What Age for Cell Phone?

Updated on December 03, 2012
C.W. asks from Lutherville Timonium, MD
34 answers

My 9 year old has started begging for a phone, claiming that all her friends have them (3rd grade) and bring them to school. My SIL said this is the norm for her age range. Santa just invested in an Itouch so I don't foresee a phone anytime soon, but what is the age and do your kids get a pricey phone or a cheap model? Any rules attached? This just seems young for this type of thing.

*****wow, a lot of responses. We moved here recently and I do not have contact info for her friends to know if they are telling the truth. She does not talk on the phone much so there is no need and she is too young. Her school is k-6 and they just started a pilot program in 2 classes (hopefully grade 6) letting them bring phones and iPads to class so they can teach them how to use them for learning. They say buying them isn't necessary but I wouldn't want to be a parent of a kid in that class.

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K.C.

answers from New London on

Personally, I think a child is way too young to have a phone @ age 9.

My child got one for her 13th B-Day. She asked about it along the way. We are the parents and said it would be age 13...and we stuck to it. She got a phone for emergencies only.

Rules? The telephone had to be put on the kitchen table about a 1/2 hr before bedtime.

Her friends would be texting until midnight.

2 moms found this helpful

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

To me it's not about age and all about need. If my 9 year old were involved in a lot of activities and my husband and I both worked and my child needed to contact someone or be contacted if an emergency comes up or something happens or plans change last moment unexpectedly then, yes, my 9 year old child would have one. Otherwise, no, not at all. There is absolutely no reason at all to have a phone. And certainly not "because everyone has one". My kids don't have one. So there, not everyone ;)
When they begin driving they will have one without a doubt. Before that it will depend on if there is a need or not. Not because they want one.

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C.B.

answers from Las Vegas on

Just the TRUTH... School age..If they go to school Get them a Cell.. Schools are so dangerous. .. . . .. Per-k

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

I'm 42 and my husband is 43, and we manage without cell phones. I think it is one of those things that once you become accustomed to it you can't live without it. I would rather my kids don't become accustomed to them. Plus, there are phones available to use every where my kids go without me (school, the church, the library, friends houses), or they are close enough to home to just come home and check in. Anyway, my kids can get cell phones when they have jobs and can pay the monthly bills attached, so probably at 16.

4 moms found this helpful

W.-.

answers from Topeka on

NOPE! Phones are not normal for a 9 year old, unless the child is spoiled or unless the child walks home from school or is left alone for any period of time. My kids are 12, 10, and 6 and none of them have phones. My 12yr old stays alone sometimes at home, but not for extended periods. However, we have a home phone for that occasion.

Does your child keep up with her belongings? Does she show you in different ways that she is responsible? (cleaning up, taking care of a pet, taking care of her things) There's a lot to consider. But I wouldn't get her one "just because".

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I am probably one of maybe 10 adults in this country who doesn't own a cell phone.

I wouldn't think that "all" the kids in 3rd grade have cell phones and if they bring them to school, I would think that the school would confiscate them if they see them playing with them. I know our elementary and middle schools confiscate them until the end of the day.

So, I would question whether "all her friends" really have them and if they do, I would tell her that she doesn't need one. She can simply borrow one of theirs if she needs to make a call. But really, who is she going to call other than you, dad or grandma/grandpa.

Nope, no cell phone for a 9 year old. And if I did get one, it would definitely be a cheap model.

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A.R.

answers from St. Louis on

I know that my answer will not gain any popularity, but H. it is: my kid tells me sometimes : "my friend has this...., my other friend has that...and my neighbor has this..." then I say: "good for them!. You don't need something just because your friends have it."..Yeah.....I know, we are in the modern era, technology and so on.....but if parents keep giving their children whatever they want, we will keep reading and listening to complaints about kids out of control......I do not give my kids whatever they want, whenever they want, and...still they are happy and likable kids with no trauma nor low self-esteem.
Somehing else, your SIS said is the norm for her age range? mmmmmmm, In my opinion when a situation is a norm, that means it is usual and expected...and I am not sure that actually many kids of that age have cells. Privileges come with responsibilities, and at this age I don't see these things coming totally together yet.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

In our house, with our current situation (me at home), my son will only be getting a phone when he can buy it and pay for it. (and I keep an open mind. If that changes, perhaps there will be a real need.)

