Ultrasound on Monday - Gender Disappointment??!

Updated on September 23, 2010
K.R. asks from Fort Collins, CO
37 answers

Hi ladies. I have 2 gorgeous little boys (1 and 3) and I'm pregnant with my third. This 3rd pregnancy was a surprise, and we certainly didn't go into it "hoping for our girl". But nevertheless, both my husband and I have become more and more attached to the idea of having a girl this time. Our boys are literally the loves of my life and I couldn't breath without them, but there is something exciting about imagining having a little girl this time, and just enjoying all of the different adventures a new gender will bring to our life. And I can't lie, I am ready for bows and dresses lol!

All of those silly signs point to girl for us this time - chinese gender charts, cravings, how you are carrying, heartrate, etc. Also, my three year old has been super insistent since conception that this is going to be his sister. He just is firm about it, even when I explain that it might very well be a brother. I've never seen him be so stubborn about something. And this sounds just dumb, but my husband opened a fortune cookie early in the pregnancy and the chinese word on the back was "girl". Finally, since we were pregnant for the first time, we have been attached to the name "Ruth", because it was my grandmother's name and she was the most AMAZING woman. I've always wondered if she is up there pulling for us to have a girl. My mom is my best friend, and I'd love that kind of adult relationship with my own daughter, and I feel like my grandmother is rooting for me lol. I know I know I know, none of these "signs" are remotely scientific, but I tend to put some weight on intuition. In other words, these small coincidences have just made my hopes rise.

I have been working really really hard emotionally these past few weeks to convince myself that I WILL NOT be disappointed if this turns out to be another beautiful little boy, but I am sure this is our last child, and I will mourn the idea of never having a little girl. I will rejoice about a new baby boy, but will be sad to never have a daughter. Does that make sense? I just don't want this experience to be negative for me (or my husband) because I've put myself in this place of hoping/expecting a baby girl. And just my whole extended family in general wants a girl - we have 8 grandbabies on my husband's side of the fam, and only 1 is a girl right now, so everyone just keeps talking about pink pink pink to me. I'm up to my eyeballs in PINK expectations from myself, my friends, and my family.

BUT I will say, I do get excited in some ways thinking about being "the princess" the family with all of my boys, and I do enjoy thinking about boys names too, and my two boys are just so smart and adorable that I know I will LOVE this baby no matter what gender he/she is. I'm just more concerned about emotions in the immediate aftermath of the ultrasound - I'm not worried about loving a baby boy. There is a big difference there.

I know I can't be the only woman out there who goes into this gender ultrasound with hopes for a certain gender. Does anyone have any advice for me, or stories of handling their own potential disappointment?


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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone so much for your kind responses! I loved reading all of them and all of your individual experiences. No matter what God gives us it is definitely a blessing.

Today I was blessed with a healthy baby GIRL! I'm still in shock, but it's true. I can't believe I'll have my two perfect boys and a daughter. A dream come true.


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answers from Seattle on

I just have to say I was REALLY hoping for a girl, with my son.

One of the things I've thought about in the following years is how LUCKY my son is for being a boy.

With a girl I would/did have sooo many expectations (from clothes to activities to personality... I would have just *died* if she'd ended up being a princessy girlie girl), but with my son those expectations just don't exist. So I've gotten to know him for who he IS, not who I want him to be.


answers from Detroit on

I was exstatic that I had a boy the second time. Girls are kind of a pain... Especially when entering into teen years. Puberty... Screaming because her hair isn't right. Getting angry that you didn't buy the right hairspray or whatever. 'I hate her' comments then the next day, 'She's my best friend.'

At 7 my daughter is already getting that 'teen' attitude. Not always, but there are days that she's like that.

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answers from Dallas on

Most importantly - CONGRATS! We have three girls, so I am sure you know where I am going with this! On baby one - did not find out sex and PINK was we delivered. Baby number two - hoping for a boy, but did not find out and PINK was delivered. Baby number three was a surprise! She was conceived a lot earlier than we planned, so we were not ready. We decided to find out the gender so we could "plan". I was completely deflated when the sonographer told us it was another girl. Was I upset because it was another girl? Or was I upset because I normally get to hold a precious baby after this news and I had to wait another 20 weeks??
I think it was the latter. I cried all day. I was SO mad at myself for finding out the gender before the baby came. However, we were able to plan, pick a name, and prepare her big sisters.
There is something so neat about having three kids of the same gender. My girls LOVE each other. BTW, they are 4, almost 2, and 5 months.
It is not wrong or abnormal to want a specific child. In the end, you will LOVE him/her the same!
Again, BEST of luck!

