Was This Heartless, or Am I a Pushover?

Updated on June 10, 2013
E.M. asks from Phoenix, AZ
39 answers

I was flying back from a business trip last weekend on the last flight leaving the city for the opposite coast. The flight was extremely full. Waiting at the gate was a man with his son, who was about 2 or 3. As the departure time drew nearer, it became clear that the man and his son would not get on the flight. They were flying stand-by, and the flight was full. I am all for people accepting the consequences of their actions, so normally I would just feel bad for them and move on. However, the man was a vet who was an amputee. He was explaining to the airline employee that he missed a connecting flight because security gave him a hard time related to his artificial leg. Because of the delay, he was travelling 8 hours longer than expected already. He had run out of diapers for his son and his temper was also clearly at an end with the rambunctious little boy. The airline was telling him that the next flight would be the following morning and there was nothing they could do. Since the man had a "companion ticket" (a free or highly discounted ticket given to airline employees) there would be no compensation, so he was on his own for a hotel room. He stated that he could not afford a room, much less cab fare to and from the airport and a trip to the store to get supplies for his little boy.
I just couldn't imagine making a veteran amputee and his son stay the night in the airport, so I went to the person at the desk and offered up my seat if they would book me on the flight the next day. The lady got angry with me, telling me I didn't understand what was happening, the rules to the companion tickets were clear, people were always trying to get away with this, etc.
I am sure people do try to get away with things and I am sure people complain about things that are their own fault all the time. But it feels like the right thing for the airline to do would have been to take me up on my offer and book me on the flight the next day. Instead, they told me that if I gave up my seat, they would have to treat it as though I had just not shown up for my flight and I would have to buy a whole new ticket for a flight the next day.
Maybe I'm a sucker or a pushover, but when it was a small child AND a vet AND an amputee who got that way in service to his country...I would not have been able to sleep that night if I hadn't at least tried to help.
What do you think the airline should have done? Or should it just be rules are rules, no exceptions? I understand the appeal of rules are rules, but it also feels like the last bit of humanity draining out of the airline industry...

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So What Happened?

The airline I booked through was US Airways, though I am not certain that this particular flight was not one of their "partner" airlines. I will avoid them in the future when I can, but I don't have a choice when I am travelling for work.
Thanks so much for your kind words. I just hope that man and his son found a way home.

Featured Answers

R.R.

answers from Houston on

OH NO! Write a letter to the airline rarther than posting here. Hopefully, you can recall the worker's name.

I am usually not a fan of tattling, but I am so sick of Americans enjoying freedoms at others' expenses! Soldiers deserve better!

13 moms found this helpful

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

I would complain to the airline about their poor treatment of this gentleman and his child.

And I don't think you're a pushover at ALL.

7 moms found this helpful

V.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

I would have offered up my seat, like you did. I would have given him money for diapers, food, cab, and a decent hotel room or I would have given him my seat and bought a new ticket depending on what I could afford at the moment. Then I would have gotten his name and address and send a nice letter to the local media.

I would like to think that in that specific situation most people would do the same

7 moms found this helpful

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B..

answers from Dallas on

You did a kind thing for another human being, don't second guess it.

I have a friend whose husband has a terrifying medical emergency. Obviously, they could not take their scheduled trip with him in the hospital, and her by his side. They called the airlines, faxed medical notes, everything. The airline refused ANY refund. She wrote a post on the airline's facebook page and hundreds of people responded to the post!! Wouldn't you know, that the next day their tickets were refunded.

21 moms found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

A good friend of mine works for an airline and he offers me those tickets on a regular basis - he also uses them to come visit us here. It's not worth it to me to risk waiting hours in an airport, even if it is free. My time is way to valuable for that.

This vet should have been treated better. Shame on the airline for acting the way they did. I'd like to know what airline it was.

We flew Southwest in January and the staff at the airport in Ft. Lauderdale was HORRENDOUS. The staff here in Baltimore- they were great. Who knew the company would hire two completely opposite sets of customer service reps.

You did the right thing. The airline was wrong here.

