Want Another Baby... - Glendale Heights,IL

I agree with the other mom's. It's unfortunate and I think I can understand why you feel the way you do. But I think you have to take him as is- and if having another baby is really important to you, which it sounds like it is, then I doubt you can just make that go away.
I would evaluate if you two are a sound match. Having children is something you want to be on the same page about or you could always feel like you're missing something (like it seems as if you do now.)

What would you regret more? NOT having another child with this guy, or going ahead with it, then ending up a single mother again, but this time with 2 mouths to feed? Bearing in mind that vasectomy reversals don't always work, and adoption is always on option too.

Being with someone for a year is not enough time to be asking him to reverse his vasectomy and consider having more children with someone that he is not married to. He is already paying child support for 3 kids from 2 other women - is he supporting you and your child as well? Sorry, I know I will probably catch a lot of flack for this, but wanting to have a child with him at this time is foolish. Your boyfriend is being smart about this - if he did have a child with you, and things did not work out, that would be a 4th child he would have to pay child support for (or is your child his as well? Because then that would be 5!).

Give it time. If you guys stay together and decide to make a firmer commitment and get married, and you can honestly afford it, then maybe you can talk about having more kids. But if he is adamant that he is done having kids, respect his wishes - then you need to decide if you still want to stay in this relationship, or move on.

Your boyfriend is SMART! Sorry, but you made the choice to become involved with a man who is father to 3 other children. He SHOULD be paying child support to all of them, and he's right -they're very expensive. I'm delighted at least one guy stopped spreading it around. Has anyone ever broached the subject of getting married? You've only been together "about a year" and you want to have a baby with someone that would make 5 between you. Babies don't make relationships -that's up to you two. I get the desire to have a child with someone you love. I also get the desire to make a firm commitment to that person beforehand AND to consider their feelings and the fact that sometimes forces are in play before you ever meet a person that you really can't reverse (like children).

If I were you, I would concentrate on my child and let him concentrate on his 3. Vasectomy reversals rarely work, and he has to be on board to even try. I certainly wouldn't blame him for not even considering it. Also consider his track record -3 kids from 2 previous relationships -maybe if you want to hang onto this guy, you shouldn't concern yourself or him with more kids. If it's terribly important to you to have another baby, maybe it's a sign to find someone else. IF you stay together longer and IF you decide to get married at some point and want a child together, perhaps you should look into adoption.

You are incompatible with regards to children, which is a major relationship component. You want one more, which is totally understandable given that you only have one yourself. And he doesn't want to pay for 5. His objections are reasonable, sensible, and he even went so far as to alter his body permanently to remove the possibility. Both of your positions are reasonable, and entirely incompatible. This means your relationship will probably not work out because someone is going to end up resenting the other. So you will have to choose which you want more: your boyfriend, or another child. I know that's not the answer you want, but you'll notice it's the one you're consistenly getting.

Oh, he is not going to have himself reversed...he has three children, and it honestly sounds like he doesn't want anymore. :(

I think you just have to ask yourself if you are content with what you have, or if more children is TRULY what you want in life? Because if you do, then you are SO allowed to go for that...but not with someone who doesn't want them.

If you two really love each other, you have to agree or one of you will resent the other your whole life. I wouldn't put it off...talk to him and figure out what you are going to do.

Give it a rest for 6 months. Are you in your 40s? If not then you can put this on the back shelf for awhile.

Take that time to think about how your life would be -- the two of you -- supporting 5 kids. It sounds like it would be difficult for him. Why do you think you need one more?

If you simply talk him into it, which it sounds like you'd have to do, then he's going to be the one resenting things. Either way it doesn't bode well for your relationship. And you're not even married and you've only known him for one year? If I were you I'd focus on the child you have for life instead of a guy who has three other people to pay attention to besides you.

He's done having kids and he wants to raise the ones he already has. If you want more kids, staying with him is only going to make you unhappy and he's not going to be happy with you being resentful toward him. Although some of your goals are the same, the differences you have about wanting/not wanting more children is a big one and many people break up over this. Do you love him enough to give up on having another child? If not, then you need to keep looking for someone else.

i think having children is either a maker or a breaker. if you stay with him and dont get another baby (that you seem to want pretty bad, and that doesnt just go away) then you will end up feeling a little empty, regretful and maybe even resentful of him for not giving it to you. if you guys do have another baby, (which sounds like someone he does NOT want to do at all) then he will probably end up feeling regretful and maybe even resentful of YOU. I agree he is smart to not want a 4th (5th if you count your baby) baby. however, its not bad of you to want more babies considering you only have one to yourself. so i suggest you REALLY rethink your relationship with him. whether you guys want to wait till school is done, get married and settled into a good financial situation and then decide to have a baby (if he even can) but that will probably take a really long time. and even longer before he would ever consider another.
or you could leave and find someone who is willing to give you the babies you want. (of course granted that you love eachother and are financially equipped and what not.)
i know it doesnt sound like a pleasant idea, but if you are set on getting more babies....thats about your only option.
i hope you will be happy whatever decision you make

Concentrate on the schooling first, get married then DISCUSS about another child. You have too much on your plate already with school.

Well, there seems to be something that you left out here and that is your age. Are you older and think you need this to happen right now? And if you are desirous of being super duper financially comfortable, it really doesn't sound like he will be that person that will fill the other end of the bargain. If I were you, I would wait. Life is funny. Wait the six months, then decide if he is a millionaire why not discuss the reversal. A lot of people are on this earth that aren't whining about the money and don't have a backup group of kids to take care of. In fact there are some guys who actually really want children and maybe that would be the one you could end up with. I know, I know you are in love, however as time goes on and I mature, there is a difference in what we need, what we deserve and what we love. And I think you know about all three.

It sounds like his mind is made up. He has had a vasectomy and said he wants no more children. Now maybe he will change his mind once you all get your degrees and are financially stable or he may not. You have to decide if no more children is a deal breaker or if you can love the ones you have and enjoy each other.