What Should I Do? - Katy,TX

Updated on November 26, 2018
A.D. asks from Katy, TX
6 answers

My husband has been going on drinking binges since our son was born. Our son is barely 3 months now. The first day back from the hospital he drove to pick up his mother to see the baby (she doesn’t have a vehicle) and they both got drunk that night. He then continuously got wasted and would come home to bang on the door so loudly and then scream in my face even when holding our newborn son. He then got pulled over at 3pm the following Saturday after our son was born and got arrested for a DWI. He stopped drinking for two weeks and then he went to court and then got wasted that night at the bar. He has been continuously been going on binge drinking episodes since then. He will now only stay sober for a day. He stopped and promised he would be there for me and our family. I had to work the other day and this was during his sober time and he was so excited to have alone time with his son. I had my dad to also stop by and check on them and they were fine. I came home after work and he was trying to sneak and throw away a 6 pack. He was definitely drunk and probably drank more than that. I have no idea when he went to go get that beer because he has a breathalyzer in his truck. I then made him pack his things and leave the next day after doing that while watching our son because I believe it is unforgivable. He is continuously saying things to make me out to be the bad person. He says I am the crazy one and I made him this way. He works so many hours and he thinks it’s ok that he drinks because he works hard. Which he has been making his account negative because of his drinking binges. He claims that he will take my child away from me if I divorce him because I don’t make much money and I’m in school so I don’t have the money to support my son. I don’t want to lose my child or even have this man alone with our son. I reached out to his mother and she just ignored me and still drank with him again after I asked her to be a support group to him. I also texted his father for help and he says that I’m wrong and I need to congratulate my husband more and tell him he’s doing great. His sister has been the only one to listen and try to reason with him but he doesn’t listen. He is not living here anymore and I’m sure he’s now living out of his truck in a bar parking lot because he can’t drive it. I want to help him and be a good wife but he says I’m the one who needs help.

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answers from Houston on

Sweetie, you aren't the reason he drinks. HE is the reason he drinks. He is an alcoholic, plan and simple. Our family lost a beloved niece, daughter, sister and mother due to alcohol 2 years ago. I wished we could have done more but you can't help someone who doesn't want help or doesn't think they need help. Her death has devastated multiple families.

You cannot force someone to stop drinking. You cannot make a deal with someone to stop drinking. You cannot beg a person to stop drinking. The only person who can make a person stop drinking is THAT PERSON. He doesn't want to stop drinking so he blames everyone and everything. His family WILL NOT HELP YOU. You have asked and they have answered. Now its time to protect you and your son.

Get to an Attorney ASAP. Take all evidence you have to your attorney. Right now, your husband has as much right to your son as you do. That needs to change. Join Al-anon. That will help you learn to deal with an alcoholic. Your priority is you and your son. Reach out to your family. If they can't or won't help, reach out to a women's shelter, or your attorney can give you information. You can get help. A drunk living in his car isn't going to get custody of a newborn. Breath... one step at a time... we are here

7 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

i was so relieved to see that you threw him out after he got drunk while watching your newborn. i was afraid this was yet another helpless post from a woman putting a man before her children.

there are no easy answers. divorcing him is your first priority, and yes, he'll probably still have access to your child to some degree, but that's still better than having him in the house screaming in your face.

document, document, document. the DWI is a back-handed blessing. keep all texts, emails and drunken voice messages. if you can get a picture of him living in the truck at the bar, do it. get testimonials from anyone who knows him and will support you. better yet, get a commitment from them to testify in court. the more you can prove that he's unfit, the less time he'll get to spend with the baby.

but first and foremost do not let him back into the house.

stand firm. be strong. this is gonna suck, but you're doing the right thing.

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

welcome to mamapedia, A..

You are helping your husband by not enabling him.
Where are YOUR parents in all of this?
Contact a womens shelter and tell them your story and see how they can help you.

His parents are NOT going to help you. They are enabling him. Maybe they fear him and his temper?
If you fear him and have a legitimate reason to fear him - like he will physically harm you or your son and have proof of this? You should get a restraining order against him.

Good luck. Stay strong. Don't give in

5 moms found this helpful


answers from Pittsburgh on

His family is not going to help you. What you need is a lawyer. Please find one ASAP. In the meantime, write down everything he's done, with specific days and times. Anything he does from now on - document it as it happens - write it down, take pics with your phone when you can, etc.

Don't believe a drunk who is telling you what will or will not happen if you get a divorce. Talk to a lawyer who actually knows the law and can tell you the truth.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Norfolk on

You can't help him till he wants help - and he may not want help for a long time if ever.
You are now a single parent - your priority is taking care of your child.
I'm sorry but an alcoholic living out of his truck is not going to get custody of your child.
Talk to a womens shelter and get some legal advice.
You should be able to move the money to accounts that he can not access.
And divorcing him is not impossible.
Get what aid you can.
There are single parents out there making their way and improving their lives for themselves and their kids.
You can do this.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Atlanta on

Ditto to what the first two posters said, particularly Diane B. He is addicted to alcohol, and addicts try everything to protect their ability to use. Your first obligation is to the well-being of yourself and your infant, and having him away from you both while he is actively using is the right thing to do. I'm not a lawyer, however given that your husband already has been issued a DWI and a breathalyzer for his truck, it's hard to imagine that he's going to get custody or unsupervised visits. You might check out Al-Anon meetings, for people who are family and friends of alcoholics. There, you'll find people who have experiences similar to you and can help you through this difficult time. Re-read Diane B's suggestions, and wishing you much luck with it.

3 moms found this helpful
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