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answers from San Antonio on

You're not alone in your hopes, and you're not a bad mom. Of course you'd be dreaming of a girl. And of course, you might not get one.

Prepare your family, OK? Talk about how you will love to have another boy. You run the risk of your boys resenting the new baby if they see you disappointed.

If you do have another sweet baby boy, you will not mourn him, you will mourn the fact of not getting the chance to raise a girl. Those are different things. Make sure your kids/ family understand that you celebrate the baby, no matter what, and it is OK, as a separate issue, to be disappointed about never having a daughter.


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answers from Dallas on

I too has this same feeling when i was pregnant with my second son last year. We went in for the ultrasound and I was so sure he would be a she. When they dr told me, another boy. I was in shock. I actually cried on the way out of the hospital, silly to cry about but I was upset that I didnt get the big bows and dresses. But then reality set in, I was made to have boys and that is fine with me. In the words of my 4 year old son, you get what you get and you dont through a fit. Just remember god gives you what he knows you can handle and nothing more. Keep us posted on what the dr says. Good Luck and Congrats.

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answers from Phoenix on

Our first is a boy, we were both very excited to have a boy first. When I got pregnant with our second, my husband was very open that he wanted another boy, I said I wanted a boy but didn't really care. We had the ultrasound and found out she was a girl. My hubby seemed happy, I didn't know what to think. I didn't realize how much I wanted a boy until I found out she was a girl. Day after the ultra sound I walked through the girl section at Target and went home and cried! It took me a while to adjust (month or so) but then I got excited. Now, I have a beautiful 5 mo old girl and couldn't be happier. My advise, if you are dissapointed after the ultrasound, try not to feel guilty about it. Give yourself time to adjust to the idea. I'm grateful that we found out she was a girl and it gave me a few months before she came to be in love with the idea of a girl.
I know you'll love your child not matter if it is a he or she!

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answers from Dallas on

I think you know what to do based on your post. You know you may be mouring the loss of a girl before you can rejoice over another boy. You are both excited about the possibility of a girl while also knowing you would love a boy no less. You might think about not having the kids with you at the ultrasound, planning on going for coffe, tea, cake, etc. afterwards just to have some quite time to yourself before heading home and spreading the news. That way if you are excited, you can have time to be happy without your boys thinking you like girls more than boys, and if you are a bit sad, you can have some time to mourn before heading home and showing the boys how excited you are about their new brother. At the very least, you will have some answers and can then quit obsessing and start focusing on the truth. And, the truth is, God knows what this baby is, even more so than the ultrasound tech and He knows if you need another boy or a sweet girl. Hang in there! I can't wait to hear what you are having!

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answers from Charlotte on


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answers from New York on

I know all too well these feelings. My aunt wanted girls (had 3 boys). My mom wanted boys (had 2 girls). I know the thought of a girl sounds real romantic but the reality of a girl is a far cry from the fantasy.

Let me get you into the reality of a girl. Yes they are bathed in pink and become the princesses of the house. They have the ability to wrap every man in the house around their little finger. It is the most stupifying thing. They are cute as can be but as they grow something aweful happens. They begin the change. Sometimes this change happens seemingly overnight. They fight and argue with you over everything. They slam doors and cry at the drop of a hat. They yell and screem at everyone in the house and are just the most unpleasant creatures to live with. The steal age inappropriate clothes from your closet and keep dangerous secrets from you. They make you wish you never had a girl and make you cry.They expect you to do everything for them like you have been doing but want none of the responsibiltiy of being a member of the family. They complain about everything and nothing when they do finally get over giving you the silent treatment. They want to date guys way too old for them at way too young (the dangerous secret). They drive you crazy and then the move out of your house but it still takes some time for them to come back to their senses and be the wonderful little girl you gave birth to.

