So I am really nervous about letting my 16 month old b/g twins play by themselves. I don't mean running free or left at home while I leave but put in their playpen or room to play with toys or each other while I am folding laundry or doing something in the other room (mind you they are always within earshot and never ignored if someone starts getting unhappy). Their dad thinks its perfectly fine to put our baby-gate up to the door of their room and let them play on their own but I get nervous. I keep thinking..what if one of them gets hurt seriously because I was being negligent? I am not sure if other moms do this and feel perfectly ok with it or what. There isn't anything in their room for them to get hurt on but my daughter did manage to climb onto the second shelf of our changing table and get stuck (was kind of funny, but also a bit worrying). They are really active and I just don't want either to get hurt. I also feel like I am ignoring them and I don't want them to think I put them in their room or alone in their playpen because they are inconveincing me or anything. But I am a college student/stay-at-home mom so it would be easier if I was more comfortable with leaving them to their own devices for a bit. Are they too young or am I just a worrywart? Please share your experiences with me if you have them!
I figured as long as their needs were met that it was a good idea to to leave them alone. Several moms told me it was a great way to foster independence and I thought what a good idea. I knew they were close by and safe too so I was able to focus without worrying. I would check on them and it made it a bit harder to do homework or housework, but it was nice to feel like they were close without having to be right by me. Thanks everyone!
you're not being negligent, you're fostering independence. If the room is reasonably babyproofed, let them at it.
And remember that bumps and bruises are going to happen no matter how vigilant you are.
I think it's fantastic if you can leave them to play by themselves. How nice to have a twin!! I would go the playpen route rather than the room though. I would worry about them climbing and getting into things that aren't safe if they have the whole room. Even better if they are in the room with you and playing together by themselves. That would be ideal.
They are too young to be left unattended, mostly because they cant talk yet and tell you what happened if one of them started crying. Sorry Dad, you just have to keep an eye on them while mom does some chores and takes a bath now and then. This too will pass.
They're fine. They need to learn to function and play without you right next to them every second. Of course you will worry and you will check on them every 5 seconds, but soon you'll be comfortable with checking every 5 minutes and that will allow you to get the dishes done. :-)
What do you do when you need to use the bathroom? As you are only talking about leaving them for a few minutes anyway , they will be fine and I bet you have already done it without even thinking about it , do you take them to every room of the house with you? If your getting yourself a drink do you take them to the kitchen , if you need to answer the door to you carry them with you? If there is nothing in their room except age appropriate toys and you have safety gates on the stairs/doors then you are not neglecting them and they will be safe.
I think you'll notice that your comfort with leaving them will evolve gradually over the coming year. Just asking this question suggests to me that they are probably already showing some small capacity for independence, and are probably able to play safely in a baby-proofed area. I know when I was watching my grandson for the day, he was around two, able to talk well and clearly understand instruction, before I could leave him for much more than a potty-break. He might have done well with it, but I took the responsibility of keeping "someone else's" child very seriously.
On the flip side, kids do need the opportunity to make small mistakes and learn from the consequences, and bumps, bruises, and little injuries are inevitable in a child who's being allowed to develop normally.
I'd say trust your instincts, I.. I'm guessing that especially with twins, you'll simply begin to find it necessary to loosen up a little in coming months. Do everything reasonable to keep dangerous objects and possibilities minimized, and your kids will probably be all right.
I wouldn't give a right or wrong answer on this one -- I am going to be completely unhelpful and say do what makes you happy!
For the record, I did not let my children play by themselves at that age. Not because it wouldn't have been safe (maybe it would've been perfectly fine) but because I would've been worried for every minute my back was turned and so it just wasn't worth it. The only alone time they got at that age was in their crib at nap time or bedtime. = )
There is nothing wrong with leaving them alone if you have to do something but definitely not for very long and within a moments glance. That is how they learn to entertain themselves. They need to learn how to play with each other, you are not neglecting them. But I would always keep an eye on them. They need you to teach them how to play together and not hurt each other. Make sure the furniture is secure to the wall and that they can't climb up on anything. If you want you can get one of those video monitors to look into if you have to make dinner or do laundry. Maybe you can find a used one online or something. You could always put one in the playpen and one on the floor if you think they might hurt each other if you have to go do something. I do that with my 3 year and 1 year old.
