One problem I've had in my daycare is one I've never been able to find a way to deal with. It's what to say to parents that just don't understand that there will be a period of time when naps are not convenient for any of us.
When a child is 3-4 years old they usually are wide awake and able to play all afternoon. Even if we force them to have a quiet time, reading a book, coloring etc.. They will just stay up while the younger children sleep and usually fall asleep later at a time that daycare parents deem inappropriate.
We all go through this. When my own children were going through these stages I just let them sleep whenever they wanted during the day and at night I told them when they would go to bed. I NEVER had ANY trouble getting my kids to sleep. But I can say that about ALL AGES. There has never been a time when any of my 4 children kept me up all night except the first few months when they needed to feed or times when they woke up throwing up.
I just get so tired of hearing that if I let them sleep one minute past 2 pm they will keep their kids up til all hours of the night. I really don't think the late nap is the problem. The problem is that by the time they get picked up from daycare, stop off for supper or to the store or go home and wait for mom to cook, supper ends up being late, between 6 and 7 or even later. Then the parents want to sit down and relax and watch tv and they want their kids to go to bed by 8 or 9 at the latest. But if mom and dad are watching tv til 10pm or 11pm, the children want to spend time with this parent that is gone for such a significant time in their lives.
So what should I do? Should I brow beat the kids into going to sleep in the first hour of nap time and if they miss that time throw cold water in their face when they fall asleep later? If a child climbs up on the couch and lays themselves down on their own, should I really be expected to physically stand them up and tell them that they may not go to sleep?
You know, if I even dared say that a child needs to go to bed at a decent hour so that I could get my quiet time at the end of the day or get to bed on time, I'd be told that I'm paid to be up with those kids, not spend time for myself or sleep. Well is money really the only issue? Might I also feel that they should go home and be PARENTS?!
OH...and on the flip side... If a child does go home without having a nap all day and they are cranky because of it, I still get chewed out!
Am I taking this too personally?
Lisa. You are right. You can't imagine. Yes, I enforce a nap time or quiet time. And yes, most of them fall asleep. But who says they will fall asleep at the beginning of the 2 hour nap time? See when they are 0-2, maybe 2.5, they will. But the older they get, the longer they will lay awake. Now most of my kids are 3-4 years old. So we wait an hour later to lay them down because we know they are not tired yet. Then, they still toss and turn, whisper to themselves and do some crazy little things to try and stay awake. By the time the sleepers wake up, the ones that were holding out are now soundly asleep. Only the moms are CONVINCED that they will automatically keep them up until all hours because the nap happened later. I'm not going to force all children to wake up at 3pm just because the moms don't want to spend some time with their kids after 8pm. I don't believe in waking children that are tired. Have you ever tried to force a child to stay awake that wants to sleep? It's bad for everyone and the other kids deserve to be in a happy place, not a war zone.
Another twist as I said before.. The very same parents that complain about them sleeping later than they should also complain if we don't lay them down. Because if they don't lay down at all they are cranky all evening. So we are darned if we do and darned if we don't.
So take yesterday as example.. We went to Fun-Run to play. We played for 2 and a half hours during the time they would usually be napping. 3 and 4 year old children should be able to play in a very active place and just go to bed a little early. So I don't worry about forcing naps on them if we are wanting to do something special. After taking them there, I took them out to eat. Then we go back home. The child was picked up at 6:30 and she fell asleep watching tv. SHE WAS DEAD TO THE WORLD. Mom was convinced she would keep her up all night. Well I don't think that is how it would go if she were with me. She was EXHAUSTED and had a full belly. She wouldn't get home from my house til 7pm. Mom should put her in bed and enjoy a quiet evening. The child was tired enough to go to sleep for the day. But hey..if she gets her all awake on purpose and tries to keep her up til 9...don't be too surprised if she gets her 2nd wind. :)
And yeah...it does get very tiring having to listen to someone complain. It's not just this mom. Depending on what kind of day the moms have, it could be any of them. It's not like I get any thanks for spending a whole days pay from 2 of the children to go out and show them a good time! I spoil these little guys and gal all the time this way and give up a few thousand dollars per year to do so. I don't think I should be reprimanded for their children being in odd sleeping stages. My point is, that most kids at this age could stay up all day without a nap. But not all, not everyday and we don't have crystal balls. I think people should just roll with it.
this is probably going to come off as nasty, and im sure you cant tell this to paying customers since this is your bread and butter, but I'd tell them if they were REALLY all that concerned about how their kid was being raised and spend their days...they'd be doing what they could to find a way to do it themselves. Meantime, you run your business they way that it works for you.
Unfortunately, this is very typical in a daycare kind of situation. Parents with kids in daycare all day still think they know their kids better then the person that is with them all day actually taking care of them. You are right, not all 3-4 year olds still need a nap everyday. Sometimes it just means going to bed a little earlier. The problem is that they parents still want time with the kids too so they keep them up even if it is not what it best for the child. I think you need to be more firm with the parents and let them know that while the kids are in your care, you will take care of them the best that you know how. If that means no nap that day, then the parent has to deal with it. If they were at home with the child all day, they would still be dealing with the same issues of grumpiness and whinning because of issues with naps at this age. Just because they don't see how it works at your house doesn't mean that what you are doing is wrong. Do what works for each child on those days and make sure that the parents know that the days that the kids are with them, they are not in their typical routine so they can't compare those days to the days they are with you. And as a side note, I really don't think you should be spending your own hard earned money for activities for these kids. Set up an activity fund or something that the parents can contribute too. Add it to the cost of their care. Something so that it is not out of your pocket.
Suzi I get the impression from you that you are the victim in this situation. Have the parent(s) left instructions on their child's schedule? Do you honestly think you need to "brow beat" the children or "throw cold water in their face"? I'm not saying that being in your situation is easy - I can't imagine watching more than three kids a day - but I believe that you also need to accept some responsibility in this situation instead of complaining about the parents.
Gently but firmly tell the kids this is nap/rest time and if you won't sleep you MUST be quiet. If they aren't, again gently but firmly reinforce to them that this is quiet time. Once nap time is over, what about getting everyone involved in a game or craft to make sure they're awake? I don't know what ages you watch, but there are some really good craft ideas on www.familyfun.com that can easily be adjusted for multiple ages. I hope you find something that works for you and your daycare families!
I never really understood why parents think a daycare setting can be custom fitted for their child. Honestly, a parent who has a child in a daycare setting with all age/maturity levels needs to realize there's has to be some flexibily on the parents part.
Yes, a parent should have certain requests met by the provider but it's a give and take. Otherwise the parent is going to be better off hiring a nanny that can provide the "custom fit".
During the summer I have to adjust my days when I get home. My son goes to daycare that has all ages, yes he's too old for naps but given there are children there that need the nap, his sitter has him lay down. He usually falls asleep. So I know that I need to get him wore out. We usually play football, basketball or some kind of activity, he also may stay up for an extra 30 mins at night. But really is that such a bad thing, I don't think so.
On on the flip side like you said, if your child is outgrowing the naps, there is that cranky period, but again your nights have to be adjusted to fit those child's needs. Making the shopping trips short, when you get home have more of a wind down period, maybe make bath time sooner.
I guess that really doesn't give you advice, but as a parent I have to agree with you. There is only so much "custom fitting" in a daycare setting with all ages.
