What School Best for Kid

I used to live in Mountain View, but I'm not familiar with tamil schools. I do know the public schools there are pretty good. I wouldn't worry so much about the homework. Many schools offer tutoring and you can always hire someone to help with homework if the language barrier is too high.

If she goes to a school where she does not speak the language she will be behind for a year or more until she can speak better. One of my daughter's friends had to repeat Kindergarten because she spoke no english. I definitely think you should put her in your local school where she will speak the same language as the teacher and other kids. I have no idea what schools are like in your area though...so I don't know if my advice is good. Have you gone to visit both schools and taken a tour? That would be a good place to start.

So if I am reading this correctly, you are in California and you are talking about a private Tamil school near you. You are from some other part of India originally (or at least your family is), but you had been in Malaysia for a while before moving to California? Or are you still in Malaysia? What languages do you, your husband and your daughter already speak? Most of my Indian friends speak English, Hindi and then their local language (so my friend from Kerala speaks Malayalam, and my friend from the north speaks Punjabi, while my friends from Mumbai speak Marathi, and so on). But if you were in Malaysia, you may have learned one of the Malay languages. Obviously it's not Tamil. So it would help to know where you're starting from.

It's interesting to me that your husband is more concerned with discipline in a 6 year old, and not concerned that she will be going to school not knowing the language of her classmates. Or are most of them going in not knowing Tamil, and they will all speak in English while they learn Tamil? If that's the case, the school won't expect the kids to get a lot of help with their homework from parents, and at least your daughter will be able to speak to her classmates, make friends, and communicate with teachers. Are most of the kids from Tamil families who will have their language skills reinforced at home? Will this put your child at a disadvantage? Does she even know the Tamil alphabet?

Do you know why discipline is the most important thing to him? Is there some reason why learning Tamil would benefit her? Obviously, learning multiple languages is a good thing, but if you aren't planning on relocating to southern India where she will get to use Tamil a lot, is there a reason why this one language is more important to him?

In the US, many schools have children whose parents don't speak English, and they do get an education without parents being able to help with homework. Homework is supposed to reinforce what they learned in school, and it's not the job of parents to do the work for them. If she's starting from scratch and so are the other kids, then there is the opportunity for you both to learn Tamil and that means for your husband to really work on his skills since he already reads a little bit of it. But if everyone in the school already speaks Tamil and everything is taught in that language, so your daughter will not be able to talk to any other kids, won't be able to communicate with teachers or office staff, and won't be able to ask where the bathroom is or what's on the lunch menu, then I think she will be miserable and not having much opportunity for discipline.

What concerns me the most is that your husband isn't interested in your opinion, and that a discussion turns into an argument. This is the worst possible environment for your child.

try it for a year then decide if staying is whats right or if changing is better.

For nearly 3 years, my husband was assigned to a remote island as a military liaison officer to a foreign Navy with whom our country is allied. Our children attended a private school on the island. The students were mostly Tamil, Hindu, Roman Catholic, Buddhist, and, well, too many others to name.

We quickly recognized that the Tamil children were incredibly well-disciplined, well behaved, and extremely polite. My son's best friend was Tamil and we had to quickly adjust to the social customs that were expected of us when his friend would come over to our house after school, for homework, and then relaxing at the beach. When in the US, when one of our kids went to a friend's house after school, I'd just swing by and pick them up. But when it was time for our Tamil guest to go home, his entire family (parents, siblings) came to our house. They all stood at the door while I called for our guest to tell him his parents were here. But they didn't leave. I somehow got the idea that I was to invite them in, which they graciously accepted. I invited them to sit down, and they expressed such gratitude for welcoming their son into our home. All I had done was let him come over for a couple hours to work on a school project with my son! Thankfully there was sparkling water in my fridge, and some fruit which I transformed into a pitcher of water with lemons in it, and a fruit plate, faster than I have ever thrown something together before. Then my son was invited to their home a week later. They said they'd look forward to me and my husband and our daughter coming to get him at 5 pm so my husband left work early, and we all dressed nicely and were received in the most pleasant manner possible as we collected our son, treated to tea and some kind of cookies or biscuits. They remain good friends of ours even though we are on opposite sides of the planet now.

