"What's So Bad About a Boy Who Wants to Wear a Dress?"

Yes, to a point. My opinion is just because my son likes sparkly things, doesn't mean I'm going to run out and buy him all the sparkle pink dresses I can find for him.

My now 12 yo daughter is a tom boy. When she was ages 4-6, she was Spiderman each of those years for Halloween. No big deal.

My now 9 yo son a few years ago wanted his nails painted. So I painted them black. It lasted all of a day and he was over it. No big deal.

I think kids need to *like* the things they like, but within reason and we as their parents have to set boundaries on those things they like. Just my opinion...everything in moderation. Good luck!

I really do think that it's as simple as the need to label and box things up rather neatly. It makes us feel comfortable because we don't really like to consider things on an individual basis. That takes too much work. It's easier to plunk someone into an already-constructed box than to build a box around him/her. Whose small and closed mind has room for that many boxes, anyway?

so glad your little boy has you for a mom!!!
i'm totally with you.
khairete
S.

"Delightful bosom?" I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Way to project your own sexual needs on elementary aged children.

I'm with you, D.- I find the double standard odd. Fun and play and caring and giving are human traits, not male or female traits.

Heaven forbid I should teach my child to be a "a transvestite or crossdresser or worse." I'd rather have a son who lives true to himself and respects others for their choices than be a mother to a bigot. That would be truly horrible.

I personally know transgender adults and I have friends who have a son who is transitioning from male to female. This child has known she is a girl from a very young age. Her parents did not cause this, nor did she choose this. To those who think this is "abnormal" and the fault of parents, until you have witnessed the difficulties experienced by parents of transgender individuals, you have no idea of what you are speaking.

I have many dear friends who are gay. None of them choose to be this way. Who would purposefully choose an identity that is reviled and hated in society?

Our children come into this world as individuals. Good, loving parents nurture and guide and support. We teach them to be good, loving responsible members of society. We hope they will find joy in their lives and that they will do good in the world. Good parents also learn to acknowledge that their children are distinct beings, individuals that might be very different from them and that does not mean something is "wrong" with the child or their parenting.

You sound like a wonderful mother to me. You are allowing your child to become the person he was meant to be and you are teaching him to NOT place people into neat little boxes....and ultimately that will make him an amazing man, and amazing person.

When my son was a pre-schooler he wanted a Barbie - so he got one form Christmas - he played with it maybe 5 times. But alot differently than his older sister did - his Barbie jumped off bulidings, flew through the air and he didn't want anything to do with changing her outfit 27 times. He also played with his sister's jewelry and allowed her to dress him up. He wore high heels, dresses, tiaras, etc. But he also turned his brocoli into a weapon at the dinner table. When my daugheter was a preschooler she wanted a rescue hero - my husband moved heaven and earth to find one for her (they were brand new that year) and she watched the video/cartoon that came with it about a thousand times. Kids like what they like - who cares.
My kids are teens now and my son is very masculine, likes girls and plays "manly sports" -my daughter is all teen-age girl, the good and the bad. What they want to play with as a preschooler has very little to do with who they will grow up to be.

I have always thought the the idea that certain toys, items of clothing, or behaviors were only appropriate for one sex was beyond stupid.
If a girl wants to wear boxers instead of panties, let her. If a boy wants to wear a skirt, let him.

Interesting post. Made me remember when I was younger, and my brother would play with my barbies, and I played with his GI joe's. He loved dress-up, and would wear a towel around his head to pretend that he had long , flowing hair. I played sports, played with boys more then girls. My brother had more girl friends then boys..Etc,etc..

I think many parents are afraid that if their son/daughter play with the wrong gender toys, that they will be more susceptible to being gay or some other issue later on in their life. While my brother was born gay, I was not. I know that I am not freaking out if my kid loves sparkles, the color pink, and necklaces. That's all that matters.

The point is, any child will play , act, or grow up doing what they find comforable. It doesn't mean anything bad, it just their way of finding their own identity and what makes them the person they are. It's called a personality for a reason. You can't put a label on a person, or keep them in a box. It's ridiculous.

And, yes, I find it odd. To answer your question.

