Alright, I am so confused and need either a push or some direction. My second son is 13 months old and still nursing. I have days where I say I'm so done with this nursing thing and others where I'm soo thankful I can 'pop a boob' in to calm him down. He is such a drastically different baby than my first. He is either hot or cold, meaning really happy or really upset. The problem is he doesn't take anything else for comfort...absolutely refuses a binky, I've tried getting him attached to a bottle as a means of comfort no such luck.
So I think if I knew of another way to comfort him he'd already be weaned, just like I did with my first. BUT I am so worried about teething, sleeping and his overall demeanor. From day one this kid doesn't like to be cuddled, or rocked, or held for his comfort. I'm not joking, all he wants is to nurse for 2 seconds and then he's on his marry way. I can't hold him for anything unless he wants to nurse. I'm so worried if I take away his one means of comfort, I'm going to have one unhappy little boy! How do we cope, when he doesn't accept any other ways of comfort? Or do they just adapt? Or am I going to have a screaming, crying 1 yr old for a couple months?
He still isn't sleeping through the night, with my first this didn't happened until he was fully weaned, but he was also a binky baby. He can self soother, I just find when he's teething he wants to comfort nurse, which at this point is better than me holding a screaming and kicking baby! So I guess the big question is has anyone had a toddler similar to mine and weaned successfully? If I'm ready but he's not, then what? And if I go ahead and stick it out until the bulk of teething is over is harder to wean then, than if I did it now?
So confused...It doesn't help I'm down to only one breast, and I'm really lopsided? I keep envisioning it getting worse and worse every nursing session, but I'm totally dried up on the other side? Is this a clue I should call it quits! I don't know why it was so much easier for me to make this decision with my first...
Advice, suggestions , anything would help at this point
I would not try to use a bottle for comfort, at his age I would be using a sippy cup if anything. If it were me I would ween and let him find better ways to sooth himself. It may take a few days, hard days, but everyone would be happier at the end of it.
Hi there,
Since you've gotten some encouragement to wean, though I'd weigh in on the other side. :) If you enjoy the closeness with your son and ability to soothe him when he needs it, why not wait to wean? You could cut down the number of times you nurse per day, if you are feeling overwhelmed.
I planned to nurse my daughter until she was a year old. But she still loved nursing, so I decided to keep it up until she was ready to quit. When she was about two I cut out the daytime sessions and we only nursed before bed. We did this really gradually, over a few months.
She just stopped nursing completely in June when she was 2 years, 9 months! I even tried weaning her when I became pregnant, but she totally regressed, started acting like a baby. So I kept it up because it wasn't as important for me to stop as it was for her to keep nursing.
When I was 5 months pregnant she stopped nursing one day and asked for a glass of milk. I was confused and then asked her if there was no milk left, and there wasn't. I have no idea how long she was comfort nursing!
Really, you have to do what feels right for you. If you want to stop, then you should. But your son WILL stop one day, and I don't think it will get harder to wean him later, so don't stop for that reason. I'm so glad we kept it up for so long. I never thought I'd be one of "those" mommies. :)
If you are feeling pressured by the fact that most people in our culture only nurse until one year old, think about how many 2 and 3 year olds use pacifiers? Obviously there is a natural need to nurse/comfort suck. Why not use the breast for that? Also, the World Health Organization suggests breastfeeding until 2 years old.
www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/
Hope it goes smoothly, however you decide to proceed!
H.
Updated
1) Your aren't dried up on the other side, it's simply not producing as much because your son has an obvious preference which gets all the suckling that prompts your body to keep producing the same amount or more.
2) If you wean now, KNOWING your son uses this ONE TIME to cuddle, get comfort and safety from you - your son will be very hard to handle and very unhappy.
3) Nursing never lasts forever. Each child is different about when THEY are ready to wean, which is usually after 2 years old unless forced or heavily persuaded to stop. Why end something that will end anyways but on a much sweeter note?
4) Teething is actually something very easily handled. You must be stern and consistent. No laughing or squealing - that will only encourage them. You give them 3 chances, always start with "No biting Mommy!" and ending with a prolonged period of no nursing allowed. 1st time is like 5 minutes, 2nd is 15 minutes, 3rd is the final and that lasts for an hour or two.
I just got my 20 month old to wean and it was a hard and trying process. I understand the wanting to get your body back. The most important issue you need to address is if you are ready to wean. Kids adapt to almost everything we throw at them so it is really up to you to make that choice. I will admit I miss the cuddles and closeness we had, but I do enjoy my freedom.
For me it was a slow weaning process that took 3 months. I eliminated one nursing at at time giving her 1-2 weeks to adapt before eliminating another one. I had a total of 5 to wean her off of, all during the night. I had a ton of snacks and sippy cups for the offering when she woke demanding to nurse. I found that it was also important to offer the traditional stuffed animal or blanket to her as compensation for not nursing. She hasn't latched onto any of them, but they did seem to offer her some level of comfort.
I have to admit it is not an easy process when they don't have a nuk or blanket to help them self sooth. You will have screaming and tantrums for 3-4 days, but it does decrease with each passing day. My daughter now sleeps through the night for the 1st time.
Best of luck and be patient. Let your child and heart guide you in making your decision and all wil work out.