While this isn't everyone's story, it was mine. From 13-19, I was the worst girl ever. I was just having a difficult time figuring everything out and couldnt' even express the anxst inside from just being a girl.

Good news is. You have boys that will one day marry and you will have wonderful daughters-in-law to shower love and affection on. Enjoy being Queen of the house while it lasts. I hope this helps.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Los Angeles on

My honest opinion - I think it's ok to have a little disappointment after the ultrasound if you find out it's another boy. Take a few days to mourn that you won't ever have a girl, and then start the preparations for bringing a new little boy into your home.

With baby #1, we chose not to find out the gender in advance, because we didn't really care which we had. We had a boy. With baby # 2 (due next month), we were REALLY hoping for a girl and did not want there to be any disappointment in the delivery room. We decided to find out at the ultrasound so that if it was a second boy, we would have a little time to be sad about it without letting it have any effect on us once the baby was actually born. We were thrilled to hear that it's going to be a girl.

Anyway, my point is - it is ok to be a little sad if it's another boy. The important thing is that you know you are going to love this baby no matter what gender it is and that, come delivery day, you'll be happy and excited.

Congrats on your pregnancy!



answers from Dallas on

You and I are in the EXACT same boat right now. Ruth is even the middle name I have picked out. My gender check is October 4th.



answers from Dallas on

Think Healthy!!!! think of all the mommas that have to sometimes struggle with a special needs child (even though they are a blessing too) and you will forget all about the sex and just dream and hope for a Healthy baby.


answers from Denver on

I had a surprise #3 too. My husband & I just KNEW it was a girl. My MIL dreamed it was a girl. We had a name all picked out.

But I didn't want to get my heart set on a girl so I told my husband that I HAD to find out. And....it was a boy. And you know the funny thing? I didn't feel even a twinge of disappointment. I thought, "Oh. Okay."

He's here now. Eight months old. And he's a lovely little guy. I wouldn't want him to be a BIT different.

You might find that you feel FINE regardless. Honestly, the hardest part for us was figuring out a 3rd boy's name we liked as much as the first two!


answers from Denver on

I am right there with you.. I have two wonderful boys, ages 2 and 5.. and am expecting baby #3 in January.. And as lukc would have it little b ugger wouldnt show the goods and we still do not know what we are having.. Hard thing is also that I would LOVE a little girl, but as you are .. we love our boys.. But I may also have to come to the realization I may never have a little girl.. Funny thing is that when we had my ultra sound with my second son they actually told me I was having a girl, so I had a pink baby shower and everything.. And then on delivery day my SON Caden was born.. I am very afraid of that happening again.. So I almost rather would not know. It is really hard.. I have another ultra sound in October.. we will know more then.. but feel free to contact me.. I know EXACTLY how you feel:)


answers from Detroit on

For as long as memory serves me, I always wanted daughters and I was blessed to have have 2. However, when I was pregnant with both, I focused on boys. Boy names, boy things and everything boy. I was determined to be excited for a boy...just in case. That said, although it would be a blessing to have a little girl in your brood, exciting even, it is also such a blessing to have same sex children. Plus the bonus... you get to dance at 3 weddings =).

As far as the disappointment, let it come, then let it go. Just like you say, there will be no way you can love this baby any less. So a moment of disappointment is nothing in comparison to a lifetime of loving this new addition.




answers from Topeka on

No matter what when your baby is born placed into your arms & your eye's meet you'll love him or her..


answers from Norfolk on

I have one child, a boy. It took me 4 yrs of trying and a fertility specialist to have him. I was so thrilled just to be pregnant, I went into the ultrasound just wanting to know more about the baby I was having. They could have told me anything (as long as the baby was healthy) and I'd be just as happy either way. My Mom was a little disappointed her first grandchild was going to be a boy, but she sure got over it in a hurry. Now she just bursts with pride at his every achievement!



answers from San Francisco on

OMG I just seen your so what happened and I am so excited for you! They say kids know what you are having and my one year old back then kept saying sissy... when I seen the result I about flipped off the table lol. I have 2 wonderful little girls and if we have another it will be a blessing either gender, but I really like the idea of having another guy around :) My husband love our girls, but really wants to have that male bonding he never got with his father. So in all joys congrates on the little girl they are true blessings!


answers from Johnson City on

I can't lie. If it's not a girl, there will probably be a momentary bit of disappointment, but very soon you will adapt. As long as the baby is healthy, you will be happy! It's ok to want a girl this time. Don't beat yourself up for wanting the girl.