Yes, the vet should have planned for having to stay overnight, more diapers, etc...but I bet he didn't plan to lose a limb fighting for the freedoms that allowed those ignorant airline reps to treat him the way they did. A little compassion goes a long way in life. Sounds like they lacked it completely.

16 moms found this helpful
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M.R.

answers from Seattle on

Ooooooh, I like Bug's story...go post your story/complaint on the airlines web page. That will raise some eyebrows and maybe teach them a lesson in how to look at some situations individually, not just black and white rules.

You did what anyone with a heart would have done....yeah sister!!!! I would have done the same thing.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

You did a very kind, compassionate thing. You realized that you had more resources (time, money, patience for the situation) than he did and reached out. It was a shame that the airline treated him as just another loser instead of picking up on your generosity and making it happen. It would have been fantastic if there had been a supervisor they could have contacted at the terminal who had the power and oversight to make changes like this, much like the manager of a grocery store can okay returns without receipts, etc.

I think this is just another case of a lot of burnt-out employees with no independence or personal power at all in their jobs-- they just have to follow the rule book to a tee or get fired. How sad.

10 moms found this helpful
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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I think they should have called a manager and seen if they could have worked something out for you to give your seat to that man and his child. I have been on flights where the airline asked for volunteers to give up seats so that a particular passenger or passengers could board (for whatever need/reason) and often people would give up seats and take another flight. I realize that he was flying a particular ticket, but it also angers me that he was held up and that's why he missed his first flight. I have a friend with an artificial leg and the TSA has left her in tears getting through security, especially immediately following September 11. She has been questioned, detained, searched, scanned. They even wanted to take away her scissors required for cutting her gauze. I myself have been held up for diaper cream for my 2 yr old. I wanted to scream "do you want me to show you her rash so you let us go already?!"

Airline travel is not my favorite thing. I have mostly found it to be horrible, nasty, brutish and LONG, especially with a family.

I would contact the airline and ask them why they did that and why they couldn't have made room for that man and his son when you were offering your seat. And if they don't give a good answer, might be time to change preferred airlines. The powers that be insist that air travel is an option - so, too, is choosing a different carrier.

And, frankly, sometimes it doesn't matter the story if you feel it's the right thing to do.

10 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Portland on

I feel the same way you do. Veterans deserve better treatment than this. Even without the amputations but with the amputation it should be a slam dunk to get him on board. I say the airline employee needs to be reported. I've heard of airlines making exceptions. Compassion is allowed. Technically she may have done the right thing. But maybe not. At the very least she should've asked her supervisor before making such a big stink with you. The airline does buckle to public opinion.

When I think about it, I remember airlines asking people if they would be willing to give up their seat for someone wanting to get on. They did reward anyone who did give up their seat. This was many years ago and maybe they aren't doing that any more. And it may not have been done for companion seats. But still, past practice shows that at some time they had more heart than this employee had now.

Rules are broken all over when doing so is authorized by the supervisor. She should've called the supervisor. She should also have shown compassion even if she couldn't allow you to give up your seat.

Sounds like she was cold hearted. Tho, that could've been a cover up for what she was actually feeling inside. I understand putting on a cold front but I don't agree with doing that. I sometimes cried when I was in the hospital room with the family of a child that had died. Cops are supposed to be so in control to the point they don't show emotion. Don't believe it. I've seen senior male officers shed a tear or two. This incident deserved a tear from that employee.

Later: I do wonder how you knew that he was a vet and had lost his leg in defense of our country. I just accepted what you said at face value but after a couple of other really good, more thought out responses, I am doubting the situation some.

And, I would not stop flying with a specific airline because of one bad incident. Remember this is just one employee who may or may not have been able to help. I suggest that she could've been more compassionate but don't know if she could've done anything except be empathic. I also know that at the end of a long day dealing with the public one can easily become tired and not be able to be at their best. This incident is not the airline's fault. It involves one employee at one terminal on a specific day. It is wrong to blame the entire company based on one incident.

9 moms found this helpful

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

Have you ever seen "For Love of The Game"? It's a baseball movie with Kevin Costner ( I am a baseball fanatic!)Anyway...in; that movie the woman has to scream in the hospital "Is this not America? Isn't baseball America's favorite pastime"??

