Vacation Woes - Minneapolis,MN

Don't ya love it!? lol

We do this all the time. Family vacations at least every other year. Large beach houses or multiple condos.

Here's our deal...
1. No forced caravans.

2. "See you when we get there" is pretty much the plan. We leave when we want & arrive when WE plan. So does everyone else. Everyone knows that they need to get from point A to point B. Everyone travels differently. Each family group "gets there" in the way that's best for them.

3. You sleep where you sleep. It might be a couch, sleeping bag on the floor or a bed or a pullout couch, but you'll have a place to sleep.
You & hubby & your kids can all use O. room.

4. It's everyone's vacation and no O. has to do any activity that they don't want to, and very O. can do any activity they DO want to. Simple.

So....would I caravan to keep the peace? Why? No I wouldn't. Nor would I leave my husband at home for lack of bed space. If you've got a spot, he's got a spot! :)

Did you know they were this uptight when you agreed to the vacation in the first place???? If so, keep the peace and bring plenty of beverages of the adult nature.

Wow, Good luck with all that. I would just tell them you are going to go by yourself and you will meet them there. Make up something if you have to, but really you should be able to just say that you are going to leave with your kids and they will be okay with it. I come from a large family and we have learned it's impossible to make a plan that works for everyone so just decide what you are doing and that is what you do. You don't want to be so sick of it all by the time you get there that you can't enjoy it. We have actually rented a huge mansion on the ocean for extended family and it turned out great because there was a ton of room and everyone had their own space. Have fun!

Yikes! Honestly I would cancel out of this alltogether. I cannot imagine having fun with this crew to be honest. But since you probably won't do that I would advise to stick to your guns and cancel out of the caravan and do NOT take the 10yo boy. Just tell your sister it is too much responsibility for you by yourself. And be FIRM. I am guessing that your sisters know they can get at you and thats why they treat you this way. If you act like you do not care and are doing your own thing because it makes the most sense the bullies will back down from you. And do NOT NOT NOT let them see that they upset you in the least. Your tone has to remain matter-of-fact the whole time with absolutely no apologies.

You do know that your sister that planned the caravan will also try to plan everything that you do the whole week right? So start practicing now for what you are going to say to her when her plans don't work for you. I would also seriously consider asking some of the recent add-ons to this trip to buy you out of your part in it. I just don't see this being fun for you in the least-esp without your dh.

Do not say yes to your sister's son coming. It's really pretty passive-aggressive of her to "offer" him. It's her way of giving you a slap and saying, "You can't deal with your own kids, baby sis?" You do not have to say yes. Don't.

Tell her thanks but no thanks and say you will get to the destination yourself and meet them there for a wonderful time. Say it all with NO explanations or excuses from you. You are being bullied into doing the entire stay the way one sister wants it. Opt out of activities that are too much for your kids -- YOU, not sister, will be the one who has to deal with burned-out, fussy kids if yours are over-tired. Opt out of the caravan -- you, not sister, will be the one who has to deal with cranky kids if you travel with her son teasing your oldest. If she rags on you for picking and choosing instead of doing her entire agenda, just tell her, "Well, unless you would like to be the one to take my kids home to bed--someone has to do it and that's me. They will be unfit for anything tomorrow if they don't stick to their routine. Have a great time without me and tomorrow I'll see you at (event)."

Honestly, this stuff is the reason that I don't do group vacations with family or friends, and I know at least two other families, much bigger than ours, where similar past experiences with multi-sibling, multi-kid group vacations ended up doing some long-term damage to the adults' relationships. Go this year, smile even when you don't want to as you say, "We're heading home for the kids to chill and go to bed," and next year....reconsider.

I would ask your husband to keep your 3 yr old also. That would make the trip so much easier for you and his parents can spend more time with her. With his parents there and him it wont be to hard to keep the 2 kids home.

Then the caravan trip wont be as bad or need as many stops.

I would stand your ground on not taking your nephew if that is how he acts with your older child. Tell her no in a nice way and thank her for thinking of it, but make sure she knows its not going to happen.

With out the 3 yr old you would be able to relax a little more and maybe enjoy your vacation a little more than always chasing after her like 3 yr olds require.

I hope it works out for ya.

You are a grown woman. Do what you believe is best for you and your children and make no apologies for it. Thank you sister for offering her son to join you but let her know you can only manage your girls.

You may or may not need to make extra stops along the way. Make certain your girls have things for them to do for the drive. When we used to travel as a family usually an 8-10 hour drive away, my mom would make certain we drank very little, she had a wide mouth jar for emergency bathroom stops and plenty to eat and things to do like new coloring books, new picture books. In this day and age there is always portable dvd players and hand held age appropriate video games. Your kids will be just fine.

Don't worry about the rest of your family. You are an adult and you should make no apologies for making decisions in the best interest of you and your kids.

