Wedding/Engagement Rings Are Broken

Updated on April 25, 2013
L.M. asks from Chicago, IL
14 answers

I had my wedding and engagement rings soldered together after our wedding, then one of the arms holding the diamond in my engagement ring broke off, there is other minor damage due to poor soldering and the jeweler cutting them apart to do it again, and then I lost some weight and now the entire set needs to be resized too fairly majorly (2 sizes down).

The thing is, the work on this is going to be a minimum $300, likely more. I've been told it would be wiser to just have my engagement diamond placed into a new ring (my wedding band has channel set diamonds too). I've considered this, mainly because it's a lot less hassle than having my rings repaired, but I just don't know. In a perfect world I'd get them sized, repaired, and move on. BUT, I haven't worn my rings in 3 years. My ring finger is bare. This bothers me a lot, but my husband is really against me just replacing them with something (I suggested a plain gold band just "for now"), he just wants me to wait until we can get them fixed but I just don't see us ever having extra money and I wonder how many more years I'll have to be without them.

Meanwhile, my husband just bought me an expensive necklace and is upset that I don't wear it (it's very sparkly and I wear sweat shirts pretty much every day so it looks extremely weird, I've told him I intend to wear it to a wedding we're going to, but that it just isn't an "everyday" necklace, especially for someone who doesn't wear jewelry at all). I just feel somewhat ridiculous wearing an expensive and large (bigger than a quarter) sparkly (multiple pastel colored crystals) necklace with a sweat shirt and old jeans. I'm aware it's silly, but I'm also a little upset with him for buying me this necklace when what I really want, and what I have wanted for the last 3 years, is to be able to wear my wedding ring, or ANY ring to signify that I'm not single. The other issue with this particular necklace is that it is pretty, and it wasn't cheap, but it is not my style on any level, which probably contributes to why I always take it off shortly after putting it on when thinking "maybe it will work with this shirt". I suppose I would get used to it, and it would stop being so sparkly after it got dirty, and I would get used to how heavy it is, but it's something better for dressing up for special occasions.

I'm just upset that I can't wear my wedding and engagement rings, and having this necklace is sort of a reminder of that fact, and knowing that it has been 3 years since I could wear them and I say all the time, "I wish I could wear my rings" and then my husband came home two weeks ago with a flashy $200 necklace that he expects me to wear while I already feel ridiculous for not even wearing a wedding band. There's nothing I can do about it now, but it is so frustrating to have my husband nagging at me to wear this necklace when it makes me really uncomfortable, I don't wear jewelry, and I certainly don't wear flashy jewelry. It's just a strange thing, to be bought something so completely not your style (and he knows my style, he bought my wedding and engagement rings and another necklace I have, those are my style, this new necklace is like nothing I own, it's something a 13 year old would probably love, it's an odd choice for a 35 year old woman who doesn't even paint her fingernails).

Has anyone ever had to have their rings replaced? Has anyone ever had to have their rings majorly overhauled? What would you do in this situation? I'll wear the necklace for special events, but is there any way to get my husband off my back without telling him I don't like it? Should I just buy a plain wedding-style band and tell my husband to get over it?

What can I do next?

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answers from Detroit on

I'm with queen of the castle, get some more estimates/opinions. I've had gold(white) melted down and the diamonds reset. I lost a great deal of weight and could fit yhe ring on my thumb, it was time.
I would make it a point to wear the necklace too. Wear it with a black tee and jeans if you have to. I have several prices of jewelry that he and the kids have bought for me. None of it is my taste, but I make it a point to wear it. He's not very good with gifts. Buys me candles and small appliances too. It's the thought, right?

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answers from San Francisco on

Even after twenty years of marriage my husband STILL doesn't understand my taste in jewelry. It's frustrating, but I appreciate that he still tries, you know?
Can't you just TELL him, straight up, hon, I appreciate the thought but before you buy another expensive gift can we please take care of my wedding ring?
Also, he may just be trying to do something to bring out your femininity in his own, albeit awkward, way. Like you, I dress for comfort and practicality most of the time, but a cute pair of yoga pants and pretty tee shirt accomplishes that goal and looks a whole lot better than a sweatshirt and old jeans. Plus maybe the necklace would go better with that, and what's wrong with humoring your husband a little bit?

