What to Do About a Friend - Killeen,TX

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I went through something similar a couple of months ago (without the man problems as we are both happily married). I know that she is the God-mother to your children, but that is all the more reason to put some distance between the two of you. She is supposed to be an example for them and that can’t happen with her current behavior.
If I were you, I would cancel the trip. You are setting yourself up for a failure here. Tell your children that some things have happened and you will not be able to see this family for now. If they want to know what happened, all you need to tell them is that these are adult issues and they need not worry. The kids can write to one another in the mean time.
She is obviously threatened by you and suffering some self esteem issues, but these are not your issues. She is an adult and needs to be responsible for herself.
If you want to be friends with here right now, do it WITHOUT the children. Take everyone to a sitter and go out together, but the children see things that we don’t think they will and often read much more into it.
Good luck and big hugs.

You can't do anything about your friend. You've said what you can and done what you can. It's on her, and you're not in control of what she does with her life. It's hard to let people learn their own lessons and figure out life for themselves, but it's what you've got to do to maintain order in your own life. It's painful and irritating to watch someone live life as you would not. I assure you that if you will focus fully on always improving your own life and the welfare of your children, you will not have attention to direct to your friend's madness.

It wasn't clear to me how her children were left with you while she hung out with the dude. Why didn't you insist that she not leave them with you, that she take them wherever she was going, that you would not be responsible for them? I have friends and relatives who live life contrary to what I think is right. It's certainly their right to do. I can only control how much of my life is affected by that. You have no obligation to sit around and watch her behave like this. It is not at all "unchristian-like" to separate yourself from behavior that negatively affects your well-being, in whatever way and for whatever reason. In fact, it's counter-productive for you not to separate yourself from it because it takes the focus off of what you need to do to steadily improve your life.

Take care of yourself and your children, and surround yourself with people who are like-minded and exhibit behavior that will force you to step it up. We sharpen each other in our relationships. You need to hitch yourself to people who can have a positive influence in your life...and be encouraged to do the same for them. If it's pretty much one-sided, it's unhealthy for each of you.

She seems desperate. I think the advice she needs is that her behavior is counterproductive and will damage her and her children. She needs to stop. A counselor might be able to help her see this. If she has been abused in the past, the counseling at places like Safe Place is tailor made for her. And low cost or free. Otherwise, she may need to speak with a pastor or a paid counselor, but the path she is on will not lead her to where she wants to go.
Regarding your planned visit, only go if you want more of what you just experienced. Tell her to let you know when she is in counseling and then go visit when you can hear her saying, "Thank you for getting me off that train to nowhere". Recognize that that may never happen, but you and your children do not want to be part of these craziness.
Good luck.
K.

Sounds like you both could use a break from one another - you (and your kids for that matter) from her selfish and self destructive ways, and her so she can see what its like to be without a truly supportive friend. Don't tell her you need a break, just be really busy all of a sudden. Don't answer phone calls right away or at all, have something already planned for when she wants to see you...stuff like that. After a few weeks, you'll be able to think clearer and handle the situation w/o getting too emotional and you can do what is right for both of you and your set of kids.

i think my first response would be to get her out of your life, but as a christian that would not be what god wanted us to do.
obviously she needs help and has maturity issues, selfishness issues, and a whole lot of other issues.
i certainly would not plan any more outings with her - for a start you dont want your children to see that kind of immorality - and at 13 your child would definitly see what is going on, you can tell her the truth, or tell her that you are too busy at the moment.

that is such a horrible thing to do to someone, i would have been livid.

if you go to church maybe you can take her with you - there is usually plenty of men at church lol - or maybe you dont want to "expose" you church to her - maybe you could suggest a good church to her. or if she is not a christian, maybe she could see a counsellor, or join a dating agency.

you could say you will only meet with her when there is no possibility that she will bail on you and expect you to cater for her kids, like a picnic, or a park playdate

ugh - i dont know if i have given you any good avdice, but i hear ya lol

Hi Lynda
OMG!! How irresponsible is this woman? I'm sorry....I know she's your friend so I will choose my words carefully- but she needs help! Lots of it.
You said this is not the first time she has done this type of thing to you, pls. don't put up with this anymore. People treat us the way we allow them to treat us.
I would have a nice long talk with her and tell her you want to cancel your trip and tell her exactly why.
Hugggss to you.....

I know you love her but the real question is does she love you? A one sided relationship is so tough and really hurts in the long run. I have had quite a few relationships where I could just see that good heart deep down inside the person only to be repeatedly treated badly. It just doesn't sound like a great friendship, especially since she is pursuing someone she knows you are having feelings about. I think the best thing to do is talk to her openly, I mean for real. If you can't be honest with a long term friend it just isn't worth it to hang on. Tell her the truth about how hurtful it is to you when she does these things and that her dumping her kids on you and not giving you a cent is not ok. Seriously, if she is that life time friend your relationship can take it, if not, she may not be the friend to you that are to her. I have this great friend and I remember one time I was having a tough day and she basically told me to just get over it. I looked at her and told her that if I couldn't come to her in my weaknesses and be vulnerable our friendship would not work out. Being honest with her made our friendship gold and we laugh about that conversation to this day. I wish you all the best and sorry you are having friend trouble!