This subject goes 'round and 'round and it usually boils down to people who don't have issues with it and people who think that if you let your little boy paint his fingernails, you're "blurring gender lines." I say that's a bunch of hooey, based on my own experience.

From the time my son was about 2 until about age 5 I allowed him to dress in any kind of costume he wanted. He dressed in his sister's ballet dress, wore fireman rainboots and pushed a dump truck up and down the sidewalk. A bear costume, and cheetah unitard, spiderman costume and sometimes just clothes that were all the same color creating a red panda costume, were all in heavy rotation. We went to Costco with him dressed in the beloved cheetah unitard, unicorn ears, and horse tail... if we were painting his sister's toenails he wanted his painted too.

When he was 4 he put on the sparkly red "Dorothy" shoes from the costume box at preschool and convinced all the teachers that he had brought them from home... because he didn't want to share them with the rest of the BOYS who wanted a turn wearing them.

Now at age 7, he doesn't do those things much anymore. But he will play Barbies with his sister... and she plays Ninjago and Legos with him. Both of my kids are well rounded, and neither of them have any question or confusion about their gender, and it has nothing to do with us limiting the types of toys they played with or the characters we allowed them to be during pretend play.

I say go on doing what you're doing. Someday, when your son doesn't think that cooking is "women's work", his wife will thank you~

I hate the double standard. I have a girl who's into "boy" things. She was so excited about her Darth Vader lunch box, and then today when I showed her how I put her name on it for school (she starts kindergarten on Wed!) she said maybe she should have gotten princess because people will say it's for boys. My heart broke for her a little. I keep telling her there's no boy stuff or girl stuff, just stuff, which she seems to get, but who knows if everyone else will?

I know it seems like it's ok for girls to do boy stuff, but the other girls in her class make fun of her just like the girls do your little boy.

8kidsdad, the fact that you like to see young girls in dresses that enhance their breasts troubles me more than I can say. I don't think you can redeem that comment in any way. If I ever heard an older man say that, I would keep my daughter far, far away from such an individual.

D., it sounds like your son is a well rounded, uninhibited, healthy boy and I think you are a rockin' (does anyone even say that anymore?) parent! :)

Wow, your little guy sounds just like mine at that age! He loved to wear his sisters old pink snow boots around town. His older brothers and sister would say "really mom?" He too loved anything sparkly and if he had to choose the color of something it would just about always be the pink one. He also loved his trucks, dinosaurs, light sabers etc. Slowly but surely he started picking up on the cues of older kids that some things were for "girls" and some were for "boys". I always stress that there are no "boy" things vs "girl" things (except restrooms).

I didn't read all the responses, nor did I read the article you posted (I had a feeling something in there would make me angry, and I hate to start my day off like that.) I just want to commend you for what you're doing: letting your son be who he is. I think that's so important. Who cares what he likes to play with and if it's girl stuff or boy stuff or both? He sounds like a lively, interesting boy who has a wide variety of interests. Good for you and him. :)

Aww, gee 8kidsdad, do you HAVE to say this kind of stuff? Delightful bosoms? Please! There are just some things you don't talk about, even if you think them. No matter how much you want to enforce stereotypical behavior on the sexes, keep delightful bosoms to yourself. Really, no one here wants to hear about how much you like breasts, regardless of the age of those with them, but ESPECIALLY about the young set. It makes it even WORSE considering you are the age you are and your picture shows you as Santa where you sit delightful bosoms on your lap.

Please show more respect than that when you come to this site - even if you don't feel respectful.

D., your son is just trying to role play. He'll become a "boy" later, through and through. It is pretty usual, this hopping back and forth between liking boy things and girl things. It is rare that this becomes the thing that 8kidsdad talks about - men with chest hair wearing dresses. Groan...

Dawn

I was just talking about this sort of thing the other day with a friend of mine. My son (now 8) use to be like this when he was younger. Her kids (girls) had all kinds of pretty dress up outfits that he use to like to play with when we were over there. I think she even has a picture of him dressed up as Mrs. Claus...lol! I don't see the problem with it. He will out grow it so there's no reason to make a big deal out of it.