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answers from Hartford on

I had to have my rings resized, and although all of my sisters-in-law on my husband's side insisted that I get my rings soldered I refuse to do so. It devalues the rings and causes problems like the one you described. If I had the issues you've had, I would remove the stones and reset them into new rings and then have them blessed.

We've had to replace my husband's ring because his hands shrunk in ocean water that was cold. :-) We got him a new ring, had it resized, and had that ring blessed.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I would ditch the sweatshirts and consider changing my wardrobe a bit so that I could wear the necklace. Nothing fancy. Maybe some nice tee shirts.
You can keep the jeans, as long as they are nice jeans. My husband does not shop. When he does, I make sure I wear or use whatever he gets. Whether I like it or. To.

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answers from Chicago on

I have had my rings soldered together, resized, and the center diamond upgraded for our 5th anniversary. I also hadn't worn them for a few years because of pregnancy weight gain. Every time he asked me what I wanted for Christmas I'd say, "just to wear my wedding ring again." A few years later that's what he did for me, but for my birthday.

Have you told your husband that you won't wear the necklace, but wished that instead he would have put the money towards fixing your ring?

During the years that I didn't wear my ring, I just got a sterling silver and cubic zirconia ring from Nordstrom Rack for about $40 so that I could at least look like the married woman that I was. It was a great way to get me through the time til we could afford to change my ring.

You might want to check different jewelers to see if they can give you a cheaper estimate. We always go to Jared's and they do great work at a pretty reasonable price.

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answers from Los Angeles on

I got my rings at Robbins Bros and they do all resizing and cleaning for free. I don't remember if they checked to see if I got it there.

I think you put too much thought into the ring. A few years ago my friend's sister's husband was sent to Iraq where he was hit by a bomb. They needed to cut the ring to stop the bleeding but he refused the "break the unity" and so they had to cut his finger off. Personally, I thought it was stupid. Love is in your heart, not in a ring.

So my point is:
1. Hint at the fact that you would like the ring fixed (maybe one day he'll surprise you) but you can just fix it yourself one day as well. No pressure.
2. Love the necklace he bought you. To hate it because he could've fixed your ring in it's place is unfair to him who went out and bought you something. Trust me, count your blessings your husband thinks of you at all (mine has never bought me any jewelry or gift). But then again, I think I know what you are talking about. Maybe he was trying to think outside the box? Be adventurous? Hoping it might inspire a little playfulness? I dunno. LOL
3. Hubby should stop nagging you about the necklace but understand he just wants to see you wearing it. My sister wears a pair of earrings she hates but she said she does it as a thank you for the gift. She's never told him it's not her style. And if he really expects you to wear it day to day, tell him he'll have to buy you a wardrobe to match it. =D

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

What I would do (if the stone won't just fall off and disappear) is to wear my rings on a chain. I did that when I was pregnant. I didn't replace my rings, but I did change the stone.

I would have a frank talk with your DH that you appreciate the gesture but that the necklace isn't really "you" and you are sad about the rings. Perhaps trade in the necklace for the work that needs to be done on the rings. I would ask him why these rings are so important to him - maybe he feels that the sentiment would be lost, and if so, then what can you and he do? Can you re-vow yourselves to each other or have him re-present you with new rings? Say "I love you and I want the world to know I am married and having rings to wear is part of that."

My DH bought me pearl earrings with this swirly thing on them. Frankly, I'm not sure my grandma would wear them. I wore them a few times to be appreciative. He figured it out and I will likely get them re-made into a necklace at some point in the future. I'm much more likely to wear a pendant than big earrings.

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answers from St. Louis on

I am not sure why you think having the rings replaced is cheaper. My engagement/wedding rings are my mom's set reset. I brought in all the diamonds but four very small ones. 3,600 dollars and that was two years ago when gold was cheaper.

Get it fixed, trust me, it is cheaper.

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answers from Los Angeles on

Most men don't get their counterpart's tastes.

