Very Worried About Neice and Nephew's Behavior Especially Around My Daughter..

Updated on July 29, 2009
A.R. asks from South Weymouth, MA
5 answers

Hi Ladies, Hope you are all enjoying the summer!!

I am very concerned, I have a 8 yr old neice and a 6 yr old nephew. They spend a lot of time at my house b/c my sister is a single mother and she is nurse so she works a lot. My sister lives a very different life than I, but I always try and help her out as much as possible where I am at home with my daughter and have a great husband to provide for me and is a wonderful loving father. My husband and I try to give the kids as much love and attention possible b/c they do not have a father in their life. However sometimes this turns into jelousey of my daughter b/c at the end they have to go back home. My sister means well and I know she tries, but she is very lax when it comes to the kids, does not think certain things are important and acts kind of careless as far as I am concerned but that is her so I have always just accepted it, and my daughet loves having her cousins around where she is an only child right now. We even took them to Disney with us last yr. So my sister just picked them up from my house after a week here. My daughter has told me many things that they say and do that I am not happy about and I have talked to them about inappropite behavior. However tonight my daughter told me something very scary, she said that Erin my neice told her that she saw a man completely naked to "this" to his pee pee, and my daughter made a jesture that made me sick to my stomach!!! She then told me that their was a girl too and that she was doing "this" to her pee pee!!!!!!!! And that was just as awful!!!!! OMG I am freaking out, I have tried to call my sister but got no answer, and I do not want to freak out on her but its hard, I do not want my 5 yr old daughter hearing this kinda stuff, and I am more worried about where she saw this behavior!! I get so mad at my sister because I just feel she is such a bad parent, and now I am just afraid to have this around my daughter, I know that sounds awful but with all the other fresh behavior and now this I just do not know what to think???????? What should I do???? What do you think, could she be telling this story in the other person but maybe someone did this to her?????????? I am really worried any advice would be great!!!! Thanks sooo much:))

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone so much..... I talked with my sister last night, and she was horrified, but said she knows what happened. They were out on a friends boat and stopped at a near by island to let all the kids swim,{its actually in the cape and very popular place} and the kids came running over and said that their were some older kids in the wooded area and that the older boy pulled down his pants and was holding his pee pee and started making those gestures, then proceeded to pee, and that the girls were all laughing ect... My sister said she would talk again to Erin and make sure she fully understands that # 1 was that where she got this from, and that she really needs to come to her if she feels confused or has questions and cannot be talking like that around her younger cousin ect... After that I was somewhat releived because my worst fear was that something happened to her. I myself am going to talk with her this weekend when I see them. I need to guide her and to be there for her, but I will not allow the kids to be playing anywhere unsupervised. Thanks again!!

More Answers



answers from Hartford on


You have every right to be concerned but dont panic yet.

There could be many reasons why your niece said what she said. She could have learned the info from TV, computer, from another child, or she could have seen something home related, etc.

Either way your daughter presented you with important information that does need to be addressed.

Since your niece is with you often and around your family you need to find out where and how she got the info from.

All you need to do is ask the child.

Be careful to not coach your niece meaning do not put words in her mouth. In my opinion your questions should be direct and simple.

You need to weed out the real issues that are at play.

Know that you are obligated to protect your daughter and your niece so you have every right to question what is happening in your home, with your child and with the children that are under your care.

Your next step would be addressing this matter with your sister for she is the mother.

FYI: Your sister may be willing to work with you on this or she may be on the defensive. Regardless of her reaction your goal is the safety and well-being of your child, niece/nephew and getting answers and solutions that you feel comfortable with.

If you learn that your niece has behavioral issue and that her issues are not from a more serious matter. You need to take control of the situation by either limiting the private time the kids spend with your child, and or by placing firm rules down for them and how they are to act and behave in your home and around your child.

I'm going to throw this out to you....

If you feel your niece has experienced the worse case scenario like some type of personal violation. That in itself is a whole different matter and needs to be addressed with great care.

Remember kids are resilient especially if that type of serious matter is looked into and addressed with care and concern for all parties involved.

Good Luck



answers from Boston on

I would sit down with your sister and tell her everything then pull the kids in and say xyz behaviors are not acceptable to me.If you can not fallow my rules I can no longer have you around my daughter. L.



answers from Springfield on

I too have this issue with my neice. My six year old son tells me about all of the inappropriate things he has just learned after a visit with my 10 year old neice. I can tell you that the way I'm handling it is passive. I just don't put my son in that situation anymore and limit as much as possible how much we see my niece these days - which means I also don't see my sister as much. But, I remember how mad I get after visiting them and hearing what comes out of my son's mouth to bring me back to my senses.



answers from Boston on

I would also question your niece about this matter. Did she someone do this on TV/computer, or in person? It's inappropriate enough for someone her age to witness that on a screen, but if there is more going on... Either way, I think it's important to hear the story from your niece and go from there.



answers from Boston on


Why haven't you gone over to her house to talk to her? What are you waiting for.

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