What Do Your Children Call Your Friends?

I always introduce grown-ups as "Mr. and/or Mrs. So-and-so". If that grown-up then says "oh you can call me Jack or Jane", then my kids do that. If they're not invited to use the first name, it's Mr. and Mrs. So it depends on the adult. I usually ask kids to call me "K." because I'm just more comfortable that way. If the other parent *insists* their child call me Mrs, I have no problem with that either, that's how they're being raised and it's just fine with me. On a side note, my brother and SIL have their son (my darling little nephew) call their good friends "Auntie" and "Uncle", and I always want to say "But I'M her auntie, not that random lady!" It really bothers me as one of his "true" aunts that I have to share that title with non-relatives...but it's something I just gotta live with, I guess...(>_<)

Maybe I am old, but I want my children to show respect for adults and they are always Mr. and Mrs. Last Name. My children use sir and mam too.

M.

This is SUCH a regional thing.

Out here on the west coast, it's usually first names... you almost never find an honorary unless it's a teacher.

In the South (NC and lower) it's either Mr. Last Name (formal... for any and all adults) or Mr First Name (causal, for friend's parents and close family friends).

In the North (V and up) it's a split between Mr. & first name.

No idea on the midwest (navy and marine corps, we stuck to the coasts)

I think it is a personal choice. My son's daycare providers go by Ms. firstname, but his preschool teachers go by Ms. lastname. I would say that always teach Mrs./Mr. lastname. If your friends want them to call them something else, then they can tell your child that. I never call any of our friends Aunt or Uncle, I think it is just too confusing. If they are that close, they can go by first name with your child if they want.

With relatives Aunts and Uncles are always used if that is their correct title..

With really close friends we all agreed the kids could call us by our first names.

Once our children started school, we all had the kids from school call us Mr. and Mrs. Once they graduated we told them they could call us by their first names. Most still call us Mr. or Mrs.

Many of our friends were our daughters teachers so she still calls them Mr. or Mrs. even though they would love to hear her say their name.. She says she just cannot do it.. Hee, hee..

Always mams and sir's. Even all of the adults still say mam and sir to the kids..

I am 44 and my only child is merely three years old, so I am on the bandwagon of using Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms, etc. with the LAST name of the people.

Calling people Miss Jen or Mr. Peter is something that my experience has taught me is reserved for people who are related, such as family matriarchs or patriarchs, or hold a very high status in your inner circle, such as honest-to-goodness lifelong friends.

My son calls my siblings and my in-laws Aunt or Uncle So-n-so.
There are no friends to whom he refers as aunt or uncle.

My father's wife is called Miss Kay, and my long-time friend (since we were about 6 months old!) is also called Miss Brenda. My mother's husband is called, simply, Robert, as that is what my boy started calling him when he learned to speak.

That said, my son calls my best friend by her first name because he is best buddies with her son, spends a lot of time with her and she is his "grown-up" friend. At this point, she and her husband are the only adults whom he calls by their first names. The parents of his other friends are called Mr. and Mrs. last name.

Even at 44, there are STILL people whom I address as Mr. and Mrs. A life long family friend (my parents' age) signs all her correspondence to me as Anne, but I still call her Mrs. Orman. I just can't call her by her first name. Same happened with one of my junior high school teachers with whom I chat on Facebook. He said to call him Doug, and, again, I cannot bring myself to do it.

Unfortunately, the school my boy attends uses the "Miss first name" approach. I tried, unsuccessfully, to encourage the school to go to the formal Miss last name. I believe that the way a child addresses an adult can set the tone for all of their interactions with that adult. And it carries over to other relationships. I think that the loss of demanded respect in how children address adults has contributed to the break down of civility in our society, and I would be ever so happy to see the return to formal address.

I'll be interested to see other responses. Thanks for the great question.

I too grew up with Mr/Mrs. Lastname and I would prefer that but it seems a little old fashioned so we use first names. I think the Ms/Mr/Mrs/Miss firstname is pretty dumb so we don't use that but sometimes a dance teacher might refer to herself in that way.

