as well as giving you two time to spend together and learn something new? The more time you get to spend with her now and get her to talk and share about things in her life the more likely she will be to do it when she gets older and struggles through some really tough stuff!

1 mom found this helpful

HEY M.~! TALK TO HER AND SEE WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO. MAYBE SHE NEEDS MORE GIRL TIME SHE IS GETTING TO THAT AGE. GET INTO A SPORT MAYBE SOFTBALL(THATS WHAT I PLAYED) OR CHEERLEADING SOCCER WHATEVER HER HEART DESIRES AND SIGN HER UP..dOES SHE HAVE ALOT OF FRIENDS?

1 mom found this helpful

The best advice I can give for a bored 11 yr. old would be this...if you and your husband are doing everything you can to involve her in activities and give her added attention that she acts like she needs because she is bored and that still doesn't work, then this is what I would say is the problem...she is not bored, she is jealous. Jealousy can play alot of roles in children. Some show their jealousy in ways that is obvious and others play it out in not so obvious ways. Example, being bored all the time for no reason. It is hard for me to believe that she could be that bored when she gets as much attention as she does and recieves toys and sorts from her grandparents. Sometimes you have to look at kids behavior on a deeper level because they don't always show their feelings in an upfront way, especailly when they get close to their teens. I wouldn't normally give advice like this but I have seen it more than once in my own family...my son did the same thing. I hope this info is of some help. Take care and have a great and safe halloween!

At age 11 she should be trying out her creative side. How about some craft projects. Must dollar stores sell cheap crafts supplies. Or if you low on money get some old glass ware maybe from a garage sale or some flea market. mis some food coloring and elmars glue and have her do her own stained glass. If she doesnt like the way it turns out just soak it in water and start again. At this time of year they make cute gifts for grandma. Or try making christmas cards. get either blank card stock or just thick white paper glitter glue sequins scraps of colored paper and crayons ribbons lace what ever you find then you can write personal messages inside. The relatives love getting those in the mail. Even last years old cards if you saved then cut up to make a new scene. Creativity gives her some thing new to look foward to each time. If you need any more ideas just send me a note. I have dozens. My mom raise 7 children this way.

How about putting her in some kind of class ballet, hip hop, gymnastics or a sport activity?

Have you tried to get her in to cheerleading a dance class or some other sport.

I have 10 year old girl and she says the same thing. I've also noticed a change in her. Nothing serious but I can see the little lady starting to develope in her. She's torn between playing with her little brother and asserting herself as this new emerging "tween". I agree with the other Mom's about teaching her how to cook and giving her some chores. These are life's lessons. My daughter also loves it when it's just us "girls". Her younger brother usually commands more of our attention so having that time to bond and do big girl things really helps to bring her out of her shell. I get to see her grow. Maybe your daughter's experiencing the same awkard transition my girl's going thru. This is when you keep them close to you and open up that bridge of communication so that you don't lose them when they become full fledge teens. As a mom, try to understand her. She'll appreciate later on and so will you. This is a special time to start building that foundation towards womanhood. Hope this gives a bit of insight. Good Luck.

does she have a stero or she can wach teen mom or jersey shore or even 16 and pregnant channel 43 or txt ur franns but i go swimming a lot just swim by your self its no fun

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