Weening? and How to Deal?

I don't know how to offer advice for all that you are dealing with right now, but I can tell you that you can still be very close and bonded with your son, even if he weens now. I did not get to nurse either of my two babies for very long at all (only a few weeks), they are 3-1/2 and 2-1/2 years old now, and I feel very close and bonded with them, even moreso now than when they were babies and I had lots of time to hold them and snuggle. Our bond continues to grow and matures, as they also grow and mature. When my boys were in the early toddler phase, there was not much I could do to get them to slow down and snuggle, but they would usually sit for just a couple of minutes with me to read a book. Now they will sit for 1/2 hour or more and snuggle while reading a book.

I am sorry about the heartbreak and your marriage trouble, and that this also happens to be the time your son is ready to ween, but you can maintain the bond with him, it just grows and changes a little as he grows.

I am the only female in the house with 3 men (my husband and 2 sons) and my #1 rule is that mommy gets as many hugs and kisses as she wants. There were times I had to chase the little ones down to hug and kiss them, but they are getting used to it now, and instead of any protest, they now offer hugs a kisses a lot.

I am sorry for the difficult time you are in now and I hope this helps, if even a little bit.

Aw, I am so sorry. I know how that feels, it feel awful. My hubby and I haven't been getting on so well, either. It doesn't help that all that my one-year-old daughter says all day long is "dada" and she kisses him and is obsessed with him. But I couldn't matter any less. This morning I asked her for a kiss and she shook her head but then turned around and gave one to my mom! So my husband makes me feel lonely AND my kid does too. How is a mom supposed to deal with that kind of heartbreak??? It's hard being a mom.

Your son is weaning himself. While the timing is horrible and makes you even more depressed than ever, revel in the fact that he is growing up so nicely and is wanting to move onto the next stage of life. Encourage his weaning and celebrate his big-boyness. He will feel proud. He will love you for helping him blossom rather than holding him back. While he doesn't know this intellectually, you are creating closeness with him by listening to his signals. He knows you are listening to him and it makes him feel close to you, because you know him best. Cuddle up when he has his bottle and look at a book together. Good luck to you, it's hard. But you'll make it! Your son is very lucky to have you.

I totally understand your feelings and offer you some advice. Its not you... remember that.I found that I would cuddle and rock my baby girl to sleep the same way everytime and it soothed her. I would hold her similar to breastfeeding on cross cradle hold with her head into my chest. Great bonding time for us both as you look down and see your little one there still needing mom. Try it, it worked for me! Take care fo yourself during this rough time and know it gets better!

I am SO sorry to hear about all that you are going through. I don't have any advice, but I do want to encourage you. First, congrats on nursing him this far! I have a 12 month old and luckily was able to nurse her and still am. It's been such a great experience! Second, while nursing has been a major part of his life thus far, I want to remind you that you will ALWAYS be his mommy. Nursing or not, he will love you endlessly and you him. I just think about my friends who didn't nurse who are wonderful parents. I think the suggestions from other moms about rocking him to sleep could work nicely too.

As for your marriage, I am sorry to hear that times are difficult for you. While I am not in the same situation as you, I can share with you that after having my daughter my marriage has been under a lot of stress-more so than ever before. You're not alone in that respect. Take care of you, your little one and your husband as well. Good luck & your family is in my prayers :)

Wow, what an emotional time! It does sound like your boy is ready to wean. Both of my boys nursed until around 16-18mo and it was with VERY mixed emotions for me when they weaned! In some ways I was ready and I knew that it was a natural progression, but I still cried and cried that last few times after nursing when I knew it was almost done. Double that when you are feeling lonely/depressed about your husband, I'm sure! I think you will have to be careful not to transfer the "desperate" needy feeling we ALL get when we are lonely or a man doesn't value us the way they should - onto your relationship with your son right now. Hard as that may be....but there are so many ways that you will stay bonded with him! Really you will, story time snuggle time, game time on the floor, etc. YOU are the LOVE of your son's life and always will be. One little story for you about weaning...As hard (emotionally) as weaning was for me I can look back now and be thankful that it was so easy really. My good friend was ready to wean at around 20 months and her daughter would have none of it! She struggled for a long time trying to get her to wean and had to nurse her (resentfully) until she was almost 3 all the while trying everything she could think off to get her "off the boob". So I guess it could go the other way too! I wish you all the best in your situation. Hang in there! :-)