I figure that if he is needing me, then he needs adult supervision. So, I will be present or another trusted adult will be present. If not, then he's old enough and independent enough to be earning some money, either doing above-and-beyond chores, mowing lawns/odd jobs, or working someplace on the weekends to earn money to have a phone exclusively for his convenience and social life.

Really, If it's for a short little something, he can likely borrow my pay-as-you-go phone. We have a landline at home. Or, if I feel it's truly necessary, we'll load up another pay-as-you-go phone and he can use it when necessary, not as something he carts around. No texting, either. Just calling the allowed phone numbers.

My feeling is that if you want the privilege of feeling like an adult and the sense of agency that an adult with a phone has, then you get to do the adult thing and pay your own phone bill. ;) Funny thing, I had to pay my own phone bill when I wanted my own phone line while living at home and you know, it was a good experience. Kids value what they earn, not what's handed to them.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

The elementary schools around here have banned cell phones.
They can not be brought onto school property by a student.
Middle and high schools allow phones to be brought to school but they must be powered down and stay in the lockers - when kids leave school for after school activities they can then use the phones.
Any violations in cell phone use means the principal confiscates it and the parents have to come in to retrieve it.

We got our son a cell phone (basic, not a smart phone) when he turned 13.
With his after school schedule getting more complex we use it to touch base on what he's doing, when and where (so we can pick him up).
It's not for friends (he can't give out his number - friends can call him at our house).

Also - the minute anyone in our house uses the 'but everybody ELSE has one' card - they automatically lose that argument.

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☼.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Never, if I can help it? :)

I don't see us having much need for one in the future. My MIL picks up our daughter after school, so I have no worries or check-ins needed. I know a lot of parents buy their kids phones for that purpose. But just to have a phone to fit in ... not a good enough reason in our house.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

My SD got one at 10 from her mother. It was a glorified toy and spent more time under her bed than in use. Even if your SIL says it's the "norm" it doesn't have to be for YOUR child and I wouldn't get her a phone til she needs it. My SS got one at 13 or 14 and was MUCH more responsible and he used it to tell us when football ended. My SD didn't really use her phone responsibly til she was about that age as well. I'd tell SIL and DD that it's not something you are going to do right now. There is a huge issue, IMO, in kids having electronics they are not capable of using appropriately or electronics they do not need. Your child should be with an adult 99% of the time at this age. We dropped SD off and picked her up after work from aftercare. There was NO NEED for a phone and it showed. My own DD will not get one til 13. And the more she whines about it, the longer she will wait, because it's a privilege, not a right.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

The heck with "the norm." My daughter is 11 and most of her friends do not have cell phones of their own. Neither does she.

A kid can have a phone when it's needed for contacting PARENTS because the kid is old enough to be going places somewhat independently and/or because the kid is old enough that the parents aren't the ones hauling the kid everywhere.

So: No elementary student (at least around here) really needs one for any real reason of safety etc. Mom or dad or another adults knows where the kid is and/or takes the kid where he or she needs to be. I think that in around middle school, when the child might be walking home alone, or taking public transportation to an after-school activity, or riding places with a friend's parents, etc., is when a child might truly need a cell phone.

But your child wants it to text and talk with friends. I'd tell her it's not a legitimate reason. She will counter with saying that she can use it to call you in an emergency. Is there really any situation in which your 9-year-old is in a place you don't know about or going somewhere you don't know about in advance (as in, "Instead of taking the bus home from school as usual, I'm riding home with Sally when her mom picks her up...."). I can't see a kid this age making that kind of decision on her own during the school day, can you?

Texting and talking on the phone when and as they like opens a whole can of worms for kids socially. Don't let it go there. Phones are tools, not toys.

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B.F.

answers from Dallas on

When my kids started to have to call me to pick them up from practicing.
No frills phone if in middle school. Your choice for hs.

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V.P.

answers from Columbus on

My daughter is in 5th grade and she doesn't have one, nor do most of her friends. The ones that do take the bus and have extracurriculars where they are without a responsible adult for periods of time. My daughter is always with me or an adult who has a phone -- she has no need for one.

ETA: When she does get one, it'll be not because other kids have one but because she has an actual need for one. And it'll be a prepaid dumb phone. Both my kids know the old "well everyone does/has that..." is worthless on me. Don't give in to that argument if you don't want it to work in the future.

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C.M.

answers from Washington DC on

9 is very young for a cell phone. I will let my kids get one when they start driving so around 16 years old.

