I've been watching my neighbor's son and daughter for over a year now. The little girl has always eaten well, but the little boy has recently (about a month ago) started balking at everything I fix. He complains his stomach hurts and doesn't want to eat. Doesn't matter what I fix. Things he's always eaten he will now try to get out of eating. He will literally take two or three very tiny bites and then tell me his stomach hurts.
This morning he took three bites of cinnamon toast and then decided he didn't want to eat it. He cried, complained, and told me his stomach hurt. I told him that if his stomach hurt he must be sick and would need to go to my daughter's room to lie down while the kids played. But if he wanted to play then he would have to finish that one tiny piece of toast. It took him about an hour and half, but he finished it because he didn't want to go lie down. He has now played with the girls no problems or complaints for an hour and even asked if he could have a treat later....rule is no treats or snacks after a meal you don't finish. (I never give the kids much on their plates...I put tiny amounts and then encourage them to eat more when they are done..typically works if they are hungry).
He is getting dark circles around his eyes, my 3 year old and 5 year old girls run circles around him. They will run laps around my kitchen island and into the dining room pretending to excercise. The girls can do like 20 laps, but he typically gets tired after about two and will beg the girls to quit. He doesn't have the strength to peddle his own weight on my daughter's bike. My three year old rides the tricycle faster than he does.
I'm really worried that he's developing some kind of eating disorder. Is that possible for a four year old boy?
PS Please don't suggest that I let him eat what he wants because it's torture to make him eat good food...Letting him eat what he wants leads to horrible eating habits and very picky behavior as adults...I know my husband is one of seven and they all have trouble eating good food or trying new things...I have a sister-in-law that won't eat anything but fast food. My mother made us try everything, eat small portions on our plate, and refused to let us eat junk food. All three of us are very adventurous eaters, eat healthy foods, and will try lots of new things any time. I'm just worried this little guy has an eating disorder and if it's even possible.
What does his parents say about this? Are they aware of the problem?
If not, then you need to discuss it with them ASAP. Maybe his mother can give you some suggestions, or she can take him to the doctor to find out if there is an underlying medical issue. Dark circles, lack of energy could mean just about anything (anemia, insomnia, food allergies, etc).
I think you are doing a wonderful job, and I agree with your food philosophy.
I know four year olds can be a little picky, but this sounds a little bit more than picky. Have you talked to his parents? Maybe he has a bowel obstruction or something that really is hurting his tummy. I know my kids won't eat if the have to make a BM. Or maybe he is stressed out? I would talk to his parents and let them know what's going on. You can try letting him come to you when he is hungry instead of you dictating when he has to eat. Just keep non-perishable foods on a plate for him, that he can reach and let him decide when he eats, that way you won't be stressing about him eating and you won't have to drop what you are doing to get him food. Or keep a sandwich in the fridge for him. I wouldn't make it a battle of wills on this one, food & meals shouldn't be stressful. If you don't make it a big deal neither will they. I wish you the best of luck!
Hi there-
First of all, I want to say that I think that you are doing a great job with this little boy and it sounds like you really care about him. As a previous working Mom, I thank you for going above and beyond to care for another child so that his Mommie can work.
As for the symtpoms. The dark circles under his eyes make me suspicious that he has some food allergies. Also, as a result of the lack of nutrients from not eating, I am concerned that he has developed some anemia. I know that you have probably already talked with his parents about the lack of eating but I would encourage you to encourage them to take him to the Doctor's and have some blood work done to ensure that his Metabolic Panel is healthy and that he isn't deficient in his nutrients. As you mentioned, younger kids are running circles around him and his behavior is not normal.
In the interim, I would encourage him to be eating a balanced meal. Our rule at home is that the kids have to eat the number of bits that is their age. So, my 4 year old has to eat 4 bites (healthy) of everything that I put on his plate.
I feel bad for both of you. I hope that his parents get this checked out sooner rather than later. This doesn't sound right.
Good luck.
N.
Hi S.!
I have the same discussion very night with my boys(although they are a little older). I think it is important to keep offering the items in all the food groups but if he doesn't want to eat make sure he understand when the next meal is and that there will not be any "snacking" in between time. He might just be a little stressed out or picking up on your stress level. Watch how much he is drinking and using the bathroom (maybe even keep a log) and then discuss it with his parents. Good Luck!