Hi J.,
I only nursed my son for about 2 weeks because I pretty much hated it. So it's great that you were able to do it for 14 months! That being said, my son and I have always had a wonderful closeness without nursing. There are hundreds of ways to keep the closeness with your son other than nursing. You just have to hold him and play with him and cuddle with him (all the things I'm sure you're doing already) and you'll still have that closeness. Even if he didn't wean himself now, he would do it eventually and you would still be able to keep that closeness with him. My son is 6 now and I spend every day playing with him and cuddling at bedtime and he always wants to be with me and does whatever he can to make me hang out with him longer at bedtime.

I'm sorry about the stress of your marriage but at long as you give your son the love and attention he needs, you'll always be close to him no matter what. You're not losing him, you're just entering the next phase of his development together.

Good luck!

It does sound like he is probably weaning himself...
But that does not AT ALL mean that he doesn't need you anymore! He is just going to need you in different ways now, that's all.
Does your son like to be read to? I know I always feel real close to my daughter when she sits in my lap and I am reading to her. It's the perfect "quiet/special time" for just the two of us.
Another possibility would maybe be to lay down with him at nap time till he falls asleep. He MAY eventually become dependent on that though and always need you there to be able to fall asleep at nap time, so be sure that's ok with you before you start doing that...
These are the only ideas I have right now to replace the "physical closeness" of nursing...
Best of luck to you!

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. I divorced when my kids were 3 and 5 and now I am remarried with an 8 month old too. Maybe you can sit there with him on your lap and rock him and read a book to him. You could also try maggage. Massaging is supposed to be so good for them. All three of my kids love it when they can just lay there while I run their backs and legs and arms. I will turn them over and do itlle circles on their face and rub their tummy too. It makes me feel good because it makes them feel good.

read up on nursing strikes & contact a certified lactation consultant or LLL. dont give up! I know many many kids who nursed well into their 2nd year, some into their 3rd

I'm wondering if the rest of the stuff in your life is affecting your production, like are you getting enough rest? Eating well yourself? It's possible he 'senses' the milk's a little off as a result. Possibly, he just wasn't hungry that day or was a bit cranky himself. Don't give up too quickly! It's also possible he's trying to go toward one main afternoon nap instead of one in morning and one in afternoon.. my daughter is the same age and is making that transition. If she naps in the morning its only for an hour and then she's really cranky about the afternoon nap. If we skip the morning she's just fine and ready for the afternoon nap, and sleeps until dinnertime at 5. She goes down for the night at 8-ish and sleeps until 7.. My two boys did the same transition at about the same age. Hope this helps! Good luck.

my son was always a distracted nurser..and i always thought he was weaning...just keep on bfing..my son is now 2.5 and is still bfing..and doesn't want to wean..i weaned him 3x's! stopped for 2 months at a time..and he's back on..i'm going to stop for sure at 3. sorry about your marriage..my ex left us when my son was 3 months ... you can stop and let your son start bfing again..sometimes i wish i had just stopped at 15 months..that was when he seemed to want to wean..but then i was glad i started up again a month later b/c bfing helped during the winter cold and flu months

As for your son, he may be weaning himself. My little guy did. I wasn't ready, but he was. He may also just be going through a phase. You know him better than he knows himself at this point. Keep aware and follow his cues.

As the other moms said, you will always be his mommy. Nothing will ever, ever change that. You are the number one person in his life now, and for a long time to come! Keep loving him and doing what you know is right for that little guy.