I know you said there is no scientific proof in all the things you have done, but don't discount the heart rate thing. That proved to be true with both of my pregnancies and a lot of my friends. If it's high, it really just might be a girl!




answers from Detroit on

I have a girl with my first husband. I love my daughter to pieces, but she's a spoiled princess who went to live with the king (my now ex husband) three years ago. She's 15 now and we rarely here from her. My daughter and I never bonded like my mom and I did, but that's another story. When I remarried 6 years ago, I had my first son. What a joy. Then we decided to have another baby kind of hoping we'd have a girl to have one of each, but really we just wanted a healthy baby. We had our second son and thank the Lord everyday that he is here. My two sons have a strong bond. I don't know if we had had a girl if my eldest son would have bonded with her. Although they are four years apart (5, 1), my eldest is the best big brother in the world and his little brother adores him. I'm so glad that they have one another. The moral of the story here is to be grateful for the blessings that you receive. The Lord never makes mistakes in what He gives to us:)


answers from New York on

I always wanted a girl, for many reasons. Like, REALLY wanted a girl. When the sonographer told us we were having a boy, I actually cried over it, and then felt like the worst future parent in the world for even caring. I know they all say "once he's born you won't care, you'll just love him", which sounds dumb, but for me it was true. And who cares if I can't raise a strong, empowered girl - I'll just raise a feminist boy instead!

Now I'm terrified that when it's time for our second (and hopefully last) child, it will be another boy - I *really* want to raise a girl!

And yeah, girls are probably harder. I think that's because although puberty/teenage years are hard for all kids, it's probably harder for girls. That makes them more miserable. I kind of like the idea of the challenge.



answers from Cleveland on

I only have one son, but I definitely wanted a girl this time because we don't plan on having more than two. My son is only 2 years old, but before I ever found out what I was having we would tell him there's a baby in mommy's belly and he's gonna have a baby brother or sister and he insisted that it was a baby sister. We brought home ultrasound pictures still before we knew the sex and he would point to it and say baby sister...and he was right!! Knowing I would be done having kids, I just wanted a girl so badly. Even after being told it was a girl I thought it was too good to be true, so I paid to have a 3D/4D ultrasound 2 months later to be sure! I can understand being dissapointed if you are having another boy, I probably would be too..at first, but you have to let that go and realize every child is a blessing, there are so many people that would DIE to have any child, boy or girl. Congratulations!!!



answers from Tampa on

LOL. You're story made me giggle. I have 3 boys and a girl . When I was pregnant with my 4th, we were CONVINCED it was a girl. I had been pregnant 3 times before and all signs led to girl. Nausea, vomiting, chinese gender predictors, etc. I even at 16 weeks though I was shaped like a watermelon rather then a basketball. Looking back now it was SO SILLY, but I know EXACTLY how you feel.

We went to the US with same thoughts as you - We will be happy no matter what, but I"m SURE it's a girl.

It was a boy:-)

I'll be honest, my heart dropped a little and my husband asked to check the gender at every subsequent US... It took me convincing myself a few days before I accepted this and was THRILLED about it. God knows what He's doing... I beleive it and I just had to trust in it. They say that boys are mama's boys, which means (hopefully) when I get older, my boys will always be around and caring and loving me :-)

Anyway, we now have a beautiful healthy boy and love this child just as much as the others.

Sending you some pink vibes so that your dream of a daughter comes true. :-)

But if not, konw that you WILL love your son, even if your initial reaction is slight disappointment.

