What to Do About Custody Problems and the Blame Game?

Updated on October 14, 2017
B.S. asks from New York, NY
5 answers

My elderly parents and I took care of my nephew for 8 years almost full time. We wanted to have him three days a week instead of everyday, the mother went ballistic and played all these games with us for about six months.I was able to sit down and have coffee with her and iron it out. We have been talking to him on Skype almost everyday and taking him places again.My mom even helps him with his homework.

I just got done talking to the kid , when my brother's gf calls screaming my head off at my mom . She says the ex is blaming us for him being bad at her house and we are NEVER going to see him again and he needs to be in military school where he is punished all the time. Then the gf tried to hit my parents up for a bunch of money and I was like no.The mother does not like her around the kid because the gf is nuts and doesn't have custody of any of her kids. Also the gf hates my nephew and wants him to be crushed and miserable and was dumb enough to tell the mom that.

The gf has called cps and the cops on us and told the mother I kidnapped him , when he was hidden at her friends house.I don't know what my brother thinks because his gf does not allow him to talk to us at all. I am sorry if this is not allowed, I don't know what to do.My mom won't stop crying and my dad is upset too. I think my parents should sue for grandparents rights because this is bull. He is happy over his mom's but very unhappy at my brother's , which I totally understand because the idiot gf screamed at the kid because he had bronchitis and she is sure he is lying.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

More Answers


answers from Springfield on

so you, your parents and the child's mother are all in agreement and the girlfriend of the child's dad does not agree? did i get that right?
if that is right then your parents need to sit the child's dad down and tell him how it will be and if he does not like it he can leave and be gone. then you, your parents and the child's mom continue doing whats best for the child. the child's dad needs to tell the girlfriend to stop what she is doing regarding the child or he needs to leave her and be a father first then worry about a gf.

you need to speak to the mother and a lawyer and get things fixed so this child has the best life possible.all parties need to be on the same page and with the blame game going on your best bet is to lawyer up and do it all thru the legal system.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

What do you want to do?
It doesn't sound like your nephews parents are in a position to raise him in any sort of a stable environment.
Does either his mom or dad want full custody - because it sounds like they want the child support money for him without actually wanting him.
And it's just sad that his father has disengaged himself to the point where he allows his girlfriend to handle his child - she shouldn't even be in the picture at all.
To abandon this child to his parents 'tender mercies' sounds worse than letting him go to a foster home.
There's probably more to the story but from what info you've supplied his parents sound incompetent at best and abusive at worst.
If you and your parents want full custody - then lawyer up and see what options are available to you.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Wausau on

If it isn't through the courts, it's not real.

In NY state, grandparents can go to court for visitation if they show appropriate cause. Those rights to not extend to you as an aunt, so you can't have anything that isn't voluntarily given to you by the parent(s).

Grandparents can only ask for custody/guardianship if the child has been abandoned or severely neglected.


Unless there are unshared details to show otherwise, it sounds like the child's mother is the one who has the best chance at primary physical custody. Your parents should probably back her, rather than their own son and his nutty gf.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Sounds like your parents need to get with the ex and get a court order for custody. Weather its joint between your parents and the mom or what. The girlfriend needs to keep her nose out. It sounds like you need to do an intervention with your brother. If he wants to have any relationship with his son. Sounds like the girlfriend just wants the son to go away permanently. And if she doesn't have her own kids she has no business trying to take care of your nephew. Get a lawyer involved. Please for his sake.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

Omg! I feel for you and your nephew especially!!! The gf has to bud out! It's between your agreement with your brother and his ex wife. It's great you and your parents have provided him with a loving and stable environment! I pray that always continues!!!Best of luck!!!

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions