Want to Offer Surrogacy to Infertile Brother and Wife

I don't want to give you false hope but my sister in laws brother was going through the same problem of not being able to conceive. So his Mother in law offered to be a surrogate for them. They all live here in AZ, and it was all printed in the newspaper for mothers day. So if it is "illegal" as everyone says, then why would it have been posted in an article in the AZ republic. I bet you can even look it up. It was like 2 or 3 years ago and the last name was Johansen. Good luck and what a blessing that would be for them. Your a very generous lady.

D., I think what you are considering is an amazing gift, however, unless something has changed since last year, surrogacy is actually illegal in the state of Arizona. My nanny's sister was going to be a surrogate for some friends of mine, until they were told it was illegal and therefore there could be all sorts of legal complications. Due to the fact that you are family, those complications should be diminished, but cannot be removed altogether and you should consider that. Hope this helps.

You have such a tender heart! What a gift that would be! I would do a lot of research first but maybe mention it to them. They may decline and then you wouldn't need to look any further...

I felt bad that I could get pregnant easier than my oldest sister but to be a surrogate was not in the cards for me for health reasons or I would have done it. I think it is a very nice thing for you to do. I would approach it by inviting them to dinner and fealing out the mood around the child situation first. I would divide and conquer. Be sure to stress that you would ony be a vessel for the baby and not the baby's mother-kind of like a test tube with a heart. Just suggest it iand let it go-plant the seed. This is a very delicate situation.

I think it's a great idea. I'm doing the same thing right now. My husband and I got pregnant unexpectedly....sixth pregnancy, fifth child....and I especially had no plans to add to our family. We have two beautiful girls and two very handsome boys. We had plans to abort the pregnancy because with my age, 34, and every delivery being a c-section, there were some medical concerns about whether or not it was a good idea to try to carry another child. So the plan was to abort. Two days before our appointment, my brother asked me if he and his wife could adopt our baby because he and his wife were unable to conceive and had spent upwards of 10,000 dollars on tests to find out they couldn't conceive and also weren't eligible for adoption through an agency.....so my husband and I agreed that this option would be alot better than aborting the pregnancy and that the medical risks would be worth it in order to fulfill the dream my brother had to be a father. So far the pregnancy has been okay....16 or 17 weeks now....lots of aches & pains, was sick for a long time & still am sometimes when I don't take my anti-nausea meds....tired alot....pretty normal stuff I guess. Each pregnancy has been different though. My husband has been pretty distant and detached from the whole deal & it's been kinda hard for me to talk to him much about it because I know that deep down he doesn't really want to give up the baby....but we already agreed to it and told my brother & his wife....we can't back out and change our minds. My mind has been made up since we agreed to let my brother adopt. The baby I'm carrying belongs to my brother and his wife, I am the aunt & god-mother & oven for the baby. It's been a pretty good feeling to be able to do this for my brother.... I get to fulfill a wish nobody else could & I don't have to freak and stress out about where we're going to put the new baby. With our family as big as it is already, six people take up alot of space, it would be really stressful having four kids under 5 and in diapers.
So we are all excited to find out if it's a boy or girl....couple weeks yet. They live in Pennsylvania and we live in Wisconsin. I'm seeing them this weekend for the first time in almost a year and I might be able to see them one more time before the delivery in July. So it's pretty much a one-sided surrogacy thing but we keep in touch over the phone.... But we are excited for the visit. I plan to have them in the delivery room for the c-section too.
Good luck to you. Thanks for reading.

I wanted to respond to let you know that I think that's a wonderful thing to offer to your brother and his wife. I am very close with a couple that has 6 year old twins that were carried by a surrogate. Without the help of that kind lady they wouldn't have their children.

Anyway, I think your best bet is to make a specific point of inviting them both over and telling them you'd like to talk to them about something important. They may not react as appreciatively as you hope but know that, in time, they may come around. For all you know they have been thinking the same thing but fee its too awkward to ask you. You could tell them exactly what you posted here- that you know you are done having your own children after this baby is born but that you'd like to offer to carry a baby for them and weren't sure how to bring it up.

I wish you, your family and your brother's family all the best! This is a wonderful thing you are considering and you should feel great about even having the thought!

That is a very generous gift. If I were you, I would sit down with the two of them and honestly just tell them what you are planning. But you should look into the legalities of it first - you don't want to get their hopes up. I have to agree that I think surrogacy is illegal in AZ - each state has their own laws about it. I think that's because of a case several years ago where a surrogate did not want to give up a baby even though it was not hers biologically at all. So now each state decided for themselves because they don't want to tie up the courts with "custody" cases like this. I also think there's a way around this. You might be able to do the surrogacy for them and then when the baby is born, they can legally adopt it from you (weird, I know). I'm just not sure if there are places here that will take care of the medical stuff or if you need to go out of state to do it. You should get online and research AZ surrogacy laws. Again, I think you're wonderful to want to do this for your brother and his wife, but please be sure you have all the fact before presenting the idea to them. GOOD LUCK! And good luck with this pregnancy.

Hi D.!
I think having a surrogate who is a close relative is a much better idea than going with someone you don't really know. I have no knowledge about the legality of surrogacy in AZ so you might want to check up on that before you discuss it with your brother. My only advice is make sure your husband is totally on board before you talk to anyone about it. Hard to say if there are any other options for them since you don't know why they haven't been able to have kids. I hope it all works out for the best!
-Jen

What a gift to give. I was reading some of your responses and 2 of them said they thought it was illegal here in AZ. My sister was a surrogate for a single women and they both lived here in AZ. I am not sure about the court stuff but everything went smooth and the baby is now a few months old.It's worth checking into if it is something you, your husband and Brother & Wife would want to do. Good Luck and God Bless