I am just finished weaning my 13 mo old. I too hit the point of "I'm done" partially because I've hardly been able to be away from him for more than 2 hrs at a time since he's been born!
Our little guy also has no other means to soothe himself. It's a learning process. We've been patting his back/butt since he'll immediately flip over in his crib when we put him down to sleep. If he's fussing, we'll pat/rub or pick him up and set his head down on our shoulder for a few minutes.
He's been upset with me. He'll sign "milk" and then scream at me. He'll pull on my shirt, trying to pick it up, or poking at me. As soon as I say "no", I put him on my lap, facing away from me and let him fuss. If he faces me, he pulls at my shirt or hit and claws at me (because he's mad). After a few minutes, I'll offer him his sippy cup with cow's milk. He frequently bats it away. I let him sit and fuss for awhile again and keep offering up the cup.
After about 3-4 days we're doing good. He has been fussier than usual, up at 5:30am and hard to get back down. He wants to nurse, so it's a struggle. I continue to sit with him on my lap, letting him fuss, and keep offering the sippy cup.
I'm sure he's taking fewer calories, so it makes sense that he's waking at 5:30 to eat. It's just still hard considering we have other kids that are waking shortly afterward to get up for school.
I have been popping Claritin before bed the last 3 nights. My supply has been significantly diminished too, but I was still getting "lumpy" from milk that wasn't being drained. I did let him nurse to get rid of the lumps, but he was frustrated there wasn't enough milk.
I have had more of his favorite foods on hand - yogurt, applesauce, etc. And he now eats as soon as he wakes in the morning....breakfast right upon waking. He's been taking the cow's milk better too now.
For me, I NEED my life back. I made the choice to nurse this baby for 1 year for the health benefits for him. However I have "lost myself" in Mommyhood. I have NO life. And nursing was a big factor. Although this is my last baby, and I'm a little sad to be done. I also needed to for my own sanity. It's not that hard keeping a sippy cup in the diaper bag and giving him some water while we're out in the car.
Best wishes. Feel free to msg me if you need a friend.
My son never wanted to cuddle without nursing and so, eventually, I started to feel annoyed when he came for a cuddle but really wanted to nurse (esp after I was pregnant and nursing on tender breasts!). When I weaned at 18mts (and it was hard emotionally for me but he was ready), I was very pleasantly surprised that we started being able to really, lovingly, cuddle-- no hidden agendas or me feeling resentful. Hopefully, weaning will allow your cuddling relationship to bloom too. I was afraid that weaning would create distance between us, but it actually brought us closer.
It wont last a month, just a few days... but since you have one dry boob I'd say it's time to throw in the towel. Let him pick out some sippy cups at the store.... and when he wants to nurse remind him that he has his new cup now... and hold him while you put in his milk or juice or whatever... make it interesting as a re-direction. I think it will be easier than you think. He'll learn, it wont be quiet at your house for a couple of days, but he'll learn :)
Congrats on giving him a full year of mommy juice.
The whole one dry boob thing is the kicker.... I'm laffing at the picture in my mind.
My daughters are 12 and 8 and I nursed both until they were 2 years. I thought breastfeeding was a wonderful experience and I'm sad that I ended it at 2 years. I look back upon nursing as one of the wonderful experiences I shared with my babies that allowed us to slow down and be together.
It seems that when the children are little we moms are so anxious for them to move to the next level - feed themselves, dress themselves, etc. I say slow down and don't feel as if it is a race - you can't go back (certainly not in the nursing department). And good for your baby for rejecting a binky. It drives me nuts to see a cute baby with a binky shoved it their mouth. We were a non-binky family.
I have to be honest that I never allowed my kids to comfort nurse. I decided that I was a food source, not a pacifier. Maybe you could transition to that kind of nursing first? Tell him not now, but at lunch, bedtime, etc. He'll be upset, but you've gotten some good suggestions for dealing with that. And once he realized it's not gone for good, he probably won't have a fit. Maybe he won't even want to nurse by the time you offer. If he does, then once you have him used to the fact nursing is only 4(or whatever number) times a day, then you take away one nursing every few days.
Good luck!
I just want to say that breastfeeding is beneficial for both mom and baby for as long as you and your son decide to continue. We live in a society where breastfeeding beyond 6 months is frowned upon, so good for you for continuing! Feel free to continue as long as you like! Kids don't breastfeed forever....
Weaning is a two-way street. If you start the weaning process - and it IS a process - be prepared to go back to breastfeeding if it seems too stressful for you or your son. You won't be able to wean in one day. It's not a good idea for your body, let alone for your son. If you truly want to wean, you need to drop ONE nursing session every 3-4 days to allow your body to adjust to the change. If you stop cold turkey, you could end up engorged and even possibly with plugged ducts and/or mastitis.
If you'd like to continue nursing your son, you probably should try to get him to take the "off" breast. It should only take 2-3 days of consistent stimulation to even things out. Maybe then you'll feel a little better about continuing...?
Whatever you decide should be what's best for you and your family. Obviously, I'm a big proponent of extended breastfeeding (every month counts!), but if it's not working for you or if you're resenting your child, then it may be time to stop. Good luck!
