Unannounced Visits?

Updated on August 27, 2012
L.L. asks from Topeka, KS
26 answers

All I ask is a phone call.What about you do you like drop ins?I don't can't stand it I wouldn't do that to any of my family or friends with out a phone call,text,email.Ya i'm venting a tad bit

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So What Happened?

Thanks moms...I know my home was super messy today and few days ago when the same visitor stopped in.But heck it's laundry it will get done,so will my stacks of yard sale clothes.It looks really crazy with my childs room out of his room since it is getting worked on by hubby it'll look brand new all over again when finished.So I guess with being home all day everyday it's just expected I have a super clean home well I do for the most part but I have fallen behind with the new adjustments of school and me just wanting to spend time with baby/toddler.Glad there are others who agree that they don't like the unexpected visitor.

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answers from Dallas on

I don't answer my door when I'm home alone. We rarely answer the door when my husband is home, anyway (Always solicitors or Jehovah's Witness people.) I HATE it when people stop by unannounced. HATE it. I think it's incredibnly rude. There is no telling what someone may have goig on in their life, at that moment. How you might (I mean might in the general sense) inconvenience someone. How uncomfortable you might make them feel, etc. I have told people on a few occasions, "I'm sorry, this is a bad time. Call me and we'll set up a time to hang out, I'd love to visit with you." People don't drop by, anymore.

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answers from San Diego on

I hate it too!!!!!! My mother in law is famous for it and thinks it's perfectly ok to drop in on anyone. It makes me CRAZY!!! I think it's just as rude as can be whether it's family or not.

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answers from Charlotte on

I don't mind, honestly. If my friends are offended because the breakfast dishes are still in the sink at 10 am, it's on them.

Here's the other side of it. I dropped off a birthday present to my son's girlfriend's house for her birthday, and she was upset that I came without calling because she wasn't wearing her makeup. It was embarrassing for me, to be honest. No more dropping off birthday presents to her house. (No more birthday presents unless they get engaged...)

There ya go!

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answers from Norfolk on

No one does this to me anymore.
Most likely because if I'm in the middle of anything,
I don't stop what I'm doing - I put them to work.
Etiquette schmetiquette - if they can't be bothered to worry about it, why should I?
If I'm gardening, I hand them a rake.
If I'm digging a hole, they get a shovel.
If I'm cleaning, they can help load the dishwasher..
If they don't want to work, they leave fairly quickly.
If they want entertaining, they call ahead and are sure I'm ready for it beforehand.

9 moms found this helpful


answers from Minneapolis on

As long as they are there to see me and not my apartment, and don't expect to be fed, I would like if more people dropped by. I've lived in a very popular, touristy spot by a lake that I know people come to relatively often and I've had so very few of my friends just drop by. When they do, I've enjoyed it.

Sure, a call or text ahead of time is good, just in case I've not yet had a shower, or so I can do a quick pick-up of the living room. But if requiring a call ahead would stop people from coming, I'd rather they just show up.

7 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

Wow that never happens to me, but I know I would hate it! I don't like being caught off guard, especially during the summer when I'm home and braless and otherwise inappropriately dressed for a good part of the day, lol! And I would never show up at someone's house without calling first.
Maybe it's a cultural/regional thing, for some people maybe it's normal to just "stop by" on a whim.
I would just NOT answer the door. If they call later and say, oh we stopped by you can just cheerily say, oh sorry we missed you, we were out, why don't you call before you come next time so you don't waste a trip? Maybe they'll get the hint :)

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answers from San Francisco on

Yeah, I would never just "drop in" on a friend/relative unannounced, unless it was some kind of emergency. I HATE when people do it to me. My house is almost obsessively clean all the time, so that's not really it. It's more of, I have a lot that I need to get done, and very little time in which to do it, and so I need to schedule my social time just like I would schedule anything else. Having someone just drop in and hang around - while I'm glad they feel comfortable enough to do that - really stresses me out, because it's hard to put out of my mind all the thoughts of "oh, I told that client I'd call him right back - now what do I do?!" When the visit is a scheduled one, I can make all those phone calls BEFORE the person visits, and then just enjoy the visit.