We have some of both. It seems that the friends that we spend the most time with, also have older children (old enough to babysit ours). And since their practically grown children refer to us as Ms. Firstname and Mr. Firstname, we ended up doing the same. Our children often hear us referencing our friends by first names, so they add the Mr or Ms as a show of respect and courtesy. Now, those that we don't have close relationships with (i.e., the neighbors that we rarely see outside, the couple from church that we don't "hang" with but are friendly enough, etc) they refer to by Mr or Mrs Lastname. And those that, even though we are close, I myself feel odd calling by first names (even though we are all adults.. they are older than my parents but EVERYONE, besides the children at church, calls them by firstnames with no Mr or Mrs in front)... our kids call them Mr & Mrs Last name. And it gets confusing sometimes, because we know 3 different sets of this last name.. none of whom are related to one another.

in our playgroup the kids use "Miss B." or Miss so and so. With our very best friends our daughter calls them by their first names, with just regular friends and acquaintances we use Mr. and Mrs. Smith, or whomever. We have just started using the last names, since our daughter is 3 and it was easier for her to use the first names rather than last more often than not. I will say that I see a LOT of kids/teenagers using just first names with adults. I personally do not think it is appropriate for adults to be called by a first name unless they request it. It just shows respect when someone calls an adult Mr. or Mrs. I do however, think for toddlers/preschool age children it is still okay to use the first name with "miss or mister" in front of it since last names are hard to pronounce, or at least they are with some of our friends.

A lot of my friends also have their kids call me Ms. S.. I do not like this at all. It seems so impersonal to me. These are kids I see several times a week, friends my kids are very close to and whose parents I am close to. I don't want our friendship to be so formal. I also let my girls call my close friends by their first names only. I told my friends I would rather be called S. and that's it. They were all fine with it. Maybe you should talk to your friends. Everyone seems to have an opinion on the matter so ask them. I bet they have wondered the same thing!

As far as teachers, it's Ms. Lastname. Church workers it's Ms. Firstname. There is a time and a place to be more formal than at home.

I don't think this is a matter of respect as much as a matter of preference.

A lot of the kids on the bus refer to me as Miss C.. Generally as a sign of respect. I have gotten into the habit of referring to teachers as Miss Jill or Miss Sara. My kids usually call my friends by their first names.

i think when they are in preschool and younger, it's generally Miss or Mr Firstname... or kids whose parents I'm friends with now while they are young are also Miss or Mr firstname, or my best friend we refer to as Aunt and Uncle... but I remember being confused by that when I was little, so i don't like to do that.
next year when my daughter starts kindergarden, I'm sure we will refer to any new grownups as Mrs and Mr lastname. I never in my life refered to an adult with their first name when i was young! I will still call my best friend growing up's mom by Mrs Lastname. Just my opinion.

My sons friends call me Miss D.. Some use my last name and I do not think that is necessary. But I usually answer to anything! LOL!!

For us it is whatever our friends are most comfortable with. We pretty much have our daughter start out by calling our friends Mr., Mrs., Miss LastName but half the time when those words come out our friends say call me FirstName or Mr. FirstName... I think partly it is because all our friends are under the age of 35 maybe in a serious relationship and do not have kids themselves so they might feel too old being called Mr. LastName

Some are Mrs. LastName or Mr. LastName (very proper and respectful because they are church friends and someday might be a sunday school teacher or mentor to our daughter). Some are Miss FristName or Mr FirstName because that is what they are called at work where they work with kids. Other friends are not in very formal and usually are seen at cook out or family gatherings and it is just FirstName.

I always stress that only grandparents are called grandma & grandpa as well as only aunts and uncles called Aunti FristName. My aunt/uncles, so would be my daughters great aunt/uncles, she is allowed to just call them auntie FirstName. I ALWAYS correct my daughter (or my mother-in-law) when she calls someone else grandma/pa because usually it is a grandparent type person BUT not her grandparents.

We also want our children to show respect for those 20+ years older than them (one generation). In the South, that has meant, by and large, that they call our friends, "Miss First Name, and Mr. First Name",. My Northern friends and relatives don't get the 'Miss' thing, and sometimes like Ms. or Mrs., but before the kids call them anything, I just ask my friends, "Would you like to be called Ms.Firstname or Ms. Lastname by my kids? "(or Mr., Miss or Mrs.) I don't leave it open for them, because some have said, "Bill" or something like that, and I don't feel first names are respectful enough for kids to adults, not to mention it might be confusing which adults they should drop the title with. Some adults (very few) have scorned being addressed with a title of any kind, but most appreciate the token of respect, which can be rare these days.

I have my children use the Miss, Mr. Mrs. with the first name thing because it's easier these days. People's family dynamics are always changing and a lot of women go through last names like it's nothing these days. It's really just less confusing for the kids if they can use the first names. My friends don't have a problem with it. My kids are still being respectful by adding the Miss, Mr., Mrs. at the beginning, so it's not big deal.

Most of the moms I know do this also. It does seem to be the trend I guess.

If it's a friend then we go by Miss or Mr. Firstname. If it's not someone I'd consider close to us then we go by Mr. or Mrs. Lastname. We don't call anyone Aunt Firstname or Uncle Firstname unless they are a bona fide Aunt or Uncle because it is confusing.

I like the closeness Miss Firstname has as well. It's still respectful and I think it's cute :)

Ummm....I think I agree with both of you! haha. But, right now I have my kids call my friends "ms. joni" or "ms. jessica". We do the same in Spanish, "dona eva" and "dona marta".
When I was growing up we also did the Mr and Ms Jones thing....I don't know if it's a thing of the past, or something that I did with people that I didn't know very well. I know I still do it with people older than me and have taught my children to do that as well. But with my friends that are my age it has always been Ms their first name.
Hmm...I will be interested to see what other people say.
L.

C.,
For my close friends, my children call them Ms. FirstName. My neighbors and people I am not close to are called Mr/Mrs. LastName. One of my neighbors and I were addressing each other in front of our kids as Mrs. LastName. However, recently we have become close and we have begun refering to each as Ms. FirstName.

My friend is Hawaiin and her son calls me Auntie. I understand that is a sign of respect there. If I'm uncertain, I would have my kids say Mr./Mrs. LastName.
You and your husband sound like great parents. Whatever you decide to do will be the right thing to do.
Good luck.
K.

I ask them what they want to be called and that's what they call them. I prefer to be called by just my first name (not Miss Firstname) and I can't stand when parents make their children call me Mrs. Lastname - I find it very disrespectful to call me something I don't want to be called. That's why I always ask what people want to be called, so that way they feel respected.

Where I"m from, family friends are "Aunty" or "Uncle."
And yes, the kids do know the difference... .and between their blood relatives.
It is a cultural thing for my State. Nothing unusual.

Ahhhh, the previous poster brought back fond memories of Hawaii and the respectful/affectionate way they refer to their elders. I miss that!

We do Miss Firstname and Mr. Firstname and also just first names. Up here in my rural Minnesota area there are 7 pages in the phone book dedicated to the Johnson name alone.......I can't imagine as a kid trying to keep all the Mr. and Mrs. Johnson's straight! :)

I agree that it's unique to our regional culture.
Great question, by the way!

I am 36 and I grew up calling my parents' friends by just their first names. Not even a Ms. Firstname. If I didn't know someone that well I would refer to them by Mr/Mrs Lastname, but not with people who actually came over to the house and were genuine friends.

It's funny because I had not actually thought about this before, but I have my girls refer to my friends in various ways. All of the men are just by first name. The women vary. Most of them are just first name, many are Ms. Firstname, and 2 very close friends are "Auntie Firstname." They don't confuse "Auntie" with actual family because we always refer to my sisters as "Tia Firstname" (Spanish for Aunt). Oddly enough uncles are all referred to as "Uncle."

I never thought it through. It just evolved that way.

Until I was about 12 it was Mr. and Mrs. unless they said otherwise or were a close friend's parents. Where I did gymnastics it was Ms or Mr and their first name. Once I was on the team we dropped the Mr and Ms and just called the coaches by their first names. When I coached I didn't care if they used a Ms., but they usually did since it helped with listening to the coach.

Granted my mom was and still is pretty much "mom" to everyone since my bother's friends and my friends all spent a lot of time at our house.

I agree with you. I don't think Mrs. Last Name is necessary anymore. Mine is not old enough yet, but I already refer to people the same way you do- Miss/Mister First Name. That is how my friends have done it over the years with thier kids. It is respectful but friendly. Last names can be reserved for people who need an extra layer of respect like teachers and bosses. It is a good way to differentiate between people like teachers and close family friends, but still be polite to all of them.

Growing up I did not use Mr/Miss/Mrs with adults. My parents didn't enforce that (and didnt have many friends honestly.) I have one "aunt" who is my mom's best friend and I always felt like she was closer than a friend of mom, so I started calling her aunt. She is closer than most of my actual aunts. But that was my doing, not the adults.

I know its not an option for you but Aunty or uncle is soooo comon in our house! Thats for our close friends only! If its someone from work, school or not very close friends we tell our daughters its Mrs, Mr, Miss (first name). They both have a lot of aunts and uncles (biological) but it doesnt both us. Our oldest even tells my really good friend "I love you"... Shes like my sister and my bff! I have always called my moms friends by there first names or aunt/uncle... I havent read the older posts so... sorry if I repeated anything. Oh and most the kids I know are not close family friends and they call me and my husband mrs A. (which sounds like asswee lol) and my husband mr adam. :)

We naturally refer to our close friends as "Miss Michelle" or "Mr. Joe." I also introduce myself to my children's friends as "Miss C.." But there are some people that we feel weird about it. When that happens, we just ask the person "would you prefer we call you Mr. Jeff or Mr. Smith?" If that person has a preference, they'll tell you!

Our kids call them by name as we do. As long as it is respectful in how they talk about them and to them we have no problems with it. The only time something comes before a name is if the person is a friend Doctor or a preacher.

We do some Ms./Mr. First name and some are just first name. Different groups of friends seem to have different expectations. The only ones who get last names are the really old people at church who seem to prefer it, but even adults my parent's age (55/60), such as Sunday school teachers and friends of my parents get Ms./Mr. First Name. If someone introduces themselves as XXXX, I refer to them that way.

I don't mind the Aunt/Uncle to non-bio's, but only if it is a REALLY close family friend who is around a lot. I'm 35 and still call my dad's best friend from high school 'Uncle Bob' and I consider it a term of affection.

I think, "Mr. and Mrs. so and so" is great. That is what the children we are close to call us and what we will teacher our children to say. I think it is more casual than having to say the person's last name, but still shows and teaches plenty of respect.

When I was young we referred to our parents friends as Mr./ Mrs. Last name except for the 3 elderly sisters that lived next door to us. They wanted to be called Ms. First Name. As we got older we referred to some reall close friends as Aunt/ Uncle first name. When I became an adult and had children we decided to go with Aunt/Uncle for our closest friends and Mr. Ms First name for the others unless they prefered to be called by Mr./Mrs Last name. Personally when someone refers to me as Mrs. Lst name I feel really old! I work as a home health caregiver and most of my clients are older. I always start by calling them Mr./ Mrs. Last name. Most of them would rather be called by the first name or if they have a lot of children/ grandchildren then they like Momma Lst name or Gran maw maw. I think you just need to know what the people you deal with prefer.

I did not get to read the other answers so here is my opinion:) I think it is really up to you and your husband along with your friends, & what are they comfortable with. I don't want to be called by my last name. B. is good, Mrs would be okay if you are going to put a prefix on it. I called my mom's friends by their first names because they asked me to. I respected my elders and I still do. I am with you on the closeness of the "Miss Katie", but for me "Mrs B." because I am married and I want my kids to realize that there is a difference between single and married women and to respect that difference.
GOD BLESS
B.
www.StayHomeForKids.com

We (try to) do the Ms. Firstname thing, but most of my friends feel this is too formal. They'd usually rather just be called by their first names. It's hard to be consistent when friends have different personal preferences.

