Twins Advice

My twins were born on the day my oldest turned 20 months. It was overwhelming for me, but we got through it. My twins are now 2 years 4 months. My advice to them would be to find a support network of others with multiples, maybe even someone with another child or two. I had no luck with the local mother of multiples club in the San Fernando Valley (tried to join 5 times after their birth with no response), but I know others found the clubs very helpful. I've found groups on Cafemom for mothers of multiples where there are people with some good experience and advice.

As PPs have said, a schedule is key. In the early weeks, a schedule doesn't work, but once the twins are around 12 weeks, I would advise becoming very rigid with the schedule. I mean not just the feeding and nap schedule, but with when different necessary household tasks are done, when grocery shopping is done, when baths are dones, etc... I was fortunate enough to be able to hire help twice a week so that I could spend time alone with my oldest and get out of the house! If your friends can do this, I recommend it. Of course, if they have family or friends who can provide care for the twins, then all the better.

The multiple clubs sometimes have items for sale from other members. I used a double stroller rather than buying an expensive triple, but my oldest wasn't great about stroller riding anyway. Depending on how their 2 year old is, they could maybe attach a stand/sit thing to a double stroller. I think One Step Ahead had something like this. I found my infant slings and Baby Bjorn carrier invaluable when getting out with the kids. There is a double Snap-N-Go stroller that is really simple to put in a car. Two infant seats snap into the front-back base.

My husband and I committed to having a date night once a month. Sometimes, because of financial constraints and our exhaustion, this would just be a lunch during the work week, but it was still refreshing and necessary.

I wish I had tips on saving money - it's been an expensive couple of years for us. If your friend is able to BF the twins, that would be a huge money saver. Formula became very pricey. We bought formula, diapers and wipes from Costco, the Kirkland brand. Some stores have a discount for parents of multiples. It's always helpful to inquire.

At stores, I learned to push the double stroller in front of me while I pulled the shopping cart with my older child behind me. If you pull it from the front of the cart instead of the handle, it controls well.

Most of all, let your friends know not to hesitate to accept help. There will be a time in their life when they can return the favors, but for awhile, it will be their turn to receive. Good luck to your friends.

I had twins first, they are 5 now and I have an almost 2 yr old. My first advice is to find a twins club/multiples club ASAP. Yes, while pregnant. They will be her best resource. She can attend meetings/playdates now, while she has the time and just get the scoop on twins life. If she attends twins functions she can observe what it is like to take twins to the park, museum, playdates etc. Even hanging out with another member at the house watching the day to day goings on could be so helpful in preparing for life with twins. She can ask all her questions etc. and she will get LOTS of different answers and ideas for handling different topics. They will also probably be her best place to get stuff, twins families often pass on/sell their stuff to other twin families. Twins clubs often have yard sales where she can purchase a lot of the stuff she will need. Secondhand, saves so much money. Otherwise I would advise using craigslist. Also a club will most likely set her up to receive meals after the babies are born. Im sorry, but the best people to give advice are those who are in the same boat. I know everyone has good intentions, but bearing/raising twins is not the same as having 2 close together, or taking care of several children, or having siblings or cousins or neighbors who are twins etc. She will hear it all, and quite frankly it eventually gets annoying!

She should be prepared for outings to take FOREVER! In part because of all the attention you draw with twin babies. When my family would go shopping with me they could not believe the amount of times I got stopped by someone. Puppies, have nothing on twins!

Yes, I agree a schedule is important, getting them on the SAME schedule was vital for us. But the reality is, every family is different, every child is different, every twinship is different. And the fact is, you do in a sense have to figure it out for yourself, find your own way. All the advice and suggestions and observations are great, and they help, but she has to do things that feel right for her/them, and fit their family. What worked for one, what one family swears by, may not work for them. And she has to understand that is OK, there is no ONE way to raise twins successfully.

I didn't join my twins club until I had the time ;) my boys were 18 mos. but I wish I joined earlier. Especially since mine were born significantly premature. My club could have been such a great support system for both my husbnad and myself while my guys were in the NICU for 2 months. You just never know what your pregnancy is going to become, so having a club already in place before bedrest, premature birth, nicu stay etc. could save you some of the heartache and headache! I have not taken all of the advice given out, but they have been the best place for me as a mom of twins to bounce ideas off, vent, ask questions, share, and learn from. So the best advice you can pass on to her, is contact a twins club and get involved while pregnant.

We've got a lot of multiples in our family...twins and trips...and probably the single most commonly heard arguments between the multiple mums and singleton mums is the sleeping situation.

All but one of the sets has slept together (one crib, then one bed) since day one. The one odd set (out of 9), needed to sleep separately. The average "separation" tends to happen around puberty.

For some reason the sleeping together thing seems to incense the singleton mums. Can't imagine why.

For any family, no matter how many kids...a DAILY routine is very important. It does not have to be a rigid 'schedule' like format.....but just knowing when:
1) feeding times are,
2) when nap times are,
3) when bedtimes are,
4) when bath times are
5) when mealtimes are, (for a tired new parent)
8) and so forth.