I would be throwing a fit a bit like that. Have a heart and a brain and do what's right!

A vet and a child!!! C'mon now...heartless....

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S.E.

answers from Philadelphia on

How sure are you about your assumptions about the "vet"? I would write the airline to complain. It does not matter that he was a vet a disabled person traveling with a small child should have been treated better. And I bet TSA did give him a hard time about his leg, I have seen them force amputees to go into another room and completely remove their prosthesis which as anyone who lives with one knows, can be very time consuming!

Write the airline, post on their FB page etc....

9 moms found this helpful

M.B.

answers from Tampa on

Something similar happened to me. My son was 3 and we were flying from Phx to Baltimore, we were moving to NC and I was spending the week with my mil so I didn't have to drive. Well the flight was overbooked and the front desk said there was no way I was getting on that flight and would have to wait til the next day. Well my son already missed daddy and was tired, and thank god for the wonderful couple behind me who gave up their seats so I could get on that flight with my son:) being in a similar situation I can't tell you how greatful I was to that couple. Veteran or not, you DID AN AWESOME THING.

7 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

What you did was WONDERFUL!

What would I have done? I would have done what you did! And if they didn't allow me to do it - I would go to the nearest ATM and withdraw money for the hotel room and cab.

Airlines are usually more compassionate to our vets. What airline was this?

It's not the airlines - it's society. I won't get started on a political rant. However, what you have described, isn't just an airline issue, it's a societal issue. Many people have become jaded because there are just enough people out there trying to get away with stuff or get it for free, which was NOT the case for this man and his son.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

Julie's right - What might have worked could have been to ask to see the supervisor then very calmly held up your phone and said, "I can either call the (local major newspaper and local major TV station) right now and see if they're interested in interviewing this military veteran amputee as he sits in the airport all night with his screaming, diaperless son...or you can reconsider your hard-line tactics here. Which would you prefer? Because I am not bluffing."

I know -- hindsight is perfect, right? But the threat of media attention might get businesses like this airline to change their minds VERY quickly.

The other alternative could be to say very, very loudly, "Hey, everyone, this gate agent is telling me I cannot give up my seat to this VETERAN here." These days that might get some other folks, especially other vets, up there next to you at the counter!

The person at the gate probably was the one least at fault, though. That level employee is told what to do, told not to make any exceptions, ever, on his or her own initiative, and fears losing the job if he or she takes any initiative at all. These often are scared employees who have zero authority to do anything other than check off names on a list. That's why demanding to see the next higher person is good, and if that person's a jerk, keep demanding to see THAT person's supervisor next.

7 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

My daughter's boyfriend's dad is a pilot for a major airline. As such she can get those tickets. They are 50 bucks, what was your ticket? He probably got them from a friend and it is well known these things happen with those tickets.

The worst my daughter and her boyfriend have had to deal with was living two days in an airport, the best, flying round trip to NYC for 100 bucks a person!

I can understand your compassion, I would feel it too. It is just, he knew what those tickets were, he knew the restrictions, he still showed up so late that a minor hassle, which should be expected made him miss his flight. He knew that those tickets are known for being bumped and didn't pack enough diapers.

So I don't see this as humanity draining out of the airline industry, I think it is damn nice they allow their employees to give their extra tickets to people they consider needed, like an amputee vet! He knew what those tickets meant and did not plan accordingly. That is on him and not the airline.
____________________
Wait, I am confused, if you were willing to stay an extra night and pay for a hotel, why didn't you just offer to pay for his hotel? You would not have been out any more money that way. Hotels have airport transportation. Then he would just have to deal with the diapers, heck a lot of hotels have them as well.

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K.P.

answers from Miami on

You absolutely did the right thing. While I'm sure that people try to "work the system" all the time, I would highly doubt that this man would be that incredibly elaborate in his concern, especially with a young child in arms. Having traveled frequently with very small children (as have many here)... it's draining. You bring "extra stuff", but not an entire day's worth of extra diapers, wipes and clothing, not to mention snacks and toys.