You should allow them to play independently without hovering. You should be fine to be sure they are in a child-proofed area and be sure you are within earshot.
My twin boys are 14 months old and I give them the run of the main floor all the time. I always check on them and they are always within earshot, but if I didn't leave them alone, who would do the laundry/dishes/wash the floor/clean the bathrooms/make the beds...? You get the picture. It's healthy to give kids free play. So few kids get the chance to have unstructured play these days with parents signing them up for this activity or another and running them around to each thing all week. Don't get me wrong, we also have our toddler groups, etc., but there is nothing wrong with just letting them play by themselves. Making sure your place is as babyproof as possible will help ease your nerves, too. I shut the door to my bedroom and the bathroom and the boys can play in their room or their older brother's room. I check on them constantly, but also go about my own business. They will likely surprise you with their antics as they get more and more mobile, but just keep checking in on them and babyproof as you go (like blocking them from climbing up on things or whatever). I'm pretty sure all my friends do the same, too.
I let my 10 month old play alone in our playroom. I am about 15 feet away in the office, so I can hear everything, but still, the sooner you let them play alone, the sooner they learn to play alone.
I'd be more worried about them hurting each other.
My son is 19 months old and I allow him to play alone sometimes. My version of alone is he might be playing in the living room while I am in the kitchen cooking supper. The two rooms merge into one another and are only separated by a sectional sofa. I generally close all the doors to rooms I don't want him in when he's playing like that. I can easily peek over the sofa and see what he's doing.
I hardly ever let him play alone in his room because he's a climber and will climb on top of the changing table (that we just use for storage now) and dump out baby powder and get into all sorts of messes.
It's not at all unusal for me to take a shower and close him in the bathroom with me. I can't see him, but I can hear him and if he gets really quiet, I can stick my head out the shower and check on him.
Mom knows her babies best. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it! When the time comes to walk away or turn your head, you'll recognize it. Kudos to you for being so diligent! Follow your gut.
Without doubt you've made the room baby-safe. So how about putting a baby monitor in the room so you'll be more comfortable about hearing what's going on? Check on them every few minutes or so, but don't seem worried. Sometimes, just peek! Other times, be happy to see them, see that everything's going well, and get back to your project. Set a kitchen timer for a few minutes at first - just so you won't have to feel guilty about leaving them too long.
I found with mine that happy noise was usually good. When the room became too quiet, I had to run see what they were up to!
I am an infant/toddler teacher and mom to a 12 month old. I am also in school. My daughter has been playing on her own for part or most of the day forever. Children need time to play without an adult to gain a sense of independence. They need time to learn how to be alone too. This also helps them see that sometimes mom and dad have needs too. Otherwise you could end up with 5 years old climbing all over you "mommy mommy mommy..." while you are trying to have a quick conversation with an adult. As long as the play area is childproofed and your within earshot don't worry! Go study for half an hour and then go give the kids undivided play time with mommy. That way everyone is happy. Don't forget to tell them in simple term why you are leaving and when you get back say something along the lines of "Thanks for playing quietly so mommy could study. Now I can play with you some more."
They will be fine! My twins are two, and we've always felt comfortable leaving them in a completely child-proofed room to play. You are not being negligent, and they can hurt each other even with you in the room, so it really doesn't matter if they're in a separate room. The reality is you need to be able to keep the house in order, and having them play with each other in a safe room while you listen in fine!
I work from home and totally understand the need, but...I don't think they're ready for playing by themselves in their room yet. Better to invest in a laptop and work in the room that they are playing in for now. Good luck.