For me, I have routines for my kids, and even my Hubby is thankful, because if for some reason I am not home... then he KNOWS when and what time a certain routine is, ie: nap time, bed time, bath time etc. AND it helps, everyone, all around. My kids will even tell him sometimes, when to do what, and why. Since they KNOW their routines so well. Less of a headache for everyone.

10) KEEPING the routines for the "eldest" child is VERY important... or they will feel tossed aside and left out. KEEP any special routines, including nap/bedtimes for the eldest child the SAME. Otherwise, it will be a "transition" difficulty for the eldest. Keep in mind, that for the Eldest child.. she is having 2 babies dropped into her life... and she will need every bit of help/sensitivity/understanding. And, it can take time for a child to get used to, too, with having 2 new babies in the house.

For saving money: try "Craig's List" online for your area... or www.freecycle.org Or, friends/relatives are always a great resource for giving hand-me downs.

Car Seats and cribs, should always be bought new. For safety. Some brands had been recalled, for example. www.amazon.com has many kinds and sales and free shipping, and you can see/read the reviews on the products.

Buy the book "Your 2 Year Old" from www.amazon.com and it will be very helpful for their eldest daughter when she is 2 years old. A 2 year old requires a LOT of patience and understanding... and it is an age of great transitions and changes, developmentally and emotionally. A 2 year old, does NOT have their emotions FULLY developed yet. Thus, keep every expectation "age appropriate."

Don't use the eldest child as a default "example" for the younger children.... ie: saying "don't do that, you have to be a role model for your baby brother/sister..." kind of thing. Or scolding/punishing the eldest too much in light of the younger children or saying "no" to the eldest child all the time. This puts TOO much pressure and expectations on a young child. Remember, no matter how old the eldest child is, they are still just a child. For example: sometimes my eldest, my daughter, LOVES to even help change my sons diaper or help feed him. But I have to remember that she is just a child... and I don't make her do these things. She is not the "Mommy." I am. And sometimes, she will feel just so responsible for her baby brother (because that is her nature & she loves her brother so much), that I have to coax her not to feel so involved... because I can tell that she stresses herself sometimes. I tell her, she is just a child... she does not have to do care-taking, but that I appreciate her help and love her all the same.

As for the marriage: it will be very busy. They can get a babysitter sometimes, to have 'dates' together. BUT BOTH SPOUSES has to help with ALL the children. Fairly. No matter what. And, open communication, and rational discussing of any stresses/worries/venting they need to, in a loving way. Being on-board.
One thing that helps, is delineating WHAT "chore" will be done by whom. Then that way, there is no guessing or forgetting. AND, for the Hubby, fully understanding that for the "Mom" it can be very tiring... because they are the primary care-taker of all the kids....so if she wants to just go out by herself sometimes, IT'S OKAY and helps her emotionally and just to relax. A Mom deserves that.
-ALSO, my cousin who has twins, got a Nanny, part-time, to just help and keep things sane. It has been a great help for them, as they both work. They see it as an 'investment' and did not want to go the "daycare" route. A Nanny can be for daytime or night time.
-Also, they should not feel shy in asking relatives/grandparents for help... even for just a 1-2 hour break. They don't have to have a reason, just resting is a good enough reason.

Keep track of things on a shared "couples" calendar... all their things, the kids appointments, her Doctor appointments, any play dates etc., anything. That way, Hubby can check it too and add to it, and then Wife can too... then they both have a responsibility in it. Put the Calendar someplace central... where it is easily accessed and can be viewed.

All the best, so many ideas, just some quick thoughts on my part,
Susan

all i can say is schedual scedual schedual!!! my best friend has twin boys (who will be 2 next month). i took care of these boys for about 3 months 24/7 and i have my own daughter who is 1 month older then them. what i had to do because these boys werent schedualed at all and were night owls were get them on my daughters shcedual (well 1 hour off from her schedual). i also mastered getting them to eat at the same time (they were about 1 hour off from eachother). i did everything with 3 babies in tow (grocery shopping, errands, cleaning etc.). what took a while was getting them to sleep through the night because they were waking up twice. what i suggest is to have a safe place for them to lay for tummy time and play. also have the older child have their own place to play without the babies. must haves for twins is a swing, bouncer, larger tummy time mat (some people will buy two but 1 of each works just fine). highchair wise i would suggest getting 2 fisher price space savers (i have one and loooove it!). stroller wise my best friend has a greco duo glider it folds up pretty compact. you can also get matching carseats to the stroller. i really suggest lots of tummy time (i know moms with twin sometimes have their babies in bouncers or swings the whole time and the babies get flat heads) also this will build arm and neck strength. have them let their older child help out by getting diapers and bringing bottles (unless shes breastfeeding). also if she wants to breast feed have her get a pump to help build milk supply. a must is 2 cribs! even if the mom is going to have them share a crib for the first few months. also another good thing to think about is if she wants them to match or not (clothes wise) since you didnt say if they know if they are the same sex or not. also have them make sure that they spend special time with the older child when the babies are sleeping. anyother questions feel free to ask me because im sure im forgetting something!