Wanting a 2Nd and Hubby on the Fence

Hi Kristal,
There is a reason you want more children, your heart has space for more... maybe tons more. Your a mom and a wife, what else is a womans body meant for? Your doing what your meant to do. I think this is the 3rd time I said this on here, but I NEVER hear a woman say,"I wish I didn't have all these kids,", BUT I do hear,"I wish I had more."
Your husband will love the next baby just as much as the first, all he has to do is hold the baby for the first time, and BAM, it just happens. My husband was scared for our first boy after 2 girls, he said he wasn't sure how he was going to be with a son, let me tell you, they are inseperable. He keeps saying,"I love you, son." It's so awesome, a daddy and their kids.
Money wise, don't ever worry about a baby breaking the bank, you will sacrife, dinners out and cable, if you have to. I live in a beautiful home in the suburbs, and my husband makes less than $40k a year, and I am a stay at home mom of 3, and I am pregnant with my 4th. And my kids go to a catholic school...How? We gave up cable, (TV is awful these days for kids anyway, PBS is a great station for wholesome kid shows) going out to eat ALL the time, and my kids are missing NOTHING. They are happy and content. All you need is lots of love, and each other. They learn a lot that way, good luck, and keep us posted.
God Bless!

Ha Ha Ha!!! It is so funny the fears we have before we have a baby and amazing how non of it matters once the baby is actually here. We tried for YEARS with our first, then our second (pregnancy) came as a huge surpise when our first was only 10 months old. I was positive that I couldn't love my daughter as much as I loved my son. I wasn't as excited about the pregnancy (we were so caught off guard) and I didn't think I could love a girl as much as I loved my "momma's boy". Of course now my daughter is almost 11 months old and I can't imagine my life without her. It makes me laugh when I think that there was a time when I doubted that I would love her as much.

I think it's a perfectly normal fear. I don't think that anyone can prepare a new parent for the love they will feel for their first born child. Once it happens, it's impossible to imagine feeling that way about TWO children. Perhaps the love won't be exactly the same, but it will be just as strong.

One more thing to consider, not having another child would be denying your daughter a sister or brother. There is nothing as special as a bond between siblings. Friends come and go in your life and parents leave this world long before their children, but siblings are the ones that (usually) stay with you until the end.

Well, once you have a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th, you love them all equally....you may even secretly have a favorite, but you love all your children the same. Perhaps your hubby feels 1 is all he can handle emotionally and financially, especially because he is an only child himself. Sit and talk about it and maybe just leave it in God's hands and if it happens great and if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be. Good luck!

Hi! I read somewhere that it is normal to "grieve" for the fact that your first child will no longer be your "baby" and that only child once you get pregnant again/decide to have another child. No other child you have will be your first and have that special place in your heart. Every child you have after your first will also be loved and cherished and find their own special place in your lives. I think your husband has about a 15% real reason to think about having more kids and about 85% a load of c*** that men can be so good at dishing when they want to avoid something :)

As far as i'm concerned his "reason" is probably the most ridiculous one i've ever heard! Can't love another??? Does he have a problem loving both you and your daughter? Can he only hold one person at a time in his heart?? No, there is something else going on with him and that is definately not the real "reason". You may or may not be able to get to his real concern, but i'm not sure it's worth the stress. Tell him that you don't believe that that is the real reason and implore him to really think things through. Hopefully he'll be open enough to share his real thoughts on the matter.
I have three children and I never expected to have that many! But my case is a little different in that my first husband died with our boy was just 20 mos old and then i remarried later and had a little girl with my husband. He is a little younger than i and definately wanted children. I was willing to have one more and grudgingly gave in to the "second" child (who's my third, but my firstborn is 12, so i don't have the same issues when all the children are born close together). My issues with not having more children had more to do with the pregnancy. In my opinion, there is nothing worse than pregnancy. The misery you go through, the wreck your body becomes, the mental strain, is too horrible to contemplate. I got through by reminding myself every day that it WILL be over! And so now i'm DONE. I've got my two little girls, who will grow up close together and that's important. Having a sibling who can also be a playmate is important to us. Because my son is 9 years older than my oldest daughter, that doesn't make for a very close sibling relationship. And he's going away to school next year, so they won't even be living together very much any more. Having the two girls was important. My little girl is just dying to have her 'baby' ready to play with her! I think siblings are important and that's my reason for having another child. You may want to tell your husband that you feel sorry for him being an only child and that you love your siblings and want that for your child. Something along those lines anyway. It's a very difficult thing when you both aren't on the same page for such a life-altering decision. Good luck to you and hang tough if it's something you really want.

Hi Kristal....I threw around having a second child for quite some time with my hubby....our daughter is now eight!! My husband had the same feelings as your husband...he was totally happy with our daughter....he is quite content, and you know what, so am I. Believe it or not, I am also the oldest of 3, and my husband is an only child!!! I am very close to both my siblings, and I wanted my daughter to have the same. I feel both people have be 100% on the same page because you cannot change your decision once your pregnant. With my daughter I developed Graves Disease(a thyroid condition) so I think that worried my husband a little also. I think your hubby is a little nervous and scared for you, like my husband was for me, so we made the decision TOGETHER to just have one.....keep communicating with him....hope this helps!! P.S. Having one child or ten children is a blessing.....