I would replace my original wedding rings spending the $300.
Here's's less than buying a new set and because it's the one
I was married with.
Then I would wear the necklace your husband gave you now with whatever you are wearing. Even if it's jeans, a sweatsuit. Wear it NOW a
few times THEN and only then retire it to your jewelry box for awhile. If
you wear it right after he's given it to you, he'll notice.
Then later, much later, gently point out things you do like so he will begin to see the style you like. Say "Oh look honey, I love this simple style."
It's gently trying to show him what you would enjoy receiving from him.


answers from Milwaukee on

Oh I totally feel for you. & I appreciate your wanting to wear SOMETHING to symbolize your devotion to your marriage.

Sadly, my diamond fell out of my setting a few of years ago, & we were/are not in a financial position to replace it. So I have a ring with empty promgs.

I went to an antique mall & found a couple of rings & a pendant with CZ stones, & picked a couple out to eventually put into my setting. (I'll choose one).

In the meantime, I wear a band ring on that hand... originally it was a silver band that had an inscription "I am my beloved & my beloved is mine". If you do a google search for that & add "ring" you can find them for less than $20.

I found another ring while cleaning from years ago, it has 2 bands, one which spins over the other, that I am now wearing.

I also have a husband who sees sparkly things & says "ooh shiny she'll like that & I can afford it". It was hard, but I finally said "I love that you surprise me with jewelry, but I worry that it doesn't get worn as often as it should because it's not something I would normally pick out for myself. Can I show you some things that are really my style?"

I still do wear some of the items he originally got me, & make sure ot point out when I do so that he knows I appreciate that he cared. Nothing he got me was of the type that I could tkae to a jewelers & "trade in" but maybe if your necklace is you could ask your hubby if it could be exchanged for something that "fits" your style more...

And say something to the efffect of "I really love that you got me something, but I want to be comfortable wearing it more often, & I'm worried that this one is so delicate it might not do well being worn so often... plus it doesn't go with grey sweats all that well..."

As for your wedding rings, it sounds like there is a lot to be repaired... do you also have an estimate to tkae the primary stone out & trade in the ring w/o for a different setting that wouldn't require repair? (sometimes stores will do an even credit, sometimes they require you to trade in for something at least 2x the value, so that you need to pay out some $$).

If you are not overly attached to your specific setting, but just being able to wear a wedding ring is what's important to you, that might be the best route to go.

My suggestion is to talk to a few stores in your area (go to a regular chain store, an upscale store, a family-owned store to get a variety of options & costs) & then make a decision.

Lets say it will cost $350 for whatever option you choose... then you can spend $20 on a symbolic band & save for 1 year to have the rings you want.

Another option to consider is Craigslist... provided the person you buy from is willing to meet @ a jewelers & have the ring/stones authenticated, you might be able to get a nice setting for less, & then pay the store to place your diamond in it & size it for you.

Bottom line: Get a band for now to wear, make sure your husband knows you appreciate his thinking of you, & get estimates to set a plan for finalizing your wedding rings!

T. =-)



answers from Chicago on

I hear you! I have a similar story that makes me feel sad about my wedding ring all the time. I'll spare you the gory details. I finally bought a fake so I can wear it doing whatever and not have to worry about damage or anything, and if I change my mind in a few years, or gain/lose weight, I can just get another one. There are logs of places that sell nice looking imintations.



answers from Rockford on

My original wedding set is white gold with a pear shaped sapphire and diamonds all around it. It is really not my style. They stopped fitting after I had our second child. We replaced my set with an inexpensive silver band and a blue spinel silver ring. They are nice, but modest enough for me to wear every day and not feel like I am sporting something crazy flashy. Since my "fake" set cost less than sizing my actual set, and my husband helped me pick them out, he was pretty ok with it. I keep my actual rings in a safe place so he knows I still have a place in my heart for them.



answers from Chicago on

After I was married for quite a few years, I inherited a beautiful white gold diamond ring and I began using that as my engagement ring instead as my first engagement ring, which was not a diamond and was yellow gold. I went to Macys and bought a thin white gold band as my "wedding ring". It cost $100. Not very sentimental but I prefer the newer engagement ring and I didn't want to spend alot on a "new" wedding ring. It works for me.



answers from Wausau on

If you can't be honest with your husband when you don't really like something because he'd have a fit, that says a bit about the quality of the relationship.

Tell your husband you appreciate that he wanted to give you a nice gift, but that it just isn't your style and you won't be wearing it. Tell him you want to get your rings fixed. Then return the necklace and do it.

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