Waking up in the Early Morning and Coming in Our Bedroom

I am going through this with my 4 year old twins! Most of the time, they sneak in so quietly, that I do not know that they are getting in bed! (We have a king size bed too--so lots of room.) I had been without sleep for TOO long dealing with infant twins that I am now enjoying my sleep too much to deal with it, so for the most part, I let it go. Lately, we've been discussing with them how big boys sleep in their beds, and that we'd love to suggle with them in the morning when the sun comes up. It's been working so/so. Last night they BOTH slept in their beds all night--one came in at 6:00 and the other shortly after. The sun is their o.k. sign. I heard one mom tell me that she puts a small lamp on a timer and when the light comes on, it's o.k. to come in. I have also been thinking about implementing rewards--like maybe cherries on top of their pancakes for breakfast or something else they like to help inspire them.

Good luck!
T.

Strangely, there are times I wish for those days again. We all go through them. We all have ways to deal with them. After mine got to be a certain age, I would tell them that they weren't allowed to sleep in my bed. But, I would go to theirs until they fell back to sleep. When my husband was on a business trip, they were allowed in the bed if they wanted. They are teenagers now. And, sometimes I get the privilege of listening to them read to me in bed and then falling asleep.

I was divorced when my youngest was 2 and my oldest was 3. The oldest was the worst about coming in to sleep with me but I didn't go with the society "flow"--they slept with me on and off until I remarried. After that, I made a pallet on the floor in our room and told them they were too old to sleep with Mommy but if they woke up during the night because of a bad dream, etc., they could come in and sleep on the pallet. Most of the time they did not wake us up--they just came in quietly and slept on the pallet. Sometimes if the dream was really scary, they'd wake me up and I would soothe their fear and then they'd sleep on the pallet. They are now 17 and 18 year old young men, 6'3" and 6"4" and they are well adjusted. I think you have to do what feels right to you. They won't sleep with you forever, I can guarantee it! Blessings.

Two things: one is when a child has a bad dream, you talk with them and get it out of them and then it won't seem so bad...no matter what time it is. I too am a SAHM. My 10yo came in the room the other day and he had a bad dream. He knows the drill...he wakes me up, we both go to the living room and sit on the couch...he calms down and talks about it...sometimes he cries before he can finish and then resumes. Once he gets it out, he's totally fine and we both go back to bed. No biggy. And that's even if I've only been in a bed a couple of hours and have just a couple of more hours to sleep.

The other thing is if your son is mostly just getting up to get in the bed with you guys...like my 2nd son did (currently 9yo), put a palette on the floor beside your bed (perhaps roll it up and show him how to unroll it) and when he comes in there, he'll sleep on the floor. With my 2nd son, when he was younger, like yours, he eventually stopped coming in the room with us because he didn't like that floor. Just tell your son that he can't wake you guys up, but he can sleep in the room with you on the floor.

A couple of ours used to do the same thing. What my husband and I did was, instead of letting them in our bed or going to theirs, we put a pallet of blankets on the floor (next to our bed) and would tell them to sleep on that. If its a " I need to be near my parents" thing, the pallet should suffice. After a while the pallet is not as appealing as their own bed, so they may come in for a few and in a very short time they go right back to their room.
Hope this helps!

That's a tough one, because you really feel like a rotten mom is he's really scared and you don't let him into bed. My kids get scared sometimes... have nightmares, etc... and I'll go to their rooms, talk them through it, maybe give them something nice to think about(i.e. the fun we'll have on our vacation) as they try to fall back asleep. There have been times when I just knew my son was milking the "I'm scared thing" to get more attention in the middle of the night. I can't tell you a full-proof way to determine if this is what is happening, but it you think it is, then I'd take him back to his room when he comes in and reinforce that this is where he sleeps. It'll probably stop happening when he doesn't get the desired result. Of course, try to figure out if somthing really is scaring him, and can it be alleviated with a nightlight, etc...

My advice: Be there for your child and believe him when he says he's scared.

Our 3 1/2 yr old is doing the same thing - a friend of mine suggested putting up a baby gate at his door and when he would call to us for us to tell him that he cannot get up yet that the sun was still sleeping. As awful as it sounds - it has worked so far... worth a shot for a decent sleep - good luck

My daughter is almost five and has been doing that off and on for over a year now. My older three children each did it around that age too. It's normal, but it doesn't have to hurt your sleep schedule. Our rule is that any child that wakes up scared in the night is welcome to come lie down on the floor in our room. There is absolutely no getting in our bed. I used to tell the kids they had to bring their own blanket and pillow, but I recently made a spot in my room where I keep an extra pillow and blanket. They have to get it all out and taken care of themselves, and they know it. They usually say to me, "Mommy, I had a bad dream," and I say, "Okay, get the pillow and blanket and lie down on the floor." I don't get out of bed at all, and then I go right back to sleep. My husband doesn't usually even know a child is on the floor until morning. However you decide to handle nighttime wakings, be sure you are consistent and clear with your child about the expectations and rules.