It's not easy to go by someone else’s schedule, but if you go with the caravan do not bring your nephew in your car. If you need to make an added stop then do so and let them know you will catch up later. I will assume everyone has cell phones. I also wouldn’t blame you for going on your own, that’s what I would do.

It gets frustrating when people forget what it's like to travel with small children. Just keep toys and/or movies that they like in the car along with snacks, pillows and blankets. The cozier the back seat the easier the drive will be. When my daughter was younger I would also bring the potty seat (the small training one) just in case we had to stop right then.

Try and have fun even though the house will be filled to capacity. These are usually the trips we look back on and laugh about.

Your story is exactly why I don't vacation with family :)
Seriously, though, you need to do what's right for your kids and you. I've been there and done that and I'm guessing this isn't the first time you've been left out of the planning stages of what is supposed to be a "family affair".
You could start out the travelling with the caravan, and then, when they are all sticking to this agenda, you may either just have to fall behind, or it will become very clear to all of them that they WILL need to be more flexible with the times to accommodate you and your kids.
I'm sorry for you for this. I know exactly how this feels, and we had to stop travelling with extended family for this reason. I got tired of my money being spent for me, and plans being made without my input. I got tired of tiptoe-ing around my other sisters and their kids and husbands, for fear that they would jump down my throat about something, or fear that I would say "the wrong thing" and have everyone gang up on me. My little family of 6 vacations differently than the rest of them, and it just doesn't feel good not to have any input in where we all vacation. I feel dismissed and ignored, and who wants to spend a week in a house with people who make you feel like that every time you are with them?
Good luck. If it were me, I'd probably swallow the money, and bow out, letting them have my room too.

Re your SWH clarification - now I understand why your husband is willing to let go of his place so easily. (Though I'd give the kids sleeping blankets/bed rolls and let them sleep on the floor to keep my husband with me! Who is sharing a bed with you?) I do hope that you and your kids go off on your own enough to have some time to yourselves. Don't go in the caravan, no matter what!! And make sure you stick out your hand for the money you are due... Hugs and good luck standing up for yourself! You can do it!

Original:
I'm not sure I understand this certain point - forgive me if I'm missing it, MM, but are you paying for this house? Is everyone just a guest? Or are they splitting the cost?

If you are paying for the house, I would blast whoever wrote that message. You can nicely blast, certainly, but don't take this laying down. Now, if you are all splitting the cost, ignore her and do what you want about the travel schedule.

The last thing you need to do is deal with a ten year old banshee in the back seat while you are trying to drive. If you had a wreck because of this, you'd never forgive yourself for bowing to these people's demands. So no caravan - regardless of whether or not you are paying for the house or not.

I'm so sorry you're in this mess. (Especially your husband and child not getting to go because of your sister.) Good grief!!
Dawn

I would not join the caravan. No offense, but your sister sounds like a bit of a vacation nazi.

I would suggest clicking "reply all" and say that that is a nice offer, but unfortunately, you don't think that that would be easier for you or the kids.

I would also reiterate that you will not be caravanning since your kids will need more breaks, more often, since they are so young and have small bladders. :) (a few smiley faces & LOLs may help people take this light heartedly).

Keep it lighthearted, and the others will see that your sister is being crazy controlling of this vacation. And do not take her kid with you. It's non-negotiable, if you think he'll make the trip harder on you.

And next year, don't agree to do a family vacation unless there is a separate cottage for each family/you can rent your own.

I would not join the caravan. I would want to go at my own pace, stop when
I want to stop. I would, like you, leave a day earlier. This way if you see
something the kids might like to see you can stop. If you join the caravan,
I mean, you will be told when to pee!!!! This should be an enjoyable drive
for you, not being stressed out about keeping up with the caravan. Go with your girls and have a great drive down!

P.S. No nephew either. You do not need an extra kid who might cause problems.

I have girls close to the same age as yours that don't really care for long rides either. I would kindly say no thanks to the 10 yr old and drive separate. This will take the stress out of the trip..you can stop at some parks or play lands along the way and it may just turn into a special time for you and the girls. I always go at my own pace if possible...makes life so much more enjoyable to me.

I like to stop when I want, I like to stay where I want, I like to do what I want on a vacation. I do not like to an itinerary that is made by someone else. Your a grown women and like you I rather go at my own pace. And I would not take another child. Because he is probably a great kid, the teasing would get real old for me and your daughter especially. I would not join the caravan. If I did join the caravan I would still do what I please. Good luck!

Updated

I like to stop when I want, I like to stay where I want, I like to do what I want on a vacation. I do not like to an itinerary that is made by someone else. Your a grown women and like you I rather go at my own pace. And I would not take another child. Because he is probably a great kid, the teasing would get real old for me and your daughter especially. I would not join the caravan. If I did join the caravan I would still do what I please. Good luck!

