2 weeks ago my baby sisters best friend (14 years old) was diagnosed with leukemia. She went to the hospital not feeling well and that night was dealt the devastating news. My husband and I have gotten to know her through the years and she's like part of the family. We want to do something for her and her family, but not sure what. She has started chemo, so she can only leave the house for her treatments. Any suggestions on what to do for them?
Make meals for them, put up a calendar where other friends / family can help them with things meals and or chores.
If there are younger siblings - take them out for an outing.
Cancer can financial drain a family - possible a gofundme account fund raiser?
Ask them what would be helpful.
The problem with just doing stuff is that you don't know what they need! A lot of people tend to step up at the beginning, when they first get the news, but the family is still dealing with the shock and isn't in "help" mode yet. The other thing is, sometimes things aren't as hard for the teen (or adult) in the beginning and it's down the road, when chemo really kicks in, that they need more support.
Lotsa HelpingHands is a great (free) website and it allows volunteers to do what is needed with just one or two family friends coordinating it. So the teen's family doesn't have to answer all the well-meaning requests and coordinate all the influx of frozen meals. What you don't want to do is create more work for the family in coordinating all the volunteers! So you want to use a website that does the work for them.
They need more than meals in many cases. They need rides to activities for the other kids in the family, sometimes things like yard work and snow shoveling, errands, housecleaning (if they want someone in their house), and more. Maybe she needs DVDs and entertainment, maybe she needs a tutor to keep up with her studies (that can be worked out through the school), maybe they need someone to go to appointments with a notepad to write down all the stuff they're going to forget.
Moreover, if this girl cannot leave her home, there is concern about her immune system. So you absolutely don't want a huge influx of people into the home with food drop-offs.
The best thing you can do is talk to the family's closest friends - or if it's you, step up to be the coordinator yourself. Go to LotsaHelpingHands and familiarize yourself with the website and how it works. Then meet with the parents and explain it, and figure out ways to get the info to all their friends, the kid's school friends, etc. You take all the arrangements off the shoulders of the family, and you coordinate form a distance.
Their needs may change as they go through the treatment - so there may be 100 things they'll need in a few months that they haven't even thought of now.
The point is - they don't know. So don't just jump in and do something, anything, no matter how sincerely you want to help. If often creates more of a problem for the family, and that's the last thing you want to do.
What about opening a gofundme page/account?
Sites like lotsahelpinghands can be used to organize meal delivery, child care, errands, chores, etc.
I agree with making meals...it's simple, but that stuff really helps.
Also, if they have other children, you could offer to drive them to activities or pick them up from school if the parents are at the hospital etc.
Yes to everything below except maybe cooking a meal, unless you check in detail first with the parents to find out what she can eat.
People undergoing chemo cannot have certain foods (no salads, no raw vegetables, as they can carry foodborne illnesses that could be very dangerous to the patient) and the chemo also changes their taste -- things they loved one week could be nauseating to them the next week. So your sister's knowledge of her friend's favorite foods should take second place to checking with the family. Even the smells of certain familiar foods can make chemo patients nauseous. Meals are a help but absolutely check first.
I would add to the ideas below: Send the girl things to do and see and use to occupy herself. She cannot go out due to her immune system being compromised by the chemo and she needs distraction badly. We had friends whose son had months of chemo and the family said he mostly needed to new books, magazines and DVDs, he loved puzzle books, etc. Again -- ask the family directly so you don't duplicate things the girl already has, and you get things that are to her tastes and interests.
I wish this girl and her family well. Our friends mentioned above had a son with leukemia too and he is doing very well now. In younger patients, leukemia has a fair chance of being treated with success. I really hope that's the case with her too.
Things to just help would include dropping off meals, running errands or taking other kids to activities, grocery shopping, helping with cleaning and laundry.
A.
Talk to her mom and find out what they need.
They may need dinners or meals prepared for them. Hospital food gets old and expensive after a while.
They may need pick up and drop off of other children to sporting events or other activities.
If you want to take the lead on something? Use SignUpGenius.com - this will allow people to know what's going on. It streamlines everything. You can put food allergies, timing, etc. and people can volunteer to do it. And it sends them notifications to remind them of the event.
While it's a tough subject for some? Talk about money and what help they might need. Ask if you can set up a GoFundMe account to help with expenses.
They might need someone to come in and clean the house. They might need a new heating/ac system and can't afford it. Talk to local Hvac companies and find out if they can donate a portion or something. You will never know until you ask.
This is a hard time for families. There's a lot to go through. So have the hard talk with 'em. Have them write down their activities and what needs to be done. Talk with neighbors and friends and let them know what you are doing. This will keep the questions to a minimum as well. You could take the lead and disseminate information.
You can offer to set up a "caringbridge.com" account for them - they can get her story out there for people to check up on daily or weekly. This also helps the family as they don't have to deal with the "what do you need" or "how is she doing"?? It's tough to repeat the story time after time after time.
Good luck! I pray that she recovers fully.
Are you close enough geographically to cook something or pick up some meals for them? oftentimes people going through these things seriously don't even think of shopping or cooking. They are emotionally and physically on hold.
I have a friend whose son played on my son's soccer team. They are a fantastic family, love God, and are devoted to their kids and each other.
5 years ago their son was diagnosed with Leukemia for the first time. We rallied around them, taking care of her other son when they had doctor appointments, food, prayers.
Since then, this fantastic boy has been in remission 4 times. His Leukemia has come back 5 times. He has been in different trials, one being patient #31. It has been devestating.
They have an army, Colton's Army, that has been behind them 100%. They have had multiple fund raisers (last year they sold Christmas trees on a Christmas tree farm and raised just over $50,000!), bake sales, car washes, the big Climb. Those things all raise money, either for his family or for Cancer research in general. We have also donated blood in his name, bought little trinkets at outrageous prices, and loved on the family whenever possible.
What they need is your love and support, more then anything else. Be there, don't be afraid to ask questions. Cry with them, rejoice with them. It's exhausting, an emotional rollercoaster. They will appreciate that more than anything.
Good luck to your friend, L.
Take your sister and put together a basket of stuff her best friend would like. Nail polish, jewelry, a couple cute hats, etc. It'll give her something to do while she's house bound.
Find out when her chemo is scheduled and let the parents know that you'll drop off a meal so they don't have to worry about feeding everyone that day. If there are other children offer to take them to activities so that their parents don't have to worry about transportation.
Send cards every so often to let them know they are loved. A lot of times people are all 'OMG I'm here to help' when something first starts but cancer is a long haul disease so several months down the road the family is standing there wondering where everyone went.