Could just be me though. I actually came back to edit my answer because I want to make something clear. There is a difference between putting the gate up and having them in their room so you can concentrate (again, no judgement because I work from home) and letting them play on their own with you doing laundry ect. I just don't think some of the answers understand the difference in concentration. Would you be negligent? No. You clearly love your kids - but it could also be a long time by themselves in their room.
What worked from me is setting up a fun play area on the floor and me at the kitchen table working. At 16 months, trust me - it won't be hard. At 24 months? It gets harder and you're not going to be able to baby gate them in their room while you work. So, this as much about training your brain to do both for when they're more in their toddler years and running and playing all over the house. Because that is much more realistic.
kids get hurt that is what kids do. you can't avoid it. My 2 yr old fell off a step i was standing on and got a knot. me his dad and 2 brothers were right there by him. it is ok to leave them by themselves but check on them frequently especially if they get real quiet. if they do this they are doing something they aren't supposed to. :) you have to let them grow up and be independent sometime mom. make sure plug ins have a cover on them
My 2 year old climbed up on a tall shelf to get while my back was turned as I was tending the baby. He cut my baby on the finger with scissors he and he needed several stitches. This happened while my baby was sitting in my lap. So, things happen even if you are very diligent.
So yes, letting the girls play in a safe room or in the playpen for a bit so you can shower, make lunch, fold laundry, do some homework is fine. Just keep your ears perked for signs of trouble and peek in on them every few minutes.
Just a note, I had to put the boy's dresser in the closet and remove all furniture from their room because they were very active and huge climbers.
Hello, well one thing you could try would be to do as dad says put up their gate to their room so they can see what it will be like for them in their playing, but for the first time or two take a few loads of laundry to their room and fold it on the dressing table into baskets as they play around you, they will have your security of you there and yours of being close as they play together then try on the third time away in the next room checking by looking and speaking to them as you go about your work and DON"T worry be happy. Mom of three boys grown and one foster son. S. L. Vancouver, Washington
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Well my experience with this is that I've let my baby have free roam of the house since she could walk at 12 months. She was walking steady, and was sleeping in her own bed. The only areas she has access to are her room, and the living room (with a small dining area, but there are no walls, its all open). We keep all the others doors shut, and the baby gate up at the kitchen. Until recently the only things she had in her bedroom were her bed, crib matress, bean bag, and plastic toy bins. I just added a dresser, and a lounge chair.
When she was 12 months she would walk in there, clap her hands and walk back out to me. Over the last 7 months she's gone in there more and more to play. She still comes running to see what mommy is doing. She also has a ton of toys in the living room, and its her choice where she wants to play. I also like to go into her room and play with her, I think it shows her that mommy can be in there too, and it doesn't have to be her alone.
Thats just what I have done. I think its up to your comfort level. I don't think they know what "inconveincing you" is though. lol. =) Just relax, take a breath, and maybe just try it. If you don't like it, then you don't have to keep doing it. Good Luck.
I'm a worrywart too. I don't like my kids to play alone. Of course mine are all older now but I'm starting over with a new baby, so I'm thinking about it again. Maybe you can bring your laundry in their room with you. My opinion is that probably by the time they are two, they'll be old enough to do what you're suggesting. =) Good luck!!
Ha! I would love to do this with my 16 month old, but he will and has gotten into everything. Instead we have a playpen in the living room for him to play in when mommy and daddy need some time to do things around the house. It gives him his own personal space and he's been an independent booger since I can remember. If he plays in his room, one of us has to be in there with him. He is extremely curious and has to figure out how everything works. You know your children best, so it'll be based off of your own judgement. We still use a baby monitor for whenever he sleeps too. He's been trying to climb out of his crib lately, so I'm just waiting for that day :[ I agree with testing it out and if you don't like it, then don't do it. I think they will do fine :) Good Luck!