And also, how do you know this is your last child? LOL. Just sayin' :-)


answers from Clarksville on

Oh I am so excited for you that your having a girl ! What a blessing. I have 2 wonderful boys, one beautiful and sweet girl and I'm pregnant with our fourth baby. We would like another girl, but would be happy with a boy too. Congratulations!



answers from Dallas on

I'm an ultrasound tech and have seen every response in the book. Some have been quite disturbing. But I never judge, because I never really know the situation. To my knowlewdge I have never been wrong in 13 years. But I have been accused of being wrong on many occasions during an ultrasound session. I have put a picture and a note in an envelope many times through the years to open after you get home and can deal with the flood of emotions in a quiet place rather than the Dr. Office. That would be my suggestion. Just in case yo get too upset. I'm sure that you will be fine, and it will be a wonderful experience! Good Luck!


Sorry for the spelling in the last post my blackberry is on the fritz and wouldn't let me edit :o). So I just posted it anyway....



answers from Los Angeles on

Hi there,

When I pregnant with my first child I was so hopeful for a daughter. I had only sisters and I babysat for years for a family of four girls. Of course when I found out I was having a boy I was a bit disappointed. I had no idea what on earth to do with a boy. Determined to get excited I went shopping for baby boy outfits. When I went into the baby department I was confronted with all kinds of pink, purple, light green and yellow spring baby dresses.
To make a long story short....when he arrived he was all that I could ask for and more, a perfect combination of sweetness and rough and tumble. Wouldn't change him for the world.

Four years later I got my baby girl. Like your son, my son insisted he was having a sister and corrected everyone who said it might be a brother. Mayber your son knows something you don't, mine did.

If you do not get the result you are hoping for and are blessed with another son, allow yourself your disappointment.It will pass and it is NORMAL and OKAY.

I have a wonderful friend who has three boys. The third was a "surprise" pregnancy. She too was hopeful for her "girl". I cannot stress enough to you how happy they all are. She has so much fun with her boys. That too will be you.

If you do not have a daughter there is that chance of course that one of your sons might. Just change your wish from a daughter to a granddaughter and tuck it away for a while.

Wishing you lots of luck and happiness - pink or blue



answers from La Crosse on

With my first three kids I didn't find out the sex of the baby before I had them, they just didn't want to "show" us.

I wanted a girl SO bad! Like you said I wanted the chance to have the close relationship with my daughter as I do my mom... I know I can and hope I do have that kind of relationship with my boys. But there is just something different about a girl. With baby #1 I was 18 and on my own. With it going to be just the two of us, I wanted a girl. With baby #2 I was married and it didn't matter but still hoped for a girl. With baby #3 my hubby said he didn't want anymore kids so I really wanted to have a girl since it was going to be my last. When I had the baby I popped up right away and they said "its a boy". I cried so hard!! My mom hit me.. HARD... and said he has all 10 fingers and toes and he is perfect, knock it off. Then I realized she was right, but still disappointed. But as soon as I held him all that disapointment went away.

Well after a divorce and remarried we wanted 2 more since he didn't have any kids of his own and with the age gap it was going to be two kids. Well #4 was another boy and with #5 at the ultrasound they said it was a girl and I cried for two days!! and now that we have her... boy are they right when they say boys are girls are so different!! I think Im glad I just have one girl lol

Good luck with your little bundle of joy! :) no matter what the sex they are wonderful!


answers from Medford on

I have been on both sides. We "tried" for a boy our second time and my husband (even though he "didn't" care) was overcome with joy at the ultrasound when they said B-O-Y. I knew he would have had a bit of disappointment if they said girl, but thats ok...
Now with my sister, her first, she and her BF really wanted a boy. I knew watching her face that she was a bit disappointed (he was in Alaska and with us via speaker phone). It took them a little while to get used to the idea of a girl, we just reassured them that it didn't matter and it was OK to be disappointed. Now, that little 9 month old girl is the center of their entire world...

Its alright to have hopes, wishes, thoughts about which you "want"...just work through them and know that in the end that little baby will become your world!



answers from Indianapolis on

Have you considered not finding out the gender until birth?

We may be the only people who chose to do that with both pregnancies. There are so few surprises in life. My husband wanted to know, I didn't, and he didn't think that he could keep it a secret from me. So, we chose not to find out. My instincts were right in both cases, but I can't explain why I felt the way I did - just instinct.

