Very Confused About Staying Married or Separating

Updated on August 01, 2008
D.L. asks from Somers, CT
4 answers

I'll try to keep this short & simple. Before I met my husband I was in a great relationship,very much in love, never had such strong feelings before this guy, well it ended bad, he started taking drugs & turned into a differet person. About 1 yr later I met my husband who was & still is gentle, kind, loving, just an amazing person, I knew he would be a great husband & father. I knew the day I got married I was not "in love" with him, but I did it because he was safe. Well now 8 years & 2 beautiful kids later I'm very unhappy. My husband is perfect, works hard, great dad, helps with the house, loves us to death & I'm still not happy. I have this battle going on between my head(obviously telling me to stay) but my heart is not in it at all. I also feel trapped because I only work part time-not alot of options on my end if i decide to go. My main concern is obviously my kids...this would just rip their world out from under them. My husband knows all this and his suggestion is for me or us to go to counseling. Probably a good idea but if its the "in love" I'm missing, nothing can help that. Any advise would be so much appreciated!

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answers from Hartford on

I feel your pain. I just separated from my husband - but my husband was far from perfect, so the situation is different. I was no longer "in love" with my husband, and that's why I decided to separate. The kids go through alot and it's not always easy - but I'm happier and that reflects on how I manage the house, and therefore how my kids react to the situation. I've been fortunate in that my husband and I have been communicating better than ever, and he's even stepped up to the plate regarding the kids. I don't think we'll reconcile, but at least we're getting along.

I highly recommend counseling - you need to figure out what it is that you want and what will make you happy. Only you can decide that.

I wish you the best of luck in this most difficult decision.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

Dear D. - Please don't take this the wrong way, but why did you have children with this man if you did not love him? Call me old fashioned, but you decided to take this road. You should put your needs aside and do what is right for your children, and that is keep the family together. And please try counseling. You never know, it might help tremendously.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Springfield on

Hi, my name is K.,
and my first question is, are you and your husband saved? At this point for you and your husband you might not want to hear go to church and hear what god has to say about it. But, in a nutshell that's exactly what i'm saying....
Even if your not saved, go and see what god says about marriage...because god takes marriage very serious and maybe you both need to seek a higher counsel, other than man....all i'm saying is try it, what else do you have to lose? I think and believe that god can help you both get back to what your both missing....just food for thought.



answers from Springfield on

What do you mean when you say 'in love'?

I think there's a difference between adolesecent relationships when it's all about the fire and the spark, and adult relationships based on mutual friendship and admiration and yes, passion.

Passion is just something that takes work. It sounds like you have the friendship and admiration.

I second your husband on the recommendation for counseling. It can only help, and with a little effort, I'm sure you can find what's missing. You've got way too much good stuff to throw it away on an unknown.

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