My husband once had a "mild" freak out when I bought our son a baby stroller for his playskool blue boy doll that he had, our son LOVED the buggy! As a matter of fact, our next son had one for his baby too! As well as the next 3! Lol.
Funny thing about it, my hubby needed to look in the mirror as he pushed all 5 sons and 1 daughter in a buggy and also "wore" them on his back and chest for the last 19 years! Well the "baby" is 6 now but you get the point ;>)))))))

I don't find the double standard odd, unless it comes to equal rights in the workplace.
I think girls shouldn't wear condoms and I don't think boys should wear bras or tampons. I think girls look beautiful in dresses, especially those that enhance a delightful bosom. I don't thnk girls should only wear swimming trunks to the beach and boys shouldn't wear girls bikinis to the beach. Boys/men shouldn't try to nurse children.

Boys should start being treated like boys when you change their diapers and find you have a boy instead of a girl. That is with the understanding that you are not tying to raise your son to be a transvestite or crossdresser or worse.

"What you are to be you are now becoming." What you are teaching your son to be is abnormal. Our society is becoming more "do what ever pleases you", but teaching your son to be a girl will lead to some things you will probably won't like in 20 years. And all of them sound horrible to me.

Good luck to you and yours.

ETA: For those that malign my adjective for bosom, I'm sorry, I was at a loss for words. I've seen a hairy chested man in a "low cut" dress, and there was nothing delightful there. What word would you have used? At least I was honest enough to fill in my profile.

I have not read the other responses nor the article. But do have some experience with little boys who like to play with girl things. There is nothing wrong with it, you are right. Nothing at all. It doesn't mean he is gay...I believe that being gay is a lifestyle choice not something you are born to be. I never did understand why people get the panties in a wad about boys playing with girl things, but think it is perfectly okay for a girl to play with boy things. Total double standard!! I babysat a boy a long time ago who had an older sister and played with her and her friends with the girlie things. He is a now a loving father! I think it helps the boys learn about their softer side. Boys don't have to be tough all the time, we just make them think that. And that is when they turn into wife beaters. I know about that personally too. A very good friend of ours is the one who decorates the house at Christmas, cries in front of people, and has not one athletic bone in his body...yet he is a straight loving father. Funny thing is, his wife is the athletic one and was scared to death when they were pregnant with thier daughter. She wasn't sure what to do with a girl.
So with all that said, let him be! If that is how he wants to play the so be it. He is who he is and is happy. I don't think there is anything wrong with a little boy playing with girlie things. He'll make a great husband one day. Good luck and God Bless.

My only nitpicks are because of the biological fact that he's a boy. What's wrong with him being a "prince?" What's wrong with him playing the Daddy when playing house?

As for everything else, way to go G! Have fun with it and enjoy being 4 years old. He sounds like he has an amazing imagination.

As for the other children, and many/most adults, having gender identity roles that are predictable is comforting. Children like knowing how the world works and being able to predict that people of a certain sex will behave within expected gender roles. As they get older, those expectations widen up assuming their parents are open minded as you are. :-)

These things are changing, especially as parents are able to find crafters on places like Etsy and other web sites that will create-to-order.

When I was growing up my brothers played 'dolls' with me but they were the dad. I climbed trees with them. It was fun. I played cowboys and Indians, yes back in that day, and we had fun. They knew they were not girls and I knew I was not a boy and even though we played many things we didn't dress up in opposite sex clothes. We were happy with our sex. I think kids like to do different things and yet if they only play with dresses and are a boy I'd worry. If they only act like boys and are girls I would worry. I would not encourage it either. I know when our son wanted a doll it was because I'd just had a baby and we taught him to be a good daddy. We told him that. I think you should tell your son it's fine to play with sparkly things like toys but girls wear dresses. Tell him he's a wonderful 'prince' not princess.

I think that boys/girls playing with gender toys is just fine. My seven year old daughter dressed her four yr old brother up the other day in princess dress. He ran around saying "HAHAHAHA I'm no princess"...he knew it was all in fun.

Now will not I let him wear a dress out in public...no, not at this age. If in 20 years he would want to I would encourage him to do so...but right now no dresses for him outside of the home. (he doesn't ask so it really doesn't matter).

But on the same note I would not allow my daughter to go shirtless in the back yard, or only wear swim trunks. I like there are lines that should not be crossed and not because I find it a double standard...but because I find it inappropriate for their age.