Weaning a Toddler - Columbus,NE

Updated on November 30, 2010
K.W. asks from Columbus, NE
14 answers

I have an 18 old son that is still nursing up to four times a day and at night or early morning once. My husband is starting to pressure me to wean him and I personally don't know anyone that still is nursing their kids at this age and I have friend that weaned her son from the breast at 7 months. How do you do it? Am I just a push over. I try to cut feedings and he will ask many times for a "ummy" and I say 'no, the ummy is gone" he gets very upset about it and will just get so worked up that nothing will work to distract him, toys, juice, books, nothing until i give him an "ummy". He is 30 pounds so I know that he doesn't need the breast milk because he eats plenty of other food. Does anyone know what to say to him when he asks for it any distractions that worked with your toddler, also its the worst in the evening before bedtime , when I try to feed him his supper and he is tired he will hardly eat any then he will throw a fit until he gets nursed then he generally falls asleep while nursing, Any suggestions will be appricieated.

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K.M.

answers from Miami on

Are you sure YOU want to wean? You only mentioned your husband pressuring you and not knowing anyone else who does extended nursing. If you still want to nurse, it's not unusual for an 18 month old to still be breastfeeding. Sure they don't need to nurse for nutrition, but they nurse for other reasons like comfort during teething or because there is developmental stuff going on at 18 months and they need the comfort and reassurance of mom. So if you like nursing, don't feel like there's anything wrong with continuing. I wouldn't wean for other people, but if you are personally done, there is nothing wrong with stopping either. For me, around 2 years old was when I was personally done. I nursed my kids 25 months and 23 months respectively. Here are some tips that may help:

1. Eliminate nursing one session at a time starting with the one he's least attached to. Leave nursing to sleep as the last one(s) to go.

2. Nurse in one spot, probably his room if that's where he nurses to sleep to help lessen his nursing triggers from other spots. This will be inconvenient, but worth it!

3. Distract and don't offer. But, if he's really persistent you can tell him when you'll nurse again- at naptime, after snacktime, etc. Make it concrete so he understands you'll nurse again.

4. Don't sit down! This was a big trigger with my daughter. Maybe spend a lot of time outdoors/out of the house at the usual nursing times.

5. I'd eliminate one nursing session a week to start, but go quicker or slower depending on how he's doing.

6. Start a routine for going to sleep that involves nursing at the end. Do this while you're working on cutting out the daytime sessions. Then when that's set, move nursing to the next to last thing in the routine. Finally, start decreasing the length of nursing until you eliminate it altogether. I'd work on cutting out the nursing at naptime and leave the bedtime session for last and nurse him to sleep during the night as needed. As he relies less on nursing to sleep during the day, you may find things get easier at night and he'll accept other comfort.

My daughter was not big on self soothing. She was really attached to nursing, but this gradual weaning worked well for her and weaning was mostly drama free and non-traumatic. Good luck!

5 moms found this helpful
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E.H.

answers from Minneapolis on

There are many moms still nursing 18 month olds! They are still babies in so many ways and nursing helps them stay connected to mommy while they are gaining their independence. My daughter nursed until 3 years old when she lost interest and I got pregnant with my second. He is due in 4 weeks and he will be nursed as long as possible as well. It is so good for both mom and baby (many many benefits of extended nursing) and it also continues to meet their emotional needs.

And there is nothing wrong with the amount of times he is nursing a day. My daughter was still nursing 8-10 times at that age and didn't night wean till about 27 months. We co-slept so it made night feeding a breeze. Remember you are feeding him human milk, which is made specially for him, there is no reason to switch to milk made for baby cows if neither of you are ready. This is really such a small time in his/your life span, you don't want to have regrets about ending it too soon. Here are some good links you might want to share with your husband about the benefits of extended nursing:

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/norma_jane_bumgarner.html

http://www.llli.org/FAQ/criticism.html

http://www.llli.org/NB/NBSepOct07p196.html

Congrats on nursing this long and I hope with some of this info you can find the confidence to continue doing what is natural for you and your son!

3 moms found this helpful
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B.B.

answers from Dallas on

Put band-aids over your nipples and he can't get anything. I"ve known several people who did this. Oh, and don't give in. I have an 18 month old, also. I've found he is really testing, to see if I give in. When I don't give in to something, he is eventually fine with it and moves on. I think this is a very head strong age.