That woman was rude and likely overtired. I'm kind of strange about people who are clearly not doing the "right thing" and would write a letter to the airline indicating exactly what happened and how it was handled. I understand that there are "rules", but there's also common sense of which this person clearly lacking.

What should the airline have done? Swapped out the tickets and let it go. They would not have lost any money in the process and probably would have gained several loyal customers. What would I have done if they refused my offer? I probably would have called a hotel and put the room on my card and given the guy whatever I had in my wallet for diapers, food and a cab. I'm a pushover too and I'm really OK with that.

6 moms found this helpful

S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

My husband used to work for an airline and the rules around the employee passes were very strict. There was an entire manual regarding flight etiquette. It covered everything from what we had to wear when flying, to our use of manners. We were not allowed to complain about anything, or even ask for anything. I would have felt terrible for this man and his son also. If he had passes because he was an employee he could have lost his job for complaining. If he had gotten the passes from an employee friend he could have caused his friend to lose his flight privileges. Flying standby sucks, but you have to be prepared. I don't think there ever was any humanity in the airline industry.

6 moms found this helpful

X.O.

answers from Chicago on

Wow, just reading your story made me tear up. You did the right thing, and I really wish the airline had a better policy. How sad!!

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

That was a very kind thing you did.
Maybe there was nothing they could have done. Or maybe they could have called their supervisor.

In any event, you did a nice thing. Thank you for being a nice person!

6 moms found this helpful

C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

I think you were awesome. Shame on that airline for treating that man that way...he should have been given the benefit of the doubt. At the very least they should have offered to pay for his hotel room.

5 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

the rules are crazy strict these days. you just can't give your ticket to someone else. but i don't think stand-by or companion tickets are the same thing as missing a flight due to TSA nonsense. they should have dealt with it at the gate of his original flight.
usually making it clear that the media will be involved, and loudly, gets results.
not sure what was going on here (it's a simple story of a mistreated vet on the surface, but some things don't quite add up) but what's clear is that the airline was callous and discourteous.
khairete
S.

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

I think you tried to do a wonderful thing. This is one of the reasons why I do not fly unless I absolutely have to. The airlines and TSA have gotten away with treating customers SO badly. There is NOTHING pleasurable about flying today.

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D.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

I think it was noble what you tried to do but you really don't know the guys whole story. What I don't understand is that you don't have to go through security for a connecting flight...so how could he have missed his flight due to that? There may have been more to it...and I know companion tickets have a lot of rules/restrictions so he should have known that going into it as well.

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

I think you did a wonderful thing in making the offer.

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F.C.

answers from Tampa on

Please post the name of the Airline along with the location. Also email the Airline about the situation and copy this onto their FB page. This is unacceptable on so many levels.

4 moms found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

OMG this is one of those situations where I would have done exactly what you did and felt SO AWFUL FOR MONTHS because I wouldn't have thought of what ELSE to do until it was too late. Leigh R's answer was full of good points. And it should have been taken higher etc. But who can think straight in that situation and there isn't time before the flight..blah...but it's a good lesson learned to be prepared for future injustices. This was MESSED UP.

Another hind-sight alternative could have been to agree to re-purchase your flight, and then spend the whole night climbing the ladder and making a stink if there wasn't time to fight the good fight before this flight.

Yes, they were wrong. Yes, with the proper preparation and talking to a higher up official with threat of major internet exposure for turning their backs on the vet and his son DESPITE a free seat becoming available....it probably could have been fixed. But you did your best. Try to get this story out to higher management for sure. GRRRRRRR.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

So typical of our world today. You did the right thing. That airline sucks big time. How could an airline treat a vet this way. It is a disgrace. The airline could have broken the rules if they wanted to, they are just heartless. That poor guy and his son. That breaks my heart. Think I would have gone higher up or called a TV station right in front of them!

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Which airline? I don't want to patronize them anymore.

the man lost his leg serving his country. Had it not been for that man and tens of thousands like him, that nasty airline may not be in business.

I think they should treat each situation individually and in the case of a vet with a small child and no money, the airline could have and should have helped him.