The only unannounced visitors I like to see are the UPS guy and the FedEx guy. Mostly because they're in as much of a hurry to leave as I am for them to leave. LOL When the cute little Mormon missionaries in our neighborhood stop by, I give them a caffeine-free coke, and send them on their way, threatening to tell them all about women's rights if they return (hey, turnabout is fair play...). I just don't answer when the Jehovah's Witnesses come knocking. And on the off-chance I actually open the door, I tell them (depending upon my mood) that we're Atheist, we're Catholic, or we're Scientologists. That sends them scurrying off the porch in a hurry.

(Am I totally anti-social? I just re-read that, and I think I might be turning into a grumpy old lady...)

5 moms found this helpful


answers from New Orleans on

Hate it also. My inlaws did that a few times. One was they saying they were going to our house to visit the grandkids and then they change it saying tomorrow they were coming. Ok,whatever. Few hours later they were a bang on the door. Our Inlaws. Made me mad because we "had" stuff to do since they told us they were coming up tomorrow. Another was my hubby had a small accident at work. He was in and out of the hospital in a a few hours. Well my husband told his parents he was ok,etc. That night they should up without a phone call or whatever. We was in the middle of getting the kids out of the bath and my husband was about to leave to grab us dinner so we can eat in peace. I didn't care if they came up to visit but please send us a phone call.I hate when people pop up. My brother does it also. I can have the house all clean and kids in the bed and when i sit to watch tv he's banging on the door. My mother is another.lol. Usually she will call and say something about dropping something off,but usually she get a wild hair and comes over without a phone call and most of the time i'm sleeping and hate being wake up.lol,

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answers from Dallas on

Whether my house is clean or not, I really would appreciate a phone call unless it is an emergency of some sort. I may not feel well that day or have other things going on that day. It's just common courtesy to call and see if it would be a good time for you to have company. I don't mind my ten year old's friends just dropping by to play, but an adult should know better. Just my opinion. :)

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answers from Phoenix on

No one does this to us, thank goodness. If they did, I'd probably ignore the door or tell them we weren't able to have guests at that time.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Amarillo on

I think it is a generational thing. As we as a nation improved we have distanced ourselves from immediate family and family nucleus that used to keep everyone together. When I grew up you could walk down to auntie and cousins house and go in. Now you have to make appointments to stop by to see them in their visitor attire.

I can't and won't be "dropping in" to visit my son and DIL as it takes 6 hours to get to their house. She is also of this new generation call and schedule a date and time to see us. So needless to say, I don't see my son and grandson much.

Also being military when you had to depend on each other you have a different take on life and dealing with things You were actually one big family in a state or a country and you were more dependent upon each other.

So please don't get too upset or you might be like the one would like more visitos at the lake but they don't have time to bother.

Good luck to you.

The other S.

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answers from Charleston on

Can't stand it. My inlaws do it, and they just walk in with the key we gave them for emergencies only. I've contemplated changing the lock and not giving them a new key...

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answers from Austin on

We do not answer the door.

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answers from Grand Forks on

I can't think of anyone who has dropped in for a visit. My best friend and my neighbours usually come to the door unannounced, but it is usually to borrow something, or return something, or a quick hello. The kids friends will often drop by to visit unannounced, but I don't mind that at all. If the kids are home and available they play. I never just drop in on anyone else. Not my style.

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answers from Appleton on

I remember reading a story about an older lady who always kept her coat by the door. When someone knocked on her door unexpectly she would pick up her coat before answering the door. if the person at he door was someone she wanted to see, she hung up her coat and explained that she had just gotten home, if it was someone she didn't want to see, she would put on her coat grab her purse and say 'I'm sorry I was just leaving'. And usher them out, closing the door behind them both.

I only have one person who drops by unannounced and I never know when. Most of the time I do not mind but sometimes I had planned to leave in an hour or so and felt that I couldn't go. I don't like it either when someone drops by unexpected.

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answers from Baton Rouge on

I work two full-time jobs, eighty hours a week, so my schedule is erratic, and I tend to be a bit selfish with my time off. I prefer that you call fist and make sure I'm in the mood for company. If you drop by and wake me from a much-needed nap, I am going to be grouchy.

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answers from San Francisco on

Don't answer the door!

If this happens regularly, make sure your door is closed and put a note on the door that indiccates you are not at home or something to the effect that due to (THIS or THAT meaning sick child, visiting parent, you...yourself not feeling well), no company preferred at this time).

YES, I only have a very short list of people who could just DROP by....and if I told any of them it wasn't a good time, they would understand.

What happens in your case?

