What's a Step-mom to Be Called Nowadays?

hi i will soon have step-children too. but i also have a step-dad that have been in my life since i was 12y/o i have always called him by his first name because he is not my dad it does not take away from the fact that i love him and we spend holidays and all together but i would not feel comfortable calling him dad my soon to be step-children call me S. and at one point they tried calling me mom because they thought i would like it but they have a mom who loves them very much and i never want them to feel like i am trying to replace her paula and i dont get along but the kids shouldnt have to deal with that. how does their mother feel about them callin you momma whatever???

Hello B., my name is D. and I have been in a similar situation..My ex, my oldest son's real father remarried when my son was only 3 years old as I also did! My son called his step mother Ms. Keely but he chose to call my husband Daddy. this is still how it is and he is now 27 years old! Tell the girls that they can either call you Ms. Barb or something like that or if and when they might feel comfortable about it then they are welcome to call you Mom Barb! The word Mama will always be for just their mother but mom barb wouldn't be bad but at their age then they will probably only want to call you Ms. B. or Ms. Barb or maybe a nickname!! My ex's wife goes by KeeKee that all her family calls her but my son still calls her Ms. Keely!! It sounds like you and your husband won't see the kids that often so it will probably stay Ms.???? Good Luck and let me know what happens, I care, D.

B.,
At this point in the game it may be more important to consider what feel comfortable for Olivia and Chandler than what feels comfortable for you. At 14 and 10 they should feel able to express their choices. They may be feeling very overwhelmed with this major change in their lives and their family structure. It may be over the top to expect them to call you Mom or any variation of... they have a mom and you are not she.
Have you asked them what they would like to call you?
Consider the feelings you had when your father remarried and remember that you were an adult - Olivia and Chandler are still children and while they will be having some of these same feelings, they really have no say in the matter (and I am not saying they should) and they are still children, so this cahnge will have a much greater impact on them than your father's remarriage had on you.
If you can spend some time focusing on them and what they need during this transition the name will work itself out. As long as it is spoken with love, or at least respect, it will be fine.
Congratulations on this new phase of your life!
L. G

I agree with all the other post that you should not try to make them calle you mom anyrthing. When i was 11 my dad remarried and i called his wife by her first name. On the other hand my mom remarried when i was 13 and i called her husband by his first name for a long time then i started calling him daddy kevin and now its just daddy. But that situation is kinda different he is like my real father he steped in when i needed a daddy and my real dad was not there so i think of him as my real daddy and call him daddy. Anyways i think you should just let them pick what they would like to call you.

I am struggling with my step children calling me by my first name because it is too familiar and much like what they call their friends. However, I also think if they called me "Miss L." that would be too formal.
My friends always loved having their children call me Auntie. I loved it too and think this is a great alternative name showing endearment as well as a respect for your position.
I am hoping to get them started with calling me Auntie but they don't seem too willing.

I think it is way too early and they are too old to want to call you anything like "mom". I would go with Barb or talk to them and let them pick what they want to call you. That way they feel like they have some control in this situation. I have had 3 stepmoms and two stepdads and always just called them by their first names and eventually I made up my own nicknames for them. Don't try to force them into anything.

I think it's too soon for them to call you mom or momma anything. You aren't their mother and you shouldn't push the name on them. They have a mom and they should be able to call you whatever they are comfortable calling you.

My step daughter has always called me by my first name only since she was 2. Now that I have a child of my own she calls me mom now and then. I have never pushed the issue and have let her decide what to call me. You are not the only one to be in this position. Just because they call you by your first name does not mean they dont care and love you. I also dont think it is disrespectful. You never know, they may call you Mom one day. God bless you and your new family.

I have the same problem. I have tried to get my step daughter to call me anything beside ms J.. We made a name (momma J) but she still has a hard calling me that. Over the last 2 years she will occasionally say momma or momma j but she said she fummy calling me that. The best thing I have found is to let her call you what makes her comfortable no matter how bad it hurts until she is ready to call you something much less formal. I am still waiting for that day and it will come in time.

My dad and step mom have been married since I was 5. (27 yrs ago) I have called her by her first name since they got married. I was taught the same way you say you were. Everyone was Aunt, Uncle, Mr. or Ms. My stepmom and I have a wonderful friendship. I don't know what I would do without her, BUT I don't think we would have if I had ever felt that she was tring to take my mom's place. I am not saying that is what you are tring to do. However, with your stepkids being the age they are they may fell that way if you come to them and ask them to call you momma something. I agree that Ms B. is too formal.

my husband just calls his step-mom Vickie and they have since day one. she married his dad when he was about 13. i agree that calling you mrs. B. is too formal.

seeing as they already have a mom and especially since they live with her most the time i think it would be wrong to ask them to call you momanything. i think having them call you buy your first name would be just fine.