Weaning an 18-Month-old

Hi,

I would say he's not ready to wean yet. Boys are a little slower developmentally than girls. He sounds like he really needs it. 18 months is still very young for weaning. If you wean him before he's ready, the separation and other anxieties may only increase. My daughter was 21 months old when we weaned. I left to have her brother one morning, came back the next morning and was nursing her new brother when she jumped up on the couch and said "My turn, ma!" I told her, "this is for your new brother now, sweetie" so she jumped off the couch, ran over and got a book, brought it back to the couch, jumped back up and said, "Ok, read me, ma!" And that was that. Easy peasy. I know a little boy who is 3 1/2, socially well-adjusted, and still nursing. Now that may be because his mom knows she's not having any more babies, so she wants to get the most out of her breastfeeding years. But the little guy is just fine in every way. Your little guy WILL outgrow his need for the breast, I promise! ;)

It could be part of his personality to be more needy than your daughter. Our neighbor nursed 5 kids. Some weaned before they were 1, the 5th was almost 2.5. The 5th kid was coddled and a little spoiled with attention as the final baby in the house. He's a good kid at 5 years old now.

Our son weaned himself at 12.5 months, and our daughter had to stop nursing at 12 weeks so I could start chemo. I didn't have your situation to deal with.

But, I would ask your pediatrician if they have advice on how to do it and instill less co-dependence.

Good luck!

At 18 months he is old enough to learn boundaries. I dont think nursing is the cause of his clingness and whining, I think its because he has no limitations. he should not be allowed to whine in public and demand to be fed. He shouldnt be demanding anything, but nursing time should be on a schedule by now. If you want to cut down then tell him no at lunch time, Morning and night is a good time to snuggle and nurse. If he pulls at your clothes he should be told not to and you need to turn your back on him when he does it.

I couldn't get my daughter to stop breastfeeding until 25 months old, but around 22 months I made a strong concerted effort to get her to stop. Around 20 months I decided that we would never nurse outside our home, and I recall a few meltdowns about it, but I no longer wanted to be nursing a toddler in public. She understood that boundary fairly quickly and would wait until we walked in our front door before demanding it. Then, I made it very clear that she could only nurse first thing in the morning, right before bedtime, and before afternoon nap (or after coming home from daycare on the 2 days/week she went there). Then we dropped the middle of the day session. It took a long time to drop the evening time, but I did it by saying that she could only have "a little bit" before bedtime, held my fingers up in a pinching gesture to indicate "a little bit", and made sure that she understood it before I let her on. Then, after 2 minutes on each side, I made her get off, because she could only have "a little bit." This was a good compromise, because my milk production at that time dramatically went down, so she wasn't getting much, and I was still accommodating her request, but on my terms. Then she cold a nasty cold and stopped asking for it for a couple nights (probably because she couldn't breathe and nurse at the same time), and after that, it was much easier to redirect her attention and refuse her after she had gotten by without it for a few nights. It was much harder to put time limits on her in the morning, but she gave up the morning sessions when she got the nasty cold too. She would ask for it every day for many months later, but after a few days of going without it, I found it much easier to "distract" her to some other activity. Interestingly, after we stopped with the breastfeeding, she became much more attached to an old doll of hers and to a couple other stuffed animals that she had previously shown no interest in before. I really believe she was using me for comfort before, and after we stopped breastfeeding, she learned that she could self-soothe more easily. Weaning her weighed on my mind a lot for several months, so I can relate to all your anxieties about it. I think the process has to be specific for each mother and child's personality. Cold turkey would have never worked for us, so we did it very slowly, but in a very controlled manner with me monitoring that we were never backsliding. Good luck!!

Baby led weaning can actually reduce clinginess because it gives the toddler more contact with mom. Toddlers may just be clingy overall regardless of whether they are still being breastfed or whether they've been breastfed at all.
You won't be nursing forever, but child led weaning doesn't usually lead to weaning by 1 1/2, it's more like 3.
You can discourage nursing by wearing dresses which he can't pull up and there's not access to your breasts. If he nurses in the middle of the day, be out and about when it's that time, or don't be there at all. If you nurse in the middle of the day, can you get a babysitter during that time? It's usually the bedtime session that's last to go but you could eliminate that one by going out in the evenings (the gym, library, starbucks) and have dad in charge of bedtime, when you are not even in the house and nursing isnt' an option. It may be hard, but if you really want to cut down, it may not be easy - you may need to decide whether you really want to do child led weaning.

My first daughter weaned herself at 18 months-she was obsessed with nursing one day and the next was done with it forever-I even pumped for a month in case she changed her mind -but she was done-Now my second daughter just turned 4 and guess what -she still nurses and at this point I am trying to gently tell her that I can love and cuddle her without nursing. Every child is different-I dont get my self crazy about it and also attending la-leche meeting has helped me because there is so many benifits .Plus everyone at these meetings nurses forever.If your ok with it I think its fine.Dr Sears has great information on this subject,I loved his views on children-very nurchering and he is very big on breastfeeding-well-hope I helped-listen to your gut and what your baby needs-R.

Dear Swamimommy, I do not have much advice as the longest I nursed any one of my 5 is 9 months. I will say that the clinginess may be his personality and also boys are mych closer to mom than girls as babies. Can you explain to him that when you are out he cannot be nursed? he must wait until you get home?Not sure if this helps. My best, Grandma Mary

All I can offer is my own experience. My son was just over 2 when he stopped nursing. I just stopped encouraging it and he stopped when he was ready. It is such a personal decision that is dependent on your beliefs, what you want for your child and really, your own comfort level. Mothering magazine has had some great articles about breastfeeding, especially one about nursing your toddler. It is still a great source of nutrition and immunity. Trust yourself and good luck.

I would just drop the middle of the day one. Keep the morning and night time for now. Give him a sippy with one scoop ( just a hint of a fun flavor) of ovaltine right when he gets up from his morning nap. This should distract him and then get him lunch right away. don't mention anything about nursing. And don't hold him very long until after he is fed. If he asks to nurse, just say "yes later" or "we will, tonight" Once you have gone one day, try for the next day, and so forth. If he has a melt down, do your best to not give in. Just keep telling him, you will in a while, or whatever your phrase is. when you have gone a week or two, then drop whichever of the remaining nursings are his least favorite. if it is the morning he likes, then at night tell him you will nurse in the morning. And if might help if you start a little bit different night time routine and have dad put him to bed. If it is the night time one he likes then in the morning, quickly give him breakfast and if he asks about nursing, again tell him you will later, and keep him busy.
After you are down to just one nursing, then just feed him every other day and then every two and then every three and so on. If feeding him every few days is harder on him at this point, you can just wait as many days as you possibly can and then pump. Gradually your body won't produce much and will absorb it naturally.
Good luck
E.