I would join the caravan for the trip down. Ask if more 'stops' can be inserted. You don't give times, but we ususally stop every 2 hours, unless a kid is sleeping that I call everyone on the walkie-talkies and say keep driving unless someone else needs to stop.

We always start out caravaning but some drive faster than others. We all have phones and keep in touch by phone or walkie-talkie and have planned meeting places along the way.

If you feel the caravan doesn't work for you then you can go solo on the way home.

Oh the drama! We are going on a family vacation next week to the Outer Banks and luckily there is no drama yet. But we are all meeting for dinner tonight to go over the list of things we need to bring (meals, toiletries for the house, etc) so it may get interesting!

Okay, unless I missed it, you don't say how old your older two are. I have been travelling with my kiddo's on the road since the oldest was 5 months old. That was a LONG trip, but that was the worst of them - go figure! One breastfed baby was harder than 3!

We have NEVER had to stop for the kids. We stop when we need gas or food. Everyone goes to the bathroom before they get in the car, whether they need to or not. Everyone has something to entertain themselves (Kindle Fire, DS, coloring book, pillow/blanket, whatever they want to do) and a bottle of water with a snack.

In March, I drove myself and my 3 kids, who were 4, 6, and 8 from MD to Raleigh, NC. We got almost there before we needed to stop. Who made us stop? ME!! I had to use the bathroom and get a coffee. All 3 kids went to the bathroom, I got a coffee, loaded them up with new water bottles and a snack in case they wanted it, and we hit the road again.

I'd stay in the caravan, but let them know you may need to stop more with young kids, but don't count your kiddo's out from being able to do the drive. Tell them the less stops you make, the sooner you're at your vacation.

My kids have always been fabulous travellers (thank God), so it is pretty easy...I hope it goes smoothly for you too!

sounds like way to much controlling stress n drama..i myself wouldnt go-id stay behind with hubby n kids-hang out with his folks.good luck to you though..

heh, the joys of family vacations! we do them every now and then, and now that we're older they're actually fun<G>.
i would opt out of the caravan for sure. that sounds nightmarish. you'll have enough challenges when you get there, why endure a miserable trip and arrive already prickly and out of sorts? you will have to endure more snotty comments, just take a deep breath, smile (it makes you feel better!) and be courteously insistent on doing it your way.
no 10 year old neph, thank you. yes, lovely idea, but i'm just going to stick with my game plan. no, really! i just know what works best for us.
i like the idea of leaving the 3 year old at home too, if you can.
i'll bet your dh is heaving a huge sigh of relief<G>.
have fun, mama!
:) khairete
S.

There is a lot to say for keeping the statis quo and going with the flow. Maybe the caravan idea isn't too bad, in that when you stop your children have lots of people to interact with. Maybe write an email to the organizer and just express interest in how the plan all came together and it might bring some ore insight. That being said, if the nephew is more trouble then not, say thanks but no thanks. If you do decide to do the caravan you would "relish" the quality time with your children. I also am not that nice and I would tell people that regardless of what they think, they would be just as offended if changes were made without their concent and input and maybe they don't realize the imposition they have created for you-with the inlaws. Maybe evaluate whether or not the trip is actually worth it at all.
Good luck!

How much will the gas, hotel, and food along the way be? How much would it cost to fly yourself and the 2 little ones? You could save yourself a whole lot of aggravation if you fly.

I say make your husband go and you stay home with the little one. =)

Sounds like a nightmare any way you shake it, really. I mean either traveling alone and dealing with the backlash once there, or traveling with the nephew. I would pick the one that would be most tolerable to you.

I would think if you laid the ground rules down with your nephew, he may surprise you. At that age, I think if you make him feel as though he's helping you out and making your trip easier, with a lot of praise, it could work for you. You can try it, and if it turns out to be more hassle than it's worth, you can always make him ride with someone else when you are on one of your "scheduled" stops.

Is there someone that is going on the trip that may be more supportive that you can voice all of your concerns to? They may back you up if you feel any backlash once there.

It sounds like a fun vacation. Personally I would caravan only because it is safety in numbers on long trips. In a caravan you could also pull an extra adult in the car with you at times. If you are against caravaning so you could have more breaks, you are not obligated in taking your nephew in your car. Just tell your sister that you perfer to be responsible for only your own children and don't let her guilt you into it. She really wants to have someone else deal with a 10 year old on a long trip instead of dealing with him herself because 10 year olds are bigger complainers on long trips then preschoolers and toddlers who will sleep a lot of the way. I would check into a room for your in laws close by and have them come along with you instead of leaving hubby and youngest home with them. They would probably enjoy seeing more of our beautiful country and they are family and should be included. That is my opinion though.