What Are/were You Thinking?

i didnt pick my husband, he was not my type and all wrong for me and i met him when i was 12. I would have searched for different qualities and i would have been dead wrong.

Being happy was all i ever wanted for my kids, even if that meant being poor, but we lucked out there.

My kids were never planned, they were all shocks, especially the one i am pregnant with now. (we were using 2 kids of protection)

I never thought id be a SAHM, i worked my whole teenage years to the bone, but i feel that since we can swing it, its better for my kids. I do miss working.

I was raised by a single parent who worked all the time. I did not meet my father until my teen years and he died shortly after. The thing I took from my upbringing was that I wanted a 2 parent household for the children and it took me a few minutes to realize that I did not want that at the cost of being in an unhealtly relationship. It then became very important to me for our children to SEE, witness and be a part of a healthy marriage so I got divorced.

In comes my King because by this time I knew I was somebody's Queen! My mom did her best but she raised children while she was trying to find herself and did not teach me a lot of things. It happens and I love & respect her. I thank GOD that our girls are not being raised as I was and my mom tells me how good of a mom I am.

I came from an unstable upbringing too. Well, we had a stable home, but we were on welfare, my dad was an alcoholic, we were dirt poor and my parents paid little attention to us. I wanted to be financially secure, marry a good man, have a child and be the best mother I could be. I am proud to say I have accomplished all that! I pay tons of attention to my child, never have and never will need public assistance. And I married myself a damn good man. He has a great job and is supper supportive & loving to us. I have broken the cycle and it sounds like you did too. Kudos to you and all the mothers out there that have broken 'the cycle'.

I had the same upbringing it sounds as mom of one. I had a house but utilities were always turned off, alcoholic abusive dad that was in and out of the house, a mom who was a partier until I was 8 and she went straightedge and turned her life around.
I wanted to love and a stable home so bad I married the guy I dated in highschool because he never drank or smoked, such a brilliant plan right? Apparently that was all I realized my dad did wrong, and I thought if the guy didn't drink it would be great...wrong! I was too young to know what to look for. I did it by the book though...dated for 7 years married at 21 and had a home and then had a child. Anywho hes a great dad but was a cheater for th duration and a bunch of other stuff. Wouldn't change it for the world but my though process was based off of a girl raised in a messed up home and it took M. a while to learn what I want and need and deserve out of a man

My mom stayed with my stepdad for "security." She never had to work to support herself or her kids, Even though that meant she had no voice in the decisions and had no recourse when things got bad. We had no security at all. We were dependant on this guys whims.

So, for me, the driving force has been one of independance. My motto is "No one is ever gonna pull the rug out from under me. Because I bought that rug."

And like driving a car - I've probably "overcorrected" for my upbringing, throwing me wildly offcourse! I'm so independant that my husband feels he is at the mercy of my whims and has no voice in the decisions! yikes

I guess we all have stuff in our background that drives us. Some were neglected by unaring parents, some were smothered by over protective parents. Some choose to get as far away from where they grew up as possioble, some want to live no more than 2 blocks from home. It's all relative. The hard part is finding a balance and not overcorrecting.

Same except for marrying, waiting a few years, then having a baby.

To be honest, if I were from a better background, I would have RUN from my husband's crazy family and spared myself some pain. I didn't want to judge him like others had judged me. My past boyfriends from normal families have such loving moms so I lost out on having a M. twice.

my upbringing was pretty normal and i thought i would go to school, get married and have babies. all of this happened. i was raised by my dad and although he wasn't abusive and was good to us, he wasn't very involved in my day-to-day life and it made me feel unimportant. it was important to me to marry someone with a close family. my husband is really part of our team and we do everything together. his family is wonderful, and so is he.

I guess I thought I will finish college and live on my own prior to cohabiting or marriage and children.

My thought process was pretty simple. I was raised in a household where my father was/is negative beyond belief. He was/is verbally abusive towards my Mom and doesn't have anything positive to say to anyone else. Everything you say/do/think is wrong to him. Only his opinion is right and matters. (Can we say narcissistic?)

My only thought process was to find a husband who was the exact opposite of my father and, with God's help, that's exactly what I did. I had some therapy when I was newly married and my husband had some major health problems. At one point, the therapist asked me what "what's so great about your husband". My answer was - he's not anything like my father. Saved myself about six months of therapy with that answer.

I always pictured myself as a SAHM with a daughter. I never pictured a huge house or lots of money. We have enough to take care of all our needs and a little more. My life isn't all that exciting, but it's happy and that was also my thought process. Good question.

Both my parents were alcoholics and divorced when I was 4. My Mom remarried a wonderful man when I was in 2nd grade but divorced him when I was in H.S. We moved like 8 x while growing up. Not much security in any aspect.
My main goal is to stay in our home until my boys are done with H.S. at least and to maintain my loving marriage with my husband so my boys can see what a healthy relationship looks like and learn how to treat a woman from their amazing father.
My #1 priority is to keep a line of communication open with my children ~ so they know I always have their back and that I love them more than anything and will do my very best for them!

I'm curious to know if anyone WASN'T thinking!!! (LOL!). My background is very similar to yours and I also put stability first in my life - to the point of being kind of OCD about running the household in an organized (aka - predictable) manner and also being overly attached to my first child. But for me, I'm still trying to figure out where my disconnect was. In hindsight, I can see that I was not the only child to grow up in circumstances such as it sounds like we both did, but for me, for some reason I am still trying to figure out, I let this be what defines me and my worth. I internalized it all as a matter of what I deserved, or didn't deserve, and spent decades spinning my tires in unproductive ways as a result of my low self-esteem.
When it came to planning a future, or having a vision of a future at all, I had none. Litterally. My life became a pattern of survival, where I just went from responding from one critical situation to the next, and was too constantly consumed with REaction to my life to ever think about being PROactive within it. To this date, this is one of the things that puzzles me about myself. Why did I respond as I did, vs. the way I see others in similar situations did? Perhaps God will answer that question for me when I get to stand before him on that great and glorious day. :-)

Wow! I enjoyed reading all of the other responses. My husband and I grew up in the same area and both came from 2 parent households. We were both comfortable, but I wouldn't say "rich". Our parents had similar expectations--college right after high school. My husband went out of state and I went to a state college (500 miles from home). We dated long distance while in college. He is 2 years older than me, so he graduated first and was commissioned in the Army. We got engaged after he graduated and married a year after I graduated (engaged almost 3 years). We decided to live together before getting married, since we had dated long distance for so long. We both completed graduate degrees before starting a family. We were married 4 years before our first was born (we now have 3). In the 4 years we were married before kids we lived in Germany (Army) and my husband was deployed to Iraq for a year. Education was definitely important to us and our families. We were also encouraged to wait a few years before starting a family--advice we are so thankful we listened to. We traveled, splurged on things, slept in!, etc.