How are his stools? Are they like pebbles. I just had the same problem with my 5 1/2 year old. He complained his stomach hurt every time he would take 2-3 bites of the foods he likes. He had dark circles around his eyes. It was to the point he was throwing up every 2-4 days. Then started getting fevers. He has an extremely high chance of getting colon cancer when he is young, so I thought that he tumors blocking his digestive track. So we did a x-ray of his abdomen and found out that he was so constipated that he had no more room for anything.
I would talk to his parents about this. I needed to put him on a laxitive for 3 days and that helped him. I would very much recomend seeing the doctor.
Honestly, I think you're making way too much of an issue out of eating/food in general with this kid. Have the parents discussed his eating habits with his pediatrician? I have a 3 year old boy who as a baby would eat everything we gave him and now has become a pretty picky eater, considering my husband and I eat nearly anything/everything and try always to serve a variety of healthy, organic foods at each meal. We talked to our doctor and she said it's a completely normal phase and to just continue to put the food in front of our child, even if he doesn't eat it. But she absolutely said not to make food an issue at all. (He's a tall, healthy boy who eats plenty of fruits and whole grains, organic chicken... so it's no big deal...)
It sounds like this boy you are watching isn't that healthy, which again seems to me like the parents should be taking him to see his doctor to get the root of the issue. Obviously you don't give a child a cookie if he won't his lunch, but a bowl full of whole grain cereal and a banana is a nutritious snack. What does he eat at home for his parents? Can they supply you with food that he will eat? Snacks that he likes that will contribute to his overall nutrition? Maybe he's not hungry during the times of day that you serve meals. Or maybe there's something else going on with his health or at home that has caused the change.
I definitely don't think that it's your job as a babysitter to make the child sit at the table for an hour and a half, staring at a piece of toast, telling him that if he doesn't eat, he can't play with the other kids. I'm sure that no doctor would advocate that technique. I know when I was growing up, that was really common, but that's no longer in favor. There's a huge childhood obesity epidemic in this country... we put WAY too much emphasis on food. Maybe this boy eats like a champ in the evenings with his parents... maybe he eats cereal in the car on the way to your house in the mornings... who knows... I would talk to the parents and go with what they want for their child.
I'm sorry to put this so bluntly, but I would be really upset if my day care provider forced my child to eat food as you describe. In fact, I'm glad you posted that because I'm going to ask my son's caregiver tomorrow exactly what her policies are. We absolutely do not force our children to eat "one more bite" at our house, or withhold a scheduled meal or snack as punishment. That's the road to eating disorders and not listening to your body's cues about hunger and fullness. It doesn't mean they have to become junk food eaters - just give healthy choices and let the children choose from those things and decide how much to eat.
As for the health questions, I hope you've discussed with the parents? They should ask their pediatrician.
hi S.,
How lucky these children in your care are to have such a caring provider!
I am sure I don't have to tell you that 4 yr olds can be notorious for suddenly becoming 'picky' eaters (I have one). It sounds like there is something else troubling this little guy. Food can be such a power issue, or sometimes separation anxiety can get triggered when it's time to eat.
As far as an eating disorder, in my opinion - no. But since it sounds like he has a serious lack of energy and circles under his eyes something needs to be addressed and changed.
Would you consider loosening your rules about mealtime in order to see him healthy and happy? I would talk to his parents and let them know that he appears to be unhappy with something around mealtime and you need to know what it is - and ask them to promise him you won't be angry or upset with him, but rather will do whatever you can to fix it for him.
My daughter was freaked out over one daycare provider who served spaghettios often. For some reason my 4 yr old is completely grossed out by spaghettios, she got sick on them once and even the sight of the can will cause her to start gagging! (talk about an eating disorder) haha. Anyway this lady was kind in that she didn't force my daughter to eat them, but even when the other kids were eating them she would feel terribly sick and she was very afraid to tell her what was wrong, so my little girl finally told me and I had to talk to the daycare provider. She fixed it by allowing my daughter to sit at a different table when the other kids were having spaghettios - and it was a phase that passed.
Anyway, it might be something just little that is throwing him off. Or, you might have to temporarily give up the no-snack rule without eating 4 bites - maybe that is intimidating him to the point of not being able to eat at all. And just offer healthy snacks instead of junk snacks. I know when you have a daycare everything has to be done by a schedule or you never make it out of the kitchen, but maybe you'd make an exception to get him eating right again. :-)
Everyone will have different opinions, but I do not believe food should be connected with reward of punishment in any form, I just lay out my 4 yr old's plate and either she will eat it or she won't, and if she doesn't I make a healthy snack for later rather than allowing a sugar snack.
best of luck to you,
W.
:-)
