We Need a Boost.

Updated on March 03, 2009
C.D. asks from San Antonio, TX
4 answers

My husband and I have had typical relationship issues since the start. Efforts to keep our relationship healthy come and go. A few counseling efforts have flopped, weak counselors and lack of effort on our part. I am looking for a program or idea/process that is secular. He will not go to a Christian/religious based program or Life Management (transformational) type program.
We have commitment to each other & family, but we are not in sync, whether communication, ideas, parenting, etc. I say he is ADD in denial...he might say I am lacking motivation and "stuck". I could go back to work to "get a life", but who will do what is needed by mom for 2 children and 1 ADD denial husband (which greatly effects the children and our home).

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answers from San Antonio on

Watch Fireproof and do the love dare. Why not get a small p/t job or volunteering or take some classes? It might help. Your children are in school. Have ya'll been on a vacation just the 2 of ya'll. Alone time works wonders. If he is not going to do any Christian based/religious program why are you looking for some. I'm sorry to say but if he is unwilling it will not help. I know of lots of Catholic programs if you need just message me.
Hope this help and God Bless

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answers from San Antonio on

My husband has been very resistant to counseling as well. Counselors and counseling programs need to be a good match. We are on our third joint counselor and she seems to be working...her name is Patricia Carrillo Barnes and is phenominal. While we were searching for our couples counseling match I was (and have been) in individual counseling working on my issues. It took him quite a bit longer to find an individual counselor but he seems to have (with Patricia's help) finally found one. It has been tough and to be honest if we didn't have a pre-schooler I probably would have thrown in the towels since I felt that I was the only one working on our marriage. Even though it didn't seem like it, he has in his own way been working on it - it is hard for most people to admit they need to see a counselor. I am glad that we have stuck through it. Pat just changed offices so please email me separately if you would like her contact information orthe name of my individual counselor.

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answers from San Antonio on

Have you heard of the movie Fireproof? You should rent it and watch it together. Then do the Love Dare on your own. It is a book with different tasks and takes a look at yourself. How you react and do things towards him will ultimately change his attitude, but its starts within ourselves. Speaking from experience.

Also, I am starting the book Love & Respect from recommendations. I have heard it works wonders on your heart and marriage.

If we first work on ourselves, it will show our partner that we are serious and want to change things. You cannot change your partner or the way they react, but you can change yourself.

Love Dare, Love & Respect - my recommended books. I am currently doing them (trying to do them) as well for my marriage as I have a reluctant husband as well.



answers from San Antonio on

My first recommendation in this type of situation would be let it start with you. There are many things that you can do that would influence your household and especially your husband. Your influence is more powerful than you may realize. You have the power to even change him, but it has to be done in the right way or you will change him for the worse. It can't be done with how you think it should be done. I recommend two books for you alone right now: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl (nogreaterjoy.org) and/or Breaking the Communication Code (along with Love and Respect if you can afford both) by Dr. Eggerich (loveandrespect.com). These are Christian based and so for now, they should be just for you. But, you will learn things that can shape your husband and your marriage for the long haul. It can do miracles for your family if you will give them a try.

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