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Washington DC on

I LOVE it when people just stop by! We have an open door policy. We are always outside playing and the neighbors always come by to play and I would love for family to just stop by but they all live about an hour away.

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answers from Seattle on

It depends on how clean my house is.

I have to respectfully disagree about it being a generational-drifting-apart-thing.

We get the word "call" for phones, from calling cards. Calling Cards would be dropped off (in the morning, usually) and then the recipient would answer yes plus a time, or 'regrets' (aka no). RARELY would a person come with their calling card themselves unless it was a business appt, but even then they were shown into a room (or left standing outside) if they were going to 'wait' for a response. This was both an upper and middle class standard in Western Europe. The "breakdown of civilization" happened with Westward Expansion / "Wild West". Got muddled worldwide with the invention and common usage of the telephone... and is only JUST (as in this generation) starting to fall back into 'old' (centuries old) pattern of sending notice of arrival / asking for permission via TEXTING, of all things. Which I just find hilariously funny, as much as people gripe about texting, its that phenom that is returning us to old world manners.

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answers from Los Angeles on

I don't! I think it's common courtesy to call and see if okay for you to drop by. I have had my share of unannounced visits and although I am not rude and kick people out I do let them know I will either be going out (if I have to go somewhere) or I tell them our plans for the day. Sometimes our unannounced visits join us and actually help out in whatever were doing or get the hint that were not in the mood for company.

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answers from Washington DC on

oh gawds, i know! and it only gets the worse, the older you get!
i have to mentally prepare to be 'on' for people, so drop-ins will usually find me a little bewildered, a little surly and probably pretty messy.
and, if they're really unlucky, nekkid.
there are a very few friends so near and dear that a surprise visit would elicit squeals of glee, but not many. and even then i'd prefer the joy of anticipation.
and to make sure i'm dressed!
:) khairete

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answers from Washington DC on

I want a phone call. I don't generally like drop ins. If our neighbor sees us outside, that's one thing, but a long visit when I didn't expect one is annoying. I think it's just polite to call ahead, even if it's "Hello, we are in the area and could be there in 10 minutes. Mind if we drop by?"

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answers from Cleveland on

Call me! maybe ( maybe i'll let you in, haha) now that song is stuck in my head.


answers from Philadelphia on

i wish people would come by unannounced, I would learn my lesson and have a super clean house=) seriously though, from growing up in Philly, we all J. walked into eachothers houses daily, family members lived within feet (my aunt lived across the street) and so on so it was normal. Now being in the suburbs I'm sad that this isnt possible. I would love if my cousins, aunts, and uncles, and parents stopped by occassionally.

ALthough I lie because after I had my daughter my ex’s parents did this daily and would J. walk right in while I was nursing and we cleverly “lost” our key so we could get theirs back. So after that is said, I like when random people stop over unannounced but not the same person daily=) or mostly not in laws or parents daily=)


answers from Salt Lake City on

Argh! I know! With cell phones, there really just is no excuse for not calling ahead of time. Even just a 10-15 minute heads up so I can put on something decent.
I love seeing my family, and I would never turn down a visit from them. However, they ALWAYS show up unannounced. And it is ALWAYS at a bad time...I am either on the treadmill and all sweaty and gross, or I have company over already or am just plain busy. My dad showed up last week right as my Girl's Night was starting, so I have a house full of crazy loud women wanting to relax and have some wine, Dad shows up to visit (and btw, my parents are extreeeeeemely anti alcohol, it is against their religion, I felt like a freaking 18 year old because I had to hurry and hide it as he walked in. So silly, but my mom found out my adult brother has one drink a month and she has been so worried ever since, so I really do not feel like I want them to know I drink occasionally and very moderately, since it is such a big deal to them). My parents have even shown up at the vacation house we rent once a year, they do this every year, unannounced, even though I have asked them to call. This last year I just invited them to come visit for dinner so at least I would know when they were coming, since 10 years of asking for them to call ahead has not worked! Thanks for letting me vent, too!



answers from Boston on

I get lots of drop ins. I dont mind at all. My friends do not call they just come in....walk to the fridge or have a cup of coffee. I love it, my house is not always perfect. I have laundry baskets maybe out or in the middle of cleaning. I do the same to my friends.
The only time to do mind is if its my brother, a certain brother is so judgmental and looking for things that are out of place. Feeling its his place to tell me what I need to do. I tell him call before he comes so I can say no you cannot come over.

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