There will be many people who pressure you to keep breastfeeding, or even make you feel guilty. Please don't let them influence you. Do what is best for YOU and YOUR family. No one else, should have a say, in when you feel you want to wean.

2 moms found this helpful

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

I nursed my first until he was just about 3, through my pregnancy with my second and for 2 months I nursed both of them. I nursed my second until he was just shy of 5 years old. The last time he nursed was a few days before I found out I was pregnant with my thrid. My third will be 18 months in a little over a week and is still nursing strong. As much if not more than your son. Pleased to meet you! You know an extended nurser LOL ;) (Sorry..could not resist being silly LOL)
World Health Organization recommends nursing until age 2 or longer if mutually wanted by mother and baby. The American Academy of Pediactrics is behind the times with their recommendation of only a year and I've heard it rumured that they're going to change to the 2 year recommendation of WHO possibly but I'm not holding my breath. In cultures where child led weaning is the norm children's ages like mine are average. Up to 7 years old is considered normal in many cultures. America is very much an oddity.
I highly recommend a wonderful book "Mothering your Nursing Toddler" by Norma J. Bumgarner http://www.amazon.com/Mothering-Nursing-Toddler-Norma-Bum...
All of my kids ate a healthy amount of solids but still nursed multiple times a day at that age. Toddlers still need the nutrients in milk, thus the recommendation to add cows milk at a year. In my opinion the recommendation of cows milk at a year is predominately for the formula fed crowd. Human milk is far better for a human baby whenever possible.
It certainly sounds like your son is not ready to wean. Are you really ready to wean? Pressure from someone else, even your husband, isn't reason enough to wean.
Best of luck with whatever choice you make.

2 moms found this helpful
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M.C.

answers from Minneapolis on

There is nothing wrong with nursing a toddler and it is very natural to do. I nursed until my son was a little over 2 years old. He also was very attached and called it his "nunny." Please don't wean just because you feel pressure from others- wait until you feel that you and your son are both ready to stop. I did not want it to be a big struggle since nursing was such a big bond....and you will be surprised how they start to just lose interest. Usually that will happen naturally, but not if you are forcefully taking away something that he is interested in. One day, I was told my milk was "stinky" by my two year old and he weaned very quickly on his own without any fuss. I guess my advice boils down to making sure that you do something that feels right for you and your child without factoring pressure from family and others in to your decision. Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful
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A.C.

answers from Cincinnati on

I don't know that you need to wean yet if you're not ready. Don't let Hubby pressure you unless he has good reasons behind his insistence. However, there is no reason an 18-month-old needs a feeding in the middle of the night or early morning. Most children (those who are gaining weight regularly, etc.) do not need to eat in the middle of the night after they are 6-8 months old. He also doesn't need to be nursed to sleep - your problem is not the breast milk but rather that your child hasn't learned how to put himself to sleep. He isn't waking up hungry - he is waking up, and wanted to be comforted or soothed back to sleep again. Kristine's last bit of advice is very good, about how to work that night-time weaning out of the picture. Soothe him in other ways at night, and then slowly wean off of that, as well, so that you child learns to comfort himself in the middle of the night without you. Learning to put himself to sleep and comfort himself is a necessary part of growing up, and it will make your life much easier, too. An 18-month-old is not only completely capable of putting himself to sleep at night, but most nights, he should be able to wake up and put himself back to sleep without you. Getting to this point, however, may be difficult. The biggest thing is that, if you decide to do this, don't give in. Your son will learn that he needs to scream and cry to get the breast, and then if you don't give it to him, he'll scream and cry more. If you then give in, he thinks to himself, "Ah, I see. I have to scream louder and cry longer to get the breast. Got it." But if you don't give in, he'll realize that what he is doing isn't working. Once you do it, you have to commit. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

He is no longer a baby and understands the word no. If you are saying no and than giving in when he pitches a fit you are setting yourself up for a much bigger problem than this weening battle! I would simply tell him that mommie's "ummy"s no longer work because big boys drink their milk from a cup, and give him a sippy of milk if he will drink it, or a mixture of breast and cows milk if he still needs to get used to the taste. If he pitches a fit, walk away and do not listen to it.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.B.

answers from Stockton on

I know you said your husband is ready for you to wean your son, but are you ready? It's harder if you aren't fully vested in getting him off the breast. I nursed my son until he was 2 1/2 (my other three were all weaned by their first bday so I'm not judging) because I was done! If you yourself are really ready and think it's the best choice for you then I highly recommend you get hubby involved and make yourself scarce during the normal nursing times.