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K.B.

answers from Chicago on

My daughter got a very basic one at age 11.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

I seriously doubt IF they do have them they are bringing them to school. Prob just a lot of talk from friends trying to show each other up. Cell phones for students are banned at schools here. If they do bring them to school they must remain in their backpack out of sight and turned off and aren't allowed to bring them out until after school. My kids have one of my old cell phones for in case of emergencies while they are out in the neighborhood on their bikes, then and only then are they allowed to even touch it. my kids are 10 (almost 11) and 8.

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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

My 9 yo daughter who is in 4th grade is getting a phone for Christmas. Although she has not asked for one, my husband and I want her to have one because she is now participating in activities where we are not supervising her and we want her to have access to her own phone. Next year she will have an hour long bus ride to and from school so I definitely want her to be able to contact us.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

My son had his own phone at 4 or 5 (it's been awhile).

He currently (at age 10), has a "pricey" iPhone.

Sorry. That always just cracks me up. Why?

Cost = $1.

That's just not "pricey". You can't even buy gum for $1.

The $10 a month line he pays out of his allowance each month.

_______________

My son brings his phone to school, because

- that's where he writes down all of his assignments
- he takes pictures of directions on the board
- that's largely what he reads off of (free kindle app).

There's also a court order that he (and several other kids in ugly divorces) have their phones on them at all times. It's a custodial interference thing. No worries. Except for iCal, camera, Kindle, etc., everything is shut off during school hours.

On iPhones, quite literally, EVERY feature is parental controlled. You can turn on or off each and every single function, or set time limits, or set blackout hours.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Like anything in life, only when she needs a phone, should she given one.

My husband is not sitting at a desk all day.. He is all over Austin, so he needs the phone for work, for me to contact him and when his grandparents were alive, he needed it in case of emergency for his family.

I did not get one, until I was working out side of the house. I needed it so the school could contact me. In case my husbands family needed me and in case our daughter needed to update me on her pick up times..

Once our daughter started middle school she needed one to let me know what time to pick her up or let me know about change in her plans.. There are no pay phones close by...and if the school front office is closed, no way for her to get in touch with us.

Now my niece had a cell phone in 3rd grade because she needed to know changes to her pick up person.. Sometimes things changed last minute and my sister or her ex needed to contact her.. She was in dance, sports etc.. Going between 2 homes. That is the only reason she used her phone.

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

My daughter got one after sixth grade when she was done with aftercare at school (she's 19 now). She didn't beg or ask, it was more for me to stay sane with her changing schedule!

When I leave the house for work I have a laptop, iPad, Droid and iPhone...I have to be connected and use two phones so I don't mix work and personal calls.

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A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

our son is 6, and hubby and i have discussed it one time.

we both agreed NO TIME SOON. and that when it did happen, it would be a cheap little prepaid phone.

but we still don't see the need for expensive smart phones for ourselves, when we have a perfectly good pc sitting right here in the livingroom, either.

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M.M.

answers from Phoenix on

Middle school when they start rotating through classes and having after school events.

Having said that, I believe you should be REALLY careful with your child using a cell phone and not letting them carry it on their bodies. Their skulls are still not fully developed and the radiation enters more readily.

Here is some information.....you decide.

Cell phones raise your children's risk of brain cancer 500%

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/1...

Why it can hurt your kiddos:

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/0...

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☆.H.

answers from San Francisco on

I'd say no.
The only exception is if you are the kind of mom who expects your child to check in constantly and she's having to use up her friends' minutes to call you.

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D.P.

answers from Sacramento on

Pricey phone for my kids, NO! They are not having anything better than I have, lol... If she is getting an ipod touch no need for a phone, my 11 year old son hasa touch and he "talks" to his friends through skype and facetime. I am thinking of getting a trac phone for my kids to use when we go places in case we get seperated, but they dont get a nice new pricey phone just because everyone else has one.

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S.B.

answers from San Diego on

Both my kid's got their cells for their 13th Birthday. They are now 13 and 16 and they just have the basic, with no data or smart phone.

D.S.

answers from Norfolk on

Hi, CW:

Own of the sad things about our society is: If you don't have what I have, you aren't good enough. We are teaching our children to be self absorbed, entitled, and robots.

We need to teach children character and values instead of how important we are with toys that everyone else has. When they get old enough to buy their own!

Good luck.
D.