Again, please let us know which airline and thank you for being so supportive of our troops and empathtic to a man and a child.

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H.L.

answers from Houston on

You can always feel good about your efforts, but know that you do not know the full story, and leave it at that.

You have no idea under what circumstances he became an amputee. Maybe in battle, maybe not. You don't know if they've had to address this same issue with him before, maybe in the same day. I certainly think that there are asses everywhere, mistreating people. I also believe that there are people working the system and hoping to appeal to someone's sensitivity. Even military veterans.

All you can do is live by your own code and show compassion when given the opportunity. It won't always work out the way that you think it should, but you are not aware of all that's involved in every situation, so you won't necessarily know what is best. Feel free to write the airline and share your experience, but don't blast them from your obscure angle.

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A.G.

answers from Houston on

I don't buy it. Sounds fishy.

An airline emplyee for his missed flight should have taken care of him at the gate of which he missed his flight on. Or better yet, TSA would have called an airline employee to the gate if the situation was that severe and urgent, given the level of citizenship they were dealing with, if he were indeed a vet and an American war amputee. Was there an actual military I.D. card presented?

As for being an amputee, of course favor should have been grated by the airlines. But please understand, the airlines have been dealing with many many many cutbacks, including pay, and more restrictions and even more fines regarding their industry. Not to mention they have to deal with demanding airline passengers.

Your efforts were noble, that I can give you.

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B.1.

answers from Tampa on

Good for you for trying to help him out! Please share the name of the airline and I will do my best to avoid giving them any future business from my family. You are not a pushover. I wish more people would act like you!

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C.D.

answers from Atlanta on

What good are rules when an exception isn't recognized and adhered to?? Of course the airline was being insensitive to this man and his plight and they should be called on it. What is society coming to, dare I ask for fear of the answer.

I think it was very good of you to offer such, I think I would have also. And if I had the money I'd give him what he needed for the child and a hotel or even a little money to help if I didn't have enough to cover his need. Kudos for trying!

Voices of goodness must be and need to be heard. Keep shining the example.

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C.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

I'm with you, the airlines have gotten just a little too big for their wings, LOL.
I would've done exactly the same thing, except I'd have written a letter to the airlines and the paper about how insensitive this situation was.
C. S.

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J.A.

answers from Sacramento on

What is crazy, is if the vet had been a celebrity I bet they would have workedsomething out.

You sound like an amazing lady.

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K.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

I think some rules are meant to be bent and this is a case where the airline should have done more to accommodate this man.

Back in the good old days when flying wasn't such a nightmare, I can remember numerous occasions where the gate agents would make an announcement that they were looking for people to give up their seats to accommodate stand-by passengers. These people were offered compensation - often around $100-500 for their trouble. People almost always took them up on the offer, getting a better deal for themselves and allowing the standby passengers to get on the flight.

Also, most airlines these days are part of an alliance or are co-owned by another company (for example: American & Alaska). So the gate agent also could have tried to book him on a sister airline.

It doesn't sound like the gate agent tried very hard to help him. She had it in her head that people using companion tickets abused the system and wasn't really willing to give an inch for this man.

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W..

answers from Chicago on

I've interacted FAR too much with the public to not be super skeptical. I have seen people change stories at airline gates after the gate agent changes to try and get on flights. I have seen people cry and then heard them on the phone later to their "whoever" talking about how they tried to get a "whatever".

So this doesn't really "fly" in my book.

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M.T.

answers from Phoenix on

I would have felt guilty if I hadn't asked to give him my seat, that was kind of you. Shame on the airlines

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M.S.

answers from Salinas on

Wow! I would like to know which airline so that I can be sure to NOT use them. That is horrible. I would have asked to speak with someone above the person you spoke to.

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P.C.

answers from Dallas on

I think that your intentions were in the right place. Our Vets should be allowed to fly free whenever and wherever they want especially those who were injured in the line of service. This airline personnel was obviously in the wrong and should have agreed to allow you to give up your seat without making it a problem for you the good sami in this situation. Please post the name of the airline so we can get this out to the mainstream Facebook, etc and get this situation corrected!!

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