1 mom found this helpful
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T.F.

answers from Minneapolis on

I to nursed my first two children until they were past 2 and my third just turned 2 and is still nursing. The health benefits are tremendous. My stepmother made some comments about my nursing my first one, to my brother......later he came with a full page article in the Pioneer press about the health benefits for children that are nursed until age 2 or after. I would suggest that you find a LaLache League group you could go to. You would not only get a ton of information on it, but you would be surrounded by moms that breastfeed their children until the children decide to wean. You wouldn't feel so alone and could ask questions, etc. If you are ready to wean at some point, they could also help you through that process.

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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

I nursed my son until he was 2.5 years old, gradually removing a nurse at a time till only the night nurse remained. I know each kid is different. Perhaps if you worked him up to it. Let him know that he's getting bigger and that he needs more big boy food. That ummy is for little babies and that you don't have as much. Praise him when he does a good job eating, drinking, etc.

Chose the feeding that he seems to care about the least/is most inconsistent with and remove that one. If there is a way to have him with someone else consistently during that time (babysitter, playdate without you, etc.) that will also help cause he'll be having fun and the ummy won't be there).

Let your husband know that you are doing it, and ask him to help you by taking him out for boy time as you're removing the feedings. The night one will be the hardest and the last to go. You're doing fine. :)

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B.P.

answers from New York on

First off, you can continue to nurse him as long as you feel comfortable. There are plenty of moms who are nursing 18 month olds! BUT the numbers of times they do is not as many as you are. My concern is that he is using the nursing to avoid other developmentally appropriate activities. I think the goal is to get down to 1-2 "core" nursing times. Usually before bed is the hardest to give up. The rest of the time it is not really that hard, in my opinion. You just have to say no and redirect him. You have to stick to your guns though! If you give in, it makes it much harder. Drop one at a time and soon he wont even be asking. Also, try to get out of the house since winter is a hard time to ween since you can't be outside as much. My son is 2 1/2 a half and he still nurses right before bed. I am trying to figure out a way to drop that one too...good luck!

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S.C.

answers from Des Moines on

My son is almost 3 and still nurses AT LEAST twice a day- a lot more on my days off. I've LOVED having a nursing toddler, but I'm also just about ready to be DONE with it; but my son is NOT. And after THINKING about it (rationally, while he's at Grandmas for the weekend-- and yes you CAN send them away for days and they'll still nurse or at least want to when they comeback, so that's not always an effective weaning method) I've decided that it would be much smarter to wait until AFTER cold and flu season to wean him anyway! He's a comfort nurser and even when he won't eat or drink he will nurse and nurse and nurse, so I've NEVER had any problems with keeping him hydrated.

HOWEVER, I think I'm going to start suggesting a glass of water and a cuddle for most of his daytime requests to nurse. Not so much refusing as redirecting.....

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K.L.

answers from Madison on

I nursed until my son was four. I did cut back on feedings though. At 18 months though we were still at morning, 2-3 times during the day, and at night.

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C.B.

answers from Chicago on

Rather than stopping all at once, try gradually cutting out 1 feeding at a time. He may understand a picture chart, where you can use some photo representation (Wake up, 'Ummy', breakfast, snack, nap, etc.), so when he starts to throw a fit, you can show him that first we have a snack, then he can be nursed. At the other times that he asks, you can offer him milk (or other drink) in a sippy cup. The first couple days might be tough, but once he realizes he will be getting it at consistent intervals, he'll probably calm down. If the night time one is the hardest. probably make that the last feeding to remove from him. If you give in every time he melts down, all you are teaching him is that when he has a melt down you will nurse him. Make sure Dad is there for support, and if your son is asking to be nursed at a feeding you are weaning, and then melts down, remove yourself from the situation & let dad calm him down. Be strong!

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