Hello everyone,
I need a little help figuring out my sons' behavior. For at least the past two weeks, my boys (aged 4.5 & 3 yrs), who share a room, have been playing a lot after they have been put to bed. They run around their room, talk lots, giggle loudly, climb in each others beds, etc. This goes on for at least an hour. They have an established bedtime routine. My husband and I keep activities right before bed calm and quiet. They go to bed around 7-7:30pm after a very active day. The rules at bed time are simple: stay in your own bed and be quiet so you can go to sleep. After bedtime they get a little grace period before the discipline sets in. We offer incentives for good behavior, take away their blankies, favorite stuffed animals, favorite toys, favorite activities for the next day, give spankings,... I have even tried a simple room divider to screen them from each other and give them their own private space for sleeping. Nothing is working! We are frustrated and tired of this. During the day the boys do really well at obeying and I am pretty consistent with rewards and discipline. I don't know what to do next. I would love to seperate them, but we are out of bedrooms:) Any advice would be great!
Good idea to stagger the bedtimes. Hopefully the 3yo is a sound sleeper so you don't wake him when the other comes to bed. Or how about letting them look at a book for "15 minutes" (quietly, IN their own bed)... this usually puts my 8yo right to sleep if she is ready. If none of this works, it may be time to cut out naps (if either of them are still napping). Good luck!
How about seperate bedtimes- you decide who first. Whoever gets to stay up later should be the quieter one who is not the ring leader during the regular commotion.
Good luck-
A.
these boys are very close in age, but still, 3 and 4-1/2 are enough different, that separate bedtimes ought to help. 7 to 7:30 seems a bit early to me...do they take naps or have a quiet time in the afternoon? If they do, it may be a little early. Why don't you let the older one stay up 30 minutes longer.... put the 3 year old to bed with quiet story, etc., ALONE in the bedroom, and spend the half-hour reading and snuggling with the older one in the living room. By the time a half-hour is up, the younger one OUGHT to be asleep, then the older one gets put to bed "shhhhh-- we don't want to awaken little brother..." I know it seems convenient to put them to bed at the same time, but they're having way too much fun with that!
I used to share a bedroom with my two sisters...1 was 3 years older, the other 2 years younger.
For a while my mother staggered our bedtimes. But there were phases we'd go through where she'd tell us, "I don't want to hear another peep!" and as soon as she'd close the door, we'd start saying, "PEEP!!" This would go on for a few weeks.
My best suggestion, the same as someone else suggested, is to stagger their bedtimes, at least for right now. At 3 and 4.5, it could be they just don't get it yet.
How about for every minute you have to go in their room and bedtime gets that much later.....the NEXT nite......bedtime is that much earlier? Maybe they'll get the idea.
In addition, encourage them to TALK, not be up. Give them topics of discussion, Might want to even think about staying in the room and starting the conversations WITH them.
Give them topics they can REALLY THINK ABOUT and things that matter - life lessons as well as fun topics. Read a book, talk about the story. What lesson did they get out of it. What did they like, what didn't they like? READING IS A GREAT transition!!!
I would guess it is time to stagger bedtimes. The littlest goes to bed first, half and hour later the next one and half an hour after the that the oldest one. This gives the other two time to settle in and go to sleep.
Frankly with it being light out until almost 9 and soon to be much later all children have a problem going to sleep.
I'm sorry.. I couldn't help but giggle when I read your post. I had my 3 older boys very close together ~ my twin sons were born just 25 months after my oldest was born, and they shared a room. As you can imagine, it was like a slumber party in their room every night lol. Trust me, these are the best years of your parenting life lol. The problems get a lot bigger as they get older! One day you'll have to worry about girls, homework, keeping them aware and away from drugs, etc. Trust me, this is "small stuff" and I wouldn't sweat it. Let your boys have thier special time together at bedtime - these times are priceless!
My boys are now 12, 10, and 10... and even though my 12 year old has his own room now, they usually still end up in the same room every night - and they still don't go right to sleep at bedtime. But these are speical memories that they will have together forever! =)
S.
Mom to 4 monsters...um.. err.. I mean boys.
The nornal human sleep pattern (circadian) is to wake up with the sun and go to sleep when the sun sets. My one son is like his father and can sleep any where and at anytime. My other son follows circadian pattern. With the temperature being hotter and the days being longer I have been having the same problem. I really do my best to make sure he gets enough sleep but have had to let the timing of the routine drift alittle to concesate for his natural clock. Most kids need 10-12 hours of sleep. If your kids are napping during the day expecting them to go to bed that early may be unrealistic. If they don't nap and are still not getting enough sleep try a tepid to cool bath. Lowering the temp of my kids bath has worked well so far.
A little fun at bedtime is good. Let them know they can have a half hour and then it is quiet time. Then, if they are not quiet, make them get up and stand in a corner for 10 minutes. Then try again, 15 minutes the next time. They are going to want to be in their beds much more than they are going to want to stand in a corner.
Hi L.,
About the time my kids were the age of yours, a friend of mine suggested I read John Rosemond. I don't know about all of his books (he has many) but 'The New Parent Power' is the one I got. I liked it because it gave real life examples of situations and a game plan for what to do. Some of his stuff is pretty old school, be that good or bad, but I think if you can take a little from everything you read and do what make sense to you, you will find the right approach to take with your boys. The more information and strategies we have as parents, the better, right? Hopefully you can find something that will apply to your situation.
(When they get older and you have different 'issues' to deal with, check out Love and Logic by Charles and Jim Fay. )
Good luck and much patience-
-D.
Hi L.
here are my suggestions...
I agree with giving different bedtimes. Cut our naps if either of them are taking naps..or at least shorten their naps. Also..darken their room so this way they may be able to wind down quicker. Give them a 15 minute "brother time" so they can have their fun..but make sure they kno thats all they get..kids need to kno whats expected of them and what will happen if they dont listen. Give them a later bedtime if necessary. Also..not many people realize that colors have an affect on sleeping/behavior. If they have brightly colored sheets/blankets..that can "wake" them up..darker or pastel colors are good to use instead of brighter colors...and no prints on the sheets..that is if they are bright and bold colors...calming colors are the best..have u ever tried some soothing music?
Those are just suggestions
Good luck
The one thing in your question that stands out to me is the bedtime. I'm wondering if, perhaps, the bedtime is just a little too early, especially now that it's so light outside until later. I'm also curious to know whether your boys still nap. I'm trying to figure out a similar issue with my almost-3-year old who still naps in the afternoon. He's fussing a bit going down to bed at 7:30 and will wake up in the middle of the night with some regularity, saying he can't sleep. I certainly am an advocate of early bedtimes but maybe closer to 8 pm would solve some of your issue.
K.