We always use "auntie" and "uncle" for relatives, though. We are the only ones who do on my husband's side, and it does irritate me to be addressed by my first name by our nieces and nephew.

Some of my friends are Mr. and Mrs. Last name and some are called by their first name. My kids are taught to call adults Mr. and Mrs. Last name unless that adults tells them that they prefer to be called by their first name, then my kids can call them Mary, Sue or what ever their first name is.

I didn't read through all the other posts, so I apologize if I'm repeating. My kids call my friends by their first names. When we lived in Georgia, everyone called their friends (in reference to what their kids were to call them) MISS Kristy, MISS Debbie, even if they were married.
When I thought about whether or not I should have my kids refer to my friends as Mrs. Miss, Mr. etc. I thought about what I want to be called. I think I would feel weird if my son's friend called me MRS. ________. I would feel like he didn't know me as well as he does. I'd want to say, "Dylan, you are practically my own kid, call me Rene for crying out loud!" LOL! I can't remember the last time I had a kid call me Mrs. _______. I think there are more and more kids who have no respect for "their elders". Some of the ways I see kids talk to their parents, teachers, friend's parents, etc is apalling. I'm not sure, however, that how they address you is why the respect thing is lacking. There could be a young man who calls you Mrs. Jones, then turns around and kicks your dog. Do what feels right and comfortable.

I'm old fashioned too when it comes to this but I think children need to be taught to say Mr. & Mrs. So-and-So. For me it's a sign of respect to do so and I still call my friends parents Mr. and Mrs. even though I've been an adult many years. Now I have had people tell my children, please call me Miss Karen and if so, I will allow them to do that, but otherwise it's their last names. We also insist on Maam and Sir to be said.

And I agree, close friends shouldn't be referred to as Aunt or Uncle, those are a sign of family and as much as your friends may feel like family it can be confusing.

So despite what might be the 'trend' stick to your guns on this and have your children use the Mr & Mrs we still do and my children are 3 girls ages 17,21 and 25 and 2 boys 12 and 23.

I substitute teach at a private school and I had one class ask me if they could call me Mrs. B, my last name is Bussell (pronounced byou-sell). I told them no, my name isn't Mrs. B and if the Kindergarten kids could pronounce my name I expected the 5th graders to as well. They have stumbled on my name a few times, calling me Mrs. Russell a few times, but I stick to my guns and insist they call me by my last name. Stick to your guns girl :)

My daughter calls my close circle of friends (people I have been friends with since I was 11) Aunt and Uncle so & so. She knows they are not her real aunts and uncles, but it is a sign of respect in our circle. She even calls the older people on our block by aunt and uncle.
Generally, she calls older people by Mr. & Mrs., and some of the younger people she calls Ms (first name).

It is really up to the person what they would prefer to be called. As long as you are okay with whatever they choose.

our kids call our friends aunt and uncle... we also have blood aunt and uncles but our friends are our family so its aunt and uncle or just their first name. ask your friends what they want to be called if some one called me mrs(last name) i would say im not old enough for that lol! just ask them im sure they will understand

I introduce the kids to someone new by their whole name. If it's kind of a one-time thing, then it's mr. or ms. lastname. If they're going to be together a whole lot, then from then on I refer to them just by first name. Good friends became aunt or uncle firstname. I know the aunt/uncle thing is confusing, but I don't care : ) I think it's a nice way to "extend" the family.

I think that the best course of action, not that you actually asked for any advice, is to go by what the person in question wants to be called, not by a set rule. I would always say "call me J.;" to me it would be weird to be called by my last name by a kid I see all the time, but I can see how others would prefer it.

Finally, I think this might partially be a regional thing. I don't know any young kids around here (Boston area) who routinely call grownups mr. or ms. lastname. And almost all 30-something moms I'm friends with would be ahgast at being called ma'am - that's something reserved for "old people!" So I think that just being clear with your kids that people have personal preferences about what they liked to be called would be the politest thing to do.