Having children is a huge stress on a marriage. I don't know of a single person who hasn't run into issues once children are on the scene. I don't know if you and your husband are in a place to work through it or if you are truly done. Either way, be clear with yourself and honor yourself. To be the best mom you can be, you need to treat yourself with love and respect.

If you can, amidst all the chaos, try to take some time to love yourself. Whether it is as simple as spending 30 minutes in a favorite activity once a week or so, make some time for yourself. Hopefully this will go a long way towards helping you keep some perspective on your situation and help you think clearly through what you need to do to take care of yourself and and your son.

My heart goes out to you.

It sounds to me like he may be starting to wean himself. Has he nursed at all in the last 48 hours? If he goes to sleep while nursing, try just rocking him and cuddling him. If he goes to sleep by himself in his own bed, then try having 10 - 15 minutes of cuddly story time before naps and bed. Try snuggling up to one of his favorite movies during a quiet time period of the day.

I am sorry to hear that your having difficulty in your marriage. Your son may vry well be responding to the tension he feels from you and between you and your husband. Hang in there. Do soemthing little for yourself EVERYDAY, like take a shower and get dressed from head to toe. It will help you feel better.

Is it possible that your milk is a little low because you are sad or stressed about your marriage?

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/babyselfwean.html

This is a good link to information about self-weaning.

http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/bf/galact.asp

This is a good link to increasing milk supply.

Hope you get to hold both of your men close to you for much, much longer.

I stopped breastfeeding at 8 months due to health issues stopping my flow and all is well. They still need mama! Just hold your little one close. Sounds like you may have some depression though with all you have going on. I would try to get some counceling. It may just be hormones, but you don't want to loose hubby over it. Trust me I can relate. Good luck to you.

Hi J., it could be he is weaning himself at 14 months he is to longer an infant sweetie is now a toddler, the needs do hange, most 14 month olds are using sippy cups and on regular milk. Or it could be do to the stress you are under, it's affecting your milk, stress can do that, as of mom for 25 years sweetie you connect with your son every time you interact with him, at 14 months old kids are feeding themselves. meal times, play times, bath times are all times when you connect with your son. I pray you can work things out with your husband, If I can help you in any way, I'm out here. J. L.

hi J.,
Sorry to hear about the loss of your marriage. Going through that is good reason to be gentle with yourself. Your son, at 14 months is probably too young to actually wean himself, but is at an age where he is developmentally opening up to so much.

"Mothering Your Nursing Toddler," a book by Norma Jane Bumgarner, available through La Leche League International at www.llli.org, talks about "inadvertent weaning" at that age due to the child being so active, learning to walk and explore his world much more.

When they are so busy during the day, they generally make up for it at night. If you are available at bedtime and share sleep with your child, he will more than likely continue to nurse until at least age 2-1/2 or beyond, a more usual time for child-led weaning.

Other ways to connect with him also include lots of cuddle time, reading books together, and getting down on the floor and letting him take the lead in playing together.

Your child gives you something truly precious to live for so you don't succumb to depression at this point when his world is also changing, and he looks to you for his safety and security.

Keep up the great job you've been doing, and take good care of yourself also.

blessings,
N.

Weaning is really emotional for moms, I'm having a tough time myself. He is probably not self weaning yet though. He's most likely feeling your stress and doesn't want to nurse. Also, I"ve heard that your milk changes when stressed, so he may just not like it right now. Or his gums may be hurting him a bit for a couple days from teething. You have to find time for yourself. Find a place of peace, I recomend a prayer group, discussion group, yoga, pilates, walking in the beautiful weather, REST, a treat for yourself like a pedicure... You have to take care of you before you and your husband can make a home for your son. You'll be in my prayers.
Connecting with him: eat snack with a story in your lap not the high chair. Find a play group for him so you can see him interact and play, learn...