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Well have you asked her friend's parents about this? I'm sure they don't ALL have a phone.
Our school requires phones to remain in backpacks so it's pointless for kids to bring them to school, they'll just get taken away if their caught using it.
My kids got their first phone (a cheapie) when they started middle school, because that's when they started taking the bus, and when they started going to the library and a few other places after school without adults, in groups.
Before that, they were always supervised by an adult so what would be the point of having a phone?

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

We activated a phone for my daughter when she was 6. It was my husband's old phone and she had it ONLY when she was going into dance locations where we were not allowed to be with her. One of their practice venues charged per person, so only room moms, sstudents, and teachers were allowed in. I didn't like that...so we invested the $10 a month for that phone. It also served as the "house" phone since we no longer had a landline at that point.

Now she is 9, and we only recently, as in October, activated another older phone of ours...only difference is it is a touch screen. She has asked for an iphone, and the only way I will ever get any of my kids a data phone is when they can pay the monthly fee. If they choose to pay it, fine by me. However, their savings account money is not to be used for that, so they will have to be at least 14 when they can have a job.

The rules we have on my daughter's phone:

- it's not HERS, as in nothing is private - we will view any and all text messages at any time
- she may not add any phone numbers in to her phone without our permission
- she may not answer or make calls to any number that we have not authroized to be in her phone
- she does NOT take her phone out of the house unless we have told her to (not to school)
- she is responsible for the phone. If it goes missing, she is out of luck and we will not replace it until she drives.

She really doesn't use it often at all, never has. My 7 year old is asking for a phone now too. When he starts having a need for one, I will gladly add a phone for him. Until that time, he can use our phones because he is with us all the time except for school.

My kids also all have ipod touches (well, the 7 and 5 year old are getting them for Christmas). We activate the text feature on that and they can text us from those or their Kindle Fires.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

13 in my house. If you add a line to your standard plan, it's hard to get a phone that doesn't have texting and data capabilities but you can usually turn off or restrict those.

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C.M.

answers from Chicago on

I teach gymnastics to multiple ages, and the kids seem to show up with cell phones around 5th grade. A few select ones get them in 5th grade, the majority of the 6th grade girls seem to have them, and it seems that most all the 7th and 8th graders have them. The younger ones have basic phones, the older ones have texting abilities. I teach in a very middle-class suburb.

My SD got one when she was 7, a basic one with 4 buttons. She used it only to call us from her mother's house. At age 9 she got a texting phone, but wasn't really responsible enough to have it. Looking back I would have waited. She's in 6th grade now, and she is okay with her phone.

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K.O.

answers from Atlanta on

I flirt with the idea of having a cheap model on hand for my 7 year old, only because we don't have a home phone. However, it hasn't happened yet. He has an ipod touch that he can use to text me (and only me) in emergencies, but I wish he could do that anywhere, not only when he has a wi-fi connection. As the oldest of 4 children, with only me at home (dad travels) and others in sports, I often have to drop him off at practice to then take another one to practice. I would feel a little better if I had some line to him if necessary.

I operate under the assumption that my kids will have cheapo (non data) phones at age 10. Expensive phone - when they can pay the monthly bill on their own.

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S.H.

answers from Richmond on

She will probably stop begging once she gets the iPod Touch and can text her friends through that. That's pretty much all kids do now - my son virtually NEVER makes a phone call on his cell phone. He is 16, we got him a cell phone when he was 12. He begged for years and his mom got him one when he was 10 even though we told her not to (he is my stepson and lives with his father and I). He thought it was awesome and cool for about a week and never used it again - always forgot to charge it, etc. He was clearly not ready for a phone. I personally think 9 is too young but I certainly see plenty of kids with them at that age! Oh, and he does not have a smart phone. He thinks we are absolutely cruel for not getting him a data plan. We tell him he can have it when he can pay the extra $30 per month for a data plan. He is fortunate that we are paying a monthly fee for what he has!

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A.N.

answers from Charlottesville on

My oldest got one spring of his freshman year in HS because he was getting rides to practices with a friend and we needed to know if practice was cancelled for some reason so we could pick him up. He just had a simple phone at the time. He now has a smart phone, but we've turned off his data capabilities (he uses his ipod touch for that). Most of what he uses the phone for now is texting.
My other two (12 and 14) both share a simple phone, although my youngest (my daughter) has mostly commandeered the phone to text her friends. My middle one typically only gets it when we know he will be at some activity where we might need to get in touch with him or if we don't know when he will be done. However, the sharing option is getting harder to manage, so we might have to get another one so they each have their own.

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