But the children's discipline did not come from the school, it came from the families and from the home, and the children had great respect for their own families, their own religion, and for society in general. They showed great respect to our family, even though we were so different from the friends they had known before arriving on this island (we're northern European/Scandinavian descent, pale and white skin with blond or red hair, and to be honest I had never even heard the word Tamil before). My children were welcome in their home and they graciously taught our children how to act respectfully (when to sit quietly, and what their prayers and words would mean, and why they were doing certain things like lighting a candle or reciting something) during their religious observances, while all the while respecting that our children were Protestant.

I think that discipline comes from the home. The school is there to teach reading, math, and to enrich the child's mind and expose the child to all the wonders of learning.

If you maintain a respectful, considerate, kind family atmosphere at home, while making sure your daughter is following your Tamil traditions, and helping her to learn respect for children who are not Malaysian or Indian or Tamil, then your daughter will most likely learn well in an English speaking school. Our Tamil friends spoke Tamil at home, but they recognized that their children would probably travel and would need to know English. They also learned Dutch and Spanish.

Most of the people on this site are based in the US.
I have no idea what the schools are like in Malaysia and can't recommend one over another.
You might want to Google for information about schools in your local area so you can make a choice.
If it's anything like school in the US, the teachers teach lessons at school and homework is for practicing what they've learned at school so the remember it.
While it's nice to be able to look over your childs work I wouldn't worry about it too much.
I'm sure other families have similar situations.
You are never too old to learn - so see what's available for adult education in your area.

If you actually live in Mountain View, California, you live in a nice place and the public schools are probably very good.

I know nothing about tamil schools. I assume that they cost money. I don't know why your husband is so focused on discipline. Does he yell at her a lot? Does he think that it's a school's job to make children behave?

Schools are not supposed to have to be in the business of teaching children how to behave. That should come from LOVING discipline at home. And those kids should come to school with those skills. And yes, there are families out there who do not take the trouble to teach their children, and there are children who have very forceful personalities and have trouble behaving. But you will find that in private schools, too. No school has perfect kids.

Your husband may not care as much about academics, but caring only about making a child behave isn't doing that child any favors. Teaching them critical thinking skills, how to assimilate into a different culture than your own, and continuing to learn your own cultural history and language are more important than school demanding obedience.

Maybe he doesn't think a girl needs to learn much because she's a girl. You might not be able to overcome his sexist attitude (and that IS a sexist attitude in American culture, and you live in America now), but she may be the mother of boys one day and will need to teach her sons well so that they can get a GOOD JOB. Talk to your husband about THAT. Maybe he will see the light...

It would be best for her to go to a school where you both can help with school work but that's my opinion. But from the sounds of it he wont care about others opinions just his own. I could be wrong.

Our local Tamil school here in our city only meets three Saturdays a month. I looked it up this morning to see what Tamil school was all about and it was only to teach language and not a full school.

If you lived here your child could attend regular public school Monday through Friday and Tamil school three Saturday mornings a month.

Then she would be getting both the language and culture of a traditional Western public school and the language and culture of her Indian heritage.

I would look into seeing if both were an option where you are. Good luck!

Schools don't really do homework any more. They find that kids who get to be kids when they come home and play they do much better overall in school.

One of the things you mentioned is one of the biggest reasons. Parents will often teach their kids different ways to do their homework than the teacher so when the kids come back to school the next day the teacher has to re-teach the child how they want it done again, every single day they do this so they stop sending homework home.

She will have spelling/sight words and things like that but she won't have much other stuff for years if at all.

Public school will be fine. Private school will be fine. The more she fits in to American society the better, not saying that in a mean way, please understand. I see people that come to America and they don't speak the language, can't use money, don't know how to read English, and they are stunted and unable to be independent and succeed because they weren't prepared to live in a country where another language is spoken.

If I moved to France, I would not expect them to learn English so they could do business with me, I would expect to know the language, know how to use their money, and know how to manage living in that country. If I moved to Russia I would expect the same thing.

That's my point. Her going to an American school will help her learn the language and all the things she needs to know to be successful in this country. So send her where she'll learn the most.