Most people say they can't go into it without knowing......I say give it a try. It's fun, it's not hard to make it through a few more weeks of anticipation, and it makes you focus on a healthy baby without letting yourself stress over disappointment.

My daughter was 10.5 weeks old when my world turned upside down with a cancer diagnosis (mine). I hope I'll be fortunate to have another child. I'm not sure if I should because of the fear of recurrence, but at the end of the day, all any parent wants is for their child to be healthy and the time to spend with them.

Good luck!



answers from Dallas on

I was in the same boat. I just knew it was a girl. Everything pointed to it and my son was sooo ready for a sister. Alas...it was another boy. I was disappointed for a couple of weeks and then it set in. I had him in July and I wouldn't have had it any other way. My son loves him too. It's out of your hands. Try not to worry about it or dwell on it. You will love him or her just as much as the others and there is always granddaughters. That's what I keep telling myself!



answers from Dallas on

i am due with my third girl anyday now. I was pretty disapointed to not have a boy. But now I am excited. It will be so much fun to have all girls and we don't have to buy anything. I think the not knowing is what drives you crazy. Once you know you can accept whatever you are given and rejoice in the new life that will be joining your family! My 4 year old was very upset we were not having a baby brother she could name "house" (idk) So we bought her a goldfish instead that she named house. We have also had a boy named picked out from the beginning and it still makes me a little sad that we will never get to use it. But once your baby is here it doens't really make a difference at all!



answers from Dallas on

I actually cried when we found out our second was a boy. I felt like such a bad mom, but I had wanted a girl. The silly thing about it was that very early on I knew it was a boy. There was no question in my mind yet some how I hoped I was wrong. Really it was nuts that I be so disappointed since I was having a very healthy boy after loosing his twin early in the pregnancy. My mom who was at the appointment with me said. Well at least you found out at an ultrasound. I felt that disappointment when your sister was born. Yikes! She was right and really the disappointment didn't last long at all.


answers from Boca Raton on

My girlfriend was prayingggggggggggg for a healthy girl and when she went to her ultrasound and found out it was a boy, she cried for days!!!!!! Her son is now 6 and she loves him beyond words!!!!!
It's TOTALLY normal to hope for a certain sex~



answers from Duluth on

What you're feeling is totally normal and you're not a bad person for it! Everyone has hopes of having one or the other and there's nothing wrong with that.

If you're worried about your initial reaction, would it be easier to have the u/s tech write down the gender and seal it in an envelope for you to take home? That way you can sort through any emotions privately instead of feeling that you may be judged by others.


answers from Dallas on

Stacey M. said it so well below that I don't really need to comment on your question :) I'm just excited for you and I can't wait to hear what blessings come your way on Monday.
God Bless and either way, you're in for a wild ride with three beautiful kiddos!



answers from Anchorage on

We all go through this, it is so normal. After my first boy, when I got pregnant again, I so wanted another boy. I kept hearing "don't you want a girl this time?", and I would have been happy with one of course, but I really wanted a boy, and know I would have been a little sad, for about a nanosecond, if it had been a girl, but like we all do, I than would have quickly shifted focus to all the wonderful things about the gender I was having. My sister has 3 boys, and they are ALL BOY, let me tell you. I think if she had had a girl, she would have had to be a major tom boy to fit in to the family dynamic. What ever the sex, it is the baby that you where meant to have, as you know. Congratulations! I am jealous, I wish I could have one more, that is my disappointment.



answers from Dallas on

I have two girls and we really wanted a boy for our last plus my husband is the only child, so the pressure was kind of on. This pregnancy was so different from my girls. Everything about it was so different, it was a hard pregnancy and the girls was so easy. I could have sworn it was going to be a boy and when I went in he said it was going to be a girl. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to be happy but I was sad. I didn't show it until I got in the elevator and then I started to cry. I felt bad about it. I knew I would love her but we had a boy's name picked out already. We couldn't even think of a 3rd girl's name until the day she was born, we already had the two names we liked as their first and then the other two names as the middle. It was hard. However, now she is the most spoiled of the three and I just can't imagine my life without her cute, little chubby self. I am just glad we had a healthy, wonderful baby. Good luck to you.

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