My son has a Twilight Turtle that shines stars all around the room. That combined with lullaby music (or just quiet soothing music for older ones) helps him go to sleep more calmly. That might help for helping your son go back to sleep in his room after a bad dream if you don't want him in your room. I do let my son come in our bed when he has a bad dream, but the pallette on the floor that others suggested is a nice middle ground and probably would lend itself to better sleep all around. Whatever you do, I would continue to be there when he is scared.

My son is almost four and he got some bunk beds. Every time he'd sleep on the top bunk, he'd end up in my bed because he was scared. Sleeping on the bottom, though he was fine. (I used the top bunk as a potty reward).
Have you tried sitting down with him during the day and talking about what is scary in his room? Also, have you tried a night light? My son (still) sleeps in my bed, but he's getting a twin bed soon, and the nightlight is on, even when I'm in bed with him.

I hope that helps. :)

L.

Firstly, you must find out what he is afraid of. You and your husband talk to him some Saturday afternoon, as a matter of factly as you can, and get him to speak on his fears. In the meantime, don't do this in-you-bed business nor go into the room and stay with him, Thar send the message that there IS something to be afraid of and that he needs you. What change have occurred in the home? Family? His room? Any friends talking about boogy men? You and your husband discuss this with each other , then speak to your son. Don't let your son teach you to come to his room. Good you got him out of your bed. Speak to him soon so that this in his room business doesn'y get further reinforcement. J. Gordon

if you believe he is really scared, comfort him and let him join you, that's what the family bed is for. If you think he just wants to sleep in your bed, we use the "first, then" method with our son. We tell him " First, go to (Eden's) bed and sleep, Then come into our bed and sleep". he always says "All-right" then goes back to his room and sleeps the rest of the night. He's only 2, but eventually he stopped, and sleeps all night now in his bed. Also, we have a little baby in the bed, so it's crowded and I made it a not so pleasant experience to sleep in our bed, I think that helped too. Much luck to you.

When we had foster children this was a big issue. I learned the hard way that the best way to handle it was to gently return the child to bed, kiss them on the forehead and say goodnight and go back to bed. It may not seem like it's working but likely in a week or so the situation will resolve itself. This way the behavior is not inadvertantly reinforced (even negative attention is still attention). Children learn quickly that if they are just going to be quietly taken back to their bed that it's not really worth getting up and pestering unless it's really important.

Is there a light on his room? How about puting night lights so the room is not so dark and maybe this will help him calm down

We went through this with our seven year old when he was about three. We started making a pallet for him on the floor. We told him that he could sleep in our room, but not in our bed. He eventually realized his bed was more comfortable. As he got a little older, we removed the pallet from the floor. Whenever he came in the room after that, we made him go get his own blankets and pillow from his room. Usually by the time he'd get back in his room, he was too tired to make the return trip with his pillow and blankets.

oh- and something else that I tried that still works for the bad dreams. I go into his room and flip his pillow for him, turning it to "the good dream side". It usually puts him back to sleep fast. He even has a pillowcase now with different designs on each side. We make sure one certain design is up every night before he goes to sleep now, and we call that the good dream side, and it usually helps!

Hey K.,
Are you sure that isn't my 5 yr old daughter disguised as your son? lol She does the SAME THING and it drives me NUTS! The only difference is that she doesn't say she's scared, she says "Mommy (or Daddy), can you show me how to fall asleep, because I just don't know how." I don't know what to do. We can usually send her back to her room and she'll go back to sleep, but sometimes, she'll start crying really loud and calling us, which keeps her awake in itself. We keep telling her "if you just go to lay in your bed and close your eyes, you body will know how to go back to sleep." I've tried telling her "just think about all the fun things that you like to do and close your eyes". One thing that has helped, is that we've minimized her television to 1 hour per day during the week, because for some reason when she watches TV all day, she doesn't sleep well. Also, I've started putting her in bed a little earlier and reading her a story or just talking to her about random things and I think it helps to wind her down so she'll fall into a deeper sleep. I'm thinking about pushing her bed against the wall, too, because it's in the middle now and I think she sleeps so wild that she may be hanging off the bed, which makes her wake up too. I don't know... lol If you figure it out, let me know. If all else fails, it may just be a phase. lol

I feel your frustration! My children (the ones still at home) still come in our room when they can't sleep or have a bad dream, etc. (they are 10 and 12) We let them come in and sleep on the floor next to our bed. Now that they are the ages they are, they have to bring their own covers and pillows and set their own palette up. AT 4 and 5, I would help them arrange the covers. Now, they don'e even wake us up. We wake up in the a.m. and, just this a.m. I found my 12 yr old next to our bed. Apparently he couldn't sleep and came in around 11. He is stressing about CRCT tests and hasn't slept well for a couple of days. It passes. Good luck.

Do you know what your son is scared of? Is he watching something on tv, is there something, like a tree limb or bush, outside his window that could cause a shadow, did something happen in the family? There could be many different reasons why your son is doing this and the best way to handle it would probably be to get to the root of the problem. Then you and your husband will probably be able to get a